CHAPTER 3

Clarke's Possibilities

Lexa was quiet again and you wondered why. She was chewing her food in a regal manner and that made you self-conscious on how you chew your own food. You stopped and that made her looked at you.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked.

You shook you head abruptly.

"Clarke?" Her tone seems to demand answers from you but you were to shy to say that you were just observing her; that you were just fascinated about her. "You can tell me anything. Have you remembered something from your past?"

"No… It's not about that." You answered.

"Then what is it?"

You cleared your throat. "It's just… you're quiet. And sometimes I wonder what you are thinking." You told her half-lie and half-truth. You are actually pleased with yourself.

She stared back at you; those soulful green eyes could actually melt you. Seriously, her eyes are her biggest assets aside from her luscious plump lips. And oh my god! Did you just daydream about Lexa's lips? You just hoped that you didn't let your eyes linger on her lips because that would be totally embarrassing.

"I'm not much of a talker." She replied. "They told me I got it from my father."

You nod your head. "Where is he?"

She shrugged. "Doing business stuff." She said simply then continued to eat. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she doesn't want to talk about or open up about her father.

You continued to eat and tried so hard not to let your eyes wander towards Lexa and her sophisticated art of eating.

The next morning, you woke up late and immediately you took a shower before you go down to the kitchen. Lexa might be there and you don't want her to see how awful your bed hair was. You want to look beautiful in front of your savior and you sometimes wonder if you are actually attracted to her in a not so platonic way. You actually asked yourself for a couple of nights now if you are actually gay in the past? Because when you look at Lexa, you can't help but admire her amazing good looks. Or maybe you just know how to appreciate beautiful girls. That's pretty normal from your perspective.

As soon as you entered the kitchen, the smell of coffee invaded your senses. You breathed in and smiled when you saw a cute looking mug (different from what you used yesterday) near the coffee maker. Lexa brewed coffee and you want to actually kiss her just to say thank you. Well, you can't really kiss her because that would be weird for her. But if you are really being honest with yourself, kissing Lexa will not be weird for you.

Oh my god!

Maybe you are actually gay. The memory that you had lost probably didn't lose the attraction you have with your own sex. That much is clear.

Clarke (WHATEVER-YOUR-LAST-NAME-IS) probably was gay in the past. Because there's no heterosexual explanation for what you feel when Lexa is near.

Speaking of Lexa, you wonder where she is? Because the weather is still bad outside and you wished that she wasn't crazy to go have her morning run. So after you pour coffee in the mug Lexa gave you, you start to look for her.

"Lexa?" You called.

The house is really big; you're not even familiar yet with the other rooms yet. So you continued to walk around and saw stairs towards the basement. Out of curiosity, you went down the stairs and you heard ragged breathing and hitting sounds.

You stopped with your eyes wide.

Because Lexa is hitting a punching bag in a wide room full of gym equipment wearing a black sports bra and gym shorts. Lexa hasn't noticed you yet, she was hitting the bag multiple times and you could actually see the sweat coming out of her amazing toned body.

A part of you was jealous of her sexy figure but a large part of you wants to worship her body and who knows what you want to do next. That made you blushed hard. If you think you weren't gay before, then now is the time to actually own your sexuality. You are gay for Lexa. And you are extremely attracted to her, no doubt about that now.

Lexa was still on her momentum of punches and you felt thirsty just by watching her. So without thinking, you drank your hot coffee and it burned your tongue making you shrieked. "Oh my god!"

Lexa stopped. "Clarke? What happened?"

"Hot!" You regained your composure and stared at her, cheeks blushing furiously. Because oh my god! Now that Lexa is walking towards you, she looks so gorgeous and her abs are to die for. Did you just say the word hot while looking at her like she is a piece of meat? Shit!

"Hot?" Lexa looked at you, eyebrows rising.

"My coffee!" You blurted out. Your cheeks are actually burning.

"Oh. Your coffee?" Lexa smiled. "I actually thought you were referring to me?"

"You're hot too!" You exclaimed. "Wait, what? Oh my god! I didn't mean it like that. I mean… I… I wasn't staring at you AT ALL!" You stopped and immediately realized how guilty it sounded like. You could feel your cheeks burning from embarrassment. You want to run away from her. You want to run away from your stupid gay self.

Lexa laughed.

Great! Now you looked like an idiot in front of her. Just great!

You lowered your head and contemplating on how to save yourself of dying from humiliation.

"Clarke, that's okay. I'm just teasing you. You should be careful though. That coffee looks really hot." Lexa said.

Not as hot as Lexa apparently… You mentally chastised yourself because you can't seem to get over the fact that Lexa's abs looks deliciously delectable right now. Seriously, Lexa is like super hot. Sweaty Lexa is a sight to behold and NO, your mind didn't just go there. You shook your head. Why can't you function like a normal person in front of Lexa?

"Would you like some coffee?" You asked dumbly.

Lexa smiled and shook her head. "Thanks but I had mine earlier." She walked away to get some towel to wipe the sweat off her face and you can't help but swallow the lump in your throat. You watched her as she lifted the bottled water to her mouth and drank from it. That scene just made you super thirsty. Damn it, you are a gay mess. You need to control yourself from gawking.

"You really have a nice body." You said in a calm manner like you were just complimenting her in a normal platonic way. Well you really hoped it sounded that way. "Can you teach me? Can I train with you? If that's okay."

Lexa stared at you and you felt like she was melting you with that stare. You tried to act cool. "You want to train with me?"

"Yeah. Why not? I want to have a body like yours. Mine looks…"

"Your body is perfect, Clarke." She said and that made you stop. "I mean… you don't need to workout because… uhm… you look ho-amazing already. But i-if you want to train with me, I would gladly teach you." She said and lowered her head.

Did Lexa just compliment your body? You noticed the blush creeping against her cheeks. Is there a possibility that Lexa might be attracted to you too? Or it was just a wishful thinking on your part?

"Uhm… yeah. I would love for you to teach me, Lexa." You replied, grinning at her.

"Okay. Tomorrow you could join me. I could give you new gym outfits I haven't worn yet if you like." She said.

You grinned. "Thank you Lexa."

"No problem." She smiled at you.

"Are you done or you still have couple of training to do?" You asked her.

"I'm nearly done. Just a couple more resistance training." She replied.

"Sorry for bothering you." You said.

"It's fine, Clarke. I understand that you're bored."

"No, I'm not bored. I just… I was looking for you." You told her.

Lexa smiled at you. "I hope I'm not boring you."

You shook your head. "You aren't. As a matter of fact, I was wondering if you would let me watch you while you train? I mean, I can at least observe so I could prepare myself for tomorrow?" You showed her your best puppy look.

It was effective.

Lexa smiled at you. "Alright."

You spent the entire morning watching Lexa workout while you are being extremely thirsty and gay for her.

Lexa doing pull-ups will be the death of you.

The next morning, you are ready for your training. Lexa gave you five gym outfits and you chose the sexiest one. The Pink sports bra and Victoria Secret leggings. They fit nicely and you sometimes wonder why does she have these new clothes that perfectly fits your body. You and Lexa obviously don't have the same body figure.

"Clarke, are you ready?" Lexa asked from outside your door.

"Yeah, I am." You walked towards the door and opened it.

"Wow." Lexa exclaimed and that made you blush hard. "I'm sorry if I'm being inappropriate. They just fit perfectly."

You looked down at yourself. "Yes, they are. Thank you."

"Let's go then." Lexa said as she hurriedly walks down the stairs.

You smiled sheepishly. After Lexa's workout routine yesterday, you spent the entire day watching movies with her. You are actually glad that both of you were spending time together. Lexa was still reserved and evasive but you actually think there's some progress between the two of you. At the very least, you are bonding with her. And it's making you happy.

Sometimes you think that being with her on this island is enough and that you don't want to go back to your own life. You wonder to yourself if you are just afraid of what your real world looks like or you are actually contented being with Lexa. Whatever it is, you're just glad that you are alive and you had the chance to meet your savior.

After doing cardio, the training begins. Lexa taught you on how to do basic punches like straight punch, hooks and uppercut. She was actually amazed that you picked the moves fast and perfect.

"I think you've done this before." She commented.

"Why do you think that?"

"Your moves. They are actually good. Usually, for beginners; it will take them several training on how to perfect the right punches. You are a natural, Clarke. No wonder you have toned arms too." Lexa said that made you blush. The compliment you're getting from her is definitely worth it.

"You think so?"

"Yeah. Maybe you remember something from your past while we do this?"

You nodded. "Yup. Maybe."

"Okay Clarke. We'll do combinations now. Jab… Cross… Jab… Right Hook… Left Hook…" Lexa said. "Maybe in the succeeding days, we can actually spar."

You smirked. You would love to spar with her. "Why not? That would be fun."

Lexa chuckled. "I hope you still say that when I beat you multiple times."

"Hah!" You laughed. "I didn't know you are one of those arrogant chick."

Lexa laughed, shook her head and smirked. "Let's do the combination now, shall we?"

It had been two weeks since you start training with her. And in those two weeks, both of you were spending a lot of time together. You were inseparable and even though Lexa doesn't talk that much, you are actually satisfied that she let you bond with her.

Sometimes you just watched movies while Lexa worked on her laptop. There are times that you watched and cooked together. She laughed at your baking skills though. You are terrible in baking cakes and cookies.

Lexa smiles and laughs a lot right now. You are quite proud of yourself.

You also have your morning run routine with Lexa. And sometimes you just walked on the shore near the beach. You also noticed how Lexa seems to stare blankly at the beach. You wanted to ask her about it but you are afraid she's not yet ready to open up with you. You want to know more about her.

"Clarke…"

"Huh?"

"You're staring. Are you okay?" Lexa asked, concern written all over her face.

You and Lexa decided to play chess together near the fireplace. The wind is really cold (another sign for bad weather) that Lexa probably want to distract you from being afraid. You appreciate her effort a lot. "I'm fine. I'm thinking of my moves." You lied. You were thinking of her obviously.

"Well… my face is not a chessboard Clarke." She teased.

"You loved to tease me, aren't you?" You replied in a teasing manner.

"I do not." Lexa looked away.

You decided to let that pass. You made your move and because you weren't really thinking, she immediately made her move to capture your queen.

Your jaw dropped.

"Alright. Something is clearly bothering you." Lexa moved the chessboard away. She leaned towards you, her face laced with concern. "Are you okay, Clarke?"

You blushed hard. Having Lexa within inches apart from you made your heart beat fast. You are afraid she might hear your beating heart so you moved away.

"I-I'm fine." You stuttered.

"Clarke."

You stared at her. "Is it wrong that I want to know more about you, Lexa?"

"Huh?"

You sighed and looked away. "When we were at the beach, your eyes looked sad. I wanted to ask why but I was afraid that you would push me away."

Lexa sighed and leaned her back towards the couch. "I inherited this island from my mother. She had cancer and passed away seven years ago. This island is our sanctuary away from the world. She lived her last days on this island and when I'm here, I feel like I'm close to her. To them."

You blinked. "Them?"

She looked at you. "My fiancé passed away two years after my mother died. She met an accident."

She? So it means that Lexa is…

"I'm sorry." You said sincerely. "I didn't know."

"We spent a lot of time here. That's why I love this place like I love them. With all my heart." Lexa finished.

"I'm sorry." You told her again.

Lexa looked at you and smiled, "It's okay." You saw tears threatening to fall down from her eyes.

Without thinking, you moved to hug her. She was unmoving, probably shocked at what you did but you don't care. You tightened your arms around her and then you were relieved when she hugged you back. "I'm so sorry, Lexa. I promise that I will never leave you."

"That's not true." She whimpered. "You will leave me too, Clarke."

"I won't. I promise." You hugged her tightly and for a moment you're considering to tell her how you feel but you can't because Lexa feels vulnerable right now and this is not the right time.

Besides, you aren't actually quite sure of what you really feel about her. You are attracted to her, that much is true.

The next day, you are excited to do your morning routine with her that's why it made you feel disappointed when you found out Lexa left without you. You sighed deeply in annoyance so you just went directly at the gym to throw your frustrations.

You wonder why Lexa left you. Did you do something wrong or say something wrong last night? After the hug that you shared with her, she excused herself and you let her because you though she might want to be alone. She showed her vulnerable side to you and you felt that you had broken those walls. But now, you regret that decision because you are afraid that Lexa put those walls back up.

Half an hour later, Lexa came into the gym. She deliberately ignores you and you're positively sure that you are back where you started.

She hits the heavy bag in full force and you wonder why was she angry at the first place. You walked towards her. "Lexa."

She ignored you.

"Lexa. Are you okay? What is wrong?"

She stopped then she looked at you unemotionally. "I'm fine, Clarke." She continued her workout.

"Did I do something wrong last night?" You asked her.

"No." Punch.

"Did I say something wrong?" You asked her again.

"No." Another punch.

"Is it because I hugged you? Are you not comfortable with that?"

She stopped and looked at you. "No Clarke. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why are you ignoring me?" Your voice trembled a little. "I thought we're friends."

"We can't be friends." She said sternly.

"But I thought…"

She cuts you off by pulling you closer by your shoulder and capturing your lips with her own. Your eyes went wide for a while as you consider what was going on.

Lexa is kissing you.

Lexa is KISSING you.

LEXA IS KISSING YOU!

Before she could pull away, you put your right hand around her nape as you angled your head. You opened your mouth to deepen the kiss that shocked you earlier. You heart is beating so fast. You shivered at the intensity of the kiss. Lexa was wearing her gloves earlier and then you heard those gloves thrown down to the floor. You felt Lexa's hands on your hair and at the back of your neck. That excites you more. Your hands seem to have a mind on their own as they grip on Lexa's hip as you pulled her flushed against your body.

When breathing became difficult for the both of you, Lexa pulled away breathing hard. You already missed her touch. Her lips are swollen from the passionate kiss you shared with her. It made your cheeks flushed.

She stared at you with equal intensity and said firmly, "I'm sorry. This cannot happen again." And then she walked out of the room.

You were left wondering what happened.