I don't know why, but I find the idea that Fury would want to make sure that one of his best agents isn't completely upset with him amusing. Of course, it's for efficiencies sake, and not at all because no one wants to be on Coulson's bad side. Then again, Fury kind of deserves it.
Again, it's a short chapter because there's really not that much more to add. Sorry if you were expecting long chapters.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the forms you see in this story. They belong to the Formal Notices: From The Bureau of Communication by Joshua and David Keay. I also don't own The Avengers, who of course belong to Marvel. I think that's it.
Warning: Obviously, the original formatting of these forms won't hold up in Fanfiction dot Net court, so I've tried my best to make it understandable. Since the forms are fill-in-the-blank originally, any part that is underlined is something that was 'filled in' by the character or characters mentioned. Anything that is bolded and underlined is one of the options chosen by the person or persons filling out the form when applicable. Anything in (parenthesis) is instructions given by the form for options to choose when filling in the blank. I left these in because they are hilarious.
Because, after all, S.H.I.E.L.D. is still a bureaucratic organization.
Bureau of Communication Form Z-24890
A WRITTEN REORD OF REGRET
I find myself wishing for a Time Machine.
Why, you might ask? If I had one, I would use it to (Action You Would Have Taken Had You Known What Is Now Known) use different, fake Captain America cards to save the world. No doubt this sounds trite (moreover, and unduly optimistic assessment of my ability to alter the flow of history), though it is unfortunately true. It's taken longer than it should, but I'm realizing that life is considerably harder than I had ever imagined. Why were we never told that (Newly Realized Life Lesson) a crazy 'god' from another world would come and attack, attacking and injuring you and giving me the opportunity to unite the group of superheroes we both know were the only ones capable of stopping him? I am certainly old enough to know better—so how could I have been such a (Self-Deprecating Comment) quick thinker and opportunist?
I do not know how to put this (thus, I have resorted to corresponding via fill-in-the-blank forms), though if I could to express my feelings in words, they would be:
I AM SO, SO, SO SORRY.
Moreover, if I had the space, I would write the word "so" about (Large Number) zero more times. And I fear that even then it would not properly describe how I feel. Needless to say, this is a tricky situation I find myself in.
Though I have accepted that my time-travel wish will most likely not be fulfilled, I still hold onto hope that someday this terrible situation will somehow be repaired. I know it will not be easy, but I am willing to work for it. Very, very, very hard.
Sincerely, your (Humbling Adjective) annoyed (Role) boss, (Name) Director Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Phil Coulson, on yet another one of his visits to the Tower, looked on with his usual slight smile as the Avengers laughed in varying degrees of excitement. Black Widow, of course, merely had a smile that was even slighter than his and released maybe a chuckle or two. Dr. Banner had his hand over his mouth, his shoulders shaking at suppressing his enthusiasm. Captain America sat back on the couch, a pleased smile on his face. He did look a little uncomfortable at first since this whole situation was about his trading cards, but even he laughed when he saw the lengths that Fury was going to to try and smooth the Incident over. Hawkeye was on the floor, having been overcome by giggles. By far and large, though, the loudest and most enthusiastic laughter came from Thor and Iron Man, who couldn't seem to stop long enough to get a breath of air. His face was turning red, and Agent Coulson would have to be worried about informing Pepper of his hyperventilation soon.
Luckily, it seemed that Stark was finally starting to calm down.
"You-you know, when I suggested that you 'hold a grudge' over your cards, I didn't think it would end like this," Stark choked out.
Agent Coulson gave him a mild look. "So I suppose I should let it go then?" The Avengers gave him their curious attention. "After all, now that he's sent an apology note—again, I should point out—should I send him my Grant of Forgiveness?"
It really wasn't that surprising when, as one, the room shouted "no!" at him. It was just as well. Agent Coulson really did love his cards. And Director Fury had yet to deliver a new set, or clean the old one.