Inspector Gadget: The Pilot
Inspector Gadget and all related characters and setting are owned by Cookie Jar Entertainment. DiC now remains an in-credit name only.
Chapter Four: Burger Queen
In Inspector Gadget's second floor apartment, Penny Dollar glanced to the floor stare at the firearm the assassin had left behind. "He dropped an automatic pistol!" Penny gasped. "I don't think he was a squatter, Uncle Gadget!"
"Urf," the golden Labrador called Brain added nervously.
"Goodness Penny," he said as he surveyed the apartment's messy floor. "Look at all the toys and dollies I left on the floor..."
"That pistol has a silencer on it!" Penny insisted. "Uncle Gadget, I think those men were here to kill you!"
"Er… I mean, those kids left on the floor that last time I babysat," Gadget blushed. "Babysat. That's the ticket. These toys aren't mine. I uh… babysit to supplement my income sometimes. One night, I once looked after thirty of the neighborhood kids at once. Would you believe it? Thirty children at once!"
"Uncle Gadget, I'm not a little kid," the eight-year-old insisted. "Those men had guns and they were here to kill you!"
"Er… would you believe twenty kids?" Gadget asked nervously.
"Who were those men?" Penny continued as she walked over to the window. "Are they still outside?"
"Ten kids?" Gadget offered. "One? How about I once stored a vintage first addition Baby Alive doll that had never been removed from the box in my closet?"
Brain rolled his eyes and groaned.
"Your window is broken, Uncle Gadget!" Penny announced. "The broken glass is on the outside. It looks like you knocked somebody out the window when your mechanical hand hit the curtains!"
"Well that does it!" Gadget growled as he stormed over to his telephone.
"Are you going to call the police, Uncle Gadget?" his niece asked him.
"No I'm calling my landlord," Gadget told her as he picked up his telephone. "I've got to let him know that I'm still alive and kicking or who knows who he'll let this apartment out to? And while he's at it, he can fix the window. In the meantime, can you clean up some of these toys, Penny? I don't want the people who will be repairing that window stepping on them."
"Uh, sure Uncle Gadget," Penny said. "I'll start with this one." The girl trotted into the kitchen and searched the drawers until she found a large freezer bag. Pulling a pencil off a notepad, she came back into the front room and knelt down before the gun. Carefully, she stuck the pencil down the barrel and picked up the gun. "Okay, Brain, open the freezer bag." The dog fumbled with the Ziploc seal on the plastic bag but managed to use his forepaws to get it open. "We have to be careful because I don't think the safety is on."
"Woof!" Brain's eyes bulged in fear as Penny slipped the pistol into the baggie.
"We've got to be careful," she repeated. "We don't want to smudge any fingerprints." She glanced over at her oblivious uncle. Did he really think that the killer's gun was just one of his toys? "Okay, here's the plan: If Uncle Gadget doesn't call the police we'll use the phone to tip off Chief Quimby ourselves."
"Bow wow," Brain nodded seriously. "Urk!" he whined as his eye bulged out.
"What is it, Brain?" Penny turned around to see what her dog was looking at. "Oh!"
Gadget's arms were telescoping out to gather up his toys. As he bent over, an extra gloved hand on a skinny metal arm snaked out of the crown of his hat to assist. It had to be the most eerie and strange things she had ever seen.
"What… are those?" Penny asked him.
"It's like I told you," her uncle assured her. "Professor von Slickstein built them."
"What's… Professor von Slickstein a professor of?" Penny asked hesitantly.
"Uh… lots of stuff," Gadget waffled. "Robotics, bionics, that sort of thing. He even gave me a book on how to cope with loss…"
"Bionics?" his niece repeated. "You mean Biological Electronics? As in cybernetic implants? Are you a cyborg, Uncle Gadget?"
"What?" Gadget's eyes squinted in confusion.
"Do you have robot arms instead of flesh and blood ones?" Penny asked pointblank. "Can you take those robot arms off or are you stuck with them?"
"My look at the time," Gadget said airily. "I better get packing if I want to get you home before dark."
Outside three MAD agents regrouped and tried to figure out what went wrong. "Man he's quick," the big one named Hunk complained, "and strong."
"He hasn't called for backup," the bald one named Stiletto commented, "and we haven't been picked up. Maybe he thinks we've given up."
"If we want to get him before tomorrow morning, we should go into the building across the street and set up a sniper position, the tall slender one named Rocky suggested. "It doesn't seem smart to get in close quarters with him again."
Stiletto's cell phone rang and the little thug paled. Hesitantly he answered it. "Report!" the deep bestial voice of Doctor Claw barked. "Has Gadget been silenced yet?" the criminal mastermind queried.
"Er uh, not yet Doctor Claw," Stiletto stammered, "but we have him cornered in his apartment. Rocky suggested we take up a sniper position…"
"Make Gadget disappear, before I make you disappear," Doctor Claw threatened. "If Gadget identifies you I promise that you won't be around to testify."
"D-don't worry sir!" said a nervous Stiletto. "We'll get him this time!"
"See that you do," Claw murmured before he hung up.
"Okay, that's everything," Gadget said as he closed his suitcase. "Pajamas, pillow, toothbrush, teddy bear and several changes of clothes. I can get anything else I need later."
"Teddy bear?" Penny giggled. "What does a grown man like you need that for?"
"If I don't take my teddy bear the gollywoggles might get me!" he said melodramatically.
"Oh uncle, you're so funny," Penny snickered. "Thanks for clowning around and trying to make me feel better." Suddenly she frowned in concentration. "You are just clowning around, right Uncle Gadget?"
"Okay, let's go," Gadget replied as he picked up his suitcase and headed for the door. "Shall we pick up something to eat on the way home, or should I take you out?" he asked as they left the apartment.
"There's a Burger Queen on the way to my house," Penny suggested. "It's on the corner of Fifth and Parker."
"Oh yes, I know the one," he said as they got in the elevator. The mechanical hand emerged from his hat to push the button and the doors closed.
"Um, Uncle Gadget?" Penny asked hesitantly. "How do you control that thing that comes out of your hat? Do you have a remote control in your pocket?"
"Now Penny," he laughed. "If I told you that, it would give away the joke." To be honest, Inspector Gadget had no idea how he controlled the 'Gadget-hand'. Professor von Slickstein had mentioned something about the nervous system being a communications system before he installed the voice activation software. For all that stuff to be in his hat should make it too heavy to lift but the fedora was just the weight of a normal hat. Did all that stuff come out of his head? If so, where was his brain? He decided not to think about it. There was no point going insane with the horror of what he had become. Penny needed him. And as much as he hated to admit it, he needed her too.
"Boss! There he is!" Rocky said as the trio emerged onto the street.
"Okay!" Stiletto announced as they watched Gadget, Penny and Brain head to the yellow Volkswagen. "That must be his car," he said as Gadget placed his suitcase in the trunk hidden under the hood. "Here's our chance!"
"All right," Gadget announced from the driver's seat as Penny entered the passenger seat and Brain got in the back. "On to Burger Queen!"
"Excuse me sir," Hunk tapped on the window on the driver's side.
"Yes?" Inspector Gadget said as he rolled down the window. "What can I do for you, my good man?"
"Uncle Gadget!" Penny gasped. "That's the same man who tried to shoot you!"
Hunk drew a pistol and pointed it in Gadget's face, but Brain stuck his head out the car window and sunk his teeth into the assassin's arm. "Yowch!" Hunk cried as he dropped his gun onto Gadget's lap. It bounced off his artificial legs to disappear under the seat.
"Brain!" Gadget scolded. "Bad dog! What has gotten into you? I thought Labradors weren't that kind of dog! Do you want me to get sued?"
Brain growled and refused to let go of the struggling Hunk.
"Go-go Gadget hands!" the crown of Inspector Gadget's fedora opened and two gloved hands attached to skinny bands of metal emerged to grab ahold of Brain's muzzle and jaw. "Let go! Let go of him Brain! I hope you've got your shots!"
Hunk managed to free his arm and took off running.
"Uncle Gadget!" Penny gasped. "That's the same man from your apartment!"
"Who? The squatter?" Gadget asked. "I hope not. He could use Brain's actions as leverage to get my apartment away from me! Come on let's go before anybody sees us! The last thing we need is for him to demand that Brain be put down!"
Brain whined and cowered in the back seat as the Volkswagen moved forward.
"What went wrong?" Stiletto asked Hunk.
"His dog bit me!" the burly henchmen said while cradling his arm.
"That Gadget has more lives than a cat," Rocky muttered.
"Quick! To the van!" Stiletto ordered. "After them!"
"I'm sorry, Penny I haven't been setting a very good example," Gadget sighed as they drove down the street. "I should stay and take responsibility for what happened back there."
"No that's okay, Uncle Gadget, I'm good," Penny nodded. Any excuse to leave seemed like a good one. Had Uncle Gadget somehow not noticed the pistol the goon had pointed at him or was he simply hoping that Penny hadn't noticed? Was she cramping his style and placing him additional jeopardy simply by being present or was her uncle completely oblivious to the world?
Uncle Gadget had never seemed very bright in the past but Penny assumed that was because he was all detective and was socially awkward amongst 'normal folks'. As an eight-year-old super genius, she could relate. But Uncle Gadget seemed to be wearing blinders! How could anyone be a detective and be so unobservant?
It couldn't be. Uncle Gadget simply didn't want her to be scared. That's why he was playing dumb. If there was one thing Uncle Gadget never had trouble with, it was playing dumb. It was obvious the way he did the right thing but made ridiculous excuses so Penny wouldn't know how close they came to being killed. Uncle Gadget must have nerves of steel. And if he couldn't take off those artificial hands, who knew what else he had that was made of steel?
The Yellow Volkswagen pulled into the drive thru lane at Burger Queen, not realizing that they were being followed by three thugs in a blue van. "Look he's pulling into the Burger Queen," Rocky said as he brandished a pistol. "Here's our chance to…"
"No, no more guns," Stiletto snapped as he slapped Rocky's hand. "Hunk has lost two guns already! They're stuck in the drive thru. I've got a better idea…"
When Gadget's car pulled up to the drive thru window, it was Rocky who was working at the counter. The slender hoodlum was dressed in the Burger Queen uniform and appeared to be an employee. "Here's your order sir," he said as he handed the hot bags of food to the inspector.
"That's strange," Penny said. "He didn't ask for the money."
"He'll probably realize his mistake," Gadget said nonchalantly as he opened a bag of hamburgers. "In the meantime we'll sit here and check our order. The last time I went through a drive thru they got my order wrong."
"Uncle Gadget, is your double pounder bacon cheese queen sized burger ticking?" Penny asked in alarm.
"Why I believe you're right, Penny," Gadget said as he put his ear to a large cardboard burger box. A strange metal dish unfolded around his ear before disappearing again. "One of the employees must have lost his watch! How revolting! Who knows what else fell in there! They won't have to ask us for our money, I'm sending it back!" He turned and faced the drive thru window. "Go-go gadget arm," he said as he held the bags of food out the car window. Sure enough, his arm extended through the drive thru window and dropped the offending bags inside before retracting back into his sleeve. "Let's go get a pizza," he suggested as he drove off in disgust.
"Oh no!" Rocky gasped as Hunk and Stiletto emerged from locking the Burger Queen employees in the freezer.
The explosion broke every window in the fast food restaurant, but at least the employees were safe in the metal freezer. Stiletto, Rocky and Hunk weren't so lucky, but at least they managed to dive behind the counter at the last minute.
After they picked up the pizza Gadget took Penny home. It was a delightful two story home in the suburbs with a spacious yard and everything. Inspector Gadget attempted to make small talk but Penny interrupted him. "Uncle Gadget, is something wrong?" Penny could have kicked herself as she nibbled on her pizza slice. What a stupid question. Somebody tried to kill him twice. Of course something was wrong!
"Wrong Penny?" Inspector Gadget asked nonchalantly. Aside of your parents being blown to smithereens and your uncle being turned into a robot? "Why do you ask if anything's wrong?"
"You haven't taken your hat and coat off since we've been home," Penny pointed out. It was true. A hat and trenchcoat may have been appropriate outdoors weather permitting but it was strange to wear them inside. "You aren't planning to go anywhere are you?"
"Not really I wasn't planning on it," Gadget shrugged. To be honest, he wasn't really interested in taking any of his clothes off. He didn't know if his body was covered in scars, or worse yet, naked metal. His gloves and shoes wouldn't come off; they were his hands and feet. If he took off his hat it might reveal a collection of bizarre machinery attached or even emerging from a metallic skull. Who knows? No, he was quite comfortable wearing as much clothing as possible. If there was a game of strip poker count him out.
"Are you… okay Uncle Gadget?" Penny asked him.
"Why sure I'm fine," Gadget smiled. "The chief just thought I should take a few days off until we get our living situation straightened out. As soon as I fill out the paperwork, I'll be your legal guardian…" His voice trailed off when he saw the hurt expression in his niece's eyes. Her parents were dead. And now her idiot uncle thought he could just barge in and take their place. He took a deep breath and valiantly soldiered on. "Penny," he said gently. "I know that I'm no substitute for your mom and dad, but I love you and I'll be the best parent I can. I know I'm not perfect, but right now, I'm all you've got and quite honestly, you're all I've got."
"Don't you have any friends, Uncle Gadget?" Penny asked him.
"The problem is just about anyone could be a MAD agent so I've kept people at a distance," Gadget admitted. "To tell you the truth I've never really fit in anywhere. Your mom and dad were my closest friends, aside of Chief Quimby."
"It's all right, Uncle Gadget," Penny leaned across the table and put her tiny hand on Gadget's larger gloved one. "Somehow we'll get through this, and hey! What's the matter with your hand?"
Gadget quickly moved his hand away. "Boy look at the time!" he exclaimed as he got up. "Gotta get some sleep! Big day tomorrow! Time for bed!"
"But's it's barely six o'clock," Penny protested.
"I think I'll turn in early," Gadget yawned before he left the kitchen.
Next: Promise Me