Of course, as soon as I added the word 'boobies' to the last chapter it uploaded properly. A little tip if anyone else ever has trouble.
Disclaimer: All I own is a slight headache and a lovely blanket.
Jade always took more risks than Tori. Things were usually Jade's idea and Tori went along with them because they were fun, or just because Jade was her friend. In fourth grade their class took a field trip to the beach. Their teacher said it was to better understand the ocean, to learn about the moon and the tide and all sorts of other crap that no one really cared about because who wanted to learn science when there was sand and water and sunshine? Tori's mom had been one of the chaperones, although she seemed to have the same idea as most of the students, because she was wearing shorts and a tank top and had a huge bag with a blanket and sunscreen and snacks in it. Eventually their teacher gave up trying to teach them and just said that whoever gathered the most seashells would get extra points on their next test. Jade and Tori teamed up, wandering along the sand while the water lapped at their feet. Eventually they had wandered pretty far from the rest of the group, and Tori turned around and saw Jade kneeling in the sand. "What's wrong?" Tori asked as she walked over. "It's dead," Jade said. Tori walked closer, peering over Jade's shoulder at the small, lifeless bird in the sand. Tori said it was gross, that Jade should leave it alone, but Jade didn't listen. Instead, she started digging a hole in the sand. Tori glanced towards their group and then back to Jade. She dropped the shells in her arms and knelt down next to her friend, helping her dig a grave. Tori refused to touch the bird, but Jade did. She lowered it into the hole and then the two of them covered it up with sand. When Tori told her mom, Mrs. Vega freaked out and dragged them both off the beach to wash their hands and told them never to touch anything like that again. Jade was quiet for the rest of the day.
"I see you've already started on the assignment." Jade nodded towards the television, where a cheery song and dance from Singin' in the Rain was playing out.
"What?" Tori looked startled. "Oh, no, I was eating breakfast. That just happened to be on." Her hair was in disarray, pulled back in a messy ponytail, random strands sticking up and out all over. Her dark blue shirt was wrinkled and some of the fabric on her shorts was bunched up.
Jade's lips curled into a smirk as she pulled the strap of her bag over her head and dropped it on the floor next to the sofa. "Jesus, Vega, it's almost noon. Did you really just wake up?"
"Shut up, it's Saturday. I'm allowed to sleep in." Tori tugged at the hem of her shirt with one hand while the other fidgeted with her hair. Jade placed her coffee down and dropped onto the sofa, kicking her feet up on the table in front of her. Tori stood awkwardly, watching as Jade's eyes roamed around the room. "Jade?" Tori's voice was quiet, like she wasn't sure what she should be asking but knew that she should be asking something.
"Fuck Frankenstein." Jade draped one arm across her stomach while the other picked at a speck of lint on the sofa.
"Frankenstein," Tori repeated dumbly.
"No, Vega." Jade turned and looked her straight in the eyes. "Fuck Frankenstein. I'm not risking my grade in screenwriting because you can't write a paper. So go get your shit," Jade gestured towards the stairs, "and let's just get this assignment over with."
Tori hesitated, just staring at the girl on her couch. Jade widened her eyes and shooed Tori away. Tori tripped over her feet and stumbled towards the stairs. "Brush your hair. That rat's nest is hurting my eyes," Jade called over her shoulder. There was a pause, and then the sound of Tori's feet retreating upstairs. Jade crossed her ankles and turned her attention to the tv. It was weird, being back in the Vega household after so long. She couldn't believe that she'd actually decided to show up. Just pulling up outside had caused a strange pang in her chest and her mind to flood with memories. But she had made a decision, and Jade West was not a quitter. She was going to face her past, confront the shit out of it, and deal. After the shitshow that had been her performance in Sikowitz's class, Jade didn't really think she had much of a choice. Obviously, she thought with a scoff, there was still a lot of stuff she hadn't gotten over. So what better way to move on than by going to the house that had been her escape for so long and facing the girl that had been her safety? Not that she would ever admit that to Tori fucking Vega, because Jade still had some pride, but if she could be in that house, surrounded by those memories, both good and bad, then she could firmly shove her past behind her and keep it there. It sounded like a great plan to Jade, and she was there to follow through with it.
She watched the movie for a few minutes, kind of enjoying how light hearted it was, and barely turned her head when she heard someone coming down the stairs. "Took you long enough."
The footsteps stopped abruptly and Jade heard someone inhale sharply, followed by 'no' being muttered over and over. Jade spun around, catching Trina creeping back up the stairs. She turned back around and smirked as raised voices sounded from upstairs. It looked like the older Vega still liked Jade just as much as she always had. Jade found it easy enough to ignore Trina at school. After all, she didn't look anything like she did as a kid, and even when she was little, Jade tried to ignore Trina as much as possible. Unless it was to make fun of her, and then Jade was at attention. The yelling stopped and then someone was hopping down the stairs. "Took you long enough," Jade repeated.
Tori rounded the sofa and sat on the other end, dropping her laptop, a book, and some papers next to her. "Yeah, Trina kind of," Tori looked at Jade, who was still watching the tv, and sighed. "Well, she was very Trina about you being here."
"The feeling's mutual," Jade mumbled, leaning forward to grab the remote. She turned the television off, dropped the remote and leaned back against the couch. She glanced at Tori, the small frown creasing the girl's forehead, the way her mouth was turned down at the corners, and as soon as Tori opened her mouth to speak, Jade cut her off. "So I figure if we just make a list of the obvious differences first, it'll be easier to focus on the finer details later," Jade said, bending forward to grab her own bag. She pulled it closer to her feet and threw the top open. She heard a murmur of assent from Tori and dug around, finding what she was looking for rather quickly. "I brought a few sample excerpts from a couple different movies, plus the screenplay for Psycho, and the dvd." Jade noticed how wide Tori's eyes got as she dropped the stack of papers onto the table. "Don't worry," Jade said quickly. "It's the original, not the remake."
"Oh, I'm not worried about that," Tori said slowly.
"Then what's your problem?" Jade didn't mean to speak so sharply, but Tori flinched slightly all the same.
"I just really don't like scary movies."
"Well it's not all blood and guts, if that's what you're worried about. It's more psychological," Jade said, huffing as she fell back against the couch.
"Oh, good! Because that's so much better." Tori reached forward and grabbed the dvd case from on top of the papers. "It's called Psycho, Jade. It's going to be terrifying!"
"It isn't real!" Jade countered, grabbing the movie back.
"That doesn't make it any less scary!"
Jade glared at Tori. Then she shoved the movie back into her bag and reached for all her papers. "This was a mistake. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking." She shoved the rest of her belongings back into her bag, ignoring Tori's protests. "Just, do your happy little musicals," Jade said, standing up and throwing the strap of her bag over her shoulder, "I'll do the shit you're too scared to deal with, and then we'll figure out how to combine them without it being a completely disjointed piece of shit." Jade had just opened the door when Tori finally managed a coherent sentence.
"What happened to you?"
Jade wasn't sure if Tori meant years ago, or after Sikowitz's class, or just then, but she didn't really want to explain about any of it. Instead she just stepped outside, slamming the door behind her, and stormed down the driveway to her car parked in the street. That was a mistake though, because as soon as she rounded the front of her car and reached the driver's door, she got a full view of her old house. The windows were all open, letting in the warm southern California air. The trim had been repainted. The front door was a different color, as well. And the cars in the driveway were completely wrong. Jade's hands clenched into fists and before she knew it, she was stalking off down the sidewalk, her bag hitting against her hip as it swung with the motion of her body.
Jade always went higher than Tori on the swings. Tori would watch, almost in awe, as her best friend kicked and recoiled her legs, swinging higher and higher until Tori was sure that Jade would just fly off into the sky. She never did, but Tori always worried. Jade would cry out in laughter, or excitement, small whoops of adrenaline tearing through her body. But then she would lower her legs, kicking up woodchips and chunks of dirt as she slowed down, decreased the arch of her swing, slowly returned to Earth. To Tori. Sometimes Jade wouldn't come back though. She would wait, going as high as she could, and then just before the seat started its backswing, she would throw herself off. She usually landed with a thud, sometimes tumbling through the grass until Tori ran off after her, making sure she was okay. She always was. Except for the one time she landed wrong and broke her arm, but it didn't hurt as badly as she thought it would. And Tori covered her cast in doodles and pictures and all sorts of things. Jade didn't mind the broken arm that much.
Jade's feet were planted firmly on the ground. She looked up from the indents they had made in the woodchips, to her bent knees, to her hand clasping the chain. It didn't feel right. She felt way too big. She could feel the chains pressing into her hips. They never used to do that. It made sense, she figured, since she wasn't a kid anymore, but she didn't realize how much she had outgrown the seat. Maybe they'd changed the swings like they'd changed the slides and the seat itself was smaller. Maybe they'd changed everything in the park and that's why nothing felt the same. Maybe the world had changed around her and she needed to grow the fuck up and accept it. She grabbed both chains and kicked off the ground.
She felt stupid. Why did she think that she would just be able to walk into Vega's house and everything would be fine? The falling apart hadn't been easy, so why shouldn't the recovery be just as hard? She was an idiot for thinking it'd be simple. The house was exactly the same, from what she had seen, but that was about it. It didn't feel like the haven it had when she was a kid. Now it just felt like a big space with memories that she didn't want to have written on all the walls. Reminders of every fucking reason she had run to that house in the first place. She swung her legs harder, urging the swing to go higher.
And then there was Tori, with concern etched into every worried line on her face, like she knew Jade. Like she knew why Jade had freaked out after doing that stupid scene for Sikowitz. Like she cared and wanted to be there for Jade like she had when they were kids. But they weren't kids anymore. They couldn't just run away when there was a problem and create their own little world in Tori's backyard or bedroom. They couldn't just make up a story, or a song, or a picture, to distract themselves from the real world closing in. "Fuck," Jade hissed to herself, kicking her legs out hard. Why was she even in this stupid park in the middle of the day? There wasn't even anyone else there. Kids were probably too busy with computers and videogames to bother going outside to play. Jade reached the top of the swing's arch and for a split second thought about jumping. But then she was coming back down and the chance was gone. She hadn't done it in so long, she wasn't sure if she still could. Or if she would try and end up breaking her other arm. She swung back, and then forward, and she didn't need to look to know who was getting into the swing next to her. The bar above them squeaked with the extra weight as they started swinging in unison. Jade kept her eyes firmly focused in the opposite direction. "What do you want?"
"I saw your car was still outside and wondered why you hadn't left."
Jade rolled her eyes. Of course Tori would wonder, and of course she would figure out where Jade had gone. Jade stuck her legs out straight, letting her heels hit the ground and dig into the dirt as she slowed down and then stopped altogether. Tori didn't though. She kept going, higher and higher, flying by and then sweeping back and then disappearing from Jade's peripheral only to repeat the actions. "They changed the slides," Jade said. She wasn't sure why. She just felt the need to say something and it was the first thing that popped into her head. Tori laughed, the sound trailing behind her as she flew into the sky.
"Yeah, they did that the spring after you moved. Something about too much graffiti inside."
Jade had to smirk at that. Tori had always yelled at her, telling her not to ruin the slide, but Jade would just pull a pen or marker out of her pocket and scribble away. Other kids had done it too, older kids, whose writings had expanded Jade's vocabulary at a very young age. Jade had gotten Tori to mark the slide, too, once. Just the once though. And Tori had only quickly written their initials. She kept bringing it up for like, a month after that. Jade suspected that Tori had felt like a badass because of it. Jade looked to the girl swinging next to her. Her hair was down now, flowing freely as air rushed around her. "Why aren't you asking me like a million questions?"
"Because you don't wanna talk about it," Tori said simply. Jade watched as Tori swung forward, and then released the chains and flew off the swing. She landed on her feet, her knees bending as her legs absorbed the impact. Tori straightened up and ran a hand through her hair.
"When did you start jumping off? You used to always be terrified of that." Jade said, narrowing her eyes. Tori just shrugged and headed over to the small structure next to the swingset. She jumped up, grabbing hold of the monkey bars, and Jade watched in surprise as Tori lifted her body, hooking her legs around the bars, and then she let go, just dangling upside down from her knees. Jade looked away as Tori's shirt rode up, or rather fell down, revealing her stomach.
"I got over it," Tori said. "When did you stop jumping?"
"Right around the time I broke my arm," Jade mumbled, swaying in her seat. To her surprise, Tori started laughing. Jade's head whipped around to find brown eyes, lit up and staring at her in amusement.
"I'd forgotten about that."
"Yeah, well you weren't the one in a cast for half the spring, Vega." Jade got to her feet quickly, the swing hitting the back of her knees as she let go of the chains. She bent down and picked up her bag then walked over to where Tori was still hanging with a silly grin slapped on her face. "You wanna hang up there all day or are we gonna do this stupid assignment?" Jade snapped.
"Oh, I could probably hang for a little longer," Tori joked, earning an eyeroll from Jade. "Kidding, kidding, don't get your panties in a twist."
"I hate that word," Jade grumbled, looking away as Tori's body curled up, her hands reaching for the bars.
"Twist?" Tori asked as she untangled her legs and dropped to the ground.
Jade glanced back, glad that the hem of Tori's shirt had returned to its proper place and her stomach wasn't on display anymore. "Panties." Tori shrugged in response and they started walking back towards her house. The knot that had been Jade's insides loosened a bit. Knowing that Tori wasn't going to play the Jade West special edition of 20 Questions made her a bit more bearable. It meant that Jade could deal with whatever was going on inside her head on her own. It meant that it would be easier, because she only had to explain herself to herself. She found herself thinking that it wasn't really a surprise, because Tori had an annoying habit of making everything a bit easier for Jade. Or she used to, at least, when they were kids.
The afternoon passed pretty amicably. Trina disappeared soon after they returned to the house, saying something about a sale at the mall, and Jade and Tori worked on their project. They didn't talk much, but when they did, Jade was glad it was always about the assignment at hand. Tori didn't ask any questions, even though Jade could tell she wanted to. Tori wasn't a good enough actress to hide the concern in her eyes. So Jade would just ignore it and kept her gaze focused on the work in front of them. They got an outline set, and had several pages of notes written up. Tori offered to write up the first draft of the paper, focusing more on the musicals, and then Jade agreed to write the second draft, adding in details about suspense and thrillers. Jade hadn't even realized how late it had gotten until Tori was asking her if she wanted to stay for dinner.
Jade knew that would be too much. She'd succeeded in the goal she had set herself for the day. She'd been in the Vega house all afternoon and hadn't lost her shit or stormed out. Well, she had, but she'd come back. Jade knew that dinner would be more than she could handle. She'd had dinner with the Vegas before. It was too happy-perfect-family for her, and she told Tori as much. "If I wanted a cavity from sweetness overload, I would have spent the day with Cat," Jade said as she gathered up her things to go.
"Suit yourself," Tori said with a shrug as she walked Jade to the door.
Jade hesitated, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She felt like she should say something. Tell Tori why she had been acting the way she had. The thought was quickly squashed, though. She didn't owe an explanation. She didn't even know if Tori would understand. Instead she opened the door and muttered "Try not to fuck up the first draft. I don't want to rewrite the entire paper," as she walked out. She heard Tori sigh as the door closed behind her.
Jade walked down the driveway to her car, keeping her gaze off her old house. She climbed into her car and took a deep breath. She stuck her key in the ignition and leaned back in her seat, slowly exhaling. She felt like a weight had been lifted. She had survived. Memories had been on the edge of her mind the entire time she was in that house, banging on her consciousness to acknowledge them, but she hadn't. She'd been able to focus. She leaned over and dug her phone out of her bag, shooting off a quick text message before shoving it back in. She started her car and buckled up, not bothering to wait for a reply as she drove off and headed towards a coffee shop.
After Jade broke her arm, Tori stopped letting her do things. Not normal things, just stupid ones. Like launching off the swings or trying to jump the giant staircase inside their school. One time Tori even went so far as threatening to never talk to her again if Jade actually tried to build a bridge between their bedroom windows using some random stuff she found in her garage. Jade thought it would be fun, that way she could sneak over whenever she wanted, but Tori said it was dangerous. They argued about it for a while, paper planes flying between them, but eventually Jade caved after Tori didn't respond for ten minutes. It was only ten minutes, but Jade knew that Tori had been showing her she would follow through on the threat. And Jade couldn't stand that.
"So. You wanna tell me why you've been so weird or is this just another one of those things that I'm supposed to go along with and not worry about?"
Jade shrugged, lifting her coffee cup to her lips. Her feet were pulled up on the chair in the corner of the coffee shop by Beck's house. She glanced at him as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. She rolled her eyes and looked back out the window. "I can't explain it."
"You always say that." He sounded tired. "You say it's complicated, or I wouldn't understand or-"
"Maybe that's because I know you wouldn't understand," Jade snapped. Beck sank into his seat, shaking his head slightly. "It's not that I don't want to tell you, I just literally cannot explain it. It's too complicated."
Beck scoffed. "This time's not any different, Jade. It's always like this." She looked at him, wondering what he was talking about. This time was absolutely different. "You shut down and switch off and leave me on the outside waiting. And then when you get bored of not having me around, you flip back on and expect everything to be fine."
Jade scowled and looked away. She had asked him to get coffee with every intention of explaining herself. Of telling him everything. It's just that once she had gotten there and saw him sitting by himself with two cups, the words had escaped her. And suddenly she couldn't figure out how to simplify the situation enough so he would understand. Because it was complicated, and Jade barely understood it herself. But Beck had expectations. He expected an answer of some sort. And Jade couldn't help but remember that Tori didn't. Tori was just as confused as Beck, but she had said that it didn't matter. She knew that Jade didn't want to, or simply couldn't, talk about it, so she hadn't asked. She'd kept the secret that Jade made a secret in the first place and hadn't pushed her. Hadn't expected anything. "I'm not trying to push you away," she finally said.
"Well it's what you're doing," he answered with a sigh.
Jade didn't know how to respond to that. She could hear something in his voice, in his tone, that she hadn't heard before. Not even when they were fighting. And then her brain misfired, like it had been doing a lot lately. "So you want to break up with me?"
"Dammit, Jade." Beck leaned forward in his seat. His fist had clenched around his cup, causing a crease in the side. "I didn't say that. Just… what's going on with you? You can't keep brushing it off. What happened?"
"I freaked out," Jade answered, her voice rising at the anger in Beck's tone. "There's a lot going on and I just freaked out, okay? I can't explain it any better than that, so if you're expecting a heartfelt confession or some shit, then you should just leave now!" She hadn't meant it to be a challenge, but it came out as one. She watched as the resolve wavered in his eyes, like he actually considered leaving. And then she was standing up and storming out, Beck sinking into his seat as she left.
Jade got into her car, shoving her coffee in one of the cupholders. She slammed her left hand against the steering wheel as her right shoved the keys in the ignition and started it up. She was pulling on her seatbelt when the passenger door opened and Beck slid into the seat. He closed the door behind him and they fell into silence. Jade waiting for him to talk and Beck trying to figure out how to say something without upsetting either of them. "Drive me home?"
"It's like three blocks."
"My feet are tired."
"So crawl."
"I'm not gonna move."
"Then you'll be stuck in the car all weekend because I'm not taking you home."
"Come on, I want to talk about this."
"Well I don't."
"Fine. Take me to the zoo."
"What?" Jade rounded on him so fast that her seatbelt dug into her shoulder. "I'm not taking you to the fucking zoo!"
"Well if you're not gonna take me to the zoo then I guess you just have to take me home."
Jade wasn't sure if she wanted to scream or laugh. Because Beck's mouth was turned up at the corner and he shrugged at her in a 'what can ya do' sort of way and she remembered why he had always added up so well. But instead of thinking it was cute she was just annoyed and frustrated with him. "Fine," she grumbled, throwing the car into drive, "I'll take you home. But we're not talking about this. And you're bringing me coffee Monday morning."
"Yes Ma'am," Beck said as he pulled on his seatbelt. Jade glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes. He seemed entirely too satisfied with himself. It was a quick drive to his house from the coffee shop. He really did live like right down the street from it. Jade parked her car and waited as Beck unbuckled and leaned forward in his seat. "Wanna come in?"
"I told you we're not-"
"Talking about this," Beck finished for her. "I know. But you've been out of it for weeks. It'd be nice to hang out." When Jade made no move to answer or get out of the car, Beck tried a different approach. "I've got mangos and there's a special on the History channel about the plague."
Jade glanced at him. "Are you really trying to bribe me right now?"
Beck shrugged. "How else am I supposed to get you to come inside?"
Jade frowned. More at herself than at him. When did it become a chore to hang out with her boyfriend? Since when did he have to bribe her to spend time with him? If she wanted to go back to normal, to move past the shit that had suddenly resurfaced in the back of her mind, she would have to act normal. She exhaled and turned her car off. "They better be some damn good mangos."
They got out of the car and walked up Beck's driveway to his RV. He opened the door for Jade and then headed off to get the mangos from inside his parents' house. Jade liked Beck's RV. It was his, separated from the rest of his family but still close enough if he needed anything, and it was a place where she could escape to if she wanted. As Jade sat down on the couch inside she realized that it had kind of taken the place of Tori's house. And then she thought of how unfair it was that she kept needing places to escape to. Why couldn't she just have a home where she actually felt comfortable or wanted? It was bullshit, and Jade dropped onto the couch with a huff. She folded her arms across her stomach, her default position whenever she was uncomfortable. Beck's RV was filled with memories just like Tori's house. The only difference was the memories with Beck suddenly felt suffocating. Jade couldn't put her finger on why, though. She'd been in countless fights with Beck. Something would happen, and Jade would get mad at him, and then they would make up, usually on the couch that she was sitting on. But he'd never hounded her for reasons before. He usually accepted that she wasn't one to talk about her feelings and let her sort through things on her own, always being there when she decided to come back. Maybe Beck knew it was different this time. That whatever was bothering Jade was bigger than some girl flirting with him, or him not defending Jade if some asshole called her scary. Maybe he knew, just like Jade did, that this time it was actually important.
Jade looked up as Beck walked into the RV, a plastic bowl in his hands. He handed it over as he sat down on the couch next to her. "You're not watching the show?"
"Didn't feel like it," Jade mumbled. She picked a cube of mango out of the bowl and popped it in her mouth.
Beck shrugged and took a piece for himself as he leaned back into the cushions. "Want to watch something else? A movie?"
"Not really."
"So what do you want to do?"
Jade just shrugged and ate another piece of mango. Beck sighed. Jade avoided his eyes and stared at the carpet. Beck got up and crossed the small space to grab his laptop. Jade watched as he sat back down and opened it. "What are you doing?"
"Homework."
"You're gonna do homework when I'm sitting right here?"
"It's due Monday."
"I can't believe you're just going to do homework."
Beck slammed the laptop shut. "What do you expect me to do? You don't want to talk, you don't want to watch a movie, you don't want to do anything! I'm not gonna sit here in silence and try to guess what's wrong with you."
"So you think something's wrong with me?"
"Obviously something is!"
Jade slammed the bowl of mango slices on top of his laptop. "Tell you what," she said getting to her feet. "You write your precious paper and I'll just go home!" Beck started to protest but Jade cut him off. "No. I wouldn't want to distract you from your homework." She strode to the door, stopped and walked right back. She grabbed one more piece of mango from the bowl, turned, and stormed out.
She heard her phone ringing as she drove home but didn't check it. She knew it would be Beck and she knew what it would say. Either he would try and continue the argument, or, more likely, try and apologize. She didn't really want to hear either. She didn't want him to say he was sorry or that he was just worried about her or the dozen other stock sentiments he had built up over the course of their relationship. Beck had been right with what he said in the coffee shop. It was always the same with them. It was usually a comforting thought to Jade that Beck would always be there. No matter how bad a fight was she could always walk up to him in the hallway and take his hand, or nudge him with her elbow, or anything really, and his arm would wrap around her shoulders. Or she could show up at his RV and there would be a tense moment or two, but then he would open his arms and tell her he loved her. But she wasn't comforted by it anymore. She was just kind of annoyed and resented him for going along with the charade. She almost thought that sometimes she picked fights with him just to see if he would stand up to her. To see if he would finally draw a line in the sand. Set a boundary. If he did, Jade wouldn't cross it. But he never would.
Jade really only did stuff to get a reaction out of Tori. To get her to laugh, or smile, or even gasp in surprise because Jade had done something that Tori was too scared to do or just couldn't manage. Jade liked the way Tori would look at her after she jumped off a swing, or filled an entire jar with fireflies without any of them escaping, or stood up to bullies in the playground who made fun of Tori when she had to start wearing glasses. Jade liked the way Tori's eyes would go wide in awe. Almost like she couldn't believe Jade was real. Tori looked at Jade like she was brave. And amazing. Jade didn't think she was either, but sometimes, if Tori would smile at her a certain way, she almost believed that she could be.
As much as she had thought about Tori and her childhood in general the weekend before was how much she thought about her relationship with Beck the rest of Saturday night and Sunday. She erased every score she'd kept on him and made an entirely new list. Pro: Beck knew how to calm her down when she got angry or upset. Con: Beck, intentionally or not, was often the cause of her getting angry or upset. Pro: He was hot. Con: Almost every other girl in Hollywood seemed to think so, too. Pro: He would stop her from being too much of a gank. Con: He always seemed to expect that she would be a gank. Jade had counted that one twice, and it was what had tipped him, however small the difference may have been, into the negative. She tried to figure out when his cons had become so obvious. Usually, if she tallied him up for fun, or to remind herself why she was going to his RV after a fight, he came out well by a large margin. She wondered when that had changed.
So when she walked into school on Monday morning and Beck was waiting by her locker with a large cup of coffee, Jade accepted it. She didn't say thanks, and he didn't seem to expect her to. He didn't throw his arm around her, or show any other sign that they had had a fight or were even dating. He just leaned against the wall while she got her books for her morning classes. The warning bell rang and they walked to Sikowitz's. Side by side, but not really together. They sat down in their usual seats, but there was space between their chairs that neither of them moved to eliminate. Sikowitz started up class by talking about the importance of playing someone in love and making it believable. Beck and some girl were called up to the stage to demonstrate the different ways a romantic scene could go. Beck was a bit more handsy with her than he should have been. As if he was saying to Jade, "See? This is how it should be. This could be us." There was a kiss. Jade was bothered by it and shot the girl a glare, but she wasn't as upset as she normally would have been. She didn't storm the stage or threaten the girl's life, even though she cast a nervous glance at Jade after it was done. Beck took his seat again as Sikowitz called someone else up. He looked at Jade but she didn't return it. She could feel him getting upset next to her though.
The bell rang and she went to her next class, walking close to Andre through the halls. They sat at their usual table. Jade asked him in whispered voices how he was doing with their final project. He answered in hushed tones, pleasantly surprised that Jade was showing real interest. Jade tolerated math and only had to knock Rex off of Robbie's desk once. Robbie moved him to the other side after that and Rex stared at some boy instead of Jade. She took a nap in theater history because they had a substitute who had no idea what he was talking about. She sat with everyone at lunch and Beck sat next to her, even though they didn't speak directly to each other. She did join the conversation when Cat started talking about a new play that had opened that she wanted to see. It was agreed that everyone would go that weekend and Cat seemed ecstatic all the way through science. Beck didn't try to talk to her then, either. She went to screenwriting and sat in her usual seat. So did Tori. Jade didn't feel her eyes on her like she usually did and instead Jade kept stealing glances at the girl across the classroom.
She wanted her last two classes to drag on forever, because they were actually covering some interesting things. And also Jade really didn't want to deal with Beck asking her more questions. However, like it usually does when all you want is for time to slow down or stop altogether, the time flew by and she was walking back to her locker. And of course Beck had materialized against the wall next to it. "Are you gonna tell me what's wrong yet?" He asked as she opened her locker. "Nope," she answered and started emptying the contents of her bag. "Don't wanna talk about it."
"Jade," Beck started to say with a sigh, "you can't-"
"Oh yes I can," Jade interrupted. "Cat!" The petite girl stopped in the hallway, turning to look at Jade. "You want a ride home?"
If Cat was surprised at the offer, she didn't show it. Instead she clasped her hands together and shook her head. "I promised Tori and Andre I'd go with them to-"
"Sounds like fun," Jade said, grabbing Cat's elbow and walking her off down the hall.
"But I didn't even say where we were going."
"I don't really care." Jade marched Cat right up to Tori's locker, where Andre and Tori were laughing about something. "So where are we going?" Jade asked, letting go of Cat's arm.
"Uh," Andre was confused as he looked at Jade. "We," he said pointing to Cat, Tori and then himself, "were gonna go check out that new smoothie place."
"Sounds great. I'll drive."
Andre turned to Tori, who shrugged and said, "It's better than being stuck in a car with Trina."
"Okay," Andre nodded slowly, "is Beck comin?"
"He and I aren't talking," Jade said sharply, glancing at Tori. She didn't mean to, but she saw Tori's eyes narrow in confusion. Cat was fidgeting by her side and Jade was growing impatient. "So we going or what?"
"Yeah," Tori closed her locker. "I'll just text Trina and let her know about the change of plans."
"Wonderful," Jade mumbled, turning and walking away.
"Shotgun!" Cat cried out as they all followed after Jade.
Jade found herself relaxing as a different kind of tension settled over her during the car ride. Tori and Andre were chatting happily in the back of the car, and Cat was practically backwards in her own seat trying to join their conversation. Jade kept tugging on her shirt and arm though, trying to get her to sit properly. Cat would squirm under her seatbelt, trying to look at Tori behind her if the girl talked, and then Jade would give up the fight and let Cat do whatever she wanted, because Jade's attention was split between watching the road, wrangling Cat, and catching Tori's eyes in the rearview mirror, and it was too much. So Jade adjusted the mirror, effectively cutting off Tori as well as half the road behind them, and focused on driving, Andre giving her directions every so often.
Jade pulled into the supermarket parking lot next to the smoothie place while Cat complained about being stuck in the front while all the fun happened in the back. "You're the one who called shotgun, Little Red," Andre laughed. "It's your own fault if you were bored up there with mean ol' Jade."
"She's lucky I didn't throttle her with the seatbelt," Jade grumbled as they all climbed out of the car. Andre laughed and threw an arm around Cat, who was pouting, as they walked through the parking lot. They reached the sidewalk, Tori and Jade falling into step behind the others as they walked up to the smoothie place. Jade couldn't help but think that it had been Cat's idea to go in the first place, because the building itself was an alarming shade of pink, and she could see an array of neon colors inside through the large windows, which were covered by striped awnings.
"It doesn't look that bad," Tori said with a chuckle, nudging Jade's side with her elbow. Jade's glare turned from the building to Tori, who just shook her head and smiled as they all headed inside.
Jade's eyes burned from the bright colors. It was like the hallways of Hollywood Arts had melded with the color palette of the 80s and vomited all over the inside of the place. "Groovy Smoothie?" She sneered, eyeing the large sign hanging above the counter. "It rhymes. How clever."
"Isn't it pretty?" Of course Cat would love it. She looked like she was in heaven, eyes wide with wonder as she skipped towards the counter, Andre close behind. Tori passed by Jade, turning slightly to wiggle her eyebrows in excitement, and Jade followed them, her scowl slightly less intense than it had just been. Everything had ridiculous names and Jade glared as Cat ordered something called a tingleberry blitz. Tori got some blueberry concoction and Andre settled on strawberries, leaving Jade to order some sort of tropical fruit blast. They sat down at a table, purple and round, and Jade frowned as she tried to get comfortable in one of the strange seats. Cat gushed over everything, talking about how it was her new favorite place. They all agreed that the smoothies were actually pretty good, and then talk turned to Beck. Jade quickly cut off Cat's question and switched the subject. "Andre, have you settled on a song yet for class?"
He slurped his smoothie and shrugged. "I thought I did, but then I wrote a new one that I really like, so now I'm not sure."
"You're in that class, too?" Tori asked, turning to Jade. Jade just nodded and Tori smiled. "Have you written a song for it yet?"
"Even if I did you'll never hear it, Vega," Jade said, playing with the straw in her cup.
Tori sort of rolled her eyes and Andre let out a nervous laugh. "You better get started, Jade, the recorded copy's due next week." Jade waved his concern off and tuned out of the conversation as Cat started telling some story about her brother. She knew she had to work on it. It was the final project and she needed to pass the class. But she couldn't just sit down and have a song pour out of her like Andre could. The boy seemed to bang a new one out every other day. Maybe she'd do that when she got home. Hole up in her room and try to write something, anything, that she didn't absolutely hate. It would be a good distraction from thinking about Beck and whatever was going on between them. She felt a nudge in her side and looked up, catching Tori's eyes watching her with concern. Jade quickly looked away, trying to ignore the way her stomach flipped in her belly, and listened as the conversation switched to yet another topic and carried on.
Jade hadn't thought about the consequence of driving. It had seemed like an easy escape from Beck's prying and she had leapt at the opportunity… but then she was stuck giving everyone rides home. Cat had claimed the back seat after they left the smoothie place, not wanting to be left out of any conversation. And of course Andre had to sit with her, leaving Tori up front with Jade while she drove, or more accurately sat, through the afternoon traffic. Cat thought a good way to fight the boredom would be to play a game. So there they were, stuck behind a giant SUV pumping exhaust in their faces, trying to guess what Cat was thinking of.
"So it's smaller than a mustache," Andre said, confusion lacing his voice. Cat only giggled in response.
"Well she said it's not bigger than a mustache," Tori said slowly.
Jade sighed as the car moved forward a whole three inches. "Cat, are you thinking of a fucking mustache?"
There was a small gasp from Cat, followed by excited clapping. "Jade, you got it! That means it's your turn now!" Cat thumped the back of Jade's seat, causing her to groan. "Okay, I'll guess first," Cat chirped, bringing a finger to her lips in thought. "Is it fluffy?"
"God, no."
"Is it shiny?"
"Cat, you're not supposed to guess twice. But yes."
"Is it dangerous?" Tori asked.
"In my hands? Yes."
"Scissors," Andre said quickly.
"What a surprise. You guessed right." Jade eased off the brake and the car crept forward.
"You always think of scissors," Andre pointed out. The car was silent as he tried to think of something, but he just sighed. "I can't think of anything. Tori, you go."
Tori hummed while she thought, tapping her chin, before her face lit up a moment later. "Okay, got it. Guess away."
"Is it a pony?" Cat gasped.
"What?" Tori turned her head, looking over her shoulder at Cat. "No, it's not a pony."
Andre chuckled before guessing. "Is it any sort of animal?"
Tori's face scrunched up. "Yeah, sort of," she trailed off, causing Jade to glance at her. Tori's lips were curled up in a mischievous grin.
Jade swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly feeling extremely dry. "Is it a living thing?"
Tori's grin got even wider. "No."
Andre and Cat were conferring in the backseat. Tori had turned in her seat to watch them as they tried to guess. Jade was staring intently at the SUV in front of them as it crawled through the traffic light. She had enough room to make the turn, and she probably took it a bit harder than she should have, because Cat squeaked as the car straightened out. "Sorry, kitten," she said, the nickname almost an instinct reaction whenever she upset Cat.
"Kitten?" Tori asked with a hint of amusement.
"Shut it, Vega," Jade growled. She felt Cat pat her head, though, and Jade's death grip on the steering wheel loosened a bit. The small smirk never slipped from Tori's face for the rest of the drive.
Eventually Jade made it home, much less gas in her car and far less frustration in her mind. Beck had texted her again, undoubtedly to try and talk, but she deleted the message without reading a word. She walked in her house, closing the door behind her, and quickly made her way upstairs. Her mother's car hadn't been in the driveway, so Jade figured she was still at work, big surprise. It didn't mean that Jade wanted to be downstairs when she did get home, so she went to her room, shutting and locking her door behind her. She dropped her bag on the floor and sat on the edge of her bed. The afternoon had been… fun. Sure, the traffic sucked, and the game Cat made them play was lame, just like every other time she insisted on playing, but overall it hadn't been bad. She liked Andre, at least he wasn't as annoying as Robbie or as exhausting as Cat, and Tori… Well, Jade thought as she stood up and grabbed her bag, Tori felt normal. It felt normal to have her there. Like there was some piece of the puzzle that was the way Jade saw their group that hadn't been filled until Tori stepped into the picture. She fit.
A burst of air erupted from Jade's lungs as she fell onto her bed, her bag and arm dangling over the edge. It was weird, how natural it felt. How well they all worked together. Someone shouldn't be able to just slide into the puzzle so easily. Jade herself had pushed other people's edges, bending and molding until they all fit together and made sense. And then Tori just eased her way into a gap that Jade didn't even know existed. Like she was always meant to be there. Like Jade's mind had purposefully left a space where it knew Tori belonged. Jade huffed and pulled her bag onto her bed, sitting up slightly. She felt dumb thinking things like that. People didn't naturally fit together. There wasn't magic in rainbows. Fireflies were just bugs and science explained their glow.
So Jade started on her homework. Or tried to, since her eyes wouldn't focus on the words in front of her and her hand seemed disconnected from her mind as it travelled across the page in her notebook. Before she knew it, she had abandoned any actual school work and just let her hand do whatever it wanted. Which, apparently, was to write. A lot. She'd turned the page and flipped her notebook over several times before she even thought to read what she had written. And then she frowned, let out a groan of frustration, and threw the notebook across her room.
Jade really didn't want to get her tonsils taken out. She wanted to keep everything that was inside of her actually inside her. But her mother and her doctor had insisted, and so she had to spend the night at the hospital, waking up only once to vomit. It hurt, her throat still raw from the surgery. But the next morning the doctor had come in with a small cup in his hand, two objects bobbing around in the liquid inside. "Look what we took out of you!" He seemed so excited about it. Like he was showing off a prize that he had won at Jade's expense. She didn't like him having some part of her, however small or unimportant it was, so she snuck the cup out of the hospital when she left. Tori had been worried, of course, because all she knew was that her best friend needed surgery. And even though Mrs. Vega assured Tori that Jade would be fine, that it was a normal procedure, Tori was still waiting outside for Jade to get home. But Jade couldn't talk, and her mom had hurried her inside, and Tori sulked back into her own house and up to her room. And a few minutes later, something hit her window. Tori crossed her room, confusion written all over her face. But she saw Jade in her own room, gesturing for Tori to open the window. So Tori did, and Jade threw her a paper plane. It was the first one, written out of necessity because Jade couldn't talk, but it certainly wasn't the last.
A/N My spell check keeps trying to change the name Tori to Torus. I don't know why, but if you ever see Torus randomly pop up, it's my computer's fault, not mine.
And I'm not sure when the next update will be, since it's a holiday and there are all sorts of family things happening that I'm required to attend. But I'll try to get something written. Oh, and happy Easter/Passover/Normal Weekend/whatever your little heart desires.
As always, thank you for the reviews and alerts and favorites and things. Feel free to go crazy with the clickable things at the bottom of the screen there =)