A/N - Backstory, anyone? Also: thanks for the reviews, I worked a long time on this and I'm glad it's being enjoyed. Thirdly: I'm not gonna lie, I might have abused the semi colon in this chapter. I hope you'll still like me after it's all over.

Thanks for reading! I'll probably post the next chapter on Friday.

"Sara? Are you okay? You seem really distracted tonight," Doug said, eying her closely. She wasn't used to such intense observation, but that was Doug. It was something she never got used to; the way he'd dote on her.

Doug and Sara met in one of her many physics classes at Harvard; she wasn't even sure which one anymore. They were lab partners on an experiment, and Doug seemed taken with her right away.
She was 19 years old, had been at Harvard for almost 3 years and had only dated a handful of boys at the school. It wasn't that they weren't nice people; she just never liked them enough to get to the point where she felt comfortable telling them about her family. And if she didn't trust them that much, what was even the point of dating them at all? That attitude made her dating life rather unexciting, but that's the way she liked it at the time.

Doug asked her out while they were working on verifying the Stefan-Boltzmann law in an experiment on thermal radiation.

While Sara was adjusting the voltage on the lamp, Doug looked at her with admiration in his eyes. Although she didn't date much, Sara knew when a man had something on his mind. She wished he'd get it over with already so they could move on with the experiment.

"So, Sara...it's been fun being your partner," he finally said.

"Oh, yeah, it's been great," she said, not taking her eyes off the lamp. "You're a good partner. Thanks for being so helpful, I appreciate it."

"Any time," he said, and she knew he meant it. "You're the only girl in this class who takes physics seriously. You're so smart. That's really sexy."

Sara chuckled. Really, she wondered if he was this utterly dorky all the time or just when he was asking a girl out. Since she didn't want this to last all day, she decided to help him out.

"Doug, do you want to grab a bite to eat after class? Maybe get a burrito or something at the Mexican food place down the street? I'm starving."

Doug looked ecstatic. "That would be great! I'm starving, too." He chuckled. "I kinda hope we can get this experiment done as fast as possible now."

Sara was charmed by his childlike exuberance. And once they sat down for lunch and he calmed down, she realized they had a lot in common. He was also from California, had one brother, they liked a lot of the same movies, both had no time or urge to watch TV these days, and had both been to three Replacements concerts each.

She wasn't attracted to him at first sight. Doug was 6'3, a lot taller than the men she was used to dating. He had dark brown eyes and dirty blond hair down to his shoulders. Sara preferred almost the opposite-blue eyes and dark hair. But he was cute in a surfer boy kind of way, and she grew to appreciate his style.

He waited to kiss her until after their third date. After dinner at the nicest restaurant they could afford as struggling college students, he drove her back to her dorm in his 1985 Mustang and talked about light sabers all the way to the door. While Sara fumbled for the keys that were hidden somewhere in the dark recesses of her purse, he grabbed her hand and she looked up. He smiled, touched her face, and then made his move. It was a nice kiss. And for the next couple of months after that, she found herself enjoying his kisses more and more. It felt nice to let herself fall in love, which she was definitely doing.

Sara made it known that after graduation, she was moving back to California for graduate school. Doug then made it known that he had every intention of coming with her.

"I don't understand why you don't want me to go," he'd always say when they inevitably had this conversation again.

"You already have a great job lined up here when you graduate," she'd always say, at least trying to have a hint of sadness in her voice. Doug was basically promised a job as a lab assistant in a prominent Boston research facility. It was an amazing job for someone just out of school, and she was constantly telling him he'd be dumb not to take this opportunity. Plus. she knew if he went with her to California, that meant their relationship was more serious than she was prepared to deal with at the time. They'd probably live together, and sooner or later he'd ask her to marry him. As much as she loved him, she knew that wasn't a road she wanted to go down, at least not yet.

"You know I don't care about that," Doug would inevitably say. "I'll follow you anywhere."

Every time they had this discussion, Sara never knew what to say to that. So she'd change the subject or just refuse to talk about it altogether. Doug loved her so much, he would let her get away with it. He knew about her past; about her childhood. He was patient with her. She knew she was a pain in the ass when it came to relationships, but he hung in there. Nobody else ever had.

After graduation, Sara made empty promises to try to keep the relationship going long distance, he in Boston and she at Berkeley. By Thanksgiving of her first year, she finally managed to break it off with him. Not that she was happy about that, but it was just easier. For her, anyway. He could find someone better suited for him; someone who cared for him as much as he deserved. Sara was just too driven to put any real effort into a relationship. And, she thought to herself, she had earned the right to be selfish.

At Berkeley, she dated every now and then, but nobody serious. Most Friday and Saturday nights were spent in the library, trying to get the better grade, the better recommendations, the better knowledge than the rest of her peers. She made a few friends who had the same drive, and every couple of weeks, they'd get together and drink as much beer as possible. It wasn't a bad life. If she had to be back in California, this was the best kind of experience.

After a year apart, Sara broke down and called Doug. He'd come to California every couple of months and they'd go out, share a nice meal and then share her bed. She never asked if he was dating anyone at the time. She wanted to keep things uncomplicated, and he knew that. He didn't like it, but he knew it.

This continued after she graduated and found her place at a lab in San Francisco. Things were happening for Doug in Boston; his star was on the rise in his career. Sara knew he wanted her to move back there with him, but again, he respected her wishes and didn't pursue the issue. Sometimes she wished he would. Sometimes she wished he'd be passionate about his feelings for her instead of always respecting her feelings instead. But that's not the way things worked in their relationship, and that's what kept it going when all indicators pointed to their entanglement ending prematurely.

Everything changed when she met Gil Grissom. There was something about him. His confidence. His blue eyes. His knowledge. His fascination with bugs, which Sara found endearing. And the way he looked at her sometimes when he didn't think she was looking.

On the first day of the lecture, she introduced herself as Jack's newest employee. Grissom looked intrigued. He said, "Ah, so this is the new protege I've been hearing so much about. Well, I'm looking forward to this week and I hope you are, too. I wouldn't want Jack to get a bad report about me."

Sara had giggled—giggled—and said, "Oh, I'm sure I'll learn a lot. I'm looking forward to it as well."

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow, then." He looked at her expectantly. She finally got the hint to leave.

The rest of the week was spent working her ass off to learn everything he had to teach her, while also trying to get his attention as much as possible. She barely knew the man, but she wanted to impress him. It was exhausting, but exhilarating.

The last day of his lecture at Berkeley, after a week of stolen glances and not-so-subtle flirtation, Sara finally got him to agree to go to dinner with her. He was hesitant for a long time-she was basically his pupil, it wouldn't be right.

"I only have the purest of intentions, I assure you," she told him on the last day. It was a blatant lie, but he didn't need to know that just yet. "I've just started my career in the lab and I want to pick your brain about a few things."

"I just don't think that would be a good idea," Grissom said. For him, it was just that simple, which was quite frustrating for Sara. It wasn't that she wanted to seduce him, exactly, but after a week of exchanging ideas and flirtations and longing looks, she was convinced there was something between them that couldn't simply be brushed off as nothing important. It was important to her. She wanted to see what would happen in a non-educational setting. What would happen if it was just the two of them, in a scenario where anything could happen? The thought alone sent chills down her spine.

"Are you sure? I make the most amazing vegetarian lasagna you've ever tasted. Come over, we'll eat, we'll talk. No big deal."

"I didn't know you were a vegetarian."

"Oh, well, I try not to eat meat most of the time, but I have a weakness for a really good steak."

Grissom chuckled. "Okay, Sara, I'll be there. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good lasagna." She silently hoped he also had a weakness for her.


The night went rather smoothly, all things considered. It was a little awkward when he first sat down on her tiny sofa in her tiny apartment. But way too much lasagna and three glasses of wine later, after they spent a few hours discussing victimology, the system, Sara's addiction to the Violent Femmes, evidence chains, blood spatter, Grissom's obsession with the Cubs, and serial killers, there was a lull in conversation. Sara noticed Grissom taking a long look at her legs, which she supposed was the whole point of wearing a skirt anyway. He then looked into her eyes, and they shared a glance that was about 16 seconds too long; basically a sexy staring contest.

"Well...I guess I should take off now," he said, slurring slightly.

"You shouldn't drive," Sara blurted out. "You can have my bed and I'll sleep on the sofa."

Grissom laughed. Sara appreciated his laugh. It was full of charisma and charm and sex.

"I walked here. My hotel is a block away. But thank you, Sara. You've been a most accommodating student this week."

Sara didn't want to be his student. She wasn't sure what she wanted to be, exactly, but it wasn't that. Still, she tried her best. A week's work of thoughtful questions and stimulating ideas, a nice dinner, copious amounts of wine...what else could she do? Could he just not take a hint or what? She decided, with drunken courage, to make one last-ditch effort.

Grissom rose to his feet and shakily walked to the door. "It's been a good week," he told her. "Thanks for everything. I wish more of my students were like you."

"Will I ever see you again?"

"I'm sure our paths will cross again someday," he said wearily. He reached for her hand, presumably to shake it. Instead, she leaned in and was about to make it to his lips when he stepped back and said, "Sara...it just can't happen."

"Why not?"

"It's not a good time," was all he would say. He hugged her somewhat awkwardly. "Like I said, I'm sure our paths will cross again someday."

"Will it...be a good time then?" She never sounded so pathetic in her life, but she was past the point of caring. Too much wine, too much stimulation, too much Grissom.

"Sara, I...I have to go." He kissed her forehead and made a quick escape.

She closed the door and shrank down to the floor, feeling utterly defeated and lonely.

But a few days later, he emailed her. He said it was nice to meet her. That he put in a good word with Jack. Sometimes he'd call her just to say hello. Sometimes she did the same. But he never mentioned the kiss that could have been. It was probably better that way. But it left her wanting more, and she wondered how long she'd have to wait before she saw Gil Grissom again.