Disclaimer: I don't own the basic storyline, or any of the dialogue from One Tree Hill. I own only my own creativity.
A/N: I've been on hiatus for over a year with all of my stories. I'm so sorry. School happened, and I got really busy. Still, that is not an excuse. I'll try to finish the stories that I began oh so long ago. Also, please review! Let me know if this story intrigues you as much as it once did.
"How about you tell me about the first time you said I love you?" Sawyer suggested as coyly as possible.
Lucas opened the car door for his daughter and helped her in. They'd finished their breakfasts quickly, but had lounged around the Cafe for the better part of the afternoon. "I don't know if that's very interesting," he dodged as he shut her car door. He quickly began the walk over to his side of the car before settling himself in.
Sawyer placed her hands on her hips, unwavering. "That's for me to decide."
"Okay." Lucas had learned it was smarter to just listen to her. "It was senior year and I had been non-exclusively dating Brooke for a few months until I found her with someone else and realized that I couldn't be with her if there was another guy in the picture. I'd decided to cut her out of my life when she showed up on my doorstep..."
... Her eyes were desperate, vulnerable. Lucas simply opened his bedroom door to find them staring fiercely back at him, demanding his undivided attention for an impending revelation. Yet, those eyes were soft, mixed with radiant shades of hazel brown and green that made his own heart ache.
"There are eighty-two letters in here," she told him quickly, too nervous to slow down.
It was then that Lucas noticed the small cardboard box she held in her hands.
"And they're all addressed to you," she continued, handing the box over to him. Tears began to form in her beautiful eyes. "I wrote them all this summer." Her voice hitched. "One a day, but I never sent them because I was afraid." She was full-on crying now.
Lucas looked down at the box, finally realizing why she'd been so reluctant about beginning a relationship with him. For fear that he wasn't serious about her, for fear that his feelings for her best friend hadn't completely disappeared, and for fear that she wasn't good enough for him.
"Brooke," he started, wanting more than anything to tell her that his love for her couldn't be more serious, that she alone held his heart, and that she was more than enough for him. She was too good for him and always had been. He just hadn't seen it right away.
"I was afraid of getting my heart broken again," she went on, her crying causing Lucas' heart to feel impossible weight and pain. "Like before," she told him with a shrug. "Because you hurt me so bad, and I was afraid to be vulnerable, and I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now after what I did, but I just thought that you should know." Her eyes traveled back to the box and the numerous letters it held. "This is how I spent my summer, Luke—wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it."
Lucas watched as she ran down the steps and away from him. His hesitation lasted a fraction of a second until he just knew. He followed her down, calling out her name. "Brooke," he said, throwing his hands up. "I'm sorry. What you did with Chris...it's okay."
"It's not," Brooke countered. "It can't be; it's too much to forgive.
"Well, that's too bad," Lucas began, "because I forgive you."
Brooke wasn't having it. "You can't."
"I just did." He smiled openly. "So you're just going to have to deal with it. I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis. And I know I hurt you the last time we were together, but—"
"I love you," she cut him off, her love for him truly radiating out from her.
"I love you too." His hand caressed her cheek. "Pretty girl."
She took a deep breath like she couldn't wait one more moment to feel his lips on hers. And then they were kissing, hands wrapped around each other, their hearts finally coming together at the right time...
... Sawyer pivoted around in her seat to look at her dad, her brow furrowing as if she were confused. "Let me get this straight. You initially liked Raleigh? You had a crush on her first, but you loved Brooke before all the others?"
Luke hadn't thought about it like that. Whitey's words from the basketball awards banquet suddenly came back to him.
You don't forget your first love.
Sawyer arched an eyebrow, impatient with how long it was taking her dad to answer. "Well?" she demanded.
"I guess so," Lucas stumbled. "I hadn't realized—I guess I'd just always assumed I'd fallen in love with Raleigh first."
"See," Sawyer piped up excitedly, "talking about what happened might make you realize who you should really be with."
Lucas chuckled quietly. If it made his daughter happy to think that, then he'd go along with just about anything. "Maybe," he allowed.
"So when did you first tell Raleigh you loved her?" Sawyer asked, back to the point.
Lucas tightened his grip on the wheel, the memory as clear as day. "It was late in my senior year. I'd just had a heart attack after the Ravens had won the state championship. Raleigh and I were newly together, and she was acting really out of character..."
... Lucas walked into her bedroom as he had so many times before. There she was, his angel, organizing her records as she did so often. He couldn't help but smile as he stepped toward her.
"You busy?" he asked, knowing that she wasn't.
Raleigh shook her head. "No, just faking it," she admitted, confirming his suspicions. She started walking away, her arms crossing around her small frame. "Sorry I was being a weirdo earlier."
"You mean when you didn't kiss me on the quad or when you said that dreams are email for ghosts?" Lucas wondered aloud, his legs moving to follow her.
"Both," Raleigh conceded. She finally stepped in Lucas' direction.
Lucas stopped a foot short of her, noticing her discomfort. "What's wrong, Raleigh?"
She exhaled deeply, her shoulders dropping. "I want to kiss you, Luke. I do. I just don't want to lose you."
Lucas understood instantly. Raleigh had already lost so many people in her short life. Of course she'd be scared of losing him too.
"Hey," he breathed, closing the space between them until his hands could wrap around her. "What makes you think you're gonna lose me?"
Her expression became upset. "Only the fact that I lose everyone I care about. Anytime I open up to someone they walk out of my life, or they die, or they move away, or they get shipped off to Iraq, or they turn into freaking Norman Bates—"
Lucas cut her off, placing both of his hands gently around her face as he pulled her in for a fervent kiss. It lasted for several wonderful seconds, deepening until Lucas finally thought he'd gotten his point across.
"Not everyone," he pointed out, his eyes staring into hers, willing her to understand.
Raleigh looked away, uncertainty lingering. "Luke, the last time we kissed you had a heart attack..."
"And I didn't die," he argued. "I couldn't die. Do you know why?" His hands rubbed against her arms soothingly. "Because I had to come back and look into those green eyes of yours and tell you I love you." Her face lit up as he spoke. "I do," he continued. "I love you, Raleigh. You didn't push me away. I came back for you. And no matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you."
Raleigh stood their silently, taking in his promise. It was always a challenge for her to let someone in, to take a chance with her heart, but this boy wasn't just anyone for her.
"I love you too," she finally answered him, and Lucas knew right away that she really did...
... Lucas pulled his car into his driveway. Sawyer hopped out before he'd gotten it completely in park. He stumbled after her, pulling out his house key and unlocking the door before either of them could go inside.
"Raleigh was right to be nervous," Sawyer decided, sliding right back into her spot at the dinner table. "But not just about the whole heart attack thing. She probably should've been nervous about whether or not you really loved her."
"What?" Lucas took a seat across from her. "What are you talking about, rugrat? Of course I loved her."
"Right." Sawyer rolled her eyes. "You loved Brooke in the beginning of your senior year, but had already fallen for Raleigh by the end of it. You either didn't love one of them as much as you're saying or you move way too fast in relationships."
Lucas shifted in his seat. "Well, I definitely loved both of them. So using your logic, I'd have to say it's the second one."
"Hmmm." Sawyer bit her lip, considering. "So how long after you and Raleigh broke up did it take for you to fall in love with Julia?"
"Well..." Lucas thought back to their date in California. "Raleigh and I broke up my sophomore year of college," he explained. "Then Julia and I started dating a few months later. I guess it was about a year later that I realized I loved her..."
... Lucas was sitting at his desk, finishing up an assignment for his poetry class. Soft music played in the background, relaxing him as he did homework. A knock came from the door. He stood up, stretched, and walked over to answer it.
Julia stood outside, wearing an old pair of jeans and a baggy sweatshirt, a look highly uncharacteristic of her. Her hair was placed up in a messy bun, her face was devoid of all makeup. Lucas looked closer and could see the puffiness and redness that surrounded her eyes. She'd obviously been crying.
"What's wrong?" Lucas demanded immediately. He moved forward and engulfed his girlfriend in a hug. His hand wrapped in her hair and brought her closer. She sobbed against his chest, real sorrow spilling out from her.
"Everything," she cried. "Lucas, I can't—I don't—how am I supposed to live without him?"
Lucas brought her into his apartment, setting her down on his couch. "Who are you talking about?"
Her cries wracked her whole body. "My dad," she finally whispered. "He's gone. He...died."
Lucas felt like his heart had stopped. He'd known this could happen. He'd known the man had had cancer, but still he'd hoped for a miracle. Lucas quickly became at a loss for words. Why was there so much death in the world, he wondered. Why did it seem to touch everyone around him so often?
"I'm so sorry," he finally managed. "I'm so sorry, Julia. I know what you're going through. I remember the pain. It's unreal. It makes you feel so empty. I'm just...I'm so sorry. This shouldn't be happening to you. It's not fair."
Julia was sent into a new wave of hysterics. The realization that her father was truly gone had hit her harder than was possibly imaginable.
"What can I do for you?" Lucas questioned, desperate to help her in any way he could. "How can I help you get through this?"
Julia looked up at him, her eyelashes damp with her latest tears. "Just stay with me," she whispered. "Don't let me be alone tonight."
"Never," Lucas promised. He sat down behind her on the couch and pulled her body against him. In that moment the words came to him, the only words that he felt might be able to help her then. "I love you," he finally told her. "I love you, and I'm here for you."
The words made Julia cry more, but it was still the right thing to say. They laid down together, a blanket wrapped around them, as Julia grieved throughout the night. Lucas felt her cries the entire time, but he never let her go. He wouldn't dare let her go. Her cries only served to make him love her more...
... "That's so sad," Sawyer commented, her expression unusually somber. "I can't believe she lost her dad. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
Lucas smiled lightly, the action not touching his eyes. "You never have to worry about losing me, kiddo." He stood up from the table and walked over to his little girl. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised. He leaned in to kiss Sawyer on the forehead. "I need you to remember something, sweetie. No matter how this story ends, which girl you think I love, you need to remember that you're the girl I love the most. Nothing and no one will ever change that."
Sawyer smiled, her blue eyes sparkling. "I love you too, Dad."
And never had an I love you been as meaningful to Lucas as that.
Review with your thoughts! Next chapter: Brooke Davis Returns!