Friday, 9:50 PM

Maura missed Jane. Tuesday's appointment had helped at the time, but the effects were nullified entirely by the loss of conviviality and camaraderie that she normally shared with the detective. She had eaten lunches alone, except for the one on Tuesday in which Jane had seemed to drop the subject of where Maura went that afternoon. She had eaten dinners alone, with a non-responsive tortoise as company. She had watched nature programs, read scientific journals, worked on one of the papers she was publishing, taken extra time with her jogging and workouts, had even gone to the gym at times other than her usual just so Jane, who she knew was upset with her, wouldn't have to interact with her.

As she was looking up alternate yoga classes, something inside Maura snapped, followed likewise by the pencil in her hand. She sat at her desk, suddenly fuming and having it out with herself, as she had not done so far.

Why should I be the one to rearrange my life? This is worse than when I broke up with Garrett. But Jane and I didn't break up, for pity's sake! She's just irritated with me because I kept one little thing from her, and it wasn't even an important thing. Does she need to know every single thing about my life? Why do I need her not to know? Don't best friends always know everything? But then what's the difference between a best friend and a therapist, or confessor, or an over-involved parent, or… This is ridiculous. But she started it, eavesdropping. I thought the door was closed, but she acted like I'd practically invited her to tap my phone. Oh, stop it, that's baseless hyperbole.

Still, she… she just pries into everything. I know she's a detective, but I'm not a criminal or a witness. She can't have all of me. There have to be limits somewhere. So what if this was something trivial? Jane's obviously placing a lot of importance on it. The more she asks, the less I want to tell her. Is this the kind of friend I'm becoming? The kind who, for no reason, dismantles the trust between us just so I can hold onto some arbitrary line I've drawn? Drat. I can't live like this.

Maura turned on her computer and opened her chat program.

Maura Isles 10:06 PM

Jane, I know it's late, but I'm glad you're online. At least, I hope you're online for real, and didn't just forget to shut down your chat program while you went out.

Maura Isles 10:21 AM

You're out, aren't you? I'm sorry, don't bother replying. Have fun tonight. But I'd really like to see you tomorrow. I don't want to be at odds with you.

10:23 AM

No, I'm online looking up ticket prices. What do you need, Maura?

Maura Isles 10:25 PM

I need to... I don't know. I need to get under myself, I guess.

Jane Rizzoli 10:25 PM

I have no idea what that means, but I'm sure yoga class could help you with that.

Maura Isles 10:26 PM

Did I say it wrong? Is it "get over myself?" I always get those mixed up. Anyway, I need to apologize, I think.

Jane Rizzoli 10:27 PM

Okay.

Maura Isles 10:27 PM

Also, I need to explain. Somewhat.

Jane Rizzoli 10:28 PM

I'll give you 10 minutes.

Jane Rizzoli10:33 AM

5 minutes.

Maura Isles 10:33 PM

I shall attempt haiku brevity. I'm sorry that I don't tell you everything, but this really was an unimportant thing until... Well. Once I bought a new lipstick that was a much brighter and... well, less modest shade than I was really encouraged to wear. I hid it from my nanny. Though, by then, I suppose she was less of a nanny and more of a governess. She saw me hiding it and thought that the small, tube-shaped object was a hypodermic syringe for the administration of controlled substances into my body. The more she demanded to know what I was holding in my hand, the less I wanted to show it to her, because I didn't understand her concern and she didn't understand why I didn't want to show it to her. We sorted it out eventually, and she agreed that I shouldn't have been pressured, but I still had to give up my new lipstick, and I never really got over the fact that she hadn't trusted me. I don't want that to happen with us. I just... It's... Jane, this really is a tiny, unimportant thing, but it's become big because I feel pressured.

Jane Rizzoli 10:36 PM

I asked you three times in the course of one conversation at the time it happened. Instead of telling me, "No, Jane, I don't want you to know" or "This is something I'd just like to keep to myself" or "It's none of your damned business, Rizzoli", you tapped danced around it and then wanted me to try to "guess". I'm not a puppet for your entertainment, Maura. If you don't want me to know something about your life, fine. I have no issue with that. I have an issue with you not being straight with me about it. When I don't want you to know something, I tell you that I don't want you to know.

Maura Isles 10:38 PM

That's a fair assessment. I suppose my original resistance came from the fact that you heard me talking about preferring Chris to Paul, and needing Julie's help as well, and you went right from there to my having either a boyfriend or a gigolo. I was partly offended and partly amused. I think I held onto the offense and expressed it in a regrettably passive-aggressive way instead of just pointing out to you that your conclusions didn't make sense. I apologize for that.

Jane Rizzoli 10:39 PM

I was being me and teasing you. In fact, I said at the time that I knew you weren't the type. You know me better than that, Maura.

Maura Isles 10:40 PM

I do, and I should not have toyed with you. I'm so sorry, Jane. The first time you asked, I guess I was trying to create some form of... boundary? separation?... between us. It was irrational, I know, but I felt suddenly that I needed it, and I don't know why.

Jane Rizzoli 10:41 PM

I even said, "Maura, if you don't want me to know, tell me. I'm nosy but I can back off", and you still acted like an ass. I'm pissed at you.

Maura Isles 10:41 PM

I know you are, and you've every right to be. I'm trying to make things right, Jane, but I don't know how. I'm getting frustrated, too, and that isn't going to help this. May I come over tomorrow and maybe we can sort this out?

Maura Isles 10:42 AM

Unless you don't want to. I'd understand. I would hate that, but I would understand. I'm the one who broke this.

Jane Rizzoli 10:42 PM

Broke what?

Jane Rizzoli 10:42 AM

Did you finally crack my favorite coffee mug?

Maura Isles 10:42 PM

This... this. Friendship. I'm not good at these.

Jane Rizzoli 10:44 PM

Maura, I'm pissed. I'm not walking away. I just... look, I was going to go to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror with Frankie tonight. You want to come? I won the bet, and he's going to dress up like Frank N. Furter.

Maura Isles 10:44 PM

I don't know what that means.

Jane Rizzoli 10:44 PM

Say yes, come over, I'll pull up some reading material, and you can read it on the way to the movie theater.

Jane Rizzoli10:44 AM

Also, bring a camera.

Maura Isles 10:44 PM

A camera? What is this for? Movie theater... So, dress warmly, yes?

Jane Rizzoli 10:45 PM

T shirt and jeans will do for you... this time.

Maura Isles 10:47 AM

All right. I'll be right over.

Maura shut down her chat program and ran to the bedroom, where she quickly shucked her bedtime attire in favor of a white silk/cotton blend T-shirt and jeans, some pretty red heels she had recently bought, and then grabbed her purse. She was halfway to the car before she remembered the camera. There was no way she would neglect the one request Jane had made of her in the past four days.