Sam just finished his shower and came out groaning because of the strain the shower caused to his system, more particularly his injury which he knew, still had a long way to go before healing completely. On finding Dean missing ,at first he rejoiced since if Dean had heard the sign of pain Sam let out,He would have started his mother henning routine again ,but the joy was replaced with doubt and worry almost instantly.
Dean was not a person who would just up and leave. that was more like Sam and Sam felt guilty even thinking about how worried his brother would have been when he left to stanford without uttering a word about it. Throughout his life Sam had given Dean only pain. Whilst Dean would never agree to this and would call him an attention seeking bastard,Sam knew from the depths of his heart that if he had not been in Dean's life,Dean would have been better off.
Sam still remembers how angry John looked when they found Sam after he ran off to Flag staff but the anger was not directed at him, it was directed at Dean.
Dean- who tried to protect Sam.
Dean- who had no clue that Sam was going to take off while he slept for the few hours that he did in the absence of his dad.
Dean-Who gave up his childhood for him.
Sam also remembers the lash marks Dean wore for about a week after that-The present john gave him for being careless. sam still can't figure out why John never beat him or even confronted him regarding the matter. Maybe it was easier to take out his rage on a person who would never complain, a person who would never back answer, a person who would silently endure all the pain without a word if it meant keeping his brother from it,A person who would readily kill himself for his brother- DEAN.
Sam was now in a whole new world of guilt because he knew after all that his brother did for him, he still left for stanford without a word and that must have hurt Dean in ways innumerable.
Sam has no idea about Dean's plight when he left ,but taking into consideration the gruesome behaviour of his dad,Dean must have suffered beyond limits and to top it all Dean must have thought he deserved it.
Sam had no idea why all these things were coming back to his mind after such a long time. Afterall it had been 15 years since it all happened it had to be the drugs coursing his system. drugs always brought back memories and unlike Dean,He did not have any good ones.
He was always secretly jealous of Dean because of that. Dean got to be with their mom even if it was only for four years, but something was always better than nothing. He did have Jess but thinking about her brought in a line of other memories that included a ceiling,a body and fire and Sam did not want to go down that road even for a second. After all these years that image was still embedded in his mind like it just happened yesterday and unlike the other horrible things he saw and then forgot,This was not fading and he did not know why.
Sam suddenly surfaced from his thought and immediately cursed himself for losing himself in unwanted self pity whilst his brother was missing He quickly opened the door to check for the impala and was astounded by the sight in front of him.
Dean lay in the cold concrete like a rag doll and there was blood pooling under his mouth. Sam did not know what to do. He ran upto Dean and tried waking him up but all he got in response was a groan so weak and pain-filled that it hurt Sam.
Sam did not think of anything else after that,he just carried Dean inside albeit his earlier decision of never doing that again after Dean punched him last time for carrying him like a maiden in distress.