Author's note: Another chapter people! Thank you for all your amazing comments about this story. To some of you who are wondering about the identity of Emma's father, don't worry, we are getting closer to knowing ;)
After that short and yet amazing make-out session, Emma left the restaurant without saying goodbye to her friends. She was completely numbed, a nice kind of numbed, from what just happened. Maybe it was liquid courage or the anger she felt when she saw that man kissing Regina, but the case is that she just revealed her crush to Regina and it turns out it was reciprocated. The kiss had been everything she suspected it was going to be, and after having experienced the woman's lips on top of hers she found herself intoxicated and craving for more. She knew what this meant, she had heard some of her colleagues talk about this feeling, and yet when they did Emma always assumed it was an exaggeration. Nevertheless, here she was now with her heart on her sleeve and her breathing erratic. Regina Mills was an addiction and Emma had become a hopeless addict. Did she want more? Hell yes. But at the same time she wanted it to be more than just a fling. She really felt, and still feels, an unexplainable connection with the woman. Did she regret kissing Regina so soon? Not really. Was she scared of what would happen the next time they saw each other? Oh yes.
"Emma darling." she heard Mary Margaret call from the living room. "Come and tell me about your first day."
Emma made her way slowly to the living room and saw her birth mother with a notebook on her legs.
"It was nice." Emma said simply. "Got to put a pacemaker and assist on a delivery."
"Regina Mills allowed you to operate?" Mary Margaret asked surprised.
Emma nodded. And she let me do other nicer things, Emma thought.
"That is wonderful news!" Mary Margaret gushed. "You must have impressed her during one of her quiz times."
Emma smiled in remembrance. "You know Dr. Mills?"
"I do." Mary Margaret smiled brightly. "She is a very talented and dedicated doctor."
"She is." Emma smiled dreamly. "I don't understand why other people seem to dislike her."
"They don't dislike her, they are intimidated." Mary Margaret explained. "Women like Dr. Mills are strange to find, and when found they are difficult to understand."
"I can see that." Emma conceded. "But I still find it unfair that if it were a man the one in Dr. Mills position the world would see his behavior as normal."
Mary Margaret nodded. "That's what women doctors face every day."
"That's what you had to face..."
"Yes, and I aspired for greatness during my whole life so that I could show the world who I was and what I was capable off."
"And you did." Emma told her softly. "You are known by everyone in the medical field, your findings and techniques are taught to all med students and you have the highest medical award one could ever receive."
"But at what price?" Mary Margaret asked sadly and clutched the diary to her chest. "Glory always comes with a price."
"I assume you are writing things you don't want to forget?" Emma asked softly, watching how fiercely her mother was holding to it.
Mary Margaret shook her head. "This is not for me Emma." she looked at her. "This is for you."
"And what am I going to find there?" she asked cautiously.
"Everything." Mary Margaret said. "My whole life. What I am incapable of admitting out-loud and my deepest joys and regrets."
"When can I read it?"
"The moment I stop being myself." Mary Margaret said scared. "The moment you see I become lost to this sickness."
"And when will that be?" Emma whispered softly, scared.
"Doctors said that I approximately had 5 to 6 months before I started to get 'confused'".
"We still have a lot of time." Emma said while grabbing Mary Margaret's hand.
Mary Margaret smiled sadly. "My sweet child. What we less have is time." she finished while caressing Emma's cheek sweetly.
The moment she realized Mary Margaret's mortality was the moment she realized how unfair their encounter was. She wanted to know the woman's secrets, the secrets that involved her and the ones that were a result from the woman abandoning her. One part of her was mad at Mary Margaret. That dark side of her kept telling her that the woman was selfish and manipulating, that she had contacted her because of her weakness and that the only result that was going to come from this was pain. This assumption was not incorrect, and in the line of events that were coming, the theatricality of her meeting her long lost mother, who was a renounced doctor who got Alzheimer's was not an irony that she ignored. Hitting her locker in anger Emma took a deep breath to calm herself. How could she go from thinking about her wonderful kiss with Regina to hating her birth mother and her sickness? Was she that awful and insensible?
"Emma!" Ruby screamed while sitting next to her. "What happened to you yesterday?"
"What do you mean?" Emma asked intrigued.
"I mean you went to get a beer and never came back."
"I realized I wasn't feeling so well so I just decided to go home." Emma half-lied.
"I knew you were alive." Ruby joked. "Belle was thinking that you got abducted and raped."
"I did not." Belle said while coming in. "Not the raping part at least." she blushed.
"Swan! You bailed during the best part of the night." Hook said while smiling brightly. "You missed this hot guy." he pointed at himself. "Getting it on with a hot woman."
"Dr. Zelena Green from the trauma department." Neal said while following Hook. "She is also an attending."
"She is a very good trauma doctor. Crazy, but good." Belle conceded.
"And also insatiable, if you know what I mean." Hook winked at them.
"Didn't want to know that." Emma said while gagging. "The woman certainly has an acquired taste."
Everyone excepted Hook laughed loudly.
"Swan is jealous because she needs some loving." Neal joked.
"What I need is none of your business." Emma said softly.
The men laughed loudly.
"And you wonder why you are incapable of meeting a nice girl?" Belle asked them sarcastically.
"Not me." Hook said and winked at them.
"No, you became a sex toy." Ruby told him while laughing. "Did you get a phone number?"
Hook looked embarrassed and mumbled. "Didn't have time."
"When a woman wants to be called back she makes time." Belle smirked at him.
"Don't tell me that you are upset about Dr. Green using you?" Neal asked surprised. "I mean, I wouldn't mind at all."
"Because of your low self-esteem." Emma said softly, which earned a cackle from Ruby and Belle.
"What did you say?" Neal asked angrily.
"I think you heard me." Emma responded calmly. "And that you are trying to be all tough so that I am the one that bails the confrontation."
"And I think you act like a spoiled brat. Got the attention of Dr. Mills and now you are acting all high and mighty."
"The attention I got I earned, Neal." Emma spat angrily. "And I have been nothing but nice and friendly to all of you." Emma huffed in anger.
"Emma is right." Ruby said seriously. "The attention she is getting she earned it."
"Can't deny that mate." Hook also agreed.
"So you are taking her side over mine?" Neal asked in complete shock. "We have been friends since we were 10 and you are basically picking a stranger over me."
"We are not picking her because of friendship. We are doing it because you have been acting and treating Emma unfairly since she got here." Belle said angrily.
Neal huffed in anger and started to move towards the exit but instead found himself crashing with a very angry Granny.
"Cassidy! Are you also incapable of watching where you are going?!" Granny said, immediately silencing the room. "That's what I thought."
All the interns looked at each other and silently waited to know who they would be following this day.
"Lucas you will go with Nolan. French you will go with Gold."
"The man certainly likes her." Hook whispered to Neal who chuckled but stopped the moment Granny's gaze fell on him.
"Hook you will go with the Chief." Granny said while smirking evilly.
"But I went there yesterday." Hook complained, which earned him an angry look from Granny.
"Not my fault you pissed Dr. Mills and landed yourself on the physical exams room." Granny huffed. "Cassidy you will work with Dr. Mills."
Neal looked shocked and internally Emma wanted to hug Granny and pep her face with kisses. The jackass deserved to be taught a lesson and Regina would definitely make him learn it.
"And Swan you will work with Green." Granny finished and left the room.
Again Emma was sent to work with another doctor that was not Regina. She was desperate to see the woman and to talk to her about what happened yesterday. Of how they would react and how Regina would behave around her. Still, instead of making her way to Cardio she found herself walking towards the Trauma department. Waiting for her was a woman with orange hair and deep blue piercing eyes. She was not going to deny it, the woman was good looking. But in comparison to Regina she was nothing. The warmth that Regina's brown eyes emanated was what truly got her captured, and she now found that the first thing she saw when meeting new people was their eyes. None of them had that vulnerability, that simplicity and calmness that Regina's emanated.
"Dr. Green?" Emma asked while approaching the woman.
"So you are the famous Dr. Swan?" Zelena asked her while clearly measuring her.
"I am Dr. Swan." Emma confirmed. "It is nice to meet you."
"Indeed it is." Zelena smiled devilishly and Emma immediately felt that smile was all wrong.
"It was hard to get you on my service today." she mused and winked at Emma. "Every attending doctor wants to have you, my little sis being the most vocal one. Vocal in her own way of course."
"I'm sorry, your sister?" Emma asked confused.
"Yes, Dr. Mills." Zelena told her while smiling. "Actually half-sister. Same mother, different father." she shrugged.
Emma managed to hide her surprise before it became obvious. "Again, glad to be working for you today."
Zelena smiled brightly and winked at her. "You and I are going to be best friends, I know it."
Emma shrugged. This woman gives me the creeps, her subconscious told her before she realized that the woman was walking away from her.
"In Trauma we don't do nice." Zelena started to say. "We don't have the time to worry about making nice incisions or cuts that won't be seen. We are worried about saving lives."
Emma nodded in understanding.
"This is not like Plastics where you have all the time in the world, or in Cardio where you put pacemakers."
Emma flinched a little with that remark. She loved Cardio too much, but then again she was not going to get on the bad side of Zelena.
Zelena laughed and continued walking. "In Trauma we do what doctors are supposed to do. In Trauma we save lives."
"I understand." Emma answered softly.
"Not everyone is made for Trauma because things move too fast here. Effectiveness is more valued than preciseness. And Trauma surgeons are aware that most of our patients won't make it."
"I don't understand." Emma asked intrigued.
"Well, when patients come in critical condition it is the Trauma surgeon the one that will try to stabilize the patient. Sometimes damages are too severe and there is nothing to do." Zelena said and kept on moving. "And based on what I have heard, you are a smart woman, Dr. Swan."
Well, she is not mistaken there, Emma thought while moving around the trauma floor. It was true that Trauma doctors were the responsible ones for stabilizing the patient, and that after vitals were obtained, then the other surgeons went inside to operate. Although Zelena seemed to be too proud and stubborn, one thing the woman was right about was the difficulty of being a Trauma surgeon.
"I appreciate that?"
"Appreciate it." Zelena said while laughing. "I don't tend to give compliments lightly. Besides, if my little sister wanted to keep you around you must be really good."
"I hope I'm up to your standards Dr. Green." Emma started to say when she heard Dr. Green's pager go off.
"Well, I guess we will find out right now." Zelena said while rushing through the door and running outside.
Emma followed closely behind. "What are we expecting?"
"A bus full of children went off the street because of the rain." even this made Zelena flinch a little. "We are going to need help."
Emma nodded and quickly worked around a nurse that was helping her to put the robe and gloves on. "Tell me what to do."
"Page Dr. Boyd and Dr. Mills." Zelena said while getting ready for the ambulance that they knew was coming. "Tell Boyd I have children and Mills that some may be having some kind of cardiac episode because of the shock."
Emma nodded and immediately ran towards the reception. There she saw the receptionist look expectantly at her.
"Please, page Dr. Boyd and Mills. Tell them we have a code blue and a code white." Emma finished while making her way back to the emergency entrance. Behind her she could hear the calm voice of the receptionist giving the code.
When Emma finally made it to the entrance she saw the ambulances turning around the corner. Her eyes almost came out of her face when she saw five of them driving straight for the ER. She could hear Zelena shouting and designating orders to nurses and the rest of interns.
"Swan, prepare to receive that first ambulance!" Zelena told her while moving to stand next to her. "I know this is a terrible way to test you, but the worst you can do is let the patient die."
Emma looked mortified at the woman and nodded softly. Now she was terrified. "I will try not to."
Zelena nodded. "And remember, don't worry about making it pretty, just worry about closing."
Emma nodded again and went to stand behind the first ambulance.
"What do we have here?"
"Male, fourteen years old, he was crushed by one of the windows of the bus and has his chest filled with glass fragments. The heart and lungs may be compromised." the paramedic started to tell her.
Emma saw the kid moving frantically. "He is going into shock!" she screamed while jumping on top of the bed and doing chest compression. "Get me some pads, 200." Emma told a nurse who immediately went and retrieved them. "And give me an epi of 1mg with 20 ml ns!" Emma rambled while inserting getting the iv the paramedic already inserted and putting the epi. "Clear!" she shouted and lowered the pads onto the child's chest.
Everyone froze for a moment, and went the kid stopped shaking and his heart beat returned Emma took a deep breath and lowered herself from the bed. "Check for any kind of hemorrhages." she said while taking out a flashlight and flashing it to the kids eyes. "Pupils are responsive, brain functions appear normal, will have to confirm after performing a CT scan. I need Mills!" she shouted.
"Emma!" she heard Regina scream from behind her and it took all of her might to not turn around and kiss her soundly.
"I stabilized him when he went into shock. He may have glass fragments near the lungs and heart. There is a murmur in the chest area."
Regina nodded and smiled softly at her while grabbing one of her hands and caressing it. "You are doing great Emma." she assured her. "Now let me take care of him."
Emma noticed how hard she was clinging to the bed, probably because of her nerves. Taking a deep breath she let it go and immediately missed the presence of Regina's hand on top of her.
"Swan!" Zelena shouted and Emma turned around, of course not after giving Regina an apologetic smile and running towards the Trauma doctor. "There is another ambulance coming."
Emma nodded and ran quickly to the ambulance's entrance. Her gaze fell on the paramedics that were quickly making their way towards her. "Female, 11, no apparent sign of injury but was knocked unconscious after hitting her head with a window. Heart beat stable, pupils unresponsive."
"We will probably need Gold." Emma told one of the nurses. "Go to reception and call him. I will take the patient to the exam room and prep her."
The nurse nodded and quickly made her way to the front of the bed. She looked at the child and almost felt herself cry. She knew what this could probably mean for the little girl and the possible consequences. First, she needs to wake up, and after waking up they need to see what is happening inside her brain and how it is affecting the rest of her body.
"Let's take this patient to get a head CT right now." Emma said sadly while moving towards the exam room, the feeling of a soft hand brushing next to her filling her melancholy even more.
Regina was examining her reflection one more time before leaving her house. Kissing Emma last night was wonderful, and the butterflies that she was still feeling at the pit of her stomach were a clear testament of how much she liked it. It had taken all her might to separate from the blonde and head back to the table where her friends were looking expectantly at her.
"We saw an angry Robin making his way out of the bar." Jefferson asked concerned. "Is it ok to assume that your fling is over?"
"It's way over." Regina said angrily and sat down.
"Something happened." Katherine said while looking fiercely to the door. "He tried too hard, didn't he?"
Regina nodded softly. "He used his son as leverage! Can you believe that? To try to assuage my guilt."
"He is an asshole." Ashley spat angrily. "Good thing you got rid of him."
"How did you get him to leave?" David asked intrigued.
Regina looked down and blushed brightly. Katherine noticed this immediately and smiled knowingly. She had seen Emma make her way towards the bathroom a few minutes later than Regina. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together, and based on how Regina was trying to avoid the question.
"Perhaps a white knight in shiny armor?" Ashley joked and everyone laughed.
"Wouldn't actually hurt to have one these days." Regina mumbled and drank her beer.
Katherine winked at her. "Well, knights are old fashioned."
"Totally." Ashley agreed and winked at Regina. "Now smart is the new sexy."
Emma is smart... And sexy, Regina thought to herself and blushed furiously.
"Regina, your cheeks are so red!" Jefferson told her and laughed. "Perhaps you've had too many drinks?"
"Yes, it is probably that." Katherine conceded and looked at Regina knowingly.
Regina ignored the gaze and took out her cell phone, trying to somehow control her crazy libido and hormones. It didn't help that Katherine chose that moment to send her a text.
"So, did you just get some sweet loving from a blonde intern?" she read Katherine's text and blushed even more.
"I know because it was so obvious. And trust me, she is just as smitten as you are." Regina read and smiled despite herself.
"I don't know what you are talking about." she tried to deject.
"Dejection won't work dear. Besides, who do you think gave her the incentive to go for it?"
Regina looked up and saw Katherine winking at her. She groaned.
"I don't care, but my business will remain my business. And while I appreciate the concern, DO NOT GET INVOLVED!" she threatened her friend lightly. It was a dangerous thing to have Katherine as a friend. What was even more dangerous have a friend as Katherine getting involved in your love life.
"I won't if you promise to not screw it up." Katherine threatened back.
Regina exhaled softly. "Trust me, that is the last thing I want to do."
"So you truly like her?" Katherine asked surprised.
"I do Katherine." Regina agreed softly. "I'm not like this, and it scares me to see how quickly I developed feelings for her. It's not lust or an itch that I want to scratch."
"Then it's serious... You, Regina Mills, want a relationship."
"I want to get to know her Katherine." Regina finally admitted to Katherine and herself.
"Then stop being afraid and jump." Katherine texted her back.
That talk with Katherine helped her reassure herself of her sudden and wonderful feelings towards Emma. She had always followed the rules and done what was demanded of her before following her own feelings. It had begun with her mother and her desire to make her proud. Then it was about her career and becoming someone big and important. After that it was about every single person that landed on her table. Every day, for the last 20 years, her life had been focused on pleasing others before herself. Now this was going to end. She was going to search for her own happiness and damn anyone who tried to stop her. The moment she had an opportunity to talk alone with Emma she was going to ask her out and have the time of her life. No more being scared of emotions. No more allowing reason to rule over her heart. And no more letting other's people's happiness come before her own.
Smiling she left the house and walked to the hospital. David had called for a department meeting and all the attending doctors were meant to be there. It probably meant that some faculty changes were going to occur or that a new attending doctor was going to be introduced. Nevertheless, these things always disinterested her, but then again, she was obliged to be there. Looking around the room she saw that Jefferson, Ashley and Gold were already waiting. While smiling softly to her two friends and nodding to Gold, Regina sat down and waited for the rest of doctors to arrive.
It took a couple of minutes, but soon enough Katherine, Granny and David entered the room, followed closely by Zelena who smirked at her.
"Hello little sis." Zelena said mockingly.
"Zelena." Regina nodded knowingly. "I hope your vacations were nice?"
"They were wonderful." Zelena said sarcastically. "Mother says hi."
"Well, guess my regards won't reach her since I won't give them." Regina said angrily.
"So feisty little sis, what did you eat this morning?"
Regina growled softly. "Nothing that concerns you, greenie."
"Well... Now that everyone is here." David said awkwardly and the two sisters glanced at each other before looking at David. "The reason we are having this meeting is because some of you have complained about the new interns."
All the doctors nodded in agreement.
"They know nothing, they are egocentric and unwilling to follow rules." Ashley said.
"While others are just plain disrespectful." Katherine added.
David nodded in understanding. "I know yesterday was just the first day, but let's all remember how nervous we were during our first day as interns."
"Still, I never tried to flirt with my attending doctor on the first day." Jefferson smirked.
Regina groaned. It seemed that everyone found out about Jones failed attempt at flirting with her and how she had sent the man to do physical exams during the rest of the day.
"Yes, and actions have been taken against Dr. Jones." David said.
"He will continue to work with Chief Nolan until deemed appropriate." Granny said. "As for the rest of interns, I came here so you could all agree on a schedule."
"Dibs on Swan!" Jefferson said loudly.
"No Jefferson, it's my turn to get Swan!" Ashley complained.
"Miss Belle will suffice." Gold said solemnly. "She is taking quite an interest in Neuro."
"If we are going to do it based on specialty, Dr. Swan is interested in Cardio." Regina said softly, which earned the stare of all her colleagues who were used to her not talking or caring about these meetings.
"I will take Miss Swan today." Zelena said and got an angry look from Regina. "I just came back and my department will need all the help it can get."
David nodded. "Zelena is right. Swan will go with her."
"Then I want Lucas." Katherine said and earned a confirmation from Granny.
"And I guess that leaves Jones to me." David groaned but still tried to remain positive.
"I guess I can take Booth and show him some skin." Jefferson laughed. "Bet it makes him puke."
"I guess I can take that girl named Aurora." Ashley shrugged. "She seems decent enough."
"Which means that Regina is left with Cassidy."
"Good luck." Ashley told her while laughing. "The man is a lost cause."
Regina groaned in anger and quickly stood up. "If that is all?" she asked.
David nodded and dismissed the group. Regina didn't wait for anyone and instead bolted out of the room and headed to the Cardio department. To say that she was upset was an understatement, and the fact that it was Zelena the one that ruined her day made things even worse. When the woman appeared at her doorstep 5 years earlier claiming that they were sisters Regina laughed and called her delusional. Nevertheless, the next time she came with her own mother, and after an uncomfortable afternoon Regina learned that her mother gave Zelena for adoption because she couldn't keep her. Instead of hating her mother, Zelena surprised Regina by embracing their relationship with open arms and trying to find ways in which she could please the whims of her overbearing mother. This made her dislike Zelena even more because she knew that her mother was a manipulative woman that only truly cared about herself and the power she could have when influencing others. It had taken her 10 years to realize it, but the moment she accepted that her mother would never love her was the moment she came to Storybrooke and decided to leave her old life behind.
"Dr. Mills." she looked around and saw a nervous man looking at her. "My name is Neal Cassidy and I got assigned to you."
Regina nodded in recognition. "Mr. Cassidy follow me."
Regina could hear the man's loud footsteps behind her, and although she was tempted to tell him to stop with the stomping she realized that it wasn't truly worth it, not when she was sorely upset.
"So, it is such an honor to be learning from you." Neal said softly. "Everyone says that you are the best at what you do."
"I appreciate the compliment Mr. Cassidy." Regina answered bored. She was used to interns mellowing their words and attempting to get on her good side.
"I also heard that you allowed Dr. Swan to assist you in a surgery."
"You heard correctly." Regina answered flatly. Damn it she missed Emma.
"And I was wondering if I could see one of your surgeries from up-close?" he asked hopefully.
"Indeed?" Regina turned around and asked amusedly. "And why would I allow you inside my OR Mr. Cassidy?"
"Because you allowed Emma?"
"So just because I allowed another intern to assist me it means that I now have to give you the same privilege?"
"I didn't..." Neal stuttered. "I didn't mean it that way Dr. Mills."
"You were here yesterday, correct?"
He nodded.
"You saw the test I gave you to see if you knew about my field?" she asked again.
"Well, yes Dr. Mills but I researched the questions and they were questions meant for cardiologists."
"Which Dr. Swan still managed to answer correctly." Regina reminded him. "And of course a cardiologist will be able to answer them because the field is cardiology." she added sarcastically.
"How about you let me prove myself to you." Neal said excited. "Give me a test so you can see how much I know."
"Mr. Cassidy, I will not give you a test because of your desire to show you are better than Dr. Swan." Regina huffed. "I have better things to do with my time."
"But, but what about the surgery you will perform soon?"
"What about it?" Regina feigned ignorance.
"The test is meant to determine if I can go and assist you in it."
"And did I agree to that?" Regina asked.
Neal shook his head in annoyance. "Not yet Dr. Mills."
Regina was going to finish the discussion but was suddenly interrupted by the speakers of the hospital. "Dr. Boyd, Dr. Mills, code red and blue."
"Code Blue!" Neal started to scream while running out.
"Mr. Cassidy!" Regina yelled, making Neal stop instantly. "Where the hell do you think you are going?"
"To the ambulance entrance so I can help." he said.
"What you are going to do is prepare my paperwork for my surgery and answer the patient's questions about the procedure." Regina said while walking towards the door. "And the reason why we have codes is so people don't panic." she added while running out of the area and quickly heading to the entrance.
It took her some minutes until she finally found herself on the entrance. Zelena looked like she was on the verge on the collapse with the amount of ambulances that were making their way to the hospital.
"What happened?" Regina asked her sister who looked relieved at seeing her there.
"A bus full of children went off the road and crashed."
Regina flinched softly. Children.
"Ashley is already taking stable children to the Peds department while Emma is helping with the severely injured ones."
Regina looked around the chaos, trying to see blonde hair and emerald eyes. She nodded to Zelena and started to diagnose and determine which children needed surgery and which ones were simply bruised. She had just got done with a young girl when a scream filled her ears.
"I need Mills!" she heard Emma's voice.
Regina quickly walked around the beds, her eyes desperately searching for that desperate voice that needed her, that demanded her presence. When she finally saw the blonde she was on one of the beds performing CPR. It was a sight to see, and bewitched she saw Emma's relieved look when the monitor told her the child's heartbeat had stabilized.
"Emma!" Regina said loudly the moment she finally found herself behind her. Emma's gaze instantly looked at her longingly and if it weren't for the chaos around them she would have taken the blonde right there.
"I stabilized him when he went into shock. He may have glass fragments near the lungs and heart. There is a murmur in the chest area." she heard Emma ramble nervously, her hands clutching the bed of the child and refusing to let go.
Regina smiled softly and grabbed one of her hands and caressed it, trying to somehow alleviate the blonde's nervousness. "You are doing great Emma." she assured her. "Now let me take care of him."
She could see Emma's brain starting to rationalize what had just happened, and after relinquishing her grasp on the bed, Regina let go of her hand. She immediately missed the warm contact, and based on Emma's face the longing was not one-sided. Turning around she looked at the nurses and told them to move quickly to an OR. Taking a glance at the boy she saw how Emma had done the CPR and was pleased to see that she didn't inflict any kind of damage to the kid's chest. It was common to apply too much pressure and that led to unnecessary complications when opening the chest. Regina smiled softly, recognizing again Emma's potential and wanting to help and teach her just like someone else taught her 10 years ago.
"I don't think I'm doing this correctly." Regina huffed in annoyance when her scalpel again missed the target.
"You are missing because you are trying to use your eyes instead of your memory." Mary Margaret scolded her lightly. "Repeat me what I told you about operating."
"That it is not about the eyes but about what my hands feel." Regina recited. "Which I still don't understand because I need my eyes to see what I'm doing."
"You are missing the whole point." Mary Margaret reprimanded her. "There are moments in which your sight may betray you, like in this case, so the other sense that you can depend upon is your touch. Go ahead and grab the heart."
Regina did as told and took the small organ into her hand.
"Now, I want you tell me the parts of it with your eyes closed. I want you to use your hand to feel that part."
"Inferior vena cava, right ventricle, left ventricle." Regina murmured while touching each part. "Right coronary artery, right atrium, left cardiac vein, left pulmonary vein." she continued to say, focusing on how each part felt against her hand. "Right pulmonary veins, right pulmonary arteries, pulmonary trunk, left pulmonary arteries, aorta, superior vena cava, brachiocephalic trunk, left common carotid artery and left subclavian artery." she finished while smiling brightly at Mary Margaret who returned the smile.
"How did that feel?" she heard Mary Margaret ask her.
"I never knew I could feel things like that." Regina whispered in awe.
"What our senses are capable of when others are compromised is truly remarkable." Mary Margaret agreed. "Sometimes you may not be able to see what is going on inside a patient, but what you can certainly do is feel what is happening."
Regina concentrated on passing her scalpel through the left pulmonary vein, and she knew that it was impossible to see it from her position, but what she could do was feel it. She took her hand inside, and the moment she found the vein she used her other hand with the scalpel and followed the same pace her hand had traveled seconds before. The moment she was done she nodded for Mary Margaret to take a look, and after using an echocardiography she smiled when she saw she had hit the target.
"I did it." Regina said happily and went to hug a surprised Mary Margaret who didn't deny the gesture.
"You did Regina." Mary Margaret told her while smiling. "You have the capability of becoming someone great, Regina Mills."
"I don't want to become someone great." she whispered softly.
"Then why did you ask me for lessons?" Mary Margaret asked surprised. "I thought you did it so you could become the best doctor you could achieve to be."
"At the beginning it started like that." Regina confessed. "But then I realized that I wanted to learn for myself: I wanted to learn the best way in which I could save lives. To be that person that makes a difference when it comes to life or death."
"To be like God?"
"On the contrary." Regina said. "To be that one person that can be capable of approaching a family and telling them that I did the best I could without feeling it's a lie."
Mary Margaret looked softly at Regina and smiled. "And that is why I agreed to teach you."
Regina took the last piece of glass out of the boy's chest, and, after making sure that there were no more debris she closed him carefully. It had been three hours since she entered the OR, and now that she was looking around the room she saw Neal Cassidy staring angrily at her from the observation window. The man practiced medicine for all the wrong reasons, and the thought of sharing a patient or teaching him made her revolt in anger. This was not the way she wanted to share her knowledge nor the way she wanted to contribute to the world of medicine. She had expected her interns to change, to realize how they were just actors in a bigger play. Nevertheless, it seemed that the more they learned, the more they thought they were God, the more they thought they owned and controlled life. Mary Margaret Blanchard had taught her how true medicine was meant to be practiced and how it was not about saving a life, but from fighting for a life. The best fighters were the ones that strategized and knew their opponent better, which is why the two of them spent most of their time memorizing and learning the mechanics, the sensations and the responses from the organs. It had been time-consuming and tiring, but the results were obvious when she started to perform better and faster at her surgeries. She wanted to share this with Emma, she wanted to teach Emma and to help her become the best doctor she could ever be. A sense of mortality was needed in order to realize how lacking of power we truly are, and the fact that doctors fought dead and sometimes managed to emerge as victors made them forget their place. Regina learned hers a long time ago, and now instead of fearing death she embraced it. She knew it was coming, and when she could do nothing to stop it she resigned and reminded herself that her part in the play was not of the main character.
Regina stopped herself from leaving the patient ward when she saw a glimpse of blonde hair coming from one of the rooms. Surprised she opened the door and saw a defeated Emma crying softly in front of a girl's bed. Strangely she felt acutely Emma's pain as if it were her own, and without noticing she walked inside the room and took a seat next to the woman that had somehow found a way inside her heart in a matter of two days.
"Regina..." Emma whispered while crying. "I failed this little girl."
"My dear Emma." Regina said while using her thumb to take her tears away. "Why would you even say that?"
"If I would have gone to her sooner, if I wouldn't have waited for Gold and tried to fix her myself." Emma sobbed harder and sought solace in Regina's embrace. "It's my fault she may never wake up."
Regina hugged Emma tighter to herself and kissed her forehead lovingly. "Emma, today you did so much: You helped me save the life of a young boy. You gave two parents their child back."
"But look at her Regina, here she is all alone and abandoned. It's too painful to see a child like that. It's not fair."
Regina chuckled softly. "I think you were the one who told me that we had no control over life? That we cannot cheat death?"
Emma smirked. "Not fair using my own words against me."
Regina nodded and kissed Emma again. "Life is not fair."
"I just feel this emptiness inside of me, this desolation of thinking that maybe I..."
"Don't do this to yourself Emma." Regina scolded her softly. "Never think about the maybe once something has already passed. You fought for this girl with all your might, you gave it your all and that is what you need to tell yourself and her parents when they come. Will they blame you? Probably. It is easier to put our sorrows on another person's shoulders than to carry them ourselves."
Emma scooted herself closer to Regina who still didn't let her go. "I don't want to feel like this anymore. Like I failed because I didn't know how to help."
Regina nodded in understanding. "You will never know enough Emma."
"I don't want to know it all, I want to know that I tried everything I knew. Please Regina."
Regina looked at Emma. "What do you want from me?"
Emma looked up and saw devotion and concern in those brown eyes that had her captivated.
"I want you to teach me. I want to be around you, learn from you. I want many things that can simplify themselves to the fact that I want to be with you."
Regina saw fear of rejection in those emerald eyes. She saw hesitation and doubt about Regina's response and sadness from thinking of what that rejection could do to her.
"Oh Emma, can't you see? I am already here." Regina whispered while kissing Emma chastely on the lips and sealing their unspoken promise to each other.