Author's Note: So it took a while, but I finally finished! Again, sorry about the wait. To make up for it I decided to make this chapter even longer. Please review! I really want to hear your thoughts!

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.

Chapter 4

To this day I still remember that God-awful face. Wrinkly pale skin set in a frown with a dark hood draped over its head. I remember the long fingers stretched out over Sam's face and it's mouth opening up as if it would swallow him whole. I remember the screech it made as it found it was not alone and I remember the rush of cold air, which hit my face as it leapt out the window. I remember everything, but most of all I remember the fear. My heart beating so fast as if it would burst through my chest. My throat tightening up, trying to force a scream out of me. My eyes burning with tears that I wished I could let fall. Needless to say the experience changed me. I was no long the happy-go-lucky child with an attention problem. Gone was the hyper personality, the tough exterior, and the give'em hell attitude. In its place was a shy and self-conscious little girl that wished she could feel that confidence she once had.

September 1990

I run through the forest as if my life depends on it. I can hear its laugh getting closer and closer from behind me. I can't do this. I'm not going to make it. Tears sting my eyes as I try to run faster. My legs are starting to hurt. I try taking longer steps, but it's not working. I can feel it now; it's breath on my neck. The Boogeyman's found me. I know he's gonna get me, I just know it, but I still run. Where is everybody? The trees are starting to get blurry as I run even faster. Now it hurts. My whole body hurts. I almost feel like giving up. What's the point? The Boogeyman's going to get me anyways. He's going to eat me. I'll never see my daddy again. I'll never see John again. I'll never see Sammy again. And Dean… Where is he? He said he wouldn't let him get me! He promised!

I trip over a rock and fall to the ground. I just lay there. This is it. My life is over. I'm done for. I start crying harder. I'm sobbing, covering my face with my hands. "Please. Please." I wait and wait, but nothing happens. I slowly move my hands from my face and look up. I'm not in the woods anymore. I'm in a clearing. There are beautiful wildflowers everywhere. The sun is high in the sky and the clouds are as white as can be. I look behind me, but there are no more trees. The woods have completely disappeared. I get up on my feet, my heart still beating fast. I walk further into the clearing. There is a hill coming up ahead and I quickly run to the top. Looking down, I see that I am no longer in a meadow, but in a cemetery. It is still bright outside and I start to walk further down.

I weave in and out of tombstones, sometimes looking at the names on each one. I feel a presence and look up. It's Sam and he's staring at me with a cold look. "Sam?" I ask.

"You're going to have to choose Addie," he says in a mean voice.

"What do you mean?" I ask again.

"You have to stop it, Addie."

I turn around to see Dean standing behind me and staring with sadness.

"Stop what?"

"You have to save us Addie. Save me and Sam."

"Save you guys from what? I don't get it!"

"You have to choose Addie. You can't have both," Sam repeats.

"Choose what? You guys aren't making any sense!"

"Help us!"

"Choose!"

"Help us!"

"Choose!"

"Help us, Addie!"

"You have to choose Addie!"

"STOP!" I close my eyes and put my hands over my ears. Silence. I can't hear either of them anymore. I slowly look up and they are not staring at me. No. They're both on the ground; eyes wide open, and covered in blood. I look at them, so afraid. Tears come to my eyes. "No," I whisper. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." I can't stop saying it. They're both looking at me with dull looks, mouths a little bit open. There's so much blood. It's everywhere. I try to open and close my eyes again and again, but nothing's changing. They're just laying there in the silence. "Help!" I scream. "Help!"

"It's okay Addie." I hear soft sweet voice. There is a man standing in front of me. He's dressing in a white suit with a white tie and equally white shoes. He looks like he's as old as daddy. "Everything's going to be okay." He smiles sweetly. I walk slowly to him. "I don't know what I did," I whimper. "Why is this happening to me?" I'm standing right in front him now.

"Because it always had to be you."

I look around. This isn't right. How can this man stand here? How can he be so calm? This isn't right. He doesn't belong in this place. I look back at him. There's something wrong with him. He's too sweet. His smile starts to give me shivers. He eyes me like a starving man looks at a juicy steak. I start to walk backwards. He wants me. His face is sinister as he walks closer. He casually steps over Sam's body and in his blood. No. He's evil. No. He's terrifying. No. This isn't right; this just isn't supposed to happen to me! No, no, no, no. no. no, NO!

"NO!" My eyes pop open. I'm shivering, but it's so hot. Sweat drips down my face and neck. My right hand clutches something, a shirt. I slowly look up and see Dean's face soft and content. My best friend is still sleeping. I lay my head back on his shoulder and his right arm tightens from under me. He pulls me a little closer and my breathing goes back to normal. I slowly unclench my hand and sigh. My nightmares have gotten worse and worse, but I don't tell anybody about them. There's nothing they can do. Daddy barely notices anything anymore and the boys know there's something wrong, but they don't know what. When did I grow up? When did I stop being a little girl? I'm only seven years old and I feel like I'm Daddy's age.

I feel something in my other hand. Slowly I turn around and see Sam sleeping on his side. His hand left hand is holding my left hand. Somehow this feels right. Lying on my stomach I somehow ended up on Dean's shoulder with his arm around me and Sam has snuggled over, holding my hand. I'm smack dab in the middle. That's how it's always been. I like it this way, in between my two best friends.

I gently get up and climb over Dean, trying not to wake them up. They both move a little, but both stay asleep. I softly walk into the kitchen. My throat is really dry and I need some time by myself to think about things. I walk into the kitchen and see John sitting at the table with coffee in his hand. He looks up a little confused. "Addie? What are you doing up? It's three in the morning." He get's up a little as if he wants to make me feel better. "I'm okay. I just got a little thirsty." He smiles sadly and pulls out the chair next to him. I plop down and slouch. "How about some hot chocolate?" he asks. I smile real big.

John gets up to start making the hot chocolate. I watch him wondering when he got home. Him and Daddy were supposed to be out working all night. Well, that's what they want me to think, but I know the truth now. After seeing the Boogeyman, Dean told me everything. Daddy is a superhero. He fights monsters and saves people. That's why him and John are gone all the time. Dean thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't. Even if I'm only seven I don't believe in happy endings. People don't end up like they do in fairy tales. Sometimes they get hurt and every time Daddy leaves I think he might not be coming back. I just wish I could believe he's a businessman. It used to be easier.

John comes back with my hot chocolate and watches me as I start to sip. It's really hot and my lips are hurting, but I keep sipping. I'll do anything if it means not looking at him. Then I feel his hands running through my hair. It makes me feel better. "Damn kid. You're hair is really getting red," he chuckles. My hair used to be light brown, but it starting to look more and more red every week. Sam likes it. He says it looks great with my hazel eyes and that I'm starting to look like Ariel. Of course Dean hit him on the back of the head afterward and told him to stop being such a girl. "You're starting to look just like your mom."

I look up surprised. "You knew my mom?" I asked.

"No sweetie. I never met her, but I've seen her picture in your dad's wallet and she had the same fiery red hair you're starting to get."

"You know what she looks like?" I whispered.

John stopped and looked at me surprised. He didn't know I never knew what my mommy looks like. He's known me since I was a baby and he never knew, which means Daddy has been keeping even more secrets. I glare at my cup. I'm so mad now. How could he? He always said he doesn't have any more pictures of Momma. I always ask what she looks like, but he always changes the subject. He's been lying to me. But I guess what else is new? He's been lying to me all my life about his job and now he's lying about this.

"I'm sorry kiddo. I didn't know."

"It's okay." I keep looking at my hot chocolate.

"You know you've been acting real different for a while now Addie. You've been shy and real quite for a whole year. What's going on?" he puts his hand on my back.

"It's nothing."

"No, it's not nothing. This isn't like you. You're usually so happy and now you barely say two words unless somebody is talking to you."

"How would you know?" I yell. "You and Daddy are always off fighting monsters. You don't have time for us! How would you know how I feel?"

John paused, surprisingly not surprised. "You know." It wasn't a question. He figured it out.

"Yes."

John sighed and looked down for a moment. "I figured."

We both sat there, waiting for the to say something first until suddenly a touch of anger flew across his face. "Did Dean tell you?"

"No!" I knew this was going to go back to Dean. "He didn't say anything. I saw the Boogeyman."

"The what?"

"The Boogeyman that tried to get Sam."

John broke out into a big smile. "A Shtriga."

I give him a confused look.

"It was a Shtriga. It's a male witch that comes for children in the middle of the night. They usually eat their-" He stops when he sees my horrified look and chuckles. "I'm so sorry kiddo. I didn't mean to scare ya. Your daddy and I take care of those things, so that they don't come get you. You're safe with us."

I want to believe him so bad, but that thing, the Shtriga, almost got my best friend! Where were they then? I almost say what I'm thinking, but then the door opens and Daddy walks in. "Hi sweetie," he says before he ruffles my hair and walks into his room to get some sleep. He had been out all night doing who knows what and then he goes straight to bed? Without even looking at me? This has been happening a lot lately. My lips start to shake a little. Seeing this, John rubs my back. "He does love you kid." I really wish I could believe that.

"Addie? What are you doing up?"

I look up to see Sammy standing by the door of the kitchen.

"It's nothing Sam. She was just thirsty. Why don't you take her to bed?" asks

John.

I get up to leave, but not before hugging John. He smiles and rubs my back. "Goodnight."

I shuffle over to Sam who looks even more confused. I smile at him. "It's nothing," I whisper. His look never leaves, but he gently grabs my hand and leads me back to bed.

As he pulls back the covers and I scoot back in the middle, he says, "Addie, are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, Sam."

He doesn't look convinced, but pulls the covers over us anyway and I snuggle up to him. He puts his arm around me. I smile. I love my best friend. Suddenly I feel a tug on my other arm and look over a little to see Dean, still fast asleep, but holding onto my hand. I'm in the same position I was when I woke up, only now the boys are switched. Usually this makes me smile, but as I lay my head on Sam's shoulder, all I can think about is my nightmare.

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Sausage is so yummy! Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day and today feels like a special day. John has made breakfast for all three of us. He NEVER does that. I have a feeling it's because of our conversation last night, but it's okay. I feel a lot better than I have since the night I saw the Boogeyman. I guess it's cause another person knows my secret besides Dean.

"Are you going to eat your pancakes?" asks Dean. I just glare at him. He knows darn well I'm going to eat my pancakes. I'm sitting right between him and Sam at the round dinner table. I always sit in between the boys during a meal. It makes me real uncomfortable if I sit anywhere else. While glaring at Dean I take a big piece of my pancake and shove it in my mouth. He rolls his eyes and continues to eat.

"Hey Sam? Do you want my last pancake?" I ask as I turn to Sam. I'm getting full anyway.

"Are you kidding me?!" I hear Dean yell. Sam just smiles and says thank you. I giggle as I get up from the table and head into our bedroom. I love messing with Dean. He gets frustrated real easy.

I make my way over to the side of our bed. Our bags are in a big pile. We usually just throw them anywhere. As I move Dean's bag to get to mine, I see something stick out of it. It's black, hard, and the end of it sticks out from a small opening in the zipper. I stare at it for a long time. Something's telling me not to look. To keep looking for my toothbrush in my own bag, but another part of me, the nosy part of me, tells me I need to see what it is. I look up at the door. I can still hear Dean fussing over the last pancake. I keep my eyes on the door as I slowly open the zipper. When the bag is open all the way I look down and gasp. No. Just no. There can't be a gun in my best friend's bag. There's just no way. I think back to when I saw the Shtriga. Dean was in the doorway with a gun pointed at that monster. I always knew he knew how to shoot a gun. Why should this bother me? Actually, I know why this bothers me. It's because I know that this is Dean's gun. This isn't just another one that John left him in order for him to protect us. No, this is his own personal gun, one that belongs to him and him alone. And that thought makes me sadder than you can imagine. This isn't supposed to be like this. He's only eleven years old. He shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't feel like this. I can't help but reach out and touch it. My heart is pounding so hard as my fingers touch the cool medal.

"What are you doing?"

I look up and Dean is at the door looking shocked. "Um… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go through your stuff."

He just looks at me with a sad face. He reaches over and gently zips up the bag. "It's okay. Just don't do it again." He doesn't even look at me as he picks up the bag and walks out the door. I remember hearing John say during breakfast that he was taking Dean out for a while. It wasn't until Dean left with his bag that I realized what they were doing. Dean was training.

I sit there for the longest time when suddenly Sam peeks through the door. "Hey, are we still playing outside today?"

I look up and nod. "Yeah, just let me get my shoes on."

Sam frowns. He knows something's wrong, but he shrugs it off and waits outside. After putting my shoes on I run out to meet him.

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"Ready or not, here I come!"

I giggle to myself. He'll never find me. We've been playing hide and seek all day. It's getting pretty dark, so we decide to play this last round and then we will head inside. There's a woodsy area right next to the motel we're staying at. I'm only a couple of feet into the woods, kneeling behind a tree. I glance around the trunk to see Sam looking around all of the cars parked in the parking lot. I giggle again. He's never going to think that I'm hiding in the woods. It's so weird being happy without Dean around. I'm never really comfortable without him near me since I saw the Shtriga, but Sammy's done an awesome job of keeping my mind off things. I turn back around with my back against the trunk. I wait and wait. As I look around the woods, my smile begins to fade. Something's not right. The further and further the forest goes, the darker it gets. I start to take a couple of steps. My heart begins to pound. My arms are getting goose bumps. My throat is getting dry. The woods are dead silent. This isn't a good idea. I shouldn't have hid here, but I can't help feeling as if I should look closer. After I walk about ten feet, I hear it and my heart stops. "Addie." A whisper. That's all it took was a whisper and I was running as fast as I can back to Sam. I burst out of the trees and quickly find him by the furthest car in the parking lot.

"Addie?" he calls out. As I get to him I throw my arms around his neck.

"I don't want to play anymore."

"What? Why?" he asks as he puts his arm around my waist.

"It's nothing. I just don't want to play anymore," I huff. "Let's go inside."

I grab his hand and start pulling him towards the motel when suddenly he yanks his hand away. "No," he states.

I turn back around. "What?"

"We're not going inside until you tell me what's wrong."

"…Sam I told you it's nothing. I'm just tired of playing."

"You're such a liar!"

I look at him shocked. He's never yelled at me like this before. Sure, we always play around and sometimes we get into arguments about stupid stuff, but I can tell this is serious. He's really angry.

"You've been acting weird for the past year and I don't know why. You barely talk. You don't smile. Today's the first day in a long time that you've actually looked happy and now you're acting weird again."

"Sam-"

"And this stupid thing with Dean."

"What? What about Dean?"

"Well whatever's going on with you, I know Dean knows."

I'm completely silent.

"You're always with him. You're always whispering and leaving the room to go talk. I know it's about you, but I don't know anything about it because you won't tell me!" He looks at the ground. "I just want you to talk to me Addie. I want to help. What makes Dean so special?"

I almost tell him. I almost come out and tell him everything that happened, about the Shtriga and the nightmares, but I didn't. I couldn't. All I could say was, "I don't know what you're talking about." And just like that Sam looks at me heartbroken and walks back into the motel. I completely forgot about the thing in the woods.

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"Dinner time!" I hear through the closed door. I'll admit it. I'm in my room being a big baby. I can't get over what I said. How could I just lie to my best friend? How could I make him feel like this and not even realize it? In a way I know I did the right thing. Even Dean told me a long time ago that Sammy doesn't need to know and I agree. I don't want him going through this. What kind of friend would I be if I were the one who told him monsters were real? And that one almost ate him? Then again, what kind of friend lies?

"Addie! Dinner!"

I stand up and walk towards the kitchen. When I get there I come to a complete stop and just stare. This can't be happening. Daddy, John, and the boys are sitting at the round table, but something's different. There's an empty seat between John and Sam. There's another one between Daddy and Dean. There's no spot between the boys. As Daddy and John scarf their food, Dean and Sam look at me expectantly. Dean is smiling. Sam looks sad. Both are waiting for me to sit down. I can tell Dean has no idea what is going on, but Sam and I know. To most this would seem completely stupid. Just pick a chair! It doesn't mean anything! Yeah, right. To Sam and me this is huge. This is important. I can sit by Sam and prove him wrong. I can show him that Dean and I really didn't get close this past year. Or I can sit next to Dean. He's the one that's been there for me. He's the one that I've been able to count on. I don't feel right unless I'm with him. I sigh. I know what my decision is. I walk over to the table and pull out the chair next to Dean. He smiles at me and opens the bag of diner food to give me my burger. Sam just looks down and starts eating. I just look at my lap. After giving me my burger, Dean says, "Are you okay?"

I am the biggest scum on the planet.