'Tis the fourth chapter… I apologize if the last one was confusing… but this one will, hopefully be better (here's hoping)

If you guys have any ideas for pairings within Akatsuki, already with the students or between ninjas and students please tell me… pein and konan are obviously together and by the end of this chapter you'll know who I've paired tobi with… probably.

I also want to take a moment to say that I have found out something about myself… I cant write anything serious… I must always make it comedy… maybe I'll get the hang of it later if I keep practicing… but I'm not that worried since this is fanfiction and I guess it doesn't really matter…

Just fyi: luna and ginny are both pretty amazing in the books and luna's character description and even some of her lines (from the book or movie) will be used because I love them…

That's enough of my ranting…

Disclaimer: if I owned this stuff… well you guys know what would happen… wink wink

On with the fanfic!

Harry sighed. The train compartment was awkwardly quiet, but that was to be expected. Minutes before the train had left, Harry had managed to sneak some information out of Sirius who had come along in his dog form to say goodbye. However, this had made him late getting on the train, leaving no empty seats available. The three of them were now sharing a room with Neville, Ginny and a blond fourth year girl, one of Ginny's friends.

Neville was holding a small cactus that would groan and move from time to time. Ron eyed the plant suspiciously, as if it were about to attack him. Crookshanks seemed to think the same and would've attacked first if Hermione hadn't been holding onto him. The new girl read a magazine upside down, Ginny reading over her shoulder. The countryside sped past the window.

"So," Harry started, "what do you guys think the new students will be like?"

The others looked at him in silence.

"Just making conversation," Harry mumbled.

"They must be quite good students," Hermione said, "it's not easy to travel and have lessons at the same time, and Akatsuki has been around for years. Well, according to McGonagal, at least."

"And that would make them smart?" Ron asked.

"Honestly, Ronald," Hermione sighed, unable to see why she had to explain herself, "the school travels, which would be difficult for the students, but Akatsuki has been around a very long time. Obviously this means that they do a good job, good enough that people keep enrolling in the school even though they know that their kids won't be able to come home for winter break."

"Well then maybe it's the school that people send their children to if they really hate them," Ron countered, "what if it's the stupid kids whose parents just want them to go away?"

"Well, it's not because their teacher is obviously good enough that Dumbledore hired him as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."

"No, Hermione, that just proves that he's stupid enough to take the post when it could be his death."

"He has a point," Neville said, shyly.

Hermione sniffed, "The Akatsuki is a very prestigious institution, Ronald, they get to see the world and learn all sorts of different magic. They must know all sorts of things and I have to say, I am jealous."

Another akward silence came back over the cab. "You do know that these students aren't really students, right?" Ginny's blond friend folded up her magazine and put it away as the others waited for her to explain herself.

"They're not students?" Neville asked, "well, if they're not students, what are they?"

"They're guards, of course," she said, "Dumbledore isn't going to just let us have school like normal now that you-know-who is back in power. He hired snoofleangels to protect us."

Silence.

"um… what exactly are snoofleangels?" Hermione asked the strange girl with radish earrings.

"They're shape shifters," she explained, "In their natural form, snoofleangels look kind of like bears with afros. They like taking strange forms that are combinations of things they have seen. That's how platypi were created. They also love scratch and sniff stickers."

"Scratch and sniff stickers?"

"mm hm," Luna nodded.

The door slid open and the witch pushing the sweets trolley peeked in, "Anything off the trolley?"

Meanwhile… and yet also later…

"Checkpoint three is secure, the train should be coming through any minute now and there is no sign whatsoever of anything fishy." Zetsu said aloud. Tobi rocked back and forth behind the plant man, humming to himself.

The fields they were standing in obviously had some sort of enchantment on them. There was a clear view of the entire valley from far away, but the actual train tracks were not visible until the two ninja had gotten fifteen feet away from them. Once they could see the tracks, however, the two of them stated to notice other strange things. Where moments before there had been beetles and butterflies, small people like creatures with wings buzzed around, fighting over flower petals and hiding in the grass. Three had been curious enough to fly up to Zetsu and land on the flytrap atattched to his head. Tobi had entertained himself for five minutes just following one around the medow until the sprite had gotten bored and attacked the masked teenager.

Tobi walked back to Zetsu's side as the sounds of a steam engine came around the bend. The red cars whizzed past the teenage missing nins. With a nod the two leaped up on to the top of the train and looked around. Strangely enough, they weren't alone. Another ninja wearing an all black jumpsuit stood up. However, there's this thing called wind resistance and while Zetsu and Tobi were main characters and thus unaffected by laws of nature until the authoress decides it so, the other ninja was affected and fell flat on his back.

He stood back up, manipulating his chakra to keep himself on the speeding vehicle. He struck a pose and started talking, "Orochimaru told me I might have trouble on my mission! But I came prepared!" He whipped out a fistful of kunai and charged at Tobi.

Tobi responded by shrieking and jumping away from the over dramatic minion, sinking a punch in the guy's stomach as he turned. The ninja coughed and fell face first onto the roof again. Tobi was safe for a moment but he was still unused to his new proportions and fell off the roof of the speeding train. He grabbed onto the ridge over the car's window and hung there trying to think of the most efficient back-flip to get himself back up onto the roof. A moment passed and something caught his eye on the inside of the train.

The compartment was filled to bursting with students, two red heads, a girl with brown frizzy hair, a boy with a weird plant and… the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Her blond hair (even more beautiful than Deidara's, Tobi noted) cascaded across her forehead, swept back behind her ears and held in place with a stick that looked suspiciously like a wand. Her pale skin shone through the window and her eyes gazed at him with dreamy curiosity. Tobi sat there, completely hypnotized by those blue-grey orbs. His mind raced for some way to make a graceful exit, some way to impress the angel in wizard robes.

"Tobi! Get your lazy ass back up here and help me get this guy out of here!"

Tobi, acting on complete instinct, pulled his free hand up to a salute and flipped himself up to the roof. Zetsu had the incompetent ninja flung over his shoulder. They were now supposed to take him somewhere and interrogate him for information about Orochimaru.

"Zetsu! There's an angel in the train!" he shouted.

"That's great, Tobi," Light Zetsu replied, "Let's hurry up before this guy can try to kill us or himself again."

Five minutes later in the awesome enchanted medow that I mentioned before…

"I'll never tell you anything!" the ninja yelled at Zetsu.

Light Zetsu sighed, "I will ask you this one more time, and I expect you to answer me. What do you know about Orochimaru's plan?"

"Keep in mind," Dark Zetsu chimed in, "If you fail to answer quickly, you may never get a chance." He grinned and the venus flytrap twitched in the anticipation of food.

The Ninja twitched for a moment and then whimpered, "I was just ordered to get into Hogwarts! I had only gotten on the train a few minutes before you did! I swear I don't know anything about what lord Orochimaru has planned! He was trying to prove something to lord Voldemort, I don't know anything else I swear!"

Zetsu's smile widened, taking in the horror that his appearance and eating habits could create. Fear radiated off the idiot ninja, giving Zetsu a greater feeling of power. "I think he's lying," Light Zetsu said in a thoughtful voice.

"Yes," Dark Zetsu answered, "He's definitely holding something back,"

"You'll never get it out of me!" the man yelled. And then he exploded. The flytrap closed over Zetsu's head, keeping small pieces of dirt and rock from getting in his face. A few moments later Zetsu moved over to the place Tobi had teleported at the time of the explosion. The masked teenager had had yet more proportion problems and fallen on his back apon teleportation.

"Aside from the suspect blowing himself up at the end, that was an example of good interrogation," he explained to the less experienced nin.

"Are we going to Hogwarts now?" Tobi asked.

"Hold on, I have to contact leader-sama" Zetsu concentrated on the image of their pierced leader.

//Zetsu! Call me professor Pein!// Pein snapped.

//Sorry, Professor,// Zetsu answered //Orochimaru is already on the move. We ran into one of his half-witted followers. He was ordered to get into Hogwarts to prove something to Voldemort. It was a half-assed attempt, I don't think the others will have any trouble, even if they run into more minions//

//Right,// Pein agreed, //I shall inform Dumbledore of this. You and Tobi should come back to Hogwarts as soon as possible, we are supposed to attend the sorting feast in the great hall//

//Yes, Professor// Zetsu thought, wondering what the sorting feast could be (besides the obvious, a feast). The leader faded out of his vision and he turned to Tobi.

"We must report back to Hogwarts immediately," he grumbled.

"What about your dinner?" Tobi asked, innocently.

Zetsu frowned. Professor Pein had taken him aside before the mission and had told him that he was not allowed to eat any humans in case there were any wizards watching. The threat to eat Orochimaru's henchman had been a bluff. His stomach growled painfully. "I guess we'll have to see if they have meat at this 'Sorting Feast' whatever that is."

Tobi nodded, "Do you think the entire school will be there? I hope so. Hey, Zetsu, did I tell you what I saw on the train?" The plant man, however, was already melting into the ground. Tobi sighed, but cheered up with the thought that his angel would be at this feast they were going to.

Kind of meanwhile… on the train…

Silence.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and Luna all stared out the window.

"Did anyone else just see that?" asked Ron.

"You mean the guy in the mask who was hanging from the window frame?" Ginny said, "Yea, we saw that."

Neville shifted around in his seat, "Who do you think it was?"

"I told you," Luna sighed, "a snoofleangel."

End crappy fanfic!

Yea… so, pretty obvious who Tobi is with… I think it's adorable… the next chapter will be coming soon-ish… the Akatsuki attend the sorting feast and maybe the lessons will start… ummm… yea… I think that's it… see ya next time (if I stopped right there, this chapter would be 2009 words long… I found that humerous)