So- a little bit of a friendlier reaction this time, but still a pretty frosty reception. For those of you who are avoiding this fic because of BLEACH- I'll give you a tip: http:// manga.bleachexile. com /bleach/1/1/

Free bleach manga is everywhere. Go read!

Stats: Reviews: 16, Hits total: 1109 Hits for the last chapter: 223 – which really tells me there are 223 people reading this story. This post: 8/27/07

Shout out: Nes Mikel who is providing much BLEACH expertise and suggestions. This fiction was inspired by Nes' one shot "Grind" which I suggest you all go and read. www.fanfiction. Net /s/3062601/1/Grind

Challenge: I just now figured out how much fun this fic could be if I started adding images to the chapters. So I'll be posting this story on my apathetica home page with images taken/adapted from the manga. The challenge is to the bleach manga fans: See a picture that looks like it'll go with a scene from Hollow Whole? Color it/shop it and submit. Credits will be posted to you, and the pic will be included with the story as it gets posted to my home page. I'm doing it myself so keep a look out!

Chapter four: Talks (on my own)

"Harry, you should talk about this." I sighed again.

I loved my best friends. They had done more for me than I could ever have hoped, but sometimes they were so fucking annoying. Like right now.

"Drop it."

"Harry, if you leave it without talking it'll stay a festering wound inside you.. eating at your soul…" Hermione said.

Festering wound. Eating my soul. For a moment those words brought a thrill of terror into my heart, and I wondered, irrationally, and just for a second, if Hermione knew. Had anyone seen my soul while it was out of body, they too would know it was beyond repair. It was for this reason I decided not to share Orihime with anyone. Our relationship and Orihime's race would raise too many questions I didn't want to answer. How could I explain about my soul link to voldemort without revealing that I had become a demi-hollow?

The idea that I could become something like a dementor- a monster that existed by feeding off other people's souls. I had to stop thinking about it before I sicked up.

Reflexively, my hand went to my scar to check that it was still whole. My human body had no gaping chasm in its forehead, thank god.

"Is something wrong with your scar?" Oh Hermione, you had no fucking idea.

"Hermione, leave him alone- Hey, how about we grab some brooms and go flying?" Good old Ron! "Last chance for the summer, until you come over that is!"

I didn't want to fly, but if it would get me away from the inquisition I'd go out.

"Rooooon, Harry can't avoid the issue forever!" But Ron and I were already up and walking out of the deserted common room.

The express left tomorrow, so everyone was either packing or outside. I saw that most people were outside when we exited. Hermione had decided to tag along, which surprised me. She'd normally be spending every last precious minute she had left in the library… she must be really worried. It was making me feel bad about hiding Orihime from her. But Hermione would no doubt read that book, The summoning, then lecture me about the danger (even after the fact,) then try it herself, because she refused to be left behind.

Orihime admired Hermione for keeping up with me; Orihime, who had unintentionally been left behind by her friends.

"Got it all worked out? What you are going to say to your relatives?" Ron asked. Ah, it seems he's worried too.

I nodded, and changed direction. They followed me and sat after I did, under a tree.

"We aren't going to fly?" Ron asked.

"I'm tired." After the magic I had expended yesterday, coupled with staying awake with Orihime all night, I was tired. I could've went to bed last night, but I felt bad leaving her by herself… and I knew what nightmares waited for me in dreams. We also had much to talk about, and prepare for. Ron must be really worried because he frowned and didn't protest.

I knew I looked like death warmed over. Still, I'd take a sickly pale, raccoon eyed body over my deformed soul-form any day.

"So, your relatives?" I was hoping to side step that topic, but they deserved to know that much at the very least, so they wouldn't worry.

"I won't stay with them, not for long, anyway." They gaped at me. Both sat up straight and tense, and leaned in close.

"Where are you going to go?" Hermione asked hurriedly. "Harry, they'll make you stay. And I'm not talking about your relatives. Dumbledore and the Ministry…"

"If everything goes according to plan, they'll think I'm right where they put me." I interrupted.

"How are you going to manage that?" Ron asked. I shook my head.

"I'm telling you this in case something goes wrong and I'm found out. I want you guys to know that I'm ok, even if it looks like I've died." Their eyes widened, and Hermione's hands darted forward to grasp my shoulders. She looked at me with genuine fear.

"Harry, you can't go after him, you aren't ready!" I shook my head.

"Of course not. I'm going to train." Sigh. I had almost said I had found someone to train me, and that would've been a fatal error. Even what I'd said was much more information than I wanted to give them. "I'll tell you about it eventually, but it's still too soon right now to speak about all of it." I was ready to tell them all of it, except for my mangled soul… and until I could tell them everything, I didn't want to talk about any of it. But it wasn't fair to have them worry, if I was found out, for no reason.

"But I know the ministry and Dumbledore have me double-tagged with trackers. I can't just take off without all of Britain knowing about it… So I found a way…." Did I dare say it? "… around that, I suppose."

"But it's too dangerous to leave! You have to stay safe behind the wards on your house! Voldemort is out there!!!" Hermione said, tightening her grip on my shoulders. "Harry! Don't do anything drastic, you'll have plenty of time to train when you come back to school, and Ron and I will be able to do it with you."

This was the part that was going to hurt the most.

"You can't. Not this time." I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see the pain Hermione's face was about to reflect. If I stayed calm and rational, then they couldn't accuse me of trying to be some stupid Gryffindor hero. "This time I'm on my own… where I'm going to go… " I opened my eyes. "you can't follow me."

It was painful to look at. Orihime would scold me for being so cruel to a loyal friend, if she didn't intimately know that there was nothing else for me to do. Ron and Hermione couldn't go with me to Hueco Mundo because they were not dead. Even if they could see and interact with me in soul-form, I was too ashamed to allow it. Orihime alone would know the secrets of my soul, and only because she was a part of it.

"I'm sorry." I said, and took a breath, determined to get through this. "Just in case something goes wrong.. it may appear that I'm dead or in a coma. I don't want you to worry about it. Just do me a favor and don't let them bury or cremate me or anything…" I tried to smile sardonically, but ended up laughing slightly hysterically at the looks on my best friend's faces.

"… Harry… Why would we think your are dead? What are you going to do to yourself!??" Hermione was so close and so vehement as she said this she got spit on my face. I had hoped to leave my explanation at that, but Hermione wasn't going to let it go. Orihime and I came up with a convincing lie if it came to this, and while I hated to lie to my friends, it was better than causing them the agony of worrying about something they couldn't understand.

"It's a fake body." I explained. "It looks just like me, and I was able to retie all the tracking tags to it. It's taken a lot of effort to transfigure it and then to animate it… I couldn't do it all the way, so it's got limited functionality and it may be faulty."

My friends gapped at me, completely gob smacked, and I felt slightly annoyed at their shock.

"I'm not totally useless in transfiguration, you know!" I said in mock outrage.

"That's NEWT level! What did you make it from? What about.."

"Her. Mi. O. Ne." Ron interrupted. "Let him finish." Ah, Ron! What a guy.

"The animation might fail, in which case I'll appear dead. If no one knows to look for anything weird, they'll just assume the body is real and I'm actually dead. If this happens, tell them I'm in a coma and nothing else, I don't want them doing anything to the body." Hermione narrowed her eyes.

"Why?"

"Because it was a lot of effing work!" Hermione's eyes stayed narrowed. "They'd detect the transfiguration immediately if they medi-scanned it… they'll know what's going on.. Harry, what's the real reason?"

The real reason is that it will be my real body I leave behind, and I didn't want anything happening to it or I really would die! I blew air out of my nostrils, annoyed.

"If it wasn't real enough to fool the tracker-tags it wouldn't have worked to begin with…. In order to get it to that state…."

"You used a dark spell, didn't you?" Ron supplied.

I blinked. That wasn't what I was going to say, but it seemed like a good enough excuse. I nodded.

"What! The dark arts! Harry, you can't do that, it's a slippery slope!"

"Either that, or he used a real corpse…" Ron mused. That had been what I was going to say, but I was doubly glad I didn't when Hermione looked horrified by the very thought.

Ron eyed me beadily from the corner of his eye, and I could tell he knew something was up but was prepared to help me deflate Hermione's inquest anyway. Words couldn't express my gratitude.

"Dad told me about some death eaters who were pronounced dead in the last war… They had found remains of them that fooled detection. When the death eaters were caught later, alive and well, they confessed to using some advanced type of transfiguration to duplicate their bodies perfectly to fake their own deaths. Because it had been used for an evil purpose, the spells were labeled dark arts. They aren't really dark though, just dangerously exhausting. It's the potential for abuse that makes them outlawed." He winked at me. "No wonder you look so tired."

Ron, if I felt that way about guys, I'd marry you!

Hermione huffed, but sat back on her heals. She'd let that go, apparently, but something else seemed to be troubling her.

"Is… Is it really that bad, with them?" Some other time, under different circumstances, I'd have been happy to sob my poor little orphan heart out about my shitty upbringing. But now, Cedric was dead, Voldemort was back, I had become a demi-hollow with an arrancar familiar, and the subject of a deadly prophecy. It wasn't the time to dwell on the past, when it looked like I had no future.

"I have to train. It's going to be him against me." Hermione was shaking her head in denial. "He's never going to leave me alone Hermione. Never. I will never have peace until he's dead. And…" Here was the real heart of the matter. "He killed my parents. It's not just me… the dead… the dead deserve revenge."

"That, I disagree with." Ron said. "What could the dead want, they are at peace.. whether they were murdered or not." Ron, I take everything nice I thought about you back… and fuck you.

"I know some ghosts that would disagree with you… but if you're still doubtful we could go visit Myrtle."

"Harry…" Ron looked uncomfortable, which meant he was trying to verbalize emotions. "Your parents, they died protecting you. I think they'd just want you to be happy and live your life… not.. I dunno, spend your time transfiguring fake bodies and plotting revenge." Hear that fate? You fucking asstard!

I didn't even want to begin arguing with that, considering the possibility I might run into my parents at some point in the future, and fate, the motherfucker, would make me eat my words.

"And Cedric?" was all I said.

Ron shuddered and changed his mind.

"Revenge sounds good." Ron said. I smiled sardonically, and even Hermione gave a small sad smile. "But only if you include me."

"And me." Hermione said.

'And me.'

'Orihime! In my head again!!!! Listening with my ears!' I heard her laughter at my outrage, and thought at her: 'Just don't check out guys with my eyes… gross!'

"It's a deal." I stood up. I really should pack. "Study hard over the summer. Make of list of things you want to learn and practice. Maybe we'll restart the dueling club, or something…"

"Maybe we'll be able to train with you by then?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"Maybe…" I capitulated. I might be more comfortable with it by then, after all.

I never thought I'd be relieved to be back in privet drive, but here I was, shaking with relief in the privacy of my darkened bedroom.

It wasn't the useless attack Malfoy and his gang had perpetrated, like they always did. It wasn't the awkwardness of saying goodbye to Ron, and never knowing whether to shake hands or give him a man-hug. It wasn't even the crying fit Hermione had on my shoulder when we exited the platform, although that was gut wrenching in and of itself. She had begged me not to do anything dangerous, and given passersby, including other Hogwarts students, the completely ass-backwards impression of our relationship. I thought I even saw a camera flashing.

I could barely answer her, at the time, because the feeling of pain was so great.

During the train ride, I had to separate from Orihime. We had confirmed that wizards could see arrancar with a first year hufflepuff no one would believe anyway. I didn't dare risk any of the ministry officials, who gathered on the platform to collect their children, seeing her. I knew how excited they were to kill off "dangerous magical creatures." Bastards.

Orihime said she could warp space and travel to me through hueco mundo in a matter of seconds, but I had to be stationary for it to work. She stayed hidden at Hogwarts as I boarded the train. What started off as a minor irritation had grown into a painful gaping sensation comparable to cruciatus as the gap between us grew wider.

She couldn't even come to me until I had stopped, and then, I couldn't get a minute alone until now. As soon as the door to my room shut I called to her. She immediately fell out of my ceiling and right onto my head.

Apologizing and helping me up, we stood there silently as the bond settled back down. It was still too new to tolerate the distance.

Orihime told me what I was feeling was very similar to what she went through when she turned into a hollow. Like one's heart is being torn out, leaving a gapping void of empty agony in its place. Having experienced it, I could understand the desire to do anything, even consume a human soul, to defend against it.

That was the existence of a hollow.

And that I could empathize, terrified me. I was even more afraid to return to my soul-form, sure that my demi-hole had expanded due to the abuse inflicted today. But, I didn't have time to waste skirting the darker parts of myself. The hole in my head was part of me, and the sooner I accepted it, the faster I could learn the name of my zanpakto. I was confident the zanpakto was the power I needed to defeat Voldemort.

Sorry Dumbledore, it won't be some mysterious force of love that disintegrates the dark lord into ashes. Nothing made me feel more confident than having the sword in my hand, and Orihime at my side. Learning its name would unlock its hidden power. A power the dark lord most certainly knew not.

First things first.

"Let's get something to eat and break it down for my 'family.'" I said. She nodded and we went down stairs.

Aunt Petunia was in the kitchen sipping tea, her eyes glued to a fashion magazine.

"Hungry, are you? Well don't expect dinner if you aren't going to pull your weight… you can…" She stopped as soon as she looked up. "Who is that?"

Oh. Shit.

"Who?"

"Don't 'who' me, you idiot! I'm talking about the girl behind…"

"Pet?" Uncle Vernon had walked into the kitchen. "Boy." He scowled at Harry. "Why aren't you making dinner?"

"Make. It. For. Yourself!" I snapped. "I'm going to eat a sandwich."

"The hell you are!"

"Who is she?" Petunia repeated. I couldn't help it. I snorted. Good job, fate! This is fucking hilarious! Petunia can see ghosts! Even better, her soul sleep had to be deep enough to see hollows! She was magic.

"She?" Vernon asked, perplexed. He looked around, his eyes passing unseeingly over Orihime several times. "Who are you talking about?" He said, after seeing no one in the room.

Petunia gave her husband an annoyed look, and was about to snap out a comment when she caught the smirk on my face. She paled. My smile widened.

So, she couldn't even tell Orihime wasn't a regular human? Who's a squib, after all? Ha ha ha!

"No." She denied, closing her eyes immediately.

"Oh yes." I cackled. I was soooo going to rub this in!

"What is going on, boy! Petunia, is he working unnaturalness in the house?! Just let me know and I'll chuck him out at once!"

"Yeah, tell him Auntie… You know how Uncle Vernon hates unnaturalness.…." I goaded.

"Now, see here boy! You don't take that tone…" Vernon began, but was cut off.

"A girlfriend." Petunia said shortly. "I saw him with a girlfriend on the platform.. or I assume she was based on the way they were embracing each other… maybe all your kind are that loose." Petunia got a gleam in her eye that told me quite plainly the tables had been turned. "Vernon, He needs… a talk."

Oh no! Fucking no!

Orihime giggled, making me gape even more.

"I see!" Vernon said grimly. "You. In the living room. Now!"

Oh fucking hell!

"I absolutely DO NOT need a talk!" I protested.

"You'll not be impregnating ANYONE boy! I won't stand for it! Especially if she's one of your kind! It's bad enough you freeload on Petunia and I, but I won't let you inflict your useless offspring on…" I was distracted from the rant by Petunia eyeing Orihime beadily, and gesturing to a seat at the table.

"… probably some imbecile child, bouncing of the walls with poor vision, just like you did when you were young…"

Was Petunia inviting Orihime to sit? Was Petunia going to talk to Orihime? No. Effing. Way.

"… manditory neutering if you ask me! I hear some states still have laws of that sort on the books to prevent IDIOTS from breeding…. "

Orihime waited until Vernon grabbed me by the collar and started hauling me out of the room to pull a chair out and sit down. They were seriously going to talk!!!! I don't. Fucking. Believe it.

"…thought you'd be more interested in men, you always were a nancy boy after all!" That got my attention.

"Wait a second! I am NOT gay!" I'm not! And if I'm short, it's your fucking fault!

"I don't know whether to be thankful for that or not!" Vernon bellowed. "But enough of that! You listen here boy! If you want to keep your useless bullocks in place, you'll do as I say!..." And so it continued, the longest and most embarrassing conversation with Uncle Vernon I'd ever had.

It didn't help that I could hear Orihime giggling uncontrollably throughout from the kitchen. The traitor!

Oh Aunt Petunia, revenge on you would be swift and unmerciful for this!