I'd heard about Derek's dinner date with the scrub nurse before I'd even set foot on the surgical floor. The looks and the whispers, that weren't really whispers, were hard to miss. By the time I'd made it to the locker room I'd pieced together the whole story.

Derek had gone on a date.

Her name was Rose, she was a scrub nurse.

They'd had a good time, they'd been making plans to do it again when they'd been spotted at the coffee cart this morning.

But these facts left everyone wondering about me. So I kept my head high and went about my day. If I'd learned anything about hospital gossip, it was that if you showed weakness it would be twisted into an entirely new rumor. Although I had no doubt there were plenty of rumors about me now. I made it to the residents locker room and couldn't help the sigh of relief when the door shut behind me and there were no prying eyes. I was even more relieved when it was just Cristina and Alex, no Izzie and/or George with their desire to talk about feelings.

"Oh thank God it's just you guys" I sat down on the bench and began to undo my shoes.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked with little sincerity. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Do you actually care or are you trying to win the pool over when I snap?" I glared at him. He shrugged noncommittally. Cristina sniggered in the background. "Alright if I tell you and you win, cut me in for half." I offered sticking my hand out

"Deal" Alex leaned across from the other bench and shook my hand.

"Okay so first round at Joe's is on us tonight. I'm okay now but will definitely need a drink tonight. Joe's at 8?" Cristina and Alex nodded as I finished changing. As I was about to leave the door opened revealing Dr. Bailey.

"Glad some people around here have work ethic around here." Bailey muttered before dishing out assignments. "Karev Hahn, Yang Shepherd, Grey pit. Assign two interns take the rest." And with that the Nazi was gone. I quickly made my way down to the pit, taking George ans my only other semi-competent intern, Dr. Weils. I took the stairs and divvied up the charts to the interns who set to work. I sat behind the nurses station signing off on charts, filling out charts and monitoring the interns. I was ready for a relatively easy day of avoiding Derek. That was until the nurse announced an incoming MVC.

"Dr. Wellis incoming trauma lets go." I called. I would've preferred George but he was needle deep in some guys forehead. We meet the ambulance decked out in full trauma gear. An EMT hoppd out of the ambulance rattling off stats.

"Craig Heaton, 38, lost control of his car and hit the guardrail. Unconscious upon arrival but since then has regained consciousness with a GCS of 11. Also trauma to the chest. Old car no airbags." I sighed inwardly. Head trauma, so much for avoiding Derek. Immediately I began rattling off orders.

"Page Shepherd and Hahn. Dr. Wellis start an IV and leads. I need a chest x-ray, Narcan and a suture kit." Everyone sprang into action as I checked his pupil reactivity and felt for skull fractures. Dr. Wellis rattled off vitals and a tech came in with the portable x-ray. X-rays are taken and the intern is suturing when Dr. Hahs arrives with Alex in tow.

"What do we have Grey?" Hahn asked while donning her stethoscope.

"MVC no airbags. Bruising in the chest area. Films should be here any second. Stable heart rate equal breath sounds, but slight congestion. Bloodwork was sent down to check for a cold. Thought you might want to give him a once over." As if on cue a nurse appeared with a manila envelope. Alex put the scans on the light board while Hahn listened to his breathing.

"Good call Grey, but I would say it's just a bad cold and there are no rib fractures which is good. Just keep an eye on his breathing." Hahn signed off on the chart before handing it back. Just as she left Derek flounced in with a smug expression that made me want to cry and puke. Cristina however had a permanent scowl. I didn't even bother with formalities.

"Male 38 MVC, hit a tree and head went into the windshield. Came in with a GCS of 11 was unconscious but has regained some consciousness and has been semi responsive. Pupils are equal and clear and no blood in the ears." Cristina began doing a neuro exam while Derek examined the guy's skull.

"Who did the sutures?" Derek asked.

"That was me." Dr. Wellis spoke timidly from the corner.

"Excellent job." Derek praised. "I'm feeling a skull fracture so lets get him up to CT and if it's surgical you can scrub in and observe." Dr. Wellis looked at me for consent and I nodded.

"CT is waiting for you." I said signing off on the chart and handing it over to Cristina. Derek barely gave me a second glance and Cristina rolled her eyes. However before it could get any more awkward, George ran through the door.

"Dr. Grey we need you. We uh...have another emergency." He panted, eyeing each occupant of the small trauma room. I stripped off my gown and gloves and followed George back into the main ER not bothering to look back at the trauma room. I didn't have time because the ear piercing shrieks of a child grabbed my attention before any of thee rest of it. I swiftly made my way to Curtain 4 where George began filling me in.

"Tyler Ranker, age 6, neighbor called 911 reporting screaming. He was found to have poured a pot of boiling water. We haven't been able to contact the parents."" George finished and my attention turned to the boy in front of me. He had severe burns all over his front torso My breath caught in my throat and I hesitated before barking out orders.

"Page Sloan. Get him started on IV antibiotics and morphine. Do not sedate him or restrain him it will only make it worse. Someone try pulling up his file. I need vitals and blood work. Lets move people!" Suddenly the area becomes abuzz with activity. Tyler stops wailing long enough to take in the situation around him. I grabbed the opportunity and sat down on the small rolling stool.

"Tyler my name is Meredith,and these are my helpers," Everyone around me paused to shoot the kid a sympathetic smile. "And our job is to help you feel better. So can you tell me your parent's names so we can call them?" Immediately the kid burst into tears.

"No no, don't call my daddy! He'll be mad, he has an important meeting." I shot George a look and he made a note in the chart, probably for social services.

"Okay okay," I placated "What about your mommy?" Tyler looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"She got really sick, then Daddy said she went away." His lower lip trembled and my heart ached. Luckily Mark showed up before I could find any more similarities between my childhood and Tyler's. While Mark looked over Tyler, a nurse brought over a rolling computer station.

"Dr. Grey we found Tyler's chart. All the contact information is in there." I gave the chart a quick once over. I recognized the name Steven Ranker, he was a business bigwig who one would find on Wall Street not Seattle. Mark came up behind me.

"Kid's definitely gonna need surgery. Did you find the parents?" He asked looking over my shoulder at the computer.

"Yeah" I mumbled.

"Do you want to call him or should I?"Mark's voice softened considerably.

"I got it." I said quietly, not quite sure where the offer came from.

I trudged in to the cafeteria about ready to just collapse into a puddle of self pity. I could practically hear my mother in the background repeating Mr. Ranker's words about the "stupidity and unfocus" of that child. Not once did I actually hear him refer to his child by his name. My thoughts dug themselves into a deeper darker hole as I grabbed a tuna sandwich and dropped into a chair at a table with Cristian and Izzie. Cristian immediately erupted into a full blown rant.

"Can you kiss a guy in front of Shepherd? Because like seriously he keeps asking me if you're okay and want to know all about your feelings. Like a quick peck on the cheek just show him you're an independent human being or whatever, because I am so done."

"Cristian I went to med school not drama school." I retorted, picking at my sandwich.

"You okay?" Izzie asked giving me a sideways look.

"Just peachy because you know my patient has the exact same childhood I had except for he's male but he could be a good dammed parrot for all his father cared so you know just dandy." I muttered bitterly. "Iz we're going to Joe's tonight, 8 o'clock." With that I stood up and grabbed my sandwich with Cristina and Izzie exchanging concerned looks behind me.

I don't know how I ended up on the psych floor but I did. My shift was over and I should've been of to Joe's. But suddenly I was staring at two double doors contemplating my options. I was broken, there was no questioning it. Simply reading psych books with Cristina wouldn't fix anything. But walking through those double doors would go against everything I was raised to believe in. Walking through those double doors would mean asking for help and that made me weak. But that also made me like my mother.

And without another thought, I pushed through the doors.