I hear the bell sound from the elevator to alert me that I have reached my floor back at the precinct. As the doors open I see Lanie pacing near Javi's desk. I look down, hoping she hasn't caught sight of me yet and fire off a quick text to Castle.

RUN! LANIE IS CIRCLING THE BULLPEN LIKE A SHARK ON CHUM. I'LL UNDERSTAND IF YOU HEAD HOME. KB.

Good, she still hasn't seen me yet. I have time to collect my thoughts before she begins her assault. I know I just gave him an out. Lanie will cut him from the heard and devour him in one bite if she even catches wind of anything. Castle would be child's play for her. She would see it in his eyes that something has changed. It will be hard enough for me to stone wall her. I need to ask her what she remembers. My phone alerts me to an incoming text.

ARE YOU SURE? WHAT ABOUT YOUR COFFEE? I'LL GO HOME AND WRITE IF YOU WANT ME TO. RC

Crap, she spotted me.

SAVE YOURSELF! KB

Hey, girl. Where have you been? We were supposed to grab lunch today.

Something came up Lanie. I needed to get out of here for a little while.

Did Writer-Boy help you with that?

It's not like that. I needed to talk to him privately.

Ooh. Is that what you're going to call it?

Lanie! Nothing happened. I just needed to ask him something without the whole precinct within earshot of the conversation. You know nothing stays private for long around here!

Sorry Kate. What was so important that you couldn't talk here? What did he do now? Do the boys need to "talk to him"?

No.

Where is Castle anyway?

He had some writing to do and we don't have a case right now anyway so I told him to go do his real job.

Girl, you know he would rather sit here and have eye-sex with you!

Will you stop? I am sorry about lunch. Rain check?

You can have the rain check if you tell me what the hell was so important that you blew off lunch with your best friend to "talk" to Castle.

Can we go in the break room for this? I don't want to talk in front of the boys.

Let's go.

Lanie, what happened after I got shot?

What? Where is this coming from? Why now?

My dad said some stuff about what happened in waiting room when I had dinner with him. It has been bugging me ever since.

What did he tell you? Is this why you and Castle disappeared?

He told me about Josh shoving Castle and the emotions of the day.

Are you sure you want to talk about this now, Sweetie?

I need to hear it from your point of view Lanie. I have heard my dad's side and now I know Rick's point of view.

Did you just call him Rick?

Damn, I can't slip anything by her. I am going to have to be more careful if I don't want to give anything away. Especially, once I finally let Rick all the way in.

Don't.

Uh… Anyway. Once Javi let me go to you at the cemetery, I never left your side until I was forced to at the hospital. You flat-lined in route to the ER. I guess my medical training took over. I was not going to let you die if I could help it. I was pressing on your wound and trying to keep you alive. I remember screaming at you, "Do not die" and I remember saying something about you being my friend and the nurse telling me, "switch, we got this and let us save her life". The next thing I remember is Castle coming up behind me covered in your blood. We watched them take you down that too bright hallway to surgery. We all thought that was the last time we would ever see you alive.

I never thought I would see you guys again once everything went black at the cemetery. I thought I would never get to look into those gorgeous blue eyes or tell him I love him too. I thought I missed my chance to finally be happy. I should have talked to her about this summer sooner. I have been so unfair to everyone. I should have been a better friend to her, the boys and Rick. I just hope they can forgive me and I can be a better friend going forward. I owe them that much.

I'm so sorry Lanie.

Don't be sorry, honey, you're here, alive.

What do you remember about the waiting room?

I remember Josh striding down the hall shouting. He blamed Castle for forcing you to look into your mother's case and shoved him into the wall. Javi stepped between them to prevent it from escalating. Josh stomped off and Castle slid down the wall and put his head in his hands, said Josh was right and it was his fault that you had gotten shot. Martha told him that he didn't shoot you, but he insisted that he is the one that put you in the cross-hairs. He was so broken, honey. I have never seen someone so visibly shaken. I don't think he would have survived if you hadn't made it through surgery. We were all devastated by that day but I think he took it harder than any of the rest of us. He threw himself into helping the boys day and night. The first glimmer of the real Castle came when your dad called to tell us that you were awake.

He came to see me that day. He looked so happy, standing there with that dopey grin on his face and made some dumb joke about opening a flower shop.

What did Josh do when Castle showed up?

You could feel the tension as Josh left the room. I didn't really notice anything else other than the smile that broke out on my face when I saw my partner. He looked so nervous and …

What?

Haunted? There was something different in his eyes. I don't know if it was fear or relief.

Honey, that man is head over heels in love with you. Of course it was relief!

I was so unfair to all of you. I was a selfish jerk, Lanie!

What do you mean?

I sent him away and I cut myself off from all of you. I am so sorry for what I did over the summer. I just needed to get myself together before I could face any of you. I was a mess.

Kate, you were shot in the chest at your captain's funeral. Of course you were a mess. You almost died. Twice! I think your behavior can be forgiven.

No Lanie, I may have been a mess, but you guys just wanted to help. Castle told me he felt like he had lost me all over again when I cut him out. I should have called or sent a text. I didn't contact him once in three months! I didn't even have the guts to call you and let you know that I was coming back to the city early. I should have called you myself and told you I was coming back to work instead of just letting the boys blurt that out during my first case back. You are my best friend and I don't want to lose you because of my own self-destructive behavior.

Kate.

No, I never took into consideration how my silence affected you guys. I just did what I do best. I hid from my feelings, my shooting, and my friends.

I forgive you. I think we all have. We're all just glad you are okay now.

I'm not okay but I am getting closer.

Now, dish! Where is Writer-Boy now? What really happened at lunch?

Lanie.

Would you tell me if something did happen?

He really did go home to write and you would be the first person I would share any news with. After all, you are running the pool, right?

What pool?

I'm a detective Lanie. Tweedledee and Tweedledumb aren't exactly subtle.

Damn, girl. How long have you known?

I've known far too long.

I will exchange my rain check for a shopping excursion in the near future. We do have to find something gorgeous for you to wear on your date with Writer-boy.

What date?

You are going with him to the scholarship dinner, right?

Yes. I need to get back to work before Gates charges me with a vacation day since I haven't done a thing all day but talk about my drama filled life.

Call me later to set up our shopping trip. If you ditch me again, Imma smack you!

Bye Lanie.