AN: You know, I never would've guessed that we were getting another Ronaldo episode before we found out where they were keeping the Roaming Eye. Also, how come the police didn't track Topaz with the 5 different global positioning systems on the phones of the people she abducted?

"Steven, a question."

"Sure PJ, what's up?"

"Do the Crystal Gems have a splinter cell?"

"No, why?"

"Then who are the Rock People?"

"The who?"

"Rock People. I read about them in this."

"Lessee… weapons from the mud dimension… cultural war on our livelihood… THEY HATE MEN? MAKE BEACH CITY WEIRD AGAIN?! RONALDO!"

Regret is a bitter taste. It lasts longer than it is welcome, and it's not a flavor that I recommend. Steven's the kind of gem that never shuts up, but at least he listens to others in the room. Ronaldo is just… well, he defies description. His ego is inescapable. Him? A bloodstone? Ha! Everybody knows that bloodstones just do what aquamarines do, only that bloodstones do the job better, and don't let Blue Diamond's kiss-ups tell you otherwise. Unlike aquamarines, bloodstones double-check their work, and have the courtesy to lock the door afterwards. Sure, they don't have that fancy-schmancy zero-point energy beam bullshit, but they can at least take a punch or two before going down. And unlike Ronaldo, real bloodstones pay respect to their superiors.

I can't help but blame Ronaldo's entrance into our lives on myself, though. It's not only that I showed the pamphlet to Steven, but also my empathy senses tell me that the Crystal Gems are comparing Ronaldo's antics to my own. Ronaldo triggers a defense mechanism within them, something that's been built up over the centuries living with humans. I see faces flash inside their minds, humans that died fighting with them in the rebellion. They've also seen the humans that came after them, and the gems summarize their experiences with broad strokes.

Ronaldo's ambitious, like Cortez.

Ronaldo's selfish, like Xerxes.

Humans always scramble to prove themselves, don't they? Reminds me of that one lady who lost her arm and still chased after Rose.

He'll be gone in a week. Maybe a decade or two. You never know with humans. He could catch the plague any day now.

Everytime I speak, however, I trigger something less passive. Mistrust. Fear. Suspicion. Thoughts that they can't afford to brush aside like the ones they have about humans.

Why's she doing that?

What's her gain today?

Steven, be careful.

I'm stargazing on the porch again, this time with 'Bloodstone.' Well, according to him, we're standing guard. It's the most exciting assignment he's had yet, albeit it was one he assigned upon himself. He props his feet up on the outdoor table, slumping with visual exhaustion, but not exhausted enough to make an effort to look confident.

"So," he says, "Are there any male gems on your planet?"

"Nope," I say, popping my lips.

"Did they, like, die out or something, or are are you all like the gerudos?"

"The gord-o's?"

"Buff ladies that live in the desert," he smiles. "They have a boy born into their tribe every hundred years, but I'll have to check the wiki on that detail."

"Why don't just ask one?"

"They're just from a video game,"

"Ah. No, we're not like that."

"So… you ever thought about being with man?" Ugh, he thinks he's being clever. "You know, for the experience of being on Earth."

"Have you?"

His face changes to the color of my hair. "No, not in particular! I'm trying to patch things up with my girlfriend, actually. See, there was this war over junk food and capitalism, and Steven wanted to fix things via Romeo and Juliet, because true love conquers all, right? Only that it wasn't true love, because we were faking it. Anyway, Jane and I were at the delicate, early stages in our relationship. Y'know, past that stage when you're trying showcase your best qualities to your S.O. like you're having a job interview every week, but not at the part when you move in together and can make the decision to have sex or just binge-watch Pretty Pretty Death Crusaders, because you can just have sex anytime you want. Like, what's the rush?" At this point, I'm hoping that a stray meteorite crashes into me from out of the sky, just so I don't have to listen to this sad, sad man anymore. Ooo, or it could crash into him instead; that works, too. I scan the sky absently.

And I hear a distant scream.

Good news, bad news, good news: Good news, the meteorite is not hypothetical anymore. Bad news, it misses us. Good news, it stops Ronaldo from talking anyway.

"INVADER!" Ronaldo cries, noticing that the meteorite is vaguely humanoid in shape. He draws his sword and changes, only to trip and fall down half of the staircase. "MAN DOWN, MAN DOWN!" I ignore him and skip the stairs with a leap. Sure, I could heal him, but that would mean crying over him, and Steven spitting on him in the near future is much more likely.

At the center of the sand-crater, a ruby is curled up in a ball. My list of question rushes in a few more members for the evening: How'd she end up in the atmosphere? Her insignia shows that she's with Yellow Diamond, so does she know Peridot? Most importantly, why only one ruby? I don't care how long I've been bubbled, rubies are never supposed to be alone. Every part of their physiology, every thought put their combat strategy, and every aspect of their personality is supposed to work in a group. The only explanation is that she was separated from the others.

Steven is the first to join me. "It's Navy!"

"Oh, so she's one of yours?" I assume.

"No, they came on a spaceship a while back to-" Navy charges, and Steven is forced to put up a bubble before he finishes, but I heard 'spaceship.' The fact that Navy has crashed here is a sure sign that the ship isn't in one piece, but I want to remain optimistic. Navy clings to what little friction the bubble has, pleading.

"Please let me stay with you!"

Um.

I more behind on this situation than I thought.

"Lesson one about being an earthling," Peridot begins confidently, "is that nobody understands what being an earthling is about."

"Amazing," Navy says wistfully. The other two members of the audience aren't as absorbed. Ronaldo fell asleep on the car ride over here, and I'm trying to sneak a peek at the Roaming Eye they have parked out in the opposite direction of the chalkboard.

"Any questions?"

"Yes, is that just for decoration?" I ask. "There is, like, a lot of stuff out here that looks like it's for show, and I was a little confused."

"The Roaming Eye?" Peridot laughed like an agate did when she was showing off her new form. "It's perfectly functional, albeit rarely used. We still have some kinks to work out, like-" She coughs. "-how to fly it."

Navy turns around. "Oh, you still have that? I didn't notice. Bloodstone, look! That's the ship I came here with. It's so pretty now!"

"Bwuh?" snorts Ronaldo, suddenly awoken. He examines the ship for a second. "Big deal. I was dressing up alien weirdness as my own aesthetic before it was even cool. You guys need to be more original."

"Why is he here again, Steven?" Lapis half-wonders, half-accuses. "He's already human, he doesn't need to be taught about Earth."

"In that case, maybe I should be teaching this class," Ronaldo half-offers, half-defends.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Steven interjects. "Peridot and Lapis put a lot of work into this."

"Fine," Ronaldo says, and goes back to sleep.

"Do you know how to fly the ship, Navy?" I ask.

My empathy senses pick a whisper. Keep a lid on it, or we'll both be in trouble. Navy says aloud, "But Pee-Jaaay, there's so much else on this base that I want to learn about~ I already know that boring old thing inside and out."

"You do?" gasps Steven. "You could totally be our pilot!" Bless your oblivious heart, Steven.

Navy places one index finger to her cheek. "I dunno, that sounds like a lot of trust you'd have to put in me, and I don't think I'm well-adjusted enough on this planet to handle that kind of pressure."

"Could've fooled me," grumbled Lapis. Oh, and Lapis has been being a bitch today, because she's capable of putting two and two together. Forgot that was happening.

"Yeah Navy, don't be hard on yourself," chirps Peridot, making a gesture that I've come to understand as a 'finger gun.' "You're our best student yet." The Crystal Gem's Peridot is… strange. Usually, peridots have three values: The satisfaction of hard work paying off, the diamonds, and everybody pronouncing it 'perry-dough' for reasons they refuse to explain clearly. Everything and everybody else is a nuisance. This peridot is just as arrogant, but does so in a cheerful (and an unnecessarily loud) manner.

Steven starts chant "joy ride" while pounding his fists on an imaginary table, and of course, Peridot joins in.

Navy covers her face with her hands with an "Aw, shucks," but I feel a wave of ecstatic bliss from her.

Steven's grip on the ship is slipping, and though I understand why he's crying, I'm still the one blocking the doorway.

"Whyyyy?!" he wails.

I've actually been mulling over what to say in this conversation before Navy even landed here. I knew this question would come up, and I've been trying to come up with something that doesn't sound ungrateful. I give Steven my speech's rough draft.

"Because we don't love Earth, Steven. We never wanted this place to be our home. I already had a planet, friends, and a diamond before your mother came along, and a lot of those can't be replaced on Earth." The roar of the wind makes me raise my voice, and I struggle to keep my tone steady.

"PJ, please! You don't have to do this!"

"Yes, I do. You didn't get a replacement for your dad, and I don't want a replacement for the other roses."

Steven looks like I stabbed him in the gut, but he's stumped for what to say back.

"I've said what I want to say. One of you can fly, one of you can float down, one's a human that probably won't survive the fall, but I doubt anyone will miss him. You'll all be fine. Goodbye, Steven Universe." I step on his fingers. He lets go. The door closes. I turn around and say to my pilot, "Thank you."

Navy just huffs. "Now why didja have to hog the spotlight back there? I wanted to rant about my motive, too." Her voice doesn't stop having a sweet cadence to it, even when she's genuinely upset now. I can guess how she talks like everything's sunshine and rainbows now: Nobody takes her seriously anyway. But unfortunately, since the only thing between me and the cold vacuum of space is her ship, I have to take every word of her's seriously. I am completely at her mercy, and besides the unspoken goal of getting off Earth, we have no reason to trust each other.

I've never been more terrified of a single entity in my life. This one ruby was worse than Onion.

"Yyyyeah, sorry about the whole speech thing with Steven," I begin as the warp drive starts to distort my form. "Let's start over: My name's Rose, and I need someone to drop me off at the zoo."

Navy gives me a cold smile that a predator might give to its lunch before biting the head off. "Say 'Pretty please with the shards our enemies one top~'"