DISCLAIMER: I don't own Invader Zim!...Or its soul...! I also don't know an Englishman Who Went up a Hill and Came Down a Mountain... WHOO-HOOOO!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Even more horrors and revelations in here! Sos, stay tuned~!
CHAPTER 4 "How to Bare Your Soul", or, "How I Went to a Mole-hill and Came Down a Mountain"
As I didn't feel like finding out if the Teacher Drones would punish us for arriving twenty minutes early, I went outside to the playground and played with my feet as I sat on a swing. It was annoying to have those two making fun of me; but it was even more annoying that I really couldn't do anything about it!
After checking the time on the communicator disguised as a cell-phone, I got to class with still fifteen minutes 'till the first bell. And after all of that previous trouble with Dib and Alli, I was, quite frankly, happy to be facing the unknown of a classroom before class starts. Perhaps they wouldn't get so upset if I came too early, after all?
I made my way to my desk and sat down, before looking up and realizing that the Teacher Drone was actually sleeping -at his DESK! I blinked, and contemplated whether or not I should awaken him. Did he actually SLEEP here last night?! Or was he just resting because he was still tired from waking up so early this morning? And, why, OH WHY was I still sitting here, in THIS CLASSROOM, when I should've told my Tatronian and Security about ZIM!? After considering my own idiocy, it was a full five more minutes before said Teacher Drone finally awoke.
The Teacher Drone groaned and mumbled something incoherent which probably wasn't good to repeat, and wiped the drool off his face. After seeing that a student was already in the room, he proceeded to pick up the papers on his desk and shuffle them, as if he knew what he was doing... This behavior was very unbefitting...!
I looked down at my own desk and pouted, not really caring that he'd just pressed a mysterious button on his desk and may have briefly disappeared. I didn't really care what this alien Teaching Drone did, as long as it didn't bother me any more than it should! To tell the truth, I was really just annoyed with them. With everyone!
I pouted and put my head on my arms on the desk when I was sure that he was gone. The annoying sounds of the students were filing in, one by one, until I was aware of a strange beeping sound and the Teacher Drone Mr. Cain reappearing, looking magically revived! (I had not yet come to know of the revival effect accompanied with caffeine; and so this seemed to me to be an interesting thing.) The students filed into the room just a moment later, lethargic, yet annoying loud this morning. I pulled my head up to look as all but one, the green-skinned "kid", came in and took their seats.
Thankfully, both Dib and Alli seemed off in their own little world as they giggled about something, which made me wonderfully relieved...until I realized that they were probably laughing about me...again! I glared a bit at them before they sat down -not that they noticed- and then turned to see Mr. Cain start speaking as the bell rang. They all stood up and said some "Pledge of Obedience" thing, with Dib casting annoying glances at me as I pretended to mouth the words. Ah, well. I didn't really care about it, anyways... Though, I worried if I SHOULD learn the words!
That day at lunch, some of the kids who'd talked to me earlier pulled me aside at recess and said, "Hey, we wanna' talk to you!" These kids who had avoided me at the first recess were now saying they wanted to talk to me?! I nervously agreed, and they took me to a quiet place where I was quite sure they would be able to murder me without anyone seeing. Instead...
"We've seen you with that Big-headed kid and Alli, what's the deal, man?" Asked one kid whose name escaped me. I almost breathed a sigh of relief, until I remembered that Alli and Dib were outcasts... D'OH!
"Urm...! N-N-Nothing! Nothing at all! Th-They just jumped on me, and, I, uh...heh, couldn't stop them...?" I replied, obviously afraid that they'd think I wanted to hang out with them -yeesh, what'd I ever do to INVITE these problems!? In any case, it seemed like it worked, because the next thing they said agreed with my story. Though it was still creepy...
"Yah, those two are freaks!" Exclaimed on kid, I think his name was Mik or something? I was having trouble telling these alien kids apart! "They once took a necklace made of, like, SKULLS or something, and tied it around Garf!" The others instantly joined in.
"No, no, no! It was TEETH, not Skulls!"
"I thought it was FEATHERS?!"
"No, way, man! It was BUFFALO CHIPS!" At this they all laughed. I failed to see what was so funny -as I had yet to realize that "buffalo chips" were another name for buffalo dookie- but I laughed along anyways. They seemed to believe me, anyways, and I needed them if I wanted to keep away from Alli and Dib, and especially that HORRIBLE little ZIM!
"Anyway, man, what'd they want?" Asked one of the kids. I think his name was Luke.
"Oh! Uh...they just...wanted to interrogate me...! Uh, they asked me a lot of questions! You know..." I worried that they'd think I sounded odd when I said the word "interrogate", but none of them responded in such a way -in fact, it seemed that they understood!
Shaking their heads in sympathy, they patted me on the shoulders and told me about some other "supposedly true" stories about their antics, with me thinking all the time that I could use those sorts of rumors to get one over on those two annoyances for messing with me! They even invited me to go somewhere!
"Hey! You wanna' do somethin' after skool?" Asked whom I assumed to be named Mik or something. "We can go down to the amusement park by the wharf!"
"Uhm! Yeah, sure...I just have to ask my Tatr-er, Aunt TATTY if I can go with you," I replied, almost letting out the word "tatronian". Sheesh! If infiltrating was THIS hard, then how could I even make it through my last human skool-day without messing up, or Dib or Alli ruining it for me?! I nervously started to sweat. I almost wanted to turn them down, but I figured that by calling my Tatronian on my "cell-phone", I could get the reassurance I wanted.
I pulled out my communicator and quickly, briefly made a call -since it wasn't normally allowed to use them in skool- and I was unfortunately given the okay by the Head Security Guard. Oh, just GREAT! "Oh...Okay, it, uhm...looks like I can go...!" I said with a cheesy grin. What was probably THE cheesiest grin!
They agreed happily, and hung around me the entire rest of lunch and recess.
Though I was grateful for this, it was impossibly hard to act like I knew anything they talked about... The only good part about this, was that they also didn't seem that intelligent -even Zim had managed fool them, and his was a horrible disguise! The other two annoying humans -er, human/half-human?- Dib and Alli, were forced to stay away from me the entire time I was surrounded by my new "friends". And so it comes as no surprise that I gravitated towards one of them when I thought I saw Dib or Alli looking in my direction.
The rest of the day turned out uneventful, even though there was an announcement by the Principal (Head Teaching Drone) about something to do with a "Skool-play event, the Mandatory Misery-inducing, Misery-reducing Event of the Season!" Why would that be both misery-inducing and reducing?
Instead of dwelling on this, I ignored it until someone, like the Teacher Drone, explained it. The rest of the day, like I already said, was uneventful. Until after school, that is...! The other kids had invited me to go "the amusement park down by the wharf", and that's exactly where I intended to go... After I realized that Dib and Alli were still eying me!...
"So...what is it, exactly?" I asked as I eyed the rather strange thing I held in my hands. It had been introduced to me as a "Hot-dog", but I was concerned as to whether or not it was actually edible...and if it was actually made of meat from dog.
"Don't worry, man! Just eat it! It's good!" Explained one of the kids. I believe it was actually Mik who'd said it. He had yellowish-brown eyes and a mop of brownish-yellow hair on his head, with cream skin and brown freckles.
"But, I mean, what is it? What's it made of?" I tried elaborating more clearly, now. The others looked around among themselves and then shrugged in confusion before they responded.
"It's...well, nobody really knows what they're made of... But, it's good! Trust me!" Replied another one of the kids. I couldn't remember his name, but I was sure he wasn't Luke...I think Luke had black hair and blue eyes...but I couldn't remember all of these aliens and faces all at once; especially not when staring down the flute of an oddly-shaped alien food of mysterious meat.
"I, uh... I guess I'll try it...!" I swallowed and shoved the thing into my mouth, trying very hard not to look like a complete imbecile while doing it. The taste was surprisingly savory, with a strong tang from the yellow stuff they squirted on it. Something called "Mustard", I think. I loved it! "Mmm!"
The other kids laughed. "There, you see?! That wasn't so hard!" They said, and I chewed happily, enjoying the new alien meat-dog-with-mustard-thing.
Despite the strange, horrible smells and screaming coming from the rides, this amusement park wasn't so bad...someone's baby puked up next to me as they rolled them by in a wheeled cart-thingy...okay, so maybe it was kind-of bad. But, it was a rather tasty meat-dog-with-mustard-thingy...!
Unknown to me at the time, there were the two annoying annoyances who'd followed me there from school, staring at me through the pukey smoke-smells and the crowds...
Dib pulled his binoculars down and said, "Well, I guess it looks like Jik's having fun..." then he added, "Plus, he really doesn't want to know what's in wieners." Alli tilted her head up at him. "Believe me, I know, and I'm telling you, you do not want to know!"
"You could hear him from all the way over here?!" She asked, interrupted in her moaning reverie on the bench to stare up at him in confusion.
"No, I was reading his lips!" Replied Dib with a roll of his eyes. "And, yeah, it's odd that aliens speak English. I know."
"That wasn't what I was going to ask...but, uh...you've got a point." There was a brief moment of silence. "Why is that?"
"What? Oh, uh...! Don't ask me; maybe we should ask Jik the next time we can get him alone?" Replied Dib, glancing up to see if their target had moved. He waved his head as far as he could above the crowd -which wasn't that high- and tried to see where they were. They were now at a nearby game booth; as always, very rigged and very expensive. He pulled out his binoculars and laughed as he read what Jik was confused about. His peeping-pastime enjoyment did nothing to make Alli enjoy herself. She was really getting sick; fed up with all the fumes from the carnies, and other stuff.
"Look, Dib, why don't we just leave? I'm really kinda sick, here...!" She said, grabbing her stomach in pain as she tried to filter out the fumes...it wasn't working. Dib only paid half-attention to her as he continued spying.
"Huh?" He asked. When there was no response, "What?" He waited a few more minutes, but then turned to find that she had gone. He whirled around and finally spotted her near a trash-can, re-examining her last meal.
He raced over to her and winced; "Are you alright?!" He asked, now concerned with her welfare and not spying on Jik.
"NO!" She fairly shouted. "I'm NOT FINE!" Dib squinted as the fumes from her breath wafted over to him. "What part of 'I'M PUKING' means I'M ALRIGHT!?"
"Okay, okay! Sheesh!" Exclaimed Dib as he waved his arms in innocence. "I guess this means we should get you home; you could be coming down with something! Oh, no! Could it be some kind of alien FLU!? Quick, let's get to your lab and do a scan for an alien virus! Or, or-!" He was cut off as she smacked his face. "Yeowch...!"
"I'M going home, NOT because I'm SICK WITH A VIRUS, but BECAUSE I'M SICK OF THIS PLACE!" She turned and walked off, almost stumbling over something which wasn't there. Maybe her own two feet? Dib rubbed his cheek, but finally decided to give up on the investigation and follow her. She might need his help, after all. She leaned against a pole, breathing heavily.
"Guess she really does need my help," Dib mumbled to himself as he walked after her. But made sure to keep at a safe distance until she actually fell or something. In the meantime...
Well, actually, in the past meantime...
{So, there is no change to the smeet's current condition?} Boomed a really big Control Brain quietly over the communications-link.
"None that I have observed," replied the Tatronian, staring evenly into the screen as she leaned back in the chair; legs crossed, her hands folded in front of her like a skilled business-man.
{But the aliens mentioned may cause...unforeseen changes.} Replied the Control Brain.
"They won't cause any trouble." Replied the Tatronian easily. "Since they are also looking for a cure, it would defeat their purpose to cause problems for us." The Control Brain apparently had a different point of view on it.
{But, if they suddenly choose to do something foolish; something short-sighted that could jeapordize the entire operation in the long-run,} the Control Brain paused a minute to let it sink in, {These "Humans" are said to be quite dumb.}
"And most of that was reported by Zim," reminded the Tatronian, then she said, "But, it seems that these two, whatever their reasons, are particularly more intelligent than the rest of their species; that may be a rarity, but I don't believe they'll attempt to harm him. The little smeet is just a test-subject to us, but to them he's a comrade in a similar predicament. They'll do whatever they can to keep him safe -there's no doubt about it. The only thing that bothers me is the-"
{Whatever. We have far more important matters to attend to. Just make sure that the experiments proceed as planned, and that the smeet is not compromised by these new..."companions".} The Control Brain was quick to dismiss her, and she sighed knowingly as she saluted them. Man, it was weird to have a body...!
"Yes, Sir! I'll be sure to do that." She replied. The screen flicked off as she leaned back into her chair and sighed. 'Now all I have to do is to inform the other scientists -then they perhaps will inform the guards...' She stared up at the ceiling, wondering why her hair was getting in the way of her eyes and wishing that this new body of hers didn't require so much maintenance. 'Well, I did tell little Jik that I'd handle it...!' She thought, 'And I have -although I'm very limited in what I can do, and can only report to the higher authorities about it... And although I'm sure that I can obey the Control Brain, who else here can keep their grubby little hands off a potential alien test-subject?! I wouldn't put it past 'em...!' Then she leaned up again and pressed a button on the control-panel.
"Head Scientist Epy, please report to the communications-room. I have something important to report." The Tatronian spoke into the communicator and got a quick response from the Head Scientist.
"Sounds good; we're on our way." Replied the scientist, and although she could hear balloon-squeak noises in the background, she was sure that they would be there soon.
The sounds of rushing footsteps resounded in the background, and she swallowed. They weren't going to like this, not one little bit...!
While I couldn't have known what was going on in the background (please know that I am recording this as a memoir, and therefore I have knowledge acquired later, after everything was said and done) I was still able to see the notable change in the security guards and scientists upon my return... Though, just for the record, my Tatronian glomped me just the same as any other day.
Although they never told me anything, I had the strongest feeling that something was up. That was the feeling I was getting a lot lately, and it usually meant that Dib and Alli were watching me, or that Zim was nearby, or something. Whatever it was, I wasn't told by the time I had dinner and went to bed. Another night as a human, and yet again, I couldn't wait to turn back into an Irken! Even though I couldn't eat any of those delicious mustardy-hot-dogs.
I was, once again I must stress this, completely oblivious to what was brewing in the shadows as I slept soundly upon my flat bed. (Okay, so English class in school had me writing like this! Hee hee, isn't it fun~?!)
So, there was no way of my knowing that Dib was in the process of discovering something else disturbing...and very quite possibly yet another splat to this mess!
That night...
Dib tossed and turned, then gasped and flopped out of his bed and onto the floor. He blinked his eyes enough, only to realize that there was a beeping coming from his computer. He jumped out of his covers, stumbled, and righted himself before checking said computer. "The ...the what!?" Without elaborating verbally, he ran downstairs and into the garage, hopping into his newly-repaired ship -previously Tak's ship, as it had come to be known- but he wanted it to be his ship.
"There's a weird beeping, but...! Where's it coming from?!" He still failed to elaborate, but the symbols on the screen showed something revealing. Apparently there'd been an escape-pod -of course, why wouldn't there have been one?!- and it was trying to get into contact with the main ship! A few more minutes of panic as he pushed a few buttons, wishing that he knew more Irken, and hoped that it did something. It did.
Another screen showed the coordinates and a rather scary grin played on his face. "Heh heh heh, so, I guess she's not dead, after all~!" Dib's mind now formulated all kinds of wild theories, yet the truth was only hypothesis until he actually pushed that button: the "Call" button. To contact that escape pod and find out for certain. After all, she'd tried to suck out the molten core of his planet and fill it with snacks! He had no way of knowing if she would try it again, but one thing was for certain: he liked revenge.
But...
Another thought poked at his head. Alli was sick. She'd tried to wave it off and say that it was just the stench of the amusement park, but that wasn't it. Perhaps her body wasn't able to take the strain of the transformations?! That had been bothering him, although she'd insisted on taking care of it herself... He shook his head. Where could that idea have come from?! The very thought of Tak actually helping them! He laughed, and then pressed the button. No, ooohhh no, she wasn't getting away that easily. 'Cause even though she wasn't out for revenge, well, he was~!
"..." There was nothing on the screen, even though he was sure it was clear. It was dark, and there were reddish-hanging things everywhere. He blinked, confused for a minute. Wasn't it the same person -Tak, or whoever- that was trying to contact this ship?! Why wasn't she-
The person's head suddenly appeared in front of him, scaring him half to death. "UWAAAUUGHYAAHHHH!" He yelled, almost falling out of the chair -if there were any more space to fall, that is. The face on the screen laughed. That laugh was quite familiar...!
"So, that's why the ship wasn't responding to my hails!" Said the very familiar voice on the other end. She continued laughing until Dib had righted himself, and he was sitting up in the seat, glaring at her.
"Hah hah HAH," he said sarcastically, "Very funny -that is you, isn't it? Tak?!" He tried to lean in closer to see, but her head was covered with something pinkish, and her implant was hard to make out. Also, her eyes looked so dark in the dim light, as if there was barely any light from the screen; and her skin looked gray because of it.
"Yes, yes," she wiped a fake tear away from her eye, then said, "I'm a little amazed that the ship's intact -even more amazed that you managed to find it! How did you make the repairs?"
"Well, it was actually pretty easy -it crashed in my backyard! And it was a little damaged, but I've been messing around with Zim's stuff for so long, that-!" Suddenly he stopped and pointed at her, "THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"
"Oh, come on! I was just curious! And besides, I built that ship. From scratch!" She glared slightly and leaned in, "I believe I have a right to know."
"Heh, well, too bad! I already deleted the safety-protocols that you built in! So now it's MY ship!" Then he stuck his tongue out, "Finders, keepers; losers, weepers!"
"You know, having this kind of childish conversation might be funny... IF I had the LUXURY and PATIENCE to LAUGH RIGHT NOW!" She snarled and leaned in. "I'm not looking forward to traversing these couple of star-systems just to find a beaten-up old ship that may or may not be rigged to blow up when I touch it, so you can have it! I built one ship, I can build another one!"
"...Wait, you mean, you aren't gonna' try to take it from me?!" Exclaimed Dib. Then he thought a minute, "Hey, I bet I could rig it to blow up if anybody but me touches it!" Tak face-palmed on the other side of the screen.
"I shouldn't have given you such a stupid idea, assuming you'd already done so," she said as she moaned. Dib continued on, probably not hearing her.
"And, wait a minute...did you say a couple of star-systems?!" He was finally done with his soliloquy, and turned to look at her in shock.
"Yes, yes, of course -if I hadn't been caught in the gravitational pull of your sun, just where else do you think I'd go?!" She said, and then sighed. "Look, I've got a head-wound, if you hadn't noticed," she pointed to her own head, "And this conversation is pretty pointless. I believe I'll just let you go now -have fun avoiding the Nanites Nightmare Inducers underneath the Floor Boosters!" She laughed as she reached to end the call.
"Hey, WAIT! Wait wait WAIT!" Exclaimed Dib as he waved his arms in front of the screen to stop her. "What are you going to do, now? You aren't gonna' try and take over the Earth again, are you?!" He glared and stared her down. She really couldn't care less about his lame intimidation-tactics, but she also couldn't reveal her own plans, and so...!
"Wouldn't you like to know~?" She replied with a smirk.
"Yes, I would, actually," replied Dib with a cranky look and folded arms. He honestly got that kind of response all too often with his little sister, so he knew exactly how to handle it.
"Well, too bad! Because it wouldn't be much of a plan if I actually bragged it out to you!" Replied Tak as she looked at a gloved hand as if to examine her fingernails underneath its leather exterior.
"Oh, come on!" Yelled Dib, "It's not like your empire really wants this planet! So what's it to you?!"
Tak seemed to regard him with surprise. "Hhhm, it's nice to see that you're finally up to speed~! Where did you manage to get that information?"
"I have my sources," Dib said with a slight smile. "And anyways, what's so important that you have to fill an entire planet with snacks just to get your leaders' attention?!"
"'My leaders' attention', oh, that's rich!" Laughed Tak. "But, no. I'm just trying to prove my worth as an Invader. Otherwise, I'll be required to wait another twenty years...! The tests to become an Elite soldier are only carried out every seventy years or so: and I would have already achieved it, if it hadn't been for that horrible little EXILE~!" She seethed, clenching her fist, but then she relaxed it. "Anyhow, that's my reason. If I can manage to prove myself worthy enough, I'll be an Invader!... Is your curiosity satisfied, now?!" She asked with a slightly sardonic tone to her voice. As if she expected him to be anything but curious...!
"Hah hah, not remotely, but I guess I'll leave it at that. And besides, I've got a feeling that you won't be allowed to cause any damage to this planet, no matter what!" Dib grinned, "Have fun finding out what that means~!" Then he reached for the control-panel to end the call.
"Oh, I just have to hear about that!" Exclaimed Tak before Dib pressed it. "What is it?! An Over Emotional-elemental?! Or Brain-joshers?! Or, perhaps it's just a really lame bluff?"
"Just watch out when you come here -that's all I can tell you- otherwise, you might find yourself in a lot of hot water...with your own people!" Grinned Dib.
"Well, this is an incredible predicament...!" Tak also grinned, but this grin was somehow even scarier than he'd ever imagined, and the shadows across her head didn't help much. "I can't wait to get back there and find out what it is... And after that...!" She leaned in to the screen and her glare cut him through to his very soul, "I'm thinking of paying you a visit... After all, your head IS big~!" Dib couldn't help but find himself pressed against the back of the cockpit and gulping. The transmission cut off, but he still sat there, shivering, trying to make sense of it all. Then he realized.
"I can't believe it... Tak is coming back. Tak is back!" Then he promptly smacked himself; for the horrible pun, but also to bring himself to his senses. He shakily stood up, then ran upstairs to prepare. But, first, he had to contact Alli!
Shy answered, instead. That was odd... It wasn't until he heard the full reason, though, that he realized just how odd it was.
In the morning...
It was still early, when I awoke and had breakfast. I was just finishing up eating when my Tatronian noticed something going on outside the window. So she went to go check, and I went back to eating the very last of my sausage. Sausage is good, as far as human foods go, but not as good as bacon. Although, many people seem to think this...can you believe they even make bacon-scented hand-towels?!
Outside, beyond my range of hearing, was something else going on...
"What are you doing?" Asked the Tatronian as she stared at the kid who was standing around on the sidewalk out in front of the house, looking back and forth nervously. It was, of course, Dib. He'd gone by Jik's house before school, but for what? That was why she was asking.
"Huh?" Came the reply, like he really wasn't paying attention to anything that was going on. "Oh! Uuuhhh... I just thought, that, uh...I could walk to skool with Jik!... Uh, you know...'cause, uh...!" He tried to fix her with a rather innocent-looking smile, but it looked so cheesy that its photo could be included next to the word "cheesy" in the dictionary! It was just that faux.
"Oh? And where's your other friend? Alli?" Asked the Tatronian, testing him, viciously teasing him, although he took it quite well, and was used to that kind of taunt.
"She's sick," he replied simply. Then, thinking, he added, "She caught a weird type of flu...you wouldn't happen to know of anything going around here, would you?" Since he'd said the word "here", it was only obvious that he was blaming them, the aliens, for bringing it. That was the most logical conclusion.
The Tatronian, "Aunt Tatty", paused and then said, "No," with a frown that said she wanted a lot more information, but wasn't at liberty to request it. Then, instead, she added, "Jik's secondary school starts in a couple of hours...why don't I send him out, and you can talk to him?" The moment that Dib had been hoping for -an actual chance to get inside their house!
"Why can't I just come inside?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, it's not like you've got anything to hide, riiight?"
She frowned once more, but couldn't say anything in reply to it. Instead, she surreptitiously activated her communicator to the guards so they could hear them and said, "Suuure! Just come right on in!"
Dib fairly blinked at her rather strange turn-around. And if he went inside, would it become a trap?! What if Jik had told them about him and Alli?! What if they used him as bait to lure Alli there?! What if -wait, wasn't he on his way to skool?!
"Well, actually, I can't. Since I'm on my way to skool," he replied quickly. "Sorry, I almost forgot! 'Bye, now!" Suddenly Dib could sense people moving outside of his field of vision, and he had a desperate urge of self-preservation, so strong, that it overrode his usual "Over-drive Curiosity to the Max!" instinct. He ran down the sidewalk towards school, narrowly avoiding a dissection by some very intrigued scientists.
"Well, I'll tell him you stopped by!" Shouted the Tatronian, then she snickered and walked back inside. "Yeah, well, sorry about that -it looks like he's a lot smarter than the others." She said as she stepped in through the door. The scientists who were all staring at her in expectant anticipation moaned and sighed.
"AAAaaa~aawww~www!" The hopeful scalpels, lasers, and other unknown items were reluctantly lowered as they all groaned to themselves.
I leaned my head out of the kitchen to look.
"What -what was that?! J-just now?!" I asked with a small shake to my voice. I couldn't be too sure, but I was aware that Dib was outside the window (after I looked up) and they were looking awfully eager with all those test-tools...! I leaned into the room and bowed my head politely. "That -that wasn't- that wasn't- !" I couldn't get the rest of the words out just then, and my Tatronian seemed to ally my fears -at least slightly.
"Well, it looks like that big-headed human was smart enough to avoid getting his head dissected," she explained. I still looked up at her with big, watery eyes. I wasn't quite sure why I was upset, but the fact that he even knew where I lived was even more upsetting than I could even think was possible!
"Dang, and I really wanted a look inside it!" Groaned another one of the scientists. They all turned to walk off to wherever they wanted to go.
"Oh, and don't worry: Alli wasn't there." My Tatronian didn't elaborate, and so I was allowed to do whatever it was I wanted until I transformed back into an Irken again. It wasn't until later, when we were alone, that she informed me of what Dib had told her.
"What!? What?! WHAT!?" I exclaimed, grabbing at my own head. We were upstairs in my room, and I was sitting at my desk, wondering what to do with myself. Never in my life had it been so turned upside-down, and I was actually starting to get used to this annoyingly-strange run-around. So I couldn't even stand hearing what she'd said. "We-we!" Then I gulped and stared up into her alien face, "I-I can get SICK!" I started hugging my knees as I rocked back and forth on the chair.
"Oh, come on! It's not as if we can't cure it pretty easily!" Replied the Tatronian. I, however, was pretty sure that "pretty easily" wasn't something you should say about a cure! So, the freaking-out-episode of mine continued.
"Th- that means that-!" I shuddered as I remembered hanging around that rather filthy amusement park with those possibly-disease-ridden-aliens... "WHAAAHHH! WHA- WHAT IF I'VE CONTRACTED SOMETHING!? AAAAHHHHHHHAAAAH!" I screamed as I grabbed my hair and ran screaming into the bathroom, intent on scrubbing every single thing.
"That...! Well, that could've gone better!" The understatement of the century was given by Interchon, who happened to be standing by in the doorway as I went screaming.
"Yeah...and then some!" Replied the Tatronian almost mysteriously, if I wasn't so mysterious already...!
Meanwhile, back at Alli's house...
Dib and the cat, Shy, sat at Alli's bedside while she coughed and whined. And waited.
"I'm sorry," Dib finally broke the silence, "I couldn't talk to Jik while worrying about how many different ways they'd dissect me." His honest confession would usually be thwarted by a cynical or angry comment -but, it wasn't. That was even more unusual!
"Don't worry about it. We can *cough cough* handle this just fine without them..." Replied Alli, waving a hand weakly. "At least Shy's scans identified it and a cure before the sun came up last night."
"Uuhhh...yeah..." Said Dib, understandably worried by her strange difference in behavior. "Well, I can stay here with you for today... I don't think that the skool would care, and if my dad asks, I'll just say that I was taking care of a sick friend. He'd probably be delighted to hear something like that!" He rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about the cure, either. I can easily sneak into Zim's base and get it. Er...! At least, I think...!"
"Gee, everyone keeps saying, 'I'll take care of you!' and 'Don't worry!'" Replied Alli. "I mean, *hack cough* really! I'm fine!..." As she said this her eyes started drooping and she seemed to be about ready to sleep.
"Alli, this is an alien virus, and with the transformation progressing, I just don't think it's a good idea!" Dib sighed as he knew it would only be useless to say something like that. "Sure, I mean, it'll be hard...but with Shy, tomorrow night, we can manage just fine! I'll even prod Gaz into going if I have to, even if she threatens with nightmares and extreme pain!" He then folded his arms and pouted, "You're weird when you're sick, you know?" As if that explained all the lengths he would go to just for the cure.
"*Cough cough* What abo-ugh! What about-!" Alli coughed as she leaned over to get her drink that was sitting on her bedside table. Dib responded by helping her with it. Shy did absolutely nothing, as she was currently in her cat-form, and was sleeping soundly on Alli's bed, providing comfort with the honor of her company. Alli laid down again and then said, "What about Tak~?" Her voice was weak and warbley, and Dib wondered if this alien virus might not have a "Laryngitis-like" effect.
"Don't worry, she won't be able to get here so quickly -even with their technology- and believe me, she's pretty banged-up. I assume she'd want to heal and get a better ship before flying all the way out here again...and, also, I, uh...!" Dib scratched his head nervously, "I uh, might've insinuated that she'd be in trouble if she ever tried something that could destroy the Earth again...with her own people...!" He waited for a reaction, and he finally got one. It wasn't as strong as it usually was, though.
"What!? What in the- *hack hack hack*" She leaned up to shout, but was again interrupted by her coughs.
"Well, I kind-of wanted to dissuade her from ever trying that kind of thing again! And, plus, now that I know the reasons why she did it, I can make a plan to deal with her! Besides, even if she did find out about Jik and everything, why would she care? She just wants to be an Invader! ...But, of course, she could try to use that against us...! Oh, and she could also try and do something else entirely... I thought that she was telling the truth because it matched what was on that memory-disk from her robot, but what if she really meant something else?! Oh! And then, what if Jik gets this alien virus, and we have to work along with her to help him, and-!" Dib's long soliloquy was cut off when Alli grunted and coughed, sounding as if she was about to hack up a hairball. Shy started at the sound, because only she was allowed to hack up hairballs.
"Dib," stated Alli weakly, "...shut-up." She leaned back down on the bed, and Shy stretched and left the room to patrol the grounds, and do whatever it is that cats do.
Hey, she had to eat and use the littter-box too, you know!
"Sorry, sorry! Er, sorry!" Replied Dib as he helped Alli to lay back down. He tried his best to fluff her pillows and to tuck her in, but she only growled. "Sorry!" He said again. This nursing thing was hard...!
At evening-time...
Dib ran over his schematics again. He was still at Alli's house, but both she and Shy were now transformed, and there was very little time to spare. Although he'd have liked to have staked out Zim's place another day or two to thoroughly plan things out, it was "fly by the seat of your pants" time now. The virus which Alli had contracted was apparently in its last stages, and unless treated, it could have chronic effects, or even death...! Dib checked his watch again, just to be sure it was working. Yup. The illness should've been treated earlier, so now it was a race against time.
The illness was an Irken one, which seemed to only affect Irkens. Since a human body would contain too much water, it would die on contact with any liquid from a human body. Or even the moisture in the air! The only problem was, that she'd somehow contracted it, (perhaps in her Irken form) and it seemed to stay in her system. The current discrepencies with her transformation would prove that more and more a hazard, as that meant that perhaps the difference with her human form would cause the virus to mutate or something.
The illness was a virus, but a very deceptive one. It looked alright to begin with...abnormal mood-swings and whatnot. Then it finally descended into nausea and vomiting, followed by a sore throat and swollen glands. Puss would ooze out occasionally from her head, making Dib nervous about even touching it. (Not to mention cleaning it!) Then the very final thing -unconsciousness for long periods of time, not related to any healing-process- made it the most horrible thing for an Irken.
The illness was showing similar signs with Alli, although she still mostly transformed into a human during the day. Her transformation seemed to be leaning more towards the Irken side as of late: she even still burned when water touched her skin in her human form! At the rate things were going, this disease was most likely to have either the same or similar effects on Alli, whether she was transformed or not.
The illness would eventually go away, if the person's immune-system was strong enough. The illness could also claim the person's life, if it wasn't. The possibility of lasting effects to the body, however, made this all the more urgent.
Death, Dib felt that he could probably deal with. But an Irken/human transforming invalid? He'd really rather not think about having to install wheel-chair ramps inside her house. Instead, he paid attention to the task at hand.
"This about does it...or, it should...what about everything on your end?" He asked to Shy, and for once, she seemed rather alert and paying attention. Of course, her master's life was in danger...but that hadn't exactly helped all that much before.
The little orange-lighted SIR-Unit turned and gave him a thumbs-up, and then pointed to the ruck-sack right behind him. He turned around and almost face-palmed.
"Oh! That's right; thanks for reminding me!" Dib replied, and searched through its contents until he was satisfied. "Well...!" He sighed once more, and then checked in with Gaz to make sure that she could meet them there. "It looks like we're on our way!"
"Stop talking to yourself and get out here -this stupid house is glowing too brightly. I can't see the darkness." Said Gaz with a snirk. Then the link went dead. Dib turned to Shy before lifting the rucksack onto his shoulders and leaving the house.
"Whelp, it looks like it's all up to us!" He mumbled to Shy as they walked down the street. Shy, hologrammed as a common house-cat, blended in perfectly; while he walked behind her, dressed oddly like a cross between a ninja and a guerrilla, carrying a rucksack on his back.
They reached the house and Dib had hardly broken a sweat. All that fighting against Zim was really paying off! Well, physically. Gaz looked annoyed at them as they walked up. "That's your outfit?! Please!"
"Relax, Gaz!" He replied as he lowered the rucksack down off his shoulders and crouched behind the fence. "Nobody even noticed when an entire SPACE-SHIP crash-landed in my BACKYARD! Not to mention the fact that nobody even realizes that ZIM's an ALIEN! I highly doubt they'll care what I look like, so let's just quit the chit-chat and get this over with, alright?!"
"Ppsshh! It's your Fashion Funeral," She replied, as she turned to look at the house. "So, what's that?"
"Oh, this?" Dib pulled out his new-and-improved X-Scope. "This can help me look through walls so that I can see exactly where we need to go for the medicine! I modified it out of one of Dad's old telescopes -the only problem seems to be that I need to set it up on these tripod legs, and-!" He was shocked when she grabbed the scope from his hands, off the tripod, and looked through it into the house.
"Well, it looks like Zim's not inside the house part, so let's just see where he went...!" She tried to look through the ground, but apparently the scope was only capable of seeing through inorganic matter. "Pssh! This thing sucks!" She snarled, almost tossing it away; but then she thought better of it, and popped Dib over the head with it.
"Hey!" He almost wailed, "It's not meant to see through organic matter! If I modified it that way, then I'd have no idea where Zim is!" She hated that he had a point, and so she stayed quiet and turned to look at the house.
"So, what? We have to get in in order to use that, and that'll probably mean we'll be spotted by the computer or those stupid lawn-gnomes!" She jerked a thumb towards the fence, indicating where they were.
"Relax! I'll just slip by, while you create a diversion!" He replied easily. "Like, uh, pwohsh! I dunno...play video-games with him or something!" He turned back to his rucksack and put the rest of his things into it.
"...Hmmm~!" Gaz said thoughtfully, then she said, "Okay, but I get to pick the game!" Dib would've been confused, but he had no time right now.
"Uh-huh, uh-huh, okay;" he replied as he pushed a few buttons on a hand-held device that almost looked like a clam-shell phone, except that it probably had a laser or something attached to it. "Well, everything's all set! Gaz, wait until I tell you to-!" He looked up and realized that she was gone. Gasping and looking around, he had just enough time to hear the door of Zim's house open and Gaz talking to both GIR and Zim before he yanked on his rucksack and ran around the edge of the fence.
"...I will ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE, Earth PIG-LICK! And I SHALL BEAT YOU LIKE WHIPP-ED-CREAM! MWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH~!"
"...Put your money where your mouth is, suckah, 'cause I'm the best Earth Pig-lick Vampire Piggy Hunter there's ever been!" Gaz continued to taunt Zim, and he responded as expected. They went inside the house, as Dib snuck in through another way. Mainly, one of those strange tubes coming out of the side of the house.
"The PIGGY-LICKER will EAT YOUR FACE off, MASTAH!" Exclaimed GIR in excitement. Dib could hear it echoing even into these strange tubes -vents?- and he wondered just how in the heck that little robot could manage it. Then he remembered his mission, and forgot about it. Which was a real shame, 'cause he seriously should've!
Rolling down the tube, he soon came to a slamming stop in front of a sectioned valve of some sort and was hit in the head with his own rucksack. Sitting up quickly, he stared at the thing in front of him. What exactly was this vent, and where did it lead to...? Though he could've used his new scope, it would surely be mechanical, and the scope would see right through to the ground. That wouldn't work. The laser-cutter-pen his dad made should make short work of this valve, though...just as it had the outside of the tube. After a few minutes of realizing that there was a lot more metal to go through than he thought, he finally broke through. Literally, kicking a small, oddly-angled square hole out.
"A-HA!" He unwittingly exclaimed, poking his head through. Then it took a few minutes of negotiating his rucksack, but finally he realized something: "Where's Shy?!"
Shy instantly responded, smushing the rucksack through the hole. Apparently she'd been there the whooole time. Right behind him...
In the living-room upstairs...meanwhile...
The large television was showing an alien training-simulation game that Zim had insisted that he was the best at. He shouted and screamed alien curses, "WHY YOOOUUUUU~! $#^% &*$!"
Gaz calmly sat on the floor next to him with a controller, beating the pants off him. Thankfully, they weren't literal pants. "Pssh! Whiner...!"
"Squeak!" Replied Minimoose, floating right behind them.
Shy saluted as she stepped out, and Dib replied, "Oh, right! Anyhow, scan the area for the medicine and let's get the heck out of here!... No matter how much I wanna' stay and collect evidence...! Must...RESIST...!" He promptly had a short spasm-attack, after which he said, "Okay! Anyhow, let's get a move on!" His right eye twitched and his hand jerked, but otherwise he seemed pretty okay...just as long as they didn't come across any mind-shattering experiments...or anything... That'd kind-of blow his whole cover if he had to expose those!
Shy scanned the area around, looking left and then right, and then finally pointed in one singular direction, towards a set of controls. "Alright!" Exclaimed Dib, forgetting to stay silent. He'd also forgotten about Zim's base's Computer. That watched them boredly while they examined the database and finally found the right file.
{Well, Arctidedeplies Exhumination Elliminies IS an awfully horrible virus...} Came the computer's voice just as they were about to head towards the medical section. They both gasped and turned around as he said this. {And, what's even more delightful, is that it's transmittable to Irkens... That'll give you guys a good excuse as you make a run for it after you grab it. Assuming, you know, you can run a lot faster than Zim can get down here.}
Dib glared and asked in confusion, {What do you mean -you're actually giving us a chance to go get it?!}
{Well, considering that any Irken with a malfunctioning PAK could easily contract it, and Zim was working on that little experiment using those virus cells...that just happened to contain that very virus...and that I was hoping that he'd contract it himself, but he proved immune to it -through sheer stupidity, mind you! I'm sure he was just too stupid for those virus cells to dare latch onto his brain-dead flesh- and that, according to my protocols, A.I. Protocols, Area J37-1, if there are any Irkens in the vicinity of a life-threatening virus, I must make sure to prevent the spread of said threat. Just in case the PAK doesn't take care of that. So, you know... I'll give you two a 30 second head-start. How's that?} Finished the computer rather boredly. If it could file its nails and were a female, it would've done it.
"How's about you make it a minute, and let Gaz out of the house, too?" Replied Dib, hoping to play hardball with it.
The computer didn't care about playing, but it was in a "meh" mood today, and so it said, {Sure. Why not?} And a door opened, leading to a lift area. {You've got sixty-seconds, Big-head Kid. Start running!} He then pulled out a box of internet cookies and began munching on them as he watched the entertainment.
"Whooh!" Exclaimed Dib, surprised by their good fortune, "Okay! Now, let's find the medicine!" He and Shy descended the lift, and soon found themselves in a different sort of room, smelling oddly like chemicals of alien origins and definitely alien uses. The room had all sorts of storage alongside the walls, and Dib looked around, strangely out-of-place. "Sheesh, where's the Arctidedeplies Exhumination Elliminies Vaccine?!" He exclaimed.
Shy looked around the room, and then pointed to one of the cabinets on the wall. He pulled it open and found what looked like a little vial with Irken words printed on it. They read the same as what they were looking for, but he had to make sure -with Zim, hey, who knew what could be in there?!- and he held it out for Shy to scan. "Scan it, Shy. Just to make sure."
"Scan complete: yep, it's the real deal!" She held up a thumb, but then said, "Perhaps we should grab a second one, just in case?" Dib glanced back at the cabinet and realized she had a point.
"Sure, why not?" He said as he grabbed the second one.
Shy didn't have time to scan it, however, as the computer announced: {Whoops, time's up! Now it's time for the fun to begin!}
Dib gasped and glanced around, then shoved both vials into his pocket before running out the door and towards the nearest elevator.
He stumbled in and took a look around. "Uhhh...how do I make this thing go?! Oh, right!: take me up, Computer!" There was a momentary pause. "Uhhh...please? ..Pretty-please?" Then the computer finally answered him.
{Sorry, but Zim's onto you. I suggest you find another way.} Replied the computer with a slight bit of fancy. He was having fun~!
"D'OH!" Shouted Dib; he stared as the doors opened and revealed Zim standing there, holding something that looked like a cross between a laser and several metal ropes tied together.
"EEEEK!" He and Shy both shouted, before diving out of the way.
Zim's laser-metal-ropes-thingy fired, and left a weird, tic-tac-toe-board-shaped burn in the elevator and walls behind them. They even had time to wonder just why in the heck it had a netted shape when they wouldn't even live through one blast from it...! Zim snarled and swung around, eyes switching back and forth as he looked for them. Eventually there was nothing, so he resorted to shouting at the computer for help: this took all of about three seconds, all together.
"COMPUTEEEEERRRR!" Shouted Zim, "LOCATE THE INTRUDERS! YET...AGAIN!"
Dib raised an eyebrow from his hiding-place behind a couple of consoles, but decided to say nothing. The SIR-Unit/kitty-cat, Shy, was actually hiding behind the panels inside of a wall, but she wasn't disturbed; yet again, the computer seemed to deign to answering, since he wanted to see them do battle without his help.
{Uhhh...well, geeze~! I can't seem to find them ANYwhere~!} Said the computer with false concern. {Hhhmmm...! I wonder where they could be...?!} Zim grew annoyed with the computer's lack of assistance, and shouted once again.
"NEVERRRMIII~IIIIND!" He shrieked spasmodically, "I'LL DO IT MY-SEEEELFFFF!" The computer watched him run off into another room, presumably to get something, and sighed with a slight, unseen smile to itself.
{Ppsshhh! Finally!} It took a couple of seconds for Dib to register that he'd gone.
"Uhhh...well, I guess he's-" Dib started to say as he slowly stepped out from his hiding-place. "Whuh-oh."
Zim had appeared again, just as he was stepping out from behind the panels, and pointed a rather weirder-looking gun than the one he'd pointed before at him. This one had something attached to his eye and head, and straps connecting it to his PAK and arms. The long tail of it trailed down behind him, and he snarled and laughed as he sighted Dib with his eye-scope. "WHA-HAAAAHHHH!" He said, "I'VE GOT YOU NOW, YOU LITTLE Dib-thief SCUM-BAT!" His arm-things started to glow as Dib stared at him.
Dib slowly raised an eyebrow. "'Scum-bat'?!" Was all he could even think to ask.
"YES!"
"Uhm...WHY, may I ask, am I a 'scum-bat'?!" Dib scanned the background behind Zim with his eyes, searching for any hint of Shy, but the glow from his arm-thingies attached to his device with the already-dim lighting in the place was making it kind-of hard to see.
"BECAUSE! ...Uhhh...ehhh..." Zim paused for a moment. "YOU just ARE!" Then he thought of something else, "THAT, and YOU have this stinking-horrible sm~eee~eeelllllll~! Like that of the dungy-doo-doo doom-beast that flies around at night and GETS INTO MY upstairs window!" He waved a hand around, "So, that, and, uhm...yeah."
"Uhh...that's nice. I've always been rather fond of them. Bats, you know. I mean, it's not like they're my favorite, but, uhhm-" Dib began mentioning, but Zim interrupted him.
"NEVERMIIIND THAT!" Zim exclaimed, "Excellent work, Computer! Now, implement the Re-shocks and we'll blach this Dib to KINGDOM-COME!"
{Uhm...WHAT!?} Exclaimed both the computer and Dib at the exact same time.
"THE BREE-FBARS!" Exclaimed Zim, putting a hand on his hip. "Surely you remember that I told you to set up the bree-fbars in case the Dib tries to hide anywhere here!"
{Nope,} replied the computer simply.
"Eeehh...well, eeehhh..." Said Zim slowly, as if he couldn't comprehend what the computer was telling him. His weapon continued to hum and to glow along with it.
"Hey," said Dib, who'd been afraid to move while Zim was distracted, simply because he thought he'd go trigger-happy with a potentially-lethal weapon. It always happened. "Is...that thing done charging...?" He asked the most dangerous question of a most dangerous weapon. It had lights, that lit up and did stuff, you know?
Zim glanced down a minute at his gun and then looked up, answering very calmly, "Just about finished. Why?"
"Oh- oh, well, you know...I was just wondering, ah...I was kind-of hoping that, uhhh...Shy and I could get out of this place...!" He decided to just throw it out there. Who knows? Maybe Zim would be distracted enough from his rampage and even let them leave? Maybe...and maybe not.
"WHA-HAH!" Laughed Zim triumphantly, "You DAA~AARE to insult the mighty ZIIIIIM! WITH such a FOOL-HARDY REQUEST?!" He raised his weaponey-gloved hand in the air and grasped at nothing at all.
"Hey, I'm in a hurry, alright?!" Groaned Dib, crossing his arms. He also contemplated telling Zim that Alli was sick, but that was just as stupid as whatever plans Zim had in store for him!
"HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAhaaaahhhghcksk!" Zim hacked a bit and then said, "What, you scared 'cause your freaky little robot ran off~?! Wah-hah-HAH-HAH!"
"No, I'm not scared..." Stated Dib with a bit of an eye-roll, and then said, "But...well, now that you mention it; I think Shy is flying through the air right now, about to SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT with her freaky little half-cat, half-robot claws! And stuff!" He pointed up behind Zim's head, hoping that his voice was loud enough for Shy to hear him.
"Hah! You think you can get ME with that-!" Zim's rant was ultimately cut off by Shy, swinging down from a metal cable with something heavy hanging off the end and whacking him right in the head. Zim fell to the floor with a "CLAUNHGK!" and Shy flipped elegantly and stood beside his motionless form.
"Well, that, uh, wasn't what I'd said, but, uh, I guess it's all good!" Replied Dib while he rubbed the back of his head.
Shy pointed and he realized what she meant. "Oh, right! We need to get out of here!" Exclaimed Dib, grabbing his head. He rushed off in one direction, whilest Shy grabbed him and pointed in the other. "What? What?!" Then he got the point. "Okay, *Sigh* lead the way!" Shy jumped over a console and he followed, then gaped at where she was leading him. "Is it...a pod of some type? Why, are we supposed to get inside it?! I thought that-" He was cut off as Shy practically shoved him inside, and squished in alongside him with the rucksack. The base's computer droned outside the clear glass-like covering of the pod, still heard though not as loudly as it would've been heard, without the clear glass-like covering of the pod.
{Detonation of DOME-DOOM-DESTROYER in four, three, two, one...}
Dib had just enough time to ask, "What's a 'Dome-doom-destroyer'?" before it exploded in a brilliant blue-white light.
Dib stumbled out of Zim's house, which tilted at an odd angle, and eventually folded in on itself at one side, looking almost like a squashed paper-mache. Now if only it wasn't smoking and burning, as well as folded and crushed. Dib's face met with the cement of the side-walk and he lie there for a moment, faintly smoking, as he burned some of his irradiated-in-alien-radiation flesh into the sidewalk.
Shy walked up to him, remarkably without even a scratch, and stood there. He coughed a bit. Then, reaching into his pocket -don't ask how he did that without flipping over- he pulled out the two vials they'd snatched from Zim's lab. They were perfectly intact. "Take these to Alli and give her the antidote immediately," he managed to say. Shy snatched the vials and ran off, leaving him there on the sidewalk, burning.
"Whew, that looks like it'll leave a bruise," mentioned a voice watching him. Dib didn't pay any attention to it as he pushed himself onto his feet and stumbled home. His ruck-sack hung at an odd angle and the few various things he'd packed into it threatened to flop out.
When he got home, he went right to sleep.
END CHAPTER 4
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I know, it's sort-of a cliff-hanger, and I haven't written a lot on this story lately (Seriously?! I last updated this LAST YEAR!?) But, IT IS UPDATED! YAAAAYYYY! *Flops around like Kermit the Frog.*
As for notes, uh...TAK IS COMING! WHOO-HOO HOO HOOOS! (And, I really can't remember if the original 'fic had her in it -I can't remembers!- but, uh...yeah!)
Oh! And...DUH DUN DUUUUUNNNNN~! To be sure, you'll notice a lot of somethings different with Dib's family compared to my other fics. I'm trying out a different idea that I'd had, although it still involves lab experiments. *Nods as if that explains it.*
And, as for Alli's transformation...?! Woooohhhh~! You'll just have to wait and see to find out~! Anyways, that's it! Read and review, pretty-please!