Chapter Song: I Still Miss You- Keith Anderson
"Bella, where's Tanya? I didn't see her when I got home." Now the eternal question arises, should I tell him about what she said or should I wait for someone else to do it.
I honestly don't think that Edward is ready to hear the truth, and I think that it would come better from the family as a whole. "Edward that is something we need to discuss as a family. I'm sorry but I don't think now is the time to tell you." I winced as the words left my lips, if it were me I would defiantly not accept that as an answer. Hell if my fiancé was not around after the death of an immediate family member, I would ask questions as soon as I walked in the door.
"Understandable, Bella what would you have done if it was me who died?" He pierced me with his brilliant green eyes.
I stuttered and blushed. Could I be honest with him? If I was to honest would I send him running? I let my eyes wander to a moss covered log to the left of me, looking completely away from Edward. After a moment of my internal argument I decided the best answer to his question, "I'll answer on one condition, you have to answer the same question pertaining to me. Agreed?"
He looked shocked, but signaled his agreement. "If you were to pass away, I would be more upset then I am now. You are and were the only boy I ever fell in love with, and I would be a wreck not knowing what could have been. I'm sorry if my answer makes you uncomfortable, I really am but I'm tired of playing around." I told him that I still loved him in the most backass ward way possible.
He took a deep breath and looked away breaking the intensity between us. He cleared his throat and I noticed that the glistening tears had returned. "Bella, love, thank you for your honesty. You are my first love and I never fell out of love with you, right now I am trying to fight the feelings I have for you. The biggest part of me wants to tell Tanya to piss off and spend the rest of my life with you," my heart felt like it was flying. "The other more logical part of me knows that I should stop imposing on your life. I am not good for you. I left you once, and before I could fix what I had done it was too late. If you were to be taken from me suddenly I would be in the state that Alice is right now." He is not imposing on my life. What can I do to make him see that?
"Edward, I love you. You never imposed on my life, and it was my choice to not give up hope. I know you are engaged, and I also know that you need to try your hardest to make it work. I just wish we had a shot at our forever together. Please understand that it was never too late and it's not too late until you are married." He looked at me intensely, tears spilling out of his marvelous eyes. He moved his head suddenly and bent down. He closed his eyes and leaned down to place to a kiss on my lips.
The kiss was short, chaste nothing to spectacular to most people, but to me it meant everything. He had shown me in mine small movement that he still loved me, maybe even wanted me. "Bella, don't give up on me. I will find some way to make this work," he said through his sobs.
I sat in his lap for a few more minutes, with him placing his soft lips to my chocolate hair. In mid lean something seemed to change in him. His eyes took on a more determined look, and he gently brushed me off his lap. "What the hell am I doing? I'm so sorry Bella, I shouldn't have done this. I'll meet you back at the house in a few minutes." He stood up and started walking the opposite direction of home. I felt the salt returning to my eyes. This time my pain had nothing to with Jasper and everything to do with Edward. He had made me cry again.
I stumbled my way back through the forest to the Cullen house. The entire way I felt like falling to the damp earth and crying. The only thing stopping me from doing just that was my pride and the feeling of what there is to come. If the plan works Edward will be with me. Tanya is lying. She doesn't care for some reason or another, and I need to learn what that reason is. If I can break her down I can get my Edward back.
After I had stumbled back into the house, I noticed that the crying had slowed and now all that could be heard were the sounds of Esme making chicken noodle soup and sniffling every few seconds. I made my way into the perfectly decorated living room to find Carlisle sitting in the recliner and Alice sprawled out on the couch with a towel covering her eyes. "Carlisle, how is she doing?" I asked thinking Alice was asleep.
"I've been better, but I could be worse considering the situation. I still have a drive to live so I suppose I'm ok. I feel empty, like the other half of me just ran away. My soul mate is gone and my heart feels like it is in a million pieces. I suppose this how you felt when Edward left you, and it must be so much worse now that he is back and in the arms of someone else." Alice spoke in monotone, almost like she was talking to herself not to another person. She sounded dead. Her life seemed to have left her and all that was left is an empty shell.
I looked at her feeling sympathetic, but before I could get anything out she interrupted my thought process. "Bella, call Jacob and invite him to dinner. He should be with others who are grieving his loss too. Invite Charlie as well, he wants to be here."
"Anything Alice. Can I grab anything for you?"
"No one can do anything to help me right now. All I need is a hot towel and some water." She answered in her lifeless voice. She had the towel over her eyes and the bottle of Arrowhead next to her. I didn't know if she wanted me to stand around or not so I cleared my throat. "Honey, go make a phone call, I'll be fine. I have Carlisle and I'm not good company."
"Ok," I said not wanting to leave her side while she was hurting. "Go Bells, I'll be breathing when you come back."
I reluctantly left her side, journeying into my room to find my cell phone. It was the typical clutter nothing on the floor, but clothes and papers strewn over the surfaces. I walked over to my computer desk to see if it was in the normal spot as a paperweight. It was and I scrolled through the preprogrammed numbers to get to Charlie's cell.
Charlie, dad, picked up on the first ring, "Bella, I'm sorry. Are you ok sweetie?"
"Dad, I'm fine. Can you and Jake come over for dinner? It would be nice if you could, you are part of the family." I invited.
"Sure thing, we will be there in a few hours. Have Esme call if she wants us there sooner."
"K, dad see you then. I love you." I spoke in my raspy voice.
"Love you too Bell, take it easy," Charlie said as he hung up the phone.
After my phone call I didn't feel like spending time alone so I went out into the living room again and took a seat on the couch that was not occupied by Alice. As I walked back into the room, the front door opened and Edward walked in. I smiled at him, feeling the happiness at him just being in the room wash through me. I can't seem to shake my addiction to him. He's like the sweetest drug; he makes me feel good and keeps me running back for more. If life is going to continue I need to shake him, shake my addiction, because as long as he's with Tanya he will never be able to fulfill my need.
"Hey guys, sorry about the walk, I just needed to be with Bella for awhile." Alice sat up when she heard this, and for the first time since I met her I could say she looked awful. Her normally perfect spikes were half smashed, her clothes were wrinkled, and her eyes were rimmed with sorrow. She was still beautiful; she always would be, but the distress she felt shone through for the first time.
"Don't you find even the slightest bit odd that you went crawling to Bella before you even asked where Tanya was? What do you even see in that stuck up bitch?" Alice practically yelled at him.
"I know you are hurting Alice, but that is no way to talk about her. She never did anything to you." The entire family snorted at this statement causing Edward to look at all of us.
Carlisle spoke from his spot in the recliner causing Edward to turn to him, "Edward, Tanya said some things today that I found inappropriate. She is banished from the house until she can form a proper apology to the family."
Edward's face flashed with anger, "Would someone mind telling me what she said? I think I have a right to know why my family suddenly hates my fiancé."
"It's not all that sudden," I murmured under my breath, earning a small giggle from Alice. Thankfully Edward didn't hear me.
Alice spoke to Edward answering his question, finally telling him what he deserved to know. "Edward she insulted Jasper and then was very unsympathetic about the situation. She said that we shouldn't be upset because we knew that this was a possibility. Then on her way out the door she said and I quote: Why am I marrying into this incest infested family?"
Edward looked towards Carlisle and he nodded in agreement, solidifying the truth that Edward had just heard. Edward's face scrunched up in an almost adorable fashion as he pinched his nose in understanding. "I need to think." He said as he ran to his room.
Hopefully this thinking involves booting the bitch to the curb. I leaned back into the couch and tried to tune out my thoughts. It wasn't working so well so asked Alice if I could watch some T.V. She agreed and I turned on some brainless MTV show. As I started to zone in my last thought was "I hope he sees what I see in her, a lying bitch."
I am in a dream; at least I think I am. I am not this graceful in everyday life. I was wearing a white summer dress while I was running through the high wheat field next to Edward. We were laughing about the run, never stopping to look down. Once we got to the end of the field he picked me up, causing a laugh to escape me. He gently set me down on a patch of grass, lying gently on top of me. He placed several kisses along my cheeks and neck avoiding my lips entirely.
"Bella, I love you, but this can't happen," he said as he moved closer to my lips almost moaning. "Tanya would kill me and I would be letting everyone down. I can't do this."
"Edward you can. No one will ever find out, or you can just get rid of Tanya. She isn't the one you are meant to be with. I am. You know that, you've know since the day you met me. She is just using you." The dream me was more confident then the real me.
"How is she using I need you to tell me Bella." I thought about everything I knew about her for a few moments and then it came to me, simple quick and easy.
"She is after revenge; you did something to her that she finds repulsive. She is out to ruin you."
"Why would she do that to me? I have been nothing but a perfect gentleman to her the entire time we were together."
"Maybe it was before you got together."
"Bella, what could," Edward started shaking my shoulder.
Edward was shaking my shoulder gently with his crooked smile that he knew I loved on his face. "Hey sleepy head, ready for dinner?"
"What, mmmhmm," I answered not able to create a coherent sentence, as I wiped the sweat from my face. My dream had already escaped me.
I woke up a little more and saw Jacob and my father standing around me. "Hells Bells, you joined the land of the living. Nice to see you conscious." Jake told me as I stood up. He had regained some of his normal self and was shining again.
Charlie hugged me, "Bell sorry about your loss I knew you were close."
"No problem Charlie, are you ready to eat?" I questioned not knowing what to say. Sleep was still clouding my mind.
Alice had also seemed slightly more chipper and had showered, "We are just waiting on you sweetie."
I smiled and navigated my way into the kitchen. Esme's chicken noodle soup was defiantly something to write home about. I grabbed a bowl, and sat at the table. Everyone was staring at me, "What?" I said through a muffled mouth of food.
"Nothing Bella we just have some news for you. It could either be good or bad, depending on how you look at it." Edward smiled at me waiting for some reaction.
"Well what is it?" Frustration getting the best of me as I swallowed the food, they knew I was testy the first ten minutes after I woke up.
"Tanya and I are taking a break for a few weeks. She needs to learn a lesson about how to treat my family. I thought that you would be happy to hear it." Edward responded. Alice's smile grew as well as everyone else's.
I swallowed a too hot mouthful of soup, and choked out, "Well that's nice." My dream was coming back to me and I needed to talk to Alice after she calms down a little bit. She probably doesn't want to hear about my suspicions so soon after losing the person she loves.
"We thought you would think so," Carlisle retorted with a smug look on his face. That was the first time in six years I had ever seen Carlisle look smug. "On a not so happy note, Jasper's memorial service will be in three days. We have everything together already we are just waiting for Rose and Emmett to get here. It will take about three days for them to be able to do anything; I hear that plane ride is brutal."
"Ok," I said as the smile left my face. The loss of Jasper was still in the forefront of my mind and I couldn't get over the loss right away. No one else seemed to either and all gained a sad expression as soon as Carlisle mentioned the service.
I finished eating and Jacob walked up to me, "Bells, lets talk. I haven't had a decent conversation with you in two years."
"Sure thing Jake," I lead him to my room completely ignoring Edward for the time being. He said that Tanya and he were only on a break, that didn't mean he was going to run straight into my all too willing arms. Maybe playing hard to get will be a good thing.
End Notes- I finally got the whole plot idea for the story! Anyways please review, after the last chapter and my reviews went up by two hundred percent I felt super happy. It even encouraged me to write more and faster. The next chapter will probably have the memorial service, some E/B interaction, and a conversation between B/J. Bella and Jake will just be friends in this story so no worries on that front. I was also thinking about rewriting this story from Edward's point of view. Let me know what you think. Also Edward and Bella will get together slowly, but they are getting together.