"…And then I told Patch I wouldn't tell a soul, so I figured I could tell you, since I'm pretty sure you don't have one!" Seedos kicked his legs as he burst into a huge bout of laughter. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think he had some kind of crazy crush on you!"
It was around midnight and Seedos had decided pay his older brother a visit. The two of them were seated on Dastardos' ratty couch, Dastardos' pet Macaraccoon Magnar snoozing between them with his head resting against Dastardos' thigh. Seedos couldn't resist telling his brother about what happened today; it was just too weird!
Dastardos said nothing for a good long while, his unfocused eyes bulging and his jaw slack.
"Um…" Seedos waved his hand in front of Dastardos' face. "Are you okay, bro?" Seedos' expression suddenly fell and he withdrew his hand in horror. "You aren't going to kill Doctor Patch, are you? Please don't kill Patch!"
"Relax, I'm not going to kill him," Dastardos finally found his voice. "Besides, if word got back to me, and only me, he'd know about our little secret…" Dastardos scratched his tangled mess of silver hair. "I'm…not too sure how to react to this news. On one hand, I'm really disgusted that he's practically obsessed with me…"
"'Practically obsessed' is an understatement…" Seedos murmured.
"But on the other hand, I think it's hilarious how much I'm able to get to him, heh!" Dastardos snickered and relaxed a bit. "But I'm still really creeped out. Why'd you have to tell me about this? I don't think I'll be able to take that moron seriously ever again!" Dastardos stiffened again and he wrung his scarf around.
"Did you even take him seriously in the first place?" Seedos asked, tilting his head to the side.
"…good point." Dastardos sighed and slumped over, making a mental note to never get too close to Doctor Patchingo ever again. The memory that they were within kissing distance that morning made Dastardos' stomach turn.
Seedos' brows shot upwards. "You don't feel the same way, do you…?"
"No, no! Never! Don't even suggest such a disgusting thing!" Dastardos' raised voice and newly defensive posture woke up Magnar, who pouted at his owner before slinking off to a dark corner. "I just hate Patch, plain and simple! I don't care about his personal life, certainly not enough to keep several photos of him!" Dastardos shuddered audibly. That part of Seedos' story creeped him out the most.
"Okay, okay, calm down, spaz!" Seedos held up his hands and Dastardos shot him a flat glare.
"Next time I run into him, I'm going to break his teeth…" Dastardos summoned The Whacking Stick and gave it a test swing, smirking all the while.
"I thought you said-!" Seedos protested, leaning back as soon as he saw Dastardos' weapon.
"I said I wouldn't kill him," Dastardos cocked a brow and his smirk broadened. "He just needs to know I'm a force to be feared."
"If you say so…" Seedos subtly scooted away from his brother, making a mental note to never get on his bad side.