Chapter 4

Family

I was amazed that such a simple declaration from me could make her so happy. She was so relieved that I'd made such a commitment to her, especially in light of how we'd already been intimate. It was there in her mind, that she'd refused to go even one step beyond kissing, if Royce King hadn't put a ring on her finger. She'd been clear that she wanted marriage, and that was the only way he'd ever get what he'd always wanted from her. She wondered now if he'd ever planned to go through with the marriage.

"He was a fool." We were lying side by side in the sweet grasses, and she looked at me startled. "I'm sorry, I was peeking. The man was an idiot, as well as an animal who didn't deserve you. I will always treat you like a lady, Rose." She grinned, with a twinkle in her ruby eyes.

"Oh, I sure hope not always. I rather like the unladylike pursuits we've discovered. She pulled me close and as she kissed me, she hitched her leg over my hip. It was all the encouragement I needed to touch her, kiss her, and let our mutual desire take us again. She was stunning in her passion, and eager to learn new ways to move together and please one another. For two days we made love many times in the clearing; neither of us wanting to move on.

When we finally moved on to hunt, Rose refused to dress. "There's no one to see me but you, and I like you seeing me." I tried to pretend it didn't affect me, but the sight of her beauty completely exposed made her almost irresistible to me. It was after we'd fed, I decided I'd make her change her mind. For every time the sight of her put the thought of lovemaking in my head, I went to her with my needs. The trouble was, her needs were equal to mine!

We became insatiable with each other, and even with the clearing long behind us, we made love so often I was embarrassed to want her so much. I had no idea it could be so good. By the third day I too was traveling naked, as dressing and undressing took too much time. I still carried her bag, just in case we ran into people. Instead what we ran into was more delightful than the clearing. It was a small, clear, lake.

She protested that she couldn't swim, and I had to laugh. "It's a good time to learn. Think about it dear, you can't drown." I held her hand as we waded into the cold water, and she was surprised the chill didn't bother her. I loved sharing her first experiences in the lake. Once she learned she didn't even need to breathe, she took a walk along the bottom, watching the fish. While mammals fled from us, fish seemed to treat us like we were one of them. She was enchanted, and quickly learned to swim just so she could swim with the schools of fish.

To me she looked like a mermaid or a water nymph. We were able to play chase since we were equally matched. I could swim better, but she had newborn strength. I caught her the first time,and carried her out of the water to make love on the shore. She was no longer afraid for me to be on top of her, and I loved looking at her writhing in pleasure beneath me. She enjoyed teasing me for being a year younger than she was, but I always proved I was a man when we made love.

She won the second game of chase, and I was surprised when she took me to the bottom of the lake. It was muddy and murky and she came to me kissing and touching. 'Can we make love here too, Edward?' It felt so personal when she thought in words directly to me, almost like it was a secret code.

When I'd first gone swimming with Carlisle after the change, he'd explained that humans have gasses in their bodies that ours don't. It makes them buoyant, and even dead they float to the surface. Without the gasses, we don't float to the surface, but we also don't sink like stones. We could almost hover underwater; experiencing a type of weightlessness.

At first I thought her idea was crazy, but she wrapped her arms and legs around me, and I wanted to try. We kissed, with our tongues playing, and I could taste the mud of the water. I pulled her away from the bottom, where I could see her better, with the sun shining down through the surface to make her shimmer. The water was cleaner, and kissing was all about sensation rather than taste.

With my arms wrapped around her, we joined our bodies, and knew the answer to her question. Yes we could make love underwater. And we did. It was slow and gentle, and we could turn or roll with just the simplest of movements. It seemed to last forever, and when we finally reached our breaking point, it was brief, quiet, and still. Afterward we clung together and drifted in her floating hair.

For two weeks we traveled without going anywhere. The money she brought was untouched since we stayed away from anyplace where we could spend it. When it rained, our only concern was where to stash the bag to keep it dry. We didn't need to worry about being hot, cold, wet, or even about wearing clothes. We hunted when we were hungry, and we made love when we were hungry for each other. It was simple and beautiful and I was happy.

I was in love.

Not that either of us would say it, but I felt it in her thoughts. Sometimes the way she would look at me she felt such strong adoration, it made me smile. Then she would get angry and deny it and swear I had a leaf in my hair or a bug on my neck. I knew she was afraid of being in love. She thought it was better to just be lovers since love made too many demands. I knew what she was thinking: That love meant we'd need to make a commitment, and get married, and have a home, and be respectable. Lovers meant we could be alone together in the woods, like Tarzan and Jane. I was perfectly happy with that arrangement. But it didn't stop me from loving her – I just couldn't tell her.

After about two weeks had passed, we found an old hunters cabin in the woods. It was crude to say the least, and small, with just one room. But it had two things we wanted; a roof and a bed. It was just enough civilization to let us live out a couple more weeks of "let's pretend." For a short time we played house. We set about fixing up the cabin, cleaning out the wasps nests, fixing the leaky roof, cleaning the fireplace hearth, and clearing the spider webs from the corners. Rose insisted on scrubbing the floors and the one window, and she swept the front porch daily with a broom she made from a branch and wild grasses.

At night we would make love in the rough wooden bed, and hold each other under the tattered quilt she'd washed and hung out to dry. I listened to her memories of an idyllic childhood, and told her everything I knew about being changed. She wanted to know about my life before, and I told her what little I could remember. She was surprised my memories had faded so much. I knew her memories had faded as well, but where there were gaps, she filled them in with wishes and could-have-beens. Our conversations seemed to be one sided since I could read her thoughts and she'd stopped talking as much.

She was lying on top of me one night, looking down at me. I loved the way her hair would drape over her shoulder and fall beside me. There was a fire burning in the fireplace, just because it made us feel more normal and gave us extra light.

"What do you want for our life, Edward?" I didn't know what she was asking, but from her mind I knew she wanted to know what the future held. She wanted to know if we would marry, and she wanted to know if we would go back to live with the one who'd made us what we were. She wanted to know if we would have to make money and work a normal job, and would we need to rejoin the human world. I could tell she was beginning to want something more than just a cabin in the woods.

"What would you like, Rose? If you want a home, we can have a home. If you want to travel, we can travel. If you want to be the belle of the ball, we can live in a city and I'll be a respectable businessman. If you want to finish your education, you can do that too. The only thing I can't give you is children."

"I know." The sadness in her voice tore at my heart. "I just... want more purpose to my life than sweeping up a log cabin, and making love all the time."

"I like that second part a lot." I kissed her forehead.

"Me too." Her voice was soft. 'I think I love you, Edward.' Her timid thought made me quiet and still.

I tightened my arms around her and whispered, "me too, Rose."

The next few days felt like we were living on borrowed time. I went out to find firewood , and came back and she was wearing a dress. She talked about all the different places we could go, and all the things she'd like to do with greater excitement. "We could travel across the country, and see all the sights. I've always wanted to see the Pacific Ocean, or travel on a luxury liner!"

"Whatever you want. But the luxury liner might have to wait until you don't need to hunt as often." Just saying it made me wonder how Carlisle had taken Esme aboard a ship. I was suddenly thinking about her. Esme. How did I ever think I was in love with her when she'd never even once looked at me as more than a friend, or just a boy? In looking back, I'd had the same regard for her as a schoolboy for a teacher. I had been so immature!

"What are you thinking?" She interrupted my thoughts, folding herself gracefully onto the edge of the bed beside me.

"I don't know if I should tell you or not. I feel pretty foolish now that I think about it."

"If it makes you feel foolish, then I"m sure I want to know!" She was being so cute and girlish. I was imagining liberating her from her clothes, and showing her how much I loved her.

"I was thinking about another woman." I smiled and her face fell. I was already feeling ashamed of teasing her. "It feels like a million years ago, and I thought I was in love with her. But now I know I wasn't."

""You weren't? How do you know?" I forgot how easily her confidence was shaken. I took her hand in mine and kissed it.

"Because I know the real thing now." It had been a while since I'd had to undress her, but it was something I hadn't forgotten. We made love passionately, and I knew she was trying to prove she was better than anyone else I could want. The girl was a force of nature, and I was in awe of her.

Afterward she wanted to know more about the woman I thought I loved. I told her about my infatuation with Esme, and I felt the little seed of jealousy start to grow in her mind.

"Don't do that." I looked into her bright eyes and kissed her mouth. "Don't be jealous – I'm yours, and she is a married woman who never gave me the time of day."

"But if she had..."

"Carlisle would have killed me!"

"He would have killed you, because you would have courted her... right?"

"Rose... I admit, I was infatuated... but it's nothing like what I feel for you!"

"But it could have been – if she had paid attention to you." There was no reasoning with her. I growled in frustration and kissed her – hard. I pulled her under me and made my intentions clear.

"I want you, Rose." I kissed her again, and touched her amazing body. "You are the one who fascinates me." I kissed a trail to the spot below her ear that made her squirm. "You are the one I can't get enough of." My hands were playing over her gently to get the response I knew how to elicit. "And you Rose, are the one I love." I said it and stared down at her, feeling her mind grappling with my admission.

All the talk of Esme was forgotten as we built up slowly to making love. I held her, kissed her, touched every inch of her skin, let my tongue travel to all her most secret and sensitive spots. Every time I looked at her I would whisper, "I love you," and every time she responded, with a smile, a kiss, or a hitch in her breathing. And I heard her mental answer, 'I love you too.' When we made love, she was all mine and I thought she would be mine forever.

Two days later we had visitors. We were just a day away from departing on our own and making our way across the country. I heard them in time, and we were able to get dressed, and even then they were polite enough to knock on the door of the little cabin.

I was beyond nervous when I opened the door. Carlisle and Esme were both on the doorstep. The cabin was small, so we came outside instead of inviting them inside. At one look at Rose, Esme squealed and threw her arms around her.

"Oh you poor thing, I've been so worried about you! We've been looking for you both for weeks, and it was only by chance we caught up to you." She pulled back and hugged me the same way, and I could tell Rose was feeling overwhelmed and confused, and the tiny jealousy sprout withered in the face of Esme's exuberant kindness and concern. "I told Carlisle it was wrong to leave you two alone during all that suffering. I wanted so much just to hold your hand and soothe you. I remember how bad it was for me, and I'm so sorry."

Carlisle looked at me sternly, and I read his thoughts loud and clear. He knew about the murders, and he was very displeased with us. The amount of attention they'd gained in Rochester made him fearful the Volturi would become involved. The only comfort was that none of the bodies had been bitten.

"How long were you planning to hide from me?" He looked at us both, but his question was directed at me.

"We weren't hiding from you..." I answered, trying to think of a polite explanation for what we'd been doing. He was so disappointed in me, it hurt.

"Maybe I didn't want to go back and live with the man who turned me into an abomination against my will!" She was angry, and she wasn't afraid of him. "Edward and I are leaving tomorrow for the West Coast. At least he cares about what I want. He's been showing me how to get used to being a walking corpse, thanks to you!" She wasn't just angry, she was furious – she was glorious!.

"Oh please don't go!" It was Esme, coming to stand between us, with sadness etched on her lovely face. "We've looked so long for you, and now that we've found you, please don't leave!" There in her head was the fear of losing her family – again. She'd cast us as her children, though thankfully we were no longer young children in her eyes. "Oh Rosalie, please come home. I'm desperate to have another woman around, and it's so lonely without Edward." She'd taken her hands in her own, and her amber eyes held Rose's crimson gaze with open longing. "Please." She looked at Carlisle, almost panicked.

"Carlisle, tell them it's okay. I want my family home with me, I don't care what they've done, we need to stay together." She looked between us. "Oh please come home, we'll make it work out, I promise. Carlisle wants to move away from Rochester... because of the killings. Don't make me go without you. We'll find a new place, big enough for all of us... and we can get a bright new piano for you, Edward. And anything you want Rosalie...just say you'll come with us. Let's keep our family together."

It hurt to see such a good woman reduced to begging. I could see Rose would be happy to live with Esme, but she didn't want anything to do with Carlisle. She had killed the ones who'd left her to die, and now there was only Carlisle, whom she blamed for finishing what they'd started. Esme wanted me to talk sense into her, Carlisle wanted to know why she was so angry with him, and Rose wanted to know how I felt on the whole matter. One at a time, three sets of eyes turned my way, and I was bombarded with silent questions.

"Enough... please!" I met their eyes and ran my fingers through my hair, feeling overwhelmed. I looked at my Rose, and took her hand. "I'd like to try, Rose... if you think you can." She looked at me for a long moment, then nodded. Esme smiled irrepressibly. Carlisle shot a silent warning to me; 'absolutely no more killing!'

It only took minutes to gather our things from the cabin, and truly we were leaving it in better condition than we'd found it. I was surprised how little time it took to make it back to civilization. It felt like I'd been gone a lifetime.

Carlisle and Esme had already begun packing up the house, preparing to move, and with our help it took only a couple more days. They purchased another house in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, near Tennessee. It was more remote than we were currently living, and I realized Carlisle was trying to keep us away from people as much as possible. Most of his furnishings were packed up and shipped by train. Before we left, Rose insisted on seeing her parents one more time. We went at dusk and she peeked in the windows at them for an hour, before they went to bed and I held her in her sadness.

In the days of packing and moving everyone was walking on eggshells. Rose and Carlisle tried to stay out of one another's way, and Esme did all she could to make Rose feel welcome. I tried to navigate between all their expectations. For the most part, Rose and I hid our intimate relationship. I'm sure Carlisle guessed, but Esme was quite happy not to notice.

It was a time in history when an unmarried woman would be considered a whore for what we'd been doing. Even without worrying about human conventions, I wanted to spare my Rose the stigma. We looked like a couple, always holding hands, but I made sure I didn't even kiss her while anyone was looking. Every night we would steal off into the woods, and satiate our desires. It was only because Esme and Carlisle were so busy with their own private moments that we were able to leave relatively unnoticed.

It seemed that the only time I saw the real Rose was when we were alone. As we laid out under the stars, she was sweet and loving, and a joy to behold. I craved her with a need that rivaled our need for blood. It surprised me how she was able to mask so much of her personality from the casual observer. If not for my ability, I might have believed her to be a completely different woman. In public she was prim and proper and she treated me with cool indifference. But as soon as we were alone, she was passion and hunger, and clothes tore and buttons flew in our haste to just get at one another.

The night before we left was no different, and we were barely out of hearing range of the house before I pulled her hard against me and smothered her mouth with my own. I missed our days of being naked all the time as I fought not to ruin her dress in my haste. The sight of her never failed to stir me, and even before I'd peeled her from her stockings, we were joined.

No matter how carried away I became, Rose always met me in the moment, fully engaged. Even in my rush to make love, she was just as ardent as we tumbled to the ground in a frenzy only our kind can sustain. Kissing, touching, tasting, clutching, squeezing, and clinging, I was in her and we were as one, both striving for the moments of bliss we'd waited for all day long. And I loved her; loved her in my desperation to be with her, loved her in that I would lay down my life – indeed my eternity – for her if she asked.

And still I longed to hear the words fall from her lips. Over and over in her mind the cadence of 'I love you' played like a song – like a heartbeat. I knew she felt it, and I of course told her often of my love, since she needed to hear it. But she'd never voiced the words. I waited for the day when she would feel secure and healed enough to say those precious words to me.

In their absence we made love. Several times in the dark of the night, I claimed the blossom that bloomed in the light of the moon and stars – my Rose. She was my world.

When we left Rochester and drove south, it was quiet in the car. Rose and Carlisle only spoke to one another when absolutely necessary, and I could feel the frost of her words. Carlisle was at a loss on how to reach her, and he often felt guilty for changing her. I knew from her thoughts that she had lumped him in with the men who had violated her, even though she knew on some level he was only trying to save her.

In the time we traveled, Esme chatted about the new house. She had wallpaper patterns picked out for the rooms, as well as curtains and bedding. She briefly engaged Rose in talk about how her room would look, asking questions about her favorite colors and styles. In her mind, Esme planned for the two of us to have our own rooms, and I could tell Carlisle was amused, thinking we would likely end up together in one. He was thinking we should get married, so we could stop sneaking off in the night. He knew everything without anyone telling him.

When we arrived, the house enchanted the women. It was a large rambling farm house, with many rooms for children. When they discovered the nursery, the two women clung together in their mutual sadness. Esme confided to Rose about her lost infant, and in those moments they became friends.

From that connection, they also shared their experiences of abusive men, and I learned that Rose had seen a foreshadowing of Royce's mean-spirited personality. I was in a different room helping Carlisle place books on shelves, but I could hear their thoughts. I hated that she had endured his slaps, and the rough way he put his hands on her. She'd been so desperate to become a wife and mother, she'd been willing to overlook his aggression.

For days we worked on unpacking and putting the house in order. We had the advantage of strength and that we could work through the night, and it didn't take long for it to become a home. I imagined living there for quite some time, and I planned to ask Rose to marry me as soon as we felt settled.

Late at night in our first week, not long after we'd returned to the house from our nighttime tryst, there was a banging at the door. A desperate man was standing on our threshold. He needed a doctor, since his wife was giving birth. Carlisle had just barely begun to establish his presence in the area, but the man was grateful to find him ready and willing to help. As he gathered up what he'd need, he looked at Rose.

"I want you to come with me. She has two other children and I need someone to help me, who won't faint at the sight of blood." I knew he was confident she wouldn't be overcome with temptation. I also knew he wanted her to see the pain and suffering of childbirth, to help her get over her feelings of being deprived of the experience. I could tell how nervous she was, but the man waiting in the entryway was twisting his hat into a shapeless wreck, and his obvious fear made her decide to go. They followed his truck down the little dirt road, and Esme and I didn't see them again until the next night.

I heard the car, and I rushed out to meet her. The change her was immediately noticeable. He opened her door for her, and she laughed up at him as he took her hand in gentlemanly fashion. She came to me and threw her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. Her thoughts were a whirlwind, and I saw some of their shared experiences. I turned with her to go into the house, but instead she pulled me away.

"We're going for a walk – it's such a lovely night." It was for Esme's benefit alone, and she almost skipped along the road holding my hand. As soon as we were out of sight, she pulled me into the woods, and we raced to the little clearing we'd discovered, with a stream that meandered nearby. We eagerly fell into each other's arms and tumbled to the ground. But her thoughts were racing, and not toward making love – yet.

"Edward, it was amazing!" The words just poured out of her in a torrent. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. It took so long, and she was in so much pain, but in the end it was beautiful, and she had this whole new life. It was so scary and and she cried and screamed since Carlisle had to turn the baby while it was inside her, but he really knew what he was doing. He was so good to her, and so kind... I've never seen anyone with that kind of patience. He comforted her, and soothed her with his cool hands. And when she was afraid, he reassured her that it was going to be alright.

"Oh and that poor girl! She's just my age, and now she has three little children. And they were so needy. Their mother was in the pain of childbirth, and they needed feeding and changing, and comforting... and her husband had no idea how to help. He had to leave for work in the factory not even an hour after we arrived. She would have been alone if we hadn't been there – alone with a toddler and a one year old. I fed them and rocked them and comforted them when she screamed. And Carlisle was wonderful with them all. While we waited for her time, he played games with the toddler, and rocked the little one to sleep.

"I remember the pain of being violated. But she suffered so much more. Her whole body was just twisted in agony, and when Carlisle decided the baby needed to be turned... oh it was just awful! I held her hand, and tried to comfort her, but he had to push on her stomach to make the baby turn, and it was rough."

I saw the images in her head, and wished I could turn them off. The girl was bathed in sweat and incoherent with the pain. It reminded me of my mother when she was sick and dying. We both were actually, but I remembered seeing her as she burned with fever and struggled for each breath. That I suffered the same didn't matter as much. Rose's thoughts took me back there, and I briefly drifted from her story.

"... and it was another baby boy, and she was so happy." She kissed me then, and smiled brightly. "I'm so glad I was there. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I've been so consumed with having babies and being a mother, and I never understood how hard it would be. Not just giving birth, but raising them afterward. That girl has three little ones who need her. They don't just need her sometimes, but all the time. I almost felt sorry for her since her husband wasn't there to help."

She stared at me intently. "It would have been a mistake for me to have children at my age. Even now, I know I'm not ready to... give over my life to someone else like that." My heart fell. I wanted her to give over her life to me.

With her spirits so buoyed, she came to me with fire and playfulness. Her desire was so strong, and I was carried along on her passionate tide. I hid my disappointment at her desire for independence, and tried to be satisfied with what she gave me. And all the while I murmured my "I love you"s to her silence. A tiny fear began in me that we were moving backward and not forward. I wanted 'I love you,' and a commitment of forever, and she couldn't say it and couldn't do it. I knew I just needed to be patient.

The weeks after the birth was peaceful. Rose and Carlisle's differences were reconciled, and she and Esme were on good terms. We were a family. I was happy, still dreaming about marrying her when the time was right. I enjoyed sneaking off with her, but I longed to be openly affectionate with her around Carlisle and Esme.

One afternoon we were painting a ceiling, trying to keep from making a mess of the job. Esme was finishing the trim in another room, and I pulled Rose into my arms and kissed her lips. She was startled and nervously looked Carlisle's way, only to find him smiling. I kissed her again, longer and deeper than I would have ever dared before. We both heard him laughing.

"I'm so glad things have worked out between you two. You don't know how long I thought I'd made a mistake in changing you." He was talking to her, and it was good to see his cheerful smile. "I really hoped you two would bond during your transformation. I had no idea you'd become attached to one another over killing." A shadow crossed his face, and I felt a wave of his guilt. "Still, I just knew you would make a beautiful couple, and now look at you!" He smiled at me, and I smiled back, running my hands through her hair and pulling her close.

And then it hit me; she was upset. No, she was extremely upset by something he'd said. "Carlisle... why did you... why did you change me? I mean Rochester is a big city, and I'm sure there were many people in the hospital who were facing death. So why me? What made you want to change me out of all the others?" Oh her mind was quick! She looked at his startled face and began to add up everything she knew, and draw conclusions that were making her angry.

"Rose please... it doesn't matter now." I tried to distract her, I wanted to calm the storm I saw gathering in her head.

"You knew!" She turned those blazing eyes on me in accusation. "He... he changed me into this... this shell of a woman, because of you! He didn't want you to be a threat to his marriage. He didn't want you to look on his wife with lust, so he gave you a distraction. He made me to be your... plaything!"

Her eyes turned to his horrified face. "Give the boy a pretty new toy to play with... is that all I was to you?" She pulled at her hair in her distress. "Of course that's it... I should have known, that's all I've ever been to every man who's ever laid eyes on me! I'm just something to play with. I'm just something to keep a man amused... something to take care of his needs... something that doesn't deserve to be appreciated, or consulted, or even allowed to make my own choices!"

"Rose please..." I tried to take her in my arms, but she pulled away angrily.

"Don't 'Rose please' me. You knew all along what his plan was. Were you ever going to tell me that I was created for your pleasure? Or were you just going to keep using me and hope I never found out?"

"It was never like that. I'm not using you, I love you!" She was killing me with her horrified look, and all the poisoned thoughts in her head. She saw it as betrayal.

"You love me? You fornicate with me – as I'm sure you were meant to. But you keep it a secret so it doesn't affect your first love. All along you've been lying with me and lying to me as well. You had me believing that I was changed as some selfless effort to save my life. And you went out of your way to show me that I was more than just a girl who was brutalized. But all along, that's all I've ever been.

"Congratulations on making me into your own personal whore! I guess that's all I'm good for now, since I can't be a daughter, or a mother, or a teacher, or anything I ever dreamed. I am such a fool, I went along with it. Well, no more. I'm leaving, and I don't ever want to see any of you again!"

She was wearing pants for the work we were doing, and I wished she was in a dress to slow her down. She turned and fled, and I was right behind her, but she was so fast. I cut across a bend in the road, and caught up with her about a mile away. I had to tackle her to the ground to get her to stop. She came up fighting, and it was all I could do to hold onto her.

"Rose please, calm down and talk to me. I'm begging you... I love you!" If I had tears I would have been crying. She was breaking me – shredding me into little pieces.

"Get off me, Edward." Her words were so cold. I wanted to hold onto her, but I couldn't hold her that way, knowing what she'd suffered at the hands of her fiance.

"Please don't go..." I got up and offered my hand, which she ignored as she got to her feet.

"How can I stay? I feel so... dirty. I can't believe I played right into his sick little set up. I feel like I'm part of the Bible story where Leah is foisted onto Jacob when he really wanted her sister Rachael. Leah didn't have a choice, but I do."

I reached out and took hold of her arm. "That's not really what this is about, is it Rose? You're angry with Carlisle, but you're leaving me. You've been angry with him before, and you didn't leave. What's changed? Why now?"

She spun on me with a snarl. "You're right. This is just scratching the surface of what's wrong. I can't do this Edward. It's bad enough knowing the whole reason why I am this way, but to know you knew about it.... and didn't tell me." Her face softened momentarily. "I thought I could love you. I thought I could stay with you and make a life with you, but now... I just can't trust you."

Her beautiful face twisted into a mask of pain. "It hurts too much. I understand why you didn't tell me, but we're so unequal, Edward. You know me so well. I don't have a thought you can't read. You keep telling me that you don't hear every thought, but I know you do. You've been lying to me all along. That might work for Carlisle and Esme, but I needed you to be honest with me, and not just try to make me feel more comfortable around you." She shook her head sadly.

"I've been so mislead by men... Royce wasn't the first, he was only the worst. I've always been pretty, even before I knew how it made men want me. I've had boyfriends pursue me, fight over me, and make promises to me. And not one ever kept those promises. Not one ever let me see what was real. I need that, Edward. And even if you could be that man, I don't trust you now."

"I thought you loved me." I felt so empty, as she took everything I had and it wasn't enough.

She put her hand on my face and smiled sadly. "I don't even know you, Edward."

"You know all that matters. I've never told you a lie, Rose."

"Yes you have, they've just been lies of omission, and lies about your ability."

"You know me better than anyone. I love you... I'll tell you anything you want to know." I was ready to plead, but it wasn't working. I sought her mind for just one thought I could hold on to; just one idea to give me hope.

"You're reading me, even now. You're trying to find something in my head you can use to make me stay. It's no wonder I felt so strongly for you, you can be exactly what I want just by tapping into my thinking. You use my thoughts against me."

"I read your thoughts to understand you better. Then we don't have to fight over little misunderstandings."

"But I never get to know you as well. I don't even have to talk to you, because you can pull the thoughts from my head. But did you realize, you don't talk to me either? We make love, but we can spend hours together and you won't say a word. At first I thought it was peaceful and comfortable, but it was just you closing yourself off."

"No... it was me enjoying the quiet. When we made love, for just a little while my mind was silent. It's a gift you gave me, and I treasured it." I realized I was already speaking like she was gone. "Please... if you have to leave, then take me with you. I'll follow you anywhere."

"No. I can't do this Edward. I need... I need to figure out what it is I need." She laughed bitterly. "I've gone from one man to another, and I need time to decide what matters to me. I can't just keep trying to become what the man in my life wants me to be. Especially with you Edward, because you're doing the same thing." She looked so confused.

"Have you noticed, we don't even know what to do with each other when we're not making love? I mean without clothes, we're amazing together." My grin matched hers for just a second. "I still don't know if that's your mind reading, or if we really are that good together. I almost wish I could be content with a 'you Tarzan, me Jane,' kind of life. Our time in the woods was beautiful. I'll always remember you, since you were my first lover. But..."

"No please... please don't say it Rose. I can't let you go. I 'll do anything... anything." It took my last shred of self-respect to keep from falling on my knees and clinging to her feet.

"Goodbye Edward. Take care of yourself." And then she was gone, running with her newborn strength and speed out of my life. And I collapsed where she'd left me. Broken.