EPISODE FOUR: THE SEARCH
When I awoke, it seemed as if it had been at least 5 wiener hours. I got up off of Sein-sleuth's filthy sleep pad and used my fat gaudy vision marbles to take in and consume my surroundings. It had seemed as though I was on the outskirts of a large city, as I could see the tall, erect buildings just miles away from my very own heap. I looked around for a possible route to Jerry's Sein-Quarters, but I could not see any practical way to that hedon's smelly landmass.
I asked one of the local dwellers, he responded with "Jus' get up on da subway ova theyah. FUHGEDDABOUDIT." "Are you to take me for a fool? I know that Jared doesn't offer such grandiose services, and I refuse to forget about this treachery." I said, scolding him. To my surprise, however, he pointed in the direction of a stairway to train-heaven labeled "SUBWAY TRANSIT" so I guess he wasn't a goddamn lying wastrel after all.
I sloshed down the damp mossy steps, I realised that this wasn't an average Subway Hoagie House. It was a dimly lit hall with tunnels on either side, could this be Jared-Kun's method of teleportransitation?
As I equipped my trusty 12 gauge and stepped into the tunnel, I got a lot of horrified looks from the crowd, some ran, and some of them even yelled to get back to safety. Safety? What wasn't safe about walking this path? I paid no mind these grunts, as I know exactly what I'm doing. I pumped my shotgun with confidence and proceeded forth.
A few trots later, I noticed a white hot flame rushing towards my pudgy little bod. I squinted my eyes, trying to see beyond it, only to notice a large metal worm blasting toward me with brisk force. It was being driven by none other than a steaming young Old Spice Guy (played by Terry Crews) all to the tune of his very own groovy theme song. I sprayed my metal pellets at his permanently youthful complecture, but this only seemed to excite him. How am I going to get out of this pickle? I hastily hatched a scheme and splashed toward the ceiling and grabbed on to the wet bars.
"That was odd" I thought, I snapped back into reality and pressed forth. Jerry must be destroy. I saw a familiar hall ahead of me, it looked just like the one I'd entered 5 minutes ago, all except for the big sign at the exit that read "MANHATTEN".
Yes. I had finally made it. I slithered up the horrible jagged steps once more, and layed eyes at last on his domain. It was festering with roaches and street-side food vendors; three of my favourite sceneries. However, this was not the time nor the place! This was time to assassinate the root of all my problems, BECAUSE I WILL. I guess 30 years of pilates classes were about to pay off.
I scanned my surroundings for a way to the Sein-Lair, it was still at least mile off, and my body was heavy. It would have taken weiner-years to reach such a height. I saw a local, blasting it down the streets in his yellow lamborghini. I firmly planted my hefty shaft in front of his speeding vehicle, hoping for him to come to a stop. When he did not, I had to resort to Plan B. I sprung into action, thrusting forward with terminal force, vaporising his windshield, then pounding his head into a fine, scarlet pulp. "Oopsies I'm saaaarry~" I said in my signature Adam Sandler impersonation. I promptly removed his inert carcass from the drivers seat, then proceeded to step in. I managed to extend my little stubs just far enough to push in the gas pedal, but not very far. I was moving at a rate of 3mph at most. It was time to take flooring it to a new level, and resort to Plan C. I grabbed the luxury leather ass-warming seat and tossed it out of the side, thus turning off the cloaking device and revealing that this was, in fact, a lawn mower. Oh well. It'll have to do. As I revved my new vehicle I realised that my elite DDR skills would finally come in handy. I put the pedal to the metal as I braced for a WARP TOUR right through the Sein-soft HQ. My growling metal steed proceeded swiftly to speeds that only Sandler himself could comprehend. As I proceeded to accelerate, I heard the echo of a very familiar voice pound it's way through my pudding filled noggin. It was none other than the voice of the all knowing Terry Crews. I jolted with energy, this inspired me to trek onward. I now knew that not even the stronkest of uhh... evildoers, would stop me from reducing this deceptive little scoundrel to a pile of ooze once and for all.