Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or universe. No offense is meant by the situations portrayed in this or any other fanworks.
A/N: Sorry about the slow updates! I've got this all planned out until the end, so it will definitely be finished.

Chapter Four

The lurcher slept on the end of his cot. Sometimes his feet went numb, but he just kicked the dog off the bed. He never had a dog before. He liked having a companion that followed him hopelessly and happily. Snape wondered if he could take it with him. It'd be nice to have something to curl up with when his parents were yelling.

He still felt at home in Mona's trailer. He loved the freedom, the banter. He spent lots of time reading the occlumency textbook. Snape liked watching Mona work and he liked her taste in robes. She bought him a black robe with lots of buttons. He talked her into buying something new for herself. And they walked to the rally again together, no stopping for coffee this time.

Both of them stood with Lucius and Narcissa, Mona's mum sitting on a chair next to them. Voldemort's words didn't change for Severus, but something did. He felt power standing there, but he felt singular. He felt like everyone was staring at him and jealous. He could stand with the Blacks and no one would ask a single question. No one would make fun of him here. And he didn't need Lily here either.

They walked out with Lucius and Narcissa. Voldemort was going to Mona's house again, but they decided to walk with the pair again. "Will you do a reading for me, Mona?" Narcissa asked. "It's been a while since I got one."

"Yeah sure thing," Mona said.

The park looked desolate as they approached it. "Oy Lu!" Declan shouted, suddenly noticing Lucius.

"Declan!" he shouted back.

Snape realized that Lucius had been here many times before. The lurcher also came running out to greet Severus, bounding around him and digging its nose into his crotch. "Decided teh try ter get some shoe-kissing in before dinner, are yeh?" Declan said, hitting Lucius hard on the back.

Mona pushed the lurcher away. "It's much more likely that I just wanted to see my favourite tinker," Lucius said to Declan.

Again, Mona's mum and Lord Voldemort apparated right outside the trailer, but a few people came with them. Bellatrix Black. Rodolphus Lestrange. People whose power leaked off of them. Severus tried not to act intimidated. "Cissy," Bellatrix said.

"Bella," Narcissa said with a polite smile.

Ms. McCabe reintroduced Severus to them, and Snape tried to look like he belonged. He received the same sort of smile Bellatrix gave to her sister. Respect, but distrust. Lord Voldemort shook his hand again and gave a real smile. Was his interest growing? Then the four went inside.

And Severus suddenly found himself alone. Lucius and Declan talked excitedly about something and Narcissa dragged Mona off to do a reading. Snape found a stick on the ground and, after discovering the lurcher didn't know how to play fetch, he played a game of tug-of-war with the dog.

The two of them ended up in the wood behind the trailer and he just watched the lurcher chase a squirrel. He turned around as he heard twigs snap around him. And there He was, Lord Voldemort, walking through the woods as if He was just a bored kid like Snape was.

"Hello," Voldemort said. "Mona mentioned that she saw you walk this way."

"You were looking for me?" Snape asked.

"Yeah, I thought I would sit with you," he said. "Bella and Rodolphus are getting their fortunes read."

Voldemort sat in the ground beside Severus, watching the lurcher. He pulled out a cigarette and offered one to Severus. "No thanks," he said. "I'm a half-blood."

Voldemort chuckled. "Me too," he said, lighting it.

Snape watched the Man for a moment. He looked into His dark eyes and found them watching him back. "Give me one," he said.

Lord Voldemort smiled and held out the pack. Snape took one and lit it, breathing it in. He coughed once or twice, but he got the hang of it quickly. Voldemort laughed and patted him on the back. "What year are you in?" He asked.

"I'm going into my sixth," he replied.

"Lucius says you've created your own spells," Voldemort said.

"I have," Snape replied.

"Anything impressive?" Voldemort asked.

Severus pulled out his wand and flicked it towards the tree, saying "Sectumsempra."

Voldemort stood up to inspect the damage of the tree. The lurcher, too, came over to inspect the base of the tree. "I'm still tweaking it," Severus said. "I think I will have to adjust my wand movement, maybe switch around the syllable emphasis."

"Try it again," Voldemort said, "but use it on her this time."

Her was the lurcher. The lurcher that curled up in bed beside him. The lurcher that pulled eagerly on a stick and always ran up to him with her tongue lolling and her eyes mindlessly happy. "It's just a dog," Severus said.

"Exactly," Voldemort replied.

Severus hesitated. It was just a stupid dog. He raised his wand. "Sectumsempra," he said.

The dog fell to the ground, whimpering. Voldemort watched the cuts expand and grow, blood crawling through her fur. "I can heal her," Snape said.

"That information is good to know," Voldemort said, "but don't bother."

So they left the dog in the forest, and Voldemort put his arm affectionately across Snape's shoulders. Snape had a feeling that he just passed a very big test. "Let me know when you graduate," He said. "I might have some work for you."

"Yeah?" Snape asked. "I might take you up on that."

He replied, "I'm looking forward to it."

Bellatrix Black and Rodolphus Lestrange waited outside of the trailer. Voldemort shook Snape's hand before walking off the trailer park grounds. Lucius still lingered, but Delcan went back inside the house. "Hey," he said. "What was that about?"

"I think I just got accepted," Snape said.

"Oh yeah?" Lucius said. "Congratulations."

"What do you think of Mona?" Snape asked.

"She's decent enough. She has a cock-sucking face," Lucius said. "I think it's her high cheekbones."

"Fuck Lucius," Snape said. "I mean as a Death Eater, what do you think of her as a member?"

"She's kind of a pain," Lucius said. "She asks all the questions Voldemort wants to hear. She's a bit of a suck-up really."

"So she's loyal," Snape said.

Lucius laughed. "Are you kidding? Of course she's loyal."

"Right," Snape said, smiling. "Of course."

There was an awkward silence between them, so Snape said, "So you think she's pretty?"

"Enough," Lucius said. "Much better than that mudblood you hang off of."

Narcissa and Mona came up before Snape could think of a reason to stand up for Lily. Narcissa wrapped her arm through Lucius' again. They exchanged goodbyes. Severus and Mona walked into the trailer again together. He wondered how he could tell Mona about the lurcher, but his thoughts quickly drifted to something else. He looked at her face, thinking about what Lucius had said about it.

"Yeh all right Sev?" she asked.

"Fine," he said.

He suddenly felt very hot. He wanted a shower. He wanted a shower with Mona.

"Are yeh sure?" she asked.

He pushed her up against the wall, kissing her deeply. He ran his long fingers along her neck, his other hand running up along her inner thigh. He felt her hands on his chest. She was trying to push him off.

"Feck Sev," she said. "It's the dark magic."

He hadn't heard. Not really. "You don't want me?" he asked.

She pulled him into her room, slammed the door shut, and opened the window. "The dark magic. It's seeping through the house and the power is… appealing to yeh."

"Is there a reason you're locking me in your room with you?" he asked.

Mona laughed. He realized that she was gorgeous when she laughed. "Sit here," she said, pushing him on her bed. "In an hour, if yeh still want to make out with me, by all means."

"An hour?" he asked.

"An hour," she said.

Severus grabbed her arms. "One kiss for me to think about while I wait," he said.

Her face softened. She leaned in and twisted her fingers into his greasy hair. He leaned in and kissed her. She pulled him against her. When the kissed ended, she nuzzled him. Against her lips, he said, "I can't imagine what would make me not want that in an hour."

Her smile was weak. She wished it was true. She sat down at her desk and began to type on a typewriter. It was the transcription Declan had written out during Voldemort's last rally. She had the typewriter charmed so it would make more than one copy. Severus watched her type endlessly, noting her features, her lips, her eyes, her fingertips. And with every word he wanted her less. Other thoughts drifted back to him. The dead lurcher. Lily. His parents. The fact that he just joined a cult that wanted to kill Lily and her parents.

"Fuck," Severus said. "It's been an hour."

"And?" Mona asked.

"What did you say about dark magic?" Severus asked.

"It's the power seeping off o' them," Mona said. "It gets stuck in the furniture and stuff. We've gotten used ter it, but if yer not yeh can get a little… excited."

Severus scoffed, "And really fucking horny?"

"And really fecking horny," Mona said with a laugh. "It's all the power. It's arousing."

"I'm sorry for my behaviour," Severus said.

"Don't worry about it."

He wanted to thank her for not taking advantage, but he figured it would be a bad idea. So he said something else lingering on his conscious. "Listen, Voldemort talked to me when we were outside together," he said, "He wanted me to test out one of my spells."

"Oh yeah?" she said. "Which one did yeh show? Was He impressed?"

"He was impressed," Snape said, neglecting to say the spell, "but I had to use it on the silver lurcher."

Mona nodded. "Yeh did what yeh had to do. Don't worry about it."

Severus nodded and stretched out on her bed. It was much more comfortable than the cot he was sleeping in. "Will your mum be mad?"

"Nah," Mona replied. "She'll be impressed that Voldemort was impressed." She hesitated before adding, "She adores yeh."

"I really like it here," Severus said.

Mona smiled. "I'm glad."

She went back to typing. He pulled out the occlumency book Mona's mum gave him. He didn't want to press Voldemort out of his thoughts, but he had no one else to train with. He felt like it was working, but he couldn't be sure. Truth be told, the more he read about occlumency, the more he wanted to use legilimency. He didn't want to just be defensive, he wanted to have power.

Severus liked the silence between them. He liked that she could work and he could read without any noise. The typing was almost hypnotic, as if Voldemort's words were being recreated for him. He tried to imagine what each letter was as she typed it, and what word they formed, and so on.

"Are yeh still reading that book me mam gave yeh?" she asked.

Mona was apparently not as comfortable with the silence as he was. "Yeah," Severus said. "Have you heard much about legilimency?"

"Nope," Mona replied.

"So you got a hold of Voldemort's transcriptions from your brother?" Snape asked.

Mona nodded. "We sell them, me and him. Voldemort doesn't exactly approve, but He hasn't told us to stop either. Why, did yeh want some?"

"No," Snape said, sitting up. "Can I ask you something?"

Mona replied, "Anything."

"Lucius says you're loyal to Voldemort," he started, "and you admit that you're afraid of Him and the power He could possess. You question His theories and yet you still follow him."

She stopped typing and swivelled her chair to face Severus. "What are yeh asking me?"

"Why?" he asked.

"Because being under Voldemort's control is better than being under the Ministry's control," she said. "And if Voldemort gets control, I get teh be a counsellor. I'm there to control things. But with the ministry I'm lesser. I mean, I can't even get a decent job within them."

"You're trying though."

"Yeah, I'm trying," she said, "but what am I going ter do?"

"What are you going to do with Voldemort?" he asked.

"Change things," she said, "fer the better."

"And killing muggle-borns is for the better," he said.

Mona looked frustrated. "Yeh already know I think that's a gray area. I don't think hunting them is the answer." She hesitated. "What's wrong?"

He kept seeing the lurcher staring up at him, bleeding. He couldn't help but seeing Lily's green eyes inside the dog, watching him. "Nothing," he replied, offering a smile. "I'm just trying to figure this out."

Mona didn't ask what needed to be figure out. It wasn't perfectly clear to her, but she knew where she stood with Voldemort.

Declan heckled them to come to dinner, and they moved into the kitchen. Severus was surprised to see a rust-coloured lurcher under the table where the silver one used to sit. He realized it must have been the source of the claws he heard earlier during his visit. He felt unsettled by the dog's presence, but he sat at the table anyway.

Mona announced the news, "Sev told me that Lord Voldemort proved himself to Him."

The three brother's eyes rose from their food to look at Snape. "Really?" Michael asked.

Mona's mum simply smiled.

"Yes really," Snape snapped.

Mona quickly shifted the conversation to something else, realizing that Severus was in no mood to brag to her family. The rust lurcher looked up at Snape, and he tried to ignore it. The voices of the McCabe family lingered around him, but he wasn't really hearing anything. His own heartbeat blocked out understanding of the sounds. He only saw the lurcher.

The dog got up and Severus backed up. He didn't want this dog around him. He'd destroy anything weak around him. He'd destroy it to move ahead. The dog moved close to him, whining , begging for food or for attention.

And Snape hit the lurcher.

He hit it hard.

It was backed with all the frustration and hate he had been feeling for maybe his entire life.

The dog yelped and scampered out of the kitchen.

He suddenly realized the conversation stopped around him. He looked up to see the McCabe family staring at him in surprise. He excused himself from the table.

Snape decided then that it was time to go home.

Michael and Declan were close behind him. "Hey," Declan said. "Come with us for a second. Mona hasn't shown you the greenhouse, has she?"

"No," Severus said.

He meant "No" that he didn't want to come with them, but they understood "No" he hadn't seen the greenhouse. When Severus hesitated, Michael pulled him to follow, so he followed. He wasn't sure he really had any choice.

The greenhouse had a rich earthy smell, obviously. The roof was enchanted to look like the sky, but the humidity told Severus it was definitely closed off. He noticed various plants he recognized growing within it, including several illegal substances. He recognized aconite and felt his skin begin to crawl. They brought him into a greenhouse with very toxic plants.

Michael lifted Snape by the collar of his robes, straining them. "If yeh ever hurt me sister, I will grind yer bones and drink the potion it makes," he snarled.

Snape struggled against him. "I won't," Snape snapped back, leaning his face into Michael's. "I don't even want your filthy tinker sister."

Michael threw Severus into the dirt. He could feel the heat radiating off a plant close to his face. Michael stepped on the back of his head, forcing his face deeper into the dirt. "So I should crush yeh now then?"

Declan cleared his throat, signalling Mona's entrance. "What the feck are yeh doing Michael?" Mona asked, pulling him away. "Merlin, I can't ever trust yeh teh behave like an adult."

"Did yeh hear what he calls yeh?" Michael asked.

Mona tried to help Severus up, but he batted her hands away. She stepped back. "It doesn't matter what he calls me," Mona said. "He's me fecking guest and I owe him big time."

"Does he hit yeh?" Declan suddenly asked. "I never liked the greasy git."

"Yeh don't like any guy who ain't gorgeous like Lu," Michael said, taking a cheap shot.

"Merlin, no, he doesn't fecking touch me," Mona said. "At all, if yeh catch me drift."

"I think it's time I left," Snape said.

"No fecking kidding," Michael snarled.

"Let me walk yeh out," Mona said. "I'll deal with these eejits later."

"Mona, what kind o' prat slugs a dog?" Declan asked, refusing to drop it. "Is he completely mental?"

"Just feck off, will yeh?" Mona said.

The two didn't follow Severus and Mona into her room. Severus started packing his satchel. "Did yeh want teh shower before yeh go?" Mona asked. "There's dirt on yer face."

"Fuck off," Severus said, stuffing his occlumency book into it. "Seriously, fuck off. My life was complicated enough without you trying to drag me into some cult."

Mona put her hands on her hips. "Yeh followed that cult long before yeh met me," she said, "but I've got big shoulders. So, sure, lay all the blame on me. Come on, I can take it."

Severus glared at her. He didn't need her to get closer to Voldemort and he certainly didn't need her protecting him from her brothers. He wasn't sure he even wanted to get closer to Voldemort. She clearly wasn't worth the trouble anymore.

"Thanks for having me over," Snape said. "Truly, it was fun, but I really think I overstayed my welcome."

"Yeh know that's not true," she said.

Severus shrugged. "I'll see you at school," he said, slugging the satchel over his shoulder.

"It's late," she said.

"That's why I'm leaving."

Mona bit her bottom lip. She was going to kill her brothers for making him want to leave. "All right," she said. "Have a safe trip, all right?"

Snape nodded and smiled slightly.

"Let me walk yeh to the knight bus," she said.

Exhaling, he accepted. They walked together in silence, and Severus found the trailer and the camp surprisingly desolate. He raised his wand.

"I will see yeh at school, right?" Mona asked. "Yer not going ter get all awkward and avoid me?"

Snape didn't respond directly. He pulled her into a hug, breathing in her hair. It still smelt of cigarettes. "Thank you," he said. "I truly appreciate all you've done for me."

Mona felt like crying. This was a goodbye. It wasn't a see you later. It was an end. She laughed as they separated. "Come on Sev, yeh know yeh did more for me," she said.

The Knight Bus arrived and he stepped on with a wave goodbye. He took a seat on the bed and stretched out. Truth was, Mona showed him that he couldn't follow Voldemort. He couldn't kill helpless creatures and he couldn't be a brute like Michael. He didn't want that life.

He arrived back home in the morning, but he didn't go home first. He found himself back on Lily's doorstep, and he knocked on the door. Again, Petunia came and called for Lily. Severus watched her walk down the stairs. She looked calm, which wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"You're back early," she said, closing the door behind her.

She rubbed her arms, feeling a summer morning that felt more like fall.

"I can't do the things they want me to do," Severus said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You might not see it, but I do. You're full of hate and you don't know what to do with it."

He repeated, "But I can't do the things they want me to do."

"Sev, you already did," Lily said. "If you're back here, you tasted it."

"I won't go back," he said. "I can't go back."

Lily didn't ask what happened. Lily didn't ask why he was covered in dirt. She simply invited him in for breakfast, and right then Snape knew he made the right decision.