The Voice of Reason
Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to SM.
A/N-thank you for the awesome reviews!
Chapter Four
"Is that Sue Clearwater with Leah and Seth?" Bella whispered to Jacob as they joined the others.
"Ten out of ten for observation, girl" The voice drawled sarcastically.
Bella ignored it as she waited for Jacob's response. He was in the midst of greeting everyone so couldn't answer right away. The whole pack was gathered around the bonfire. They sat in a circle, with Billy at its head. His lined face was illuminated by the bright flames. His dark eyes were full of wisdom as he looked around the group. Bella noted that the other pack members were wearing their normal uniform of cut off shorts and nothing else. Leah had on a skimpy tank top and running shorts. It seemed that none of them had made the effort to put on a shirt like Jacob. She found this perplexing. It wasn't like she hadn't seen Jacob half naked before.
"Are you missing the view?"
"Shut up." Bella muttered under her breath irritably. The voice was beginning to annoy her. She wished it would just be quiet for once.
"What is your problem?" Jacob was frowning as he caught Bella's comment.
"I'm sorry. I…um…wasn't…sorry, Jake." Bella gazed up at him through her thick lashes begging for forgiveness with her eyes.
"Once again you've put your foot in it, girl. You need to open those eyes and ears of yours and actually look and listen." The voice advised.
Jacob looked at her for a long moment before shrugging. "This is a solemn occasion. The fun comes later. You're privileged to be here, Bells. My dad is about to tell the old legends. This is the first time that Leah and Seth will hear the stories since joining the pack. Sue too. She has taken Harry's place on the council."
"That's huge." Bella replied in awe. She felt guilty for being so self-absorbed that she hadn't realised the enormity of the whole affair. The voice was right. Her gaze wandered to Sue and her family. Leah was staring into the flames with a thoughtful expression on her face. Sue seemed nervous. She kept glancing at her daughter in concern. Seth seemed to have vanished.
"He's right there, dimwit." The voice pointed out.
"You're late." Seth was indeed right in front of her. As soon as he spotted Jacob and Bella he had run straight over. His dark brown eyes sparkled as he looked at Bella with a mischievous grin.
"This is Seth Clearwater the baby of the pack." Jacob teased as he introduced Seth to Bella.
"I am not a baby." Seth jabbed Jacob. "I'm faster than you."
"You wish." Jacob laughed as he caught Seth around the neck and wrestled with him playfully. He ruffled the young shifter's hair then let him go.
"Aww…could they be any cuter." The voice of reason sighed dreamily.
"Yes." Bella whispered as she gazed at Jacob tenderly. He was so good with people. He had clearly struck up an older brother/mentor relationship with Seth. It was lovely to see.
"I've saved you a seat." Seth said to Bella. He pointed to a vacant spot next to him on the old log that was being used as seating. "Jake, you can sit on the ground."
"How about you sit on the ground and I'll sit next to Bella?" Jacob suggested as he caught Bella's hand easily in his and led her toward the others.
When everyone was settled Billy began to speak. He had a way of talking that drew the audience in. It was like he was weaving a spell. There was not a sound to be heard as he spoke in his deep, husky tones about the pack's origins and the legends which had been passed down for generations. Bella noticed Emily sitting off to one side listening with rapt attention. She had a notebook in her hand and was writing furiously. Billy told the story about how the Quileute's became werewolves. They were originally spirit warriors, able to leave their bodies to defend the tribe, but when the last great chief, Taha Aki, merged his spirit with that of a wolf after Utlapa, a traitorous warrior, stole his body, the werewolves were created. They discovered that as long as a warrior chose to continue changing into his wolf form he would not age.
This was news to Bella. She felt her heart sink as she glanced at Jacob. He turned his head at the same time and gave her a warm smile. He had no idea of the thoughts that were running through her mind. But the voice of reason did. Old Quil was talking now. He began to tell the legend of the third wife's sacrifice. Bella hardly heard him. She was battling with the voice in her head.
"Jacob never told me that."
"Why should he?" The voice queried impatiently.
"It's a big thing to keep quiet. He could potentially live forever. He could stay forever young like Edward and the Cullen's. They all could." Bella said in her head as her gaze drifted around the other wolves.
"Potentially. You said it yourself." The voice berated her. "When Jake or any of them gives up the wolf they will begin to age normally. You are too fixated on the whole youth aspect. The thought of growing old frightens you. You want to remain forever young, forever beautiful. But real life isn't like that. If you refuse to age then you will be missing out on everything that life has to offer."
"I am not frightened of growing old." Bella protested indignantly in her head.
"Of course you are. You're vain, Bella. Vanity makes you selfish. You see the Cullen's beauty but you ignore the ugliness underneath."
Bella's lower lip trembled as she tried to deny the truth of the voice's words. She wasn't vain, far from it. She wasn't beautiful or even pretty. She was just dull, ordinary. She hung her head as her cheeks burned with shame.
"Worshipping beauty makes you vain, girl. Don't you see? It makes you shallow. You can be so much more if you only look in the mirror and see what is really reflected back at you."
"Are you alright, Bells?" Jacob's concerned tone brought Bella back into the moment. His head was near hers. His fingers were in her hair, stroking it soothingly. Bella hid her face against his shoulder, afraid that he would look into her face and see the chaos in her mind. "I know the story of the third wife can be upsetting." Jacob continued softly. "But her sacrifice saved the tribe, honey."
Bella's throat tightened. He was being so sweet to her. Maybe the voice was right, she was selfish and vain. "I'm sorry, Jake. It's been a long day."
"I know." Jacob's breath was warm on her skin. He continued to stroke her hair. "The stories are over now. This is where the fun part begins." He reached out and cupped her chin in his palm, raising her head so she was forced to look into his kind eyes. "But first I have something to give you."
"A present." Bella frowned. "You know I don't like…"
"You'll like this. I promise I didn't spend any money. I made it." Jacob smiled wryly.
"Okay then." Bella returned his smile weakly. She allowed Jacob to take her hand again as he led her back to his house.
"It's exquisite." The voice of reason breathed in awe.
Bella watched as Jacob fastened the silver charm bracelet around her left wrist. His face was filled with concentration, but his dark eyes reflected his nerves. He was avoiding looking at her directly as if afraid of her reaction. Bella held up her wrist and gazed at the wooden wolf charm dangling from it. The tiny red wolf was an exact replica of Jacob when in his wolf form.
"So you won't forget me."
"Forget you?" Bella choked out. "I would never….I could never forget you."
"Hug him." The voice urged Bella impatiently. "Throw your arms around that boy. Hug him. Thank him for the best present you ever had. Jeez, girl, do something."
Jacob's keen gaze finally fixated on Bella. She stared back at him, her heart pounding, moisture welling in her eyes. She couldn't seem to move. The voice of reason kept on and on in her head, niggling at her, prompting her to do something, anything to show how touched she was by the thoughtful present he had given her. The seconds ticked by. Jacob was wavering. He seemed uncertain now, worried by her inaction. She wasn't saying or doing anything.
"Maybe it's too much." He said eventually.
"FOR GOD'S SAKE GIRL, MOVE YOUR SCRAWNY ASS." The voice screamed in her head. "WRAP THE GUY IN THOSE ARMS AND THANK HIM OR FOR THE LOVE OF…"
"It's not too much." Bella breathed as she suddenly sprang into action. The voice cheered when she stepped closer to Jacob and flung her arms around his waist. She began to cry, wetting his shirt with her tears. "Thank you, Jacob." She wept as she felt his arms wrap around her. "It's lovely. It's beaut…beautiful." She hiccupped as her breath caught in the back of her throat. "She's right it's the best pres…present I ever had."
"She?" Jacob said in confusion as he continued to hug Bella.
"Jeez, enough with the verbal diarrhoea." The voice complained. "He's gonna think you're crazy."
Bella sucked in a deep breath as she tried to regain her composure. She swallowed thickly before standing up on her tiptoes and grazing her lips against Jacob's hot cheek. "Thank you." She said simply before stepping back and gazing at him with glistening eyes.
"You're welcome." Jacob replied softly as his fingers lingered on the spot where she had kissed him.
There was singing, there was dancing. The night sky was filled with the sounds of jubilant laughter and convivial conversation. Food and drink were passed around, marshmallows and sausages were roasted over the fire. Bella sat nestled comfortably against Jacob's side as she listened to him swap teasing banter with his friends. Everyone was in a good mood. Even Paul Lahote was pleasant company as he refrained from his usual jeers about her vampire girl status. Quil and Embry had a mock fight, Jacob joined in, wrestling his friends to the ground. Bella laughed, clapping her hands in delight as she watched Embry and Quil dust themselves down before starting all over again. Bella noticed Billy sitting among the other elders along with Sue Clearwater. They all seemed relaxed and at ease. Sam sat with his arms wrapped protectively around Emily. Jared and his imprint, Kim, were beside them. They spoke quietly amongst themselves. Only Leah Clearwater remained aloof as she hovered on the outskirts of the group.
The night wore on. The flickering flames of the bonfire died until only ashes remained. Without its soft glow the dark seemed to encroach on the happy group, dampening down the fun and turning the atmosphere tense. One by one the pack sloped off as they returned to their interminable patrols. Bella's good mood faded along with the fire as she reluctantly realised that her time was running out. During the festivities the voice had been quiet, seemingly satisfied to leave her alone to enjoy herself without interference. But as Jacob left her alone for a moment so he could speak to his father it returned with full force.
"See, you haven't thought about him all night, have you."
"Who?" Bella frowned, confused.
"Sparkles."
Bella sighed, feeling guilty as she realised the voice was right. "Please stop calling Edward names." She said aloud without thinking.
"Uh oh."
"What?" Bella snapped.
"Do you always have conversations with yourself?" Leah Clearwater sneered as she appeared out of the darkness. "I always knew you had a screw loose. Why else would you run with vampires?"
Bella felt her skin burn. She hadn't heard the she-wolf approach. She felt small and insignificant against the ripped she-wolf. Her inadequacy settled around her shoulders like an invisible cloak. As usual Bella's low self-esteem threatened to consume her as she began to make comparisons between herself and the beauty glowering in front of her.
"Are you really going down this road again?" The voice of reason raged. "Don't let her speak to you like that? Stand up for yourself, goddammit. Tell her to butt out and mind her own business."
Bella was a ball of misery. It was easy for the voice to say but she found Leah intimidating. She couldn't find the words to issue a suitable rejoinder. This seemed to infuriate the she-wolf and her scowl deepened as she glared at Bella in disdain.
"I have no idea what you are even doing here. You don't belong with us. You made your allegiances clear. I don't know why Jacob is so attached to you. You are weak, Bella." Her fierce gaze drifted to the silver bracelet glinting in the weak light from the moon. Her eyes narrowed. "Did he give you that?"
"Tell her to piss off. Tell her its none of her damn business." The voice raged. "Get up off the floor, open that mouth and tell her to get bent."
Bella was shaking. Her head was hurting from the force of the voice of reason's anger and from the bad way Leah was making her feel. She stood up on wobbly legs. Leah suddenly reached out and grabbed Bella's wrist. She yanked it up so she could see it better. "Let go of me." Bella said faintly.
"I can't believe he gave you this." Leah's eyes were blazing. She darted a glance at Jacob who was still in deep conversation with Billy. Then she refocused all her attention on a cringing Bella. A bitter smile twisted her beautiful face into something dark as she stared into Bella's eyes. "I bet he hasn't told you, has he."
"I don't…"
"No, he hasn't." The she-wolf finally released her tight grip on Bella's wrist.
"Tell her to back off. She has no right to treat you like this, girl. Fight. Stand up to her. Don't let her tread all over you to make herself feel better. That's all she is doing. She is miserable and she wants you to feel the same. Tell her to sort out her own damn life before she criticizes yours." The voice of reason boomed in Bella's head, increasing in volume with every second.
"Shut up, Leah." Bella blurted out. She couldn't stand the excruciating pain in her head. She wanted to silence the voice, to stop the pounding. It if meant tearing a strip off Leah and suffering the she-wolf's wrath she would do it. "You can't treat me this way. Jacob is my friend. He invited me here. So I came. You don't like me; well that's your prerogative. But that doesn't give you the right to criticize me or Jacob. Sort out your own life before you make judgements about mine, okay. I said OKAY." Bella was breathing raggedly as her words tumbled out one after the other.
Leah's nostrils flared. Their loud voices had attracted an audience. Jacob was running back to Bella, his expression furious. Leah's fists clenched as she tried to contain her emotions.
"You should step back, girl. The she wolf is about to blow."
Bella retreated a few paces. Jacob had reached her now. He stood in front of Bella protectively. "It's time you left, Leah." His voice was quiet but his tone was laced with steel.
Leah's eyes flicked to Bella before returning to Jacob. "I see you gave the leech lover the bracelet. Are you going to show her what you've been hiding under that shirt?"
"The mystery deepens." The voice of reason mused.
Bella had to agree. She watched as Jacob gave Leah another warning to leave. The she-wolf scowled in Bella's direction one last time before she turned wolf and ran away.
"I'm sorry about, Leah." Jacob had taken Bella's hand and led her away from prying eyes. "She's deeply unhappy and wants others to feel the same."
"He's stalling." The voice whispered in Bella's head.
"Ugh…be quiet." She muttered under her breath.
"What was that?" Jacob had seen her lips move.
"Nothing." Bella mumbled.
"Ask him." The voice of reason insisted. "Ask him what she meant?"
"No." Bella retorted irritably in her head. "Just butt out."
"You need to butt in. You were questioning why he was wearing a shirt earlier. And he was being very mysterious the other day when he kept insisting he had somewhere to be. Something is up here. Don't you want to know? Ask him. Ask him right now."
"I'm scared to know." Bella admitted anxiously.
"Stop being a scared little mouse. You just stood up to a bristling she-wolf. You can ask your best friend a question. Do it."
"I suppose I better drive you back." Jacob said reluctantly when they reached his car. He didn't seem happy about it.
"Before we go…." Bella breathed, hesitating when his eyes caught hers. His expression had turned wary. "Jake?"
"Don't ask me, Bells." Jacob replied thickly. "Please. I'm not ready to tell you everything."
"He's afraid of your reaction." The voice said softly. "Reassure him. Tell him that you'll support him whatever it is."
For once Bella did as the voice instructed her. She looked up into Jacob's beautiful face, her eyes bright and lambent. "I can sense your fear, Jake. But you can trust me. I'll support you all the way. We're Jake and Bells, remember."
"Good girl." The voice of reason praised her.
Jacob looked deep into her brown eyes, looking for any hint of deception. He found none. She was gazing at him trustingly. He eventually nodded and carefully lifted the bottom of his shirt. "Are you sure you want to see?"
"Yes."
"Yes." Bella echoed firmly.
"It was a spur of the moment decision on my part. Sam and Jared were getting them done so I decided to as well." Jacob took a deep breath to summon up his courage before whipping off his shirt to reveal his muscular chest and something else.
"OMG." The voice of reason breathed in awe. "I wasn't expecting that."
A/N-thanks for reading!