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Chapter 4-

Caffeine Kills

…

Honey is busily chomping down pastries as Tamaki coughs twice to get everybody's attention.

"As per request from our manageress, we must re-measure our three measurements for the upcoming photo-book in which she will publish," Tamaki announces. "I've called Kyouya about it, and he said okay as long as the Host Club benefits."

"Our three measurements?" Haruhi asks, verifying the matter.

"Ahem, yes, our three measurements," Tamaki coughs uncomfortably as a cover-up in case anyone asks about his gradually reddening face.

"We'll measure for you Haruhi," the twins volunteer.

"No! None of us are measuring!" Tamaki almost actually choked.

"I don't have to measure Haruhi to know that it's thirt—"Hikaru begins.

"Hikaru, don't say it, you'll give the Lord a nosebleed," Kaoru interrupts.

"Why can't we just submit the measurements for our costumes?" Haruhi suggests.

"Renge said that she wanted the most recent. Besides, we've done this plenty of times before, it's no big deal," Tamaki reasons.

-(Baba Doi, Uno Ton)-

T- "Are you getting them?"

D- "Nope, not at all. I don't get why Haruhi had to be specified. Body-wise, I don't think Haruhi has any extraordinary points, or ideal masculine measurements for that matter."

T- "You think there's some sort of homosexual attraction going on there?"

D- "It could be. Haruhi does have feminine features; I mean like…if Haruhi was gay and I was gay, not that I am, I would choose Haruhi."

T- "Okay… (Scoots chair away)" (E)

GASP!

"Oh my, that's almost 3 centimeters more!" Renge cried out after measuring Honey's waist.

"Huh? Is there a problem?" Honey asks innocently as he peels open a candy wrapper. Renge snatched the candy bar away from him. "Hah?" he looked at her with watery eyes.

"No more sweets until you lose those 3 centimeters!" Renge declares.

"Takashi…" Honey sniffles.

Mori closes his eyes and shakes his head. I have shamed your honor…

"Honey-sempai, it's for your own good…" Tamaki comforts.

"You've only recently recovered from your cavities," Haruhi adds.

"No offense, but with the way you're taking in sweets…" Hikaru warns.

"…diabetes could be next," Kaoru says scarily.

"Soon enough it will be five, ten, twenty centimeters!" Tamaki exaggerates.

"You don't want your stomach to hang out of your shirt, do you?" the Twins asks.

Everyone is mentally placing Honey's head on Uno Ton's body.

"Stop it! I know what you guys are thinking. Stop it!" the cameraman demands.

…

A pouting Honey walks to the nearest Seven Eleven. He was supposed to run down here, as exercise, and to buy Diet drinks and granola bars.

He opens up the fridge doors and picks out some diet green tea, some diet coke, some vitamin water….hey they're bound to be good for you…

Then he looked over to the adjacent transparent fridge door. Corona…Heineken...Budweiser…BEER!

Honey stood there and thought for a moment. His so called good friends were so mean to him before! He'll teach them a lesson! He'll make them guilty, and regret all the things they said! He'll drink some beer and get drunk…or maybe pretend to get drunk and he'll make them feel bad!

Yea, great idea but—Corona, Heineken, and Budweiser lack the class…Aha…what is this…this beautiful blue bottle with interesting little bumps…Bawls Guarana. Ah, yes he'll just take that!

He went up to the counter to pay.

That's weird, why didn't the guy ask for his I.D.? Oh well, it's a bad society out there…

He took a sip. Hm…not bad.

He took another sip. Does beer really taste like this?

He took a big gulp. No wonder why there so many alcoholics out there…this is good.

For some reasons he felt fidgety…he even walked faster. Soon enough, he was no longer walking. He was skipping. Then he was jumping. Either he was going incredibly fast, or the world was on slow motion. He didn't know. He isn't even in the right mind to think it through coherently. That's weird…he doesn't really feel like he's drunk.

…

Back in the Host Club, just when all the customers were worrying about where 'Honey-kun' went, a series of bangs alarmed everyone in the room. The doors were closed, as not to let out the air conditioning. The Hosts approach the door with caution. Mori opened it casually—he knows it's his cousin.

A huge gust of wind rushed inside—or so they thought. It was Honey, as Mori rightfully predicts in his mind.

Honey was literally bouncing off the walls. Occasionally he would stop and show his martial arts prowess which makes everyone take a few steps back, earning himself more space to run around and more distance so it would take longer for the people to catch up to him. Everyone in the room was playing 'Catch the hyper senior'.

"What is Honey-sempai holding in his hands?" Haruhi squints.

"It looks like alcohol," Tamaki deduces, as he ran with the group of female customers who were trying to catch Honey.

Finally they managed to grab hold of one of his legs.

"It's Guarana!" Hikaru tries to pry it out of Honey's hands, but to no avail.

"What's that?" Haruhi blinks.

"It's a highly caffeinated drink. It must be the culprit beneath Honey-sempai's hyperactivity," Tamaki informs, trying to hold Honey still. Mori was holding him back tightly.

"But he drank less than half of it!" Kaoru says skeptically.

Somehow Honey broke free from everyone's grasp. He chucked down half of what was left in his bottle of Guarana down his throat. He lets out a burp.

He looks up to find a ceiling light which two switches that hung down. He seemed to be fascinated by it as he pulled on it repeatedly switching the light on and off. After about a minute, the lights burned off. Then he looked over at his audience and realized that a lot of the customers had ponytails, if not two. He stepped down and pulled on one, earning a shriek.

"Oh dear Princess, my deepest apologies!" Tamaki apologizes over and over to the victim of a customer.

Soon enough, Honey was chasing the customers down to pull on their ponytails. Eventually, the customers evacuated out the door. Mori closed it before Honey can continue his chase.

"Wah! Takashi open the door!" the hyper Honey kept scratching at the door.

"Mitsukuni, calm down!" Everyone shut up. The usually quiet Mori-sempai just added assertiveness into his statement. Whoa. And it was directed towards his cousin too. Double whoa.

"At least no one in here has long hair, or anything else dangly for that matter..." Haruhi sighs in relief.

"Actually…" Tamaki recalls thoughtfully. He looks over to the cameraman. Uno Ton grabs hold of his ponytail protectively with one hand as the other was occupied with the camera.

"No…no…c'mon don't…don't do this to me…" the cameraman backs away as Honey advances towards him. Honey ends up chasing the poor cameraman around in circles.

Just as Mori was about to save the poor soul, the twins stopped him.

"Don't, this is the best chance we have," Kaoru explains.

"We're killing two birds with one stone." Hikaru smirks.

"I can't …(huff)…do this (huff) anymore!" The cameraman collapses on the floor breathing heavily, shirt soaking wet. "I (huff) rather die than run (huff) another circle!"

"When's the caffeine going to wear off…?" Haruhi looks at the time.

Honey pounces toward the cameraman on the floor. Instead of tugging on his ponytail, Honey grabbed the cord on the back of the camera.

Blackness ensues on the screen.

…

-(Baba Doi, Uno Ton)-

D- "Wow Ton, you lost a whole lot of weight."

T- "I know. (Pulls out super-sized McDonalds and begins to munch on a Big Mac)"

D- "Ton…Ton, what are you doing?"

T- "I can finally eat whatever I want in bigger portions!" (E)

-(Suoh Tamaki, Fujioka Haruhi)-

H- "Why are we sharing a commentary today?"

T- "It's because everyone else does a double commentary, and we're the only ones that haven't done one."

H- "I see."

T- "Anyways, after the camera blacked out, the strangest thing happened…."

Flashback!

Honey pulled off the cord on the back of the camera and continues to bounce around the room.

"Be careful!" Tamaki warns.

"Make sure he doesn't get in the bathroom," Hikaru advises.

"He might pull and break some things," Kaoru wiggles his eyebrows.

"Can you guys find a better time to be repulsive?" Tamaki asks pleadingly.

"We were talking about toilet paper. What did you think we were talking about?" the twins tease.

Tamaki sighs in defeat.

Honey bounces around and knocks onto a dark, mysterious door.

"Who goooes there?" a cold, trembling voice sounds through the door. The hairs on the back of Tamaki's neck stood up. He knows that voice…

The doors creaked open, and Dark magic Club president Nekozawa Umehito crept out with a dark cloud and shadow following him out. He raises his voodoo puppet, Beelzenef.

The hyper Honey crashes towards Nekozawa, who was able to avoid the hit by side-stepping, making Honey trip over his long dark cloak.

"He's possessed…by a DEMON!" Nekozawa says in a mystifyingly scary way.

"He must be right! You can't hide from him! He knows…oh, he knows…" Tamaki was obviously taken in by the curse of Beelzenef.

"Lord, get a grip on yourself."

Then Nekozawa began to splash water on Honey's face.

"Demon be gone!"

"Ugh…" Honey struggles to get up.

"Look its working!" Tamaki points.

"Actually, I think Honey-sempai is going through the 'crash' stage…" Haruhi reasons rationally.

End of Flashback!

T- "I'm serious...this guy knows...you should believe him..."

H- "I though we've established the fact that it isn't so..."(E)

-(Hitachiin Hikaru, Hitachiin Kaoru)-

H- "As we said before, we're killing two birds with one stone."

K- "Yup, I'm sure Honey-sempai lost his gains, and big Ton lost what he's rapidly gaining…"

H- "About Honey-sempai…he's really something…"

K- "If a lethargic Honey-sempai is fatal, and a hyper Honey-sempai is detrimental…"

H- "…we're only safe when he's eating cake…" (E)

-(Morinozuka Takashi, Haninozuka Mitsukuni)-

M- "(Occupying two chairs while his head rests on the seat) Takashii…what happened?"

T- "(Standing up) Nothing." (E)

…

A/N-

Ah yes, another strange chapter. The moral is: Don't take in so much caffeine. This story is actually almost over, believe it or not. Of course that won't be the case if I can think of more outrageous ideas…

Thanks to readers and reviewers! (Hope to hear more from you guys)

Stay Tuned for chapter 5- "The Real Father Figure"