Chapter 4

What have I Missed?

It's been almost three days since I got back…and I still feel like a stranger…It doesn't help that so much has changed, but it burns inside, I want to know what Leo told Mikey. It must have been something to spook him enough to follow him. I want to ask him but I know he's not going to tell me. Maybe me and Don can find a way to calm talk to him and see if he cracks. It stings my brain, thinking about what Leo could have to him to make Mikey think that it was his fault for Leo's death.

I stand up and walk away from the couch, sitting there for almost two hours now, my legs are sore. Don't really have much else to do, so I walk into Don's lab.

"Hey bro" I say

Donnie turns around and looks at me, "Hey dude", He watches me pull up a chair and sit down, sighing, "What's wrong?" He asks

"I don't know" I say honestly, "Just a slow day"

"Tell me about it" He says, standing up and stretching, "It was worse when you weren't here"

That's when I felt my stomach grow small, knowing that they have lived without me for five years…and it feels like I've seen them every day of my life. "I need your help" I say finally, starting to get nervous

"With what?" Don asks me

"Well…I need to know what Leo told Mikey" My gut told me that it may have had something to do with where I've been. But that would be ridiculous.

"I don't know what to tell you…every time I bring that time up to Mikey he always either tells me he doesn't want to talk about it and then stays quiet. Or he just gets angry"

I sigh, not knowing what to do, "I'll find a way" I say half truthfully

A silence made his way through the lab, a tingle rolls down my spine for some reason. Then I hear Mikey walk into the lab, "April's here"

Wasn't expecting that one, and I could tell that Mikey knew that, "I thought you knew?" He says

"No…I didn't" I say

Mikey walked out and I hear him greet April, I go to walk out, but I feel Don's hand pull me back in.

"Listen…I need to talk to you about April" Don tells me

My curiosity heightens, "What about?"

"Well sh-" He stared but was interrupted

"RAPH!" I heard

I turn around and see April standing at the doorway, holding a big smile on her face and hearing a hat covering most of her head. She runs up to me and hugs me, she lets go, "Oh my god can't believe you're alive" She says

"Neither can I" I say, then notice the hat again, "What's with the hat" I ask

At the point I hear Don obnoxiously cough and I see Mikey motioning me to stop. "Oh well while you were gone I was diagnosed with untreatable cancer" She tells me

Right there, I feel a knife go through my heart, I look at her emotionless, not knowing what to do. Then Splinter walks in and greets April. But I do nothing, just stand there, looking at the floor dumbly. April and Splinter walk out, Don follows, but Mikey stays still. I hear him sigh, "I was hoping you didn't ask…she really doesn't take her situation seriously" He said

There's a lump in my throat, I can't respond. "I was hoping she would go easy on you…she kind of went rough on me…luckily I told Donnie"

I want to tell him I understand, but truthfully I don't, and I want to say something but I feel a lump in my throat. I clear my throat and that seems to get rid of it, "Yeah" That wasn't what I intended to say, but it works.

Mikey sighs and walked up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"When was she diagnosed" I finally manage to say

Mikey gives me a look like he doesn't want me to know…"About a year ago" He says softly, "Doctor's give her two months"

That's when I feel my heart break into two, to know that you're best friend been told she's going to die…and not being there for her.

"You need some time?" Mikey asked

I try to say yes, but I end up just nodding my head. He nodded and walked out of the lab, leaving Raph alone in the lab. Raph slouched down into Don's chair, resting his head in his hands. Head punding with questions.

What else have I missed?

Where have I been while I've been claimed dead?

What did Leo tell Mikey?

What else does Mikey know?

I feel it deep down that Mikey's knows more then he claims to, I can see it in his face that he's hiding something. That's when I heard two soft knocks on the door, I look up and see my timeworn father looking at me.

"Raphael…What troubles you" Splinter said softly

I look back down at the ground, "I don't know…I feel like I've missed so much…I don't even know Mikey anymore…April's sick" I feel my stomach drop when I try to say the last one, "And Leo…" I bring my hand to my head to cover the incoming tears. I hear Splinter sigh and take a seat next to me. I continue whimpering as he lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Raphael…You cannot live your life in regret…no matter how much time you have missed…You still have a life to live, you may lose the ones you're close to, you're friends, you're family"

"But Splinter…Leo died looking for me…I don't know what else to do…I feel like I've killed my brother" Raph said tears running down his face

"Leonardo tried his best to find you…He would come home every night with a new scar or bruise…he damaged himself just to look for you…and in the end, it killed him" I can tell Splinter was having trouble with this conversation, "It just proves how much he would go through to find you…One night…He comes into my room…his face stained with tears…and he tells me that he's failed...that he failed as a brother to protect you…but he said to me one thing" Splinter then took a deep breath…I try to quiet my whimpering to hear it. "He told me that he knew you were alive…That he knew you were still out there…and I guess he was right…but my question is…Did he say that because he didn't want to face the fact that you were gone…or he actually knew you were alive"