AmericanGirlTN: Thank you so much for your lovely review! I take what you said as a compliment and I am very, very glad that you think so!

There is a conversation in season one (I can never remember the episode numbers) between Mary and Cora in which Cora warns Mary not to quarrel with Matthew. I think it was quite obvious what Cora meant, but I decided to tweak that a little to turn it into this short story.

I just realized that part of this chapter was missing, so I've updated it.


"Don't quarrel with Matthew."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because one day you may need him."

"Oh, I see. When I've ruined myself, I must have a powerful protector to hide behind."

She wonders whether she should leave or just answer 'yes' or say more than that.

"Yes. Or rather, that is part of it."

"Oh Mama, what else could I need him for? To give me a home?" Mary is getting closer to the truth and Cora wishes her daughter would just see what has been in front of her for over a year now.

"To give you a family."

"A family. Am I to be the aunt to his children? Companion to his wife, the next Countess of Grantham? Is that what you expect of me now? Is that what you want for your eldest daughter?"

She takes a deep breath. In some ways Mary is too much like Robert, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. When Robert proposed to her, she knew she loved him and she also knew that he felt more for her than he pretended to feel. He told her quite plainly that he wanted to marry her for her money and that he thought they would get along without hating each other, when what he actually felt was quite a lot of deep affection. He told her he loved her after seven months of marriage, but she knows he felt it after two months, because when they spent their first night in their new set of rooms after they had returned from their wedding journey, Robert stayed in her bed and told her that he would never want to sleep anywhere else. He just didn't see that it was love and she is almost sure that their eldest daughter is now facing a similar situation, with the slight difference that Mary and Matthew aren't married. Yet.

"No, Mary."

"What is it then Mama? You have to tell me, because I don't know."

"Sometimes, my darling child, you are too much like your Papa."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Your father and I met in June 1888, were married in April 1889 and he told me he loved me in November that year."

"I know that."

"I fell in love with him almost on first sight and I kept fighting for him. Or rather for his affection, because it didn't take him long to propose, he needed my money after all. But I wanted his affection and I fought for it."

"What does that have to do with me?" "Everything she thinks and almost retorts 'you wouldn't be here otherwise' but that isn't true. Robert was very prodigious about their marital duty, although he might not have been if they hadn't it enjoyed it so much right from the start.

"Mary, I fought for your father's love and eventually I won it. Ask him if he is happy about that."

"I don't have to ask him. Everyone can see that he is happy about it."

"Maybe you can see it and I am sure that he is happy. We are both very happy in our marriage."

"Mama, you told me that I was damaged goods. And now you are talking about a happy marriage. You know it is unlikely that I will ever have that."

"Your father thought he would only ever be content, if that."

"So?"

Mary either doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand, but she has to get to the point.

"Mary, I think, no I am sure, that Matthew is fighting for you. He is fighting for your love. And maybe you should let him win that fight."

The expression on her daughter's face changes from angry confusion to something akin to surprise or maybe even to an expression that could accompany an epiphany.

"Mama"

"I am not telling you to marry him, not for the sake of the title and the estate anyway."

She watches her mother leave and her heart beats so fast she thinks that it might leave her chest. She thinks about going downstairs again, but she isn't ready to face Matthew.

She gets up early the next morning because she hopes to catch her father by himself and she is successful.

"Mary, you look thoughtful," he says quite cheerfully.

"Mama says I am like you."

"In many ways you are, I think."

"If we are so alike, then why can you love with all your heart and I can't?"

"Who says you can't?"

"It's what everyone thinks."

"No. It is what you think. Your Mama and I for one don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because we are quite sure that you love us. You may not say it, but we are sure that you do." She can't help but smile at that.

"Mary, your mother told me what you talked about last night. And before I say anything else, let me tell you that I love you very much. I don't prefer Matthew over you. I like him, I like him a lot, but I don't prefer him."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am sure. You are my darling daughter and you will always be. And that is why I will now tell you something I feel rather uncomfortable speaking about. I have had to make many decisions in my life and I hope that I made more right than wrong decisions, but I can't be sure. But what I am sure about is that the two best decisions I ever made both concern your mother. The first one was my decision to propose to her because it made her a part of my life and the second one was to finally let her into my heart, to give in to my feelings for her. It took me a very long time because I thought loving someone the way your mother loved me, still loves me, wanted me to love her was not something I was capable of, it wasn't something I had ever considered. But when I threw that silly notion overboard, I realized that I could love another person with all my heart, that I did love your mother, that I had loved her for quite some time and nothing has ever made me as happy as that. Or rather everything else that has ever made me that happy somehow goes back to her."

"What do you mean?"

"You and your sisters make me very happy, but I wouldn't have you without your mother. Having this home makes me happy, but it wouldn't be the home it is without your mother and I don't mean the money she put into it. Spending afternoons in the library makes me happy because your mother is always with me then. We've developed a routine of her never reading then and me always reading then, but only ever what would interest her too so that we can talk about what I read."

"You are very dependent on her."

"I can't imagine life without her."

"You miss her when she is gone. Or when you are in London."

"Very much."

"So in exchange for a happy marriage, you gave up quite a lot of freedom, you became dependent on another person."

"Yes, of course I did. It's the price you pay if you fall in love."

"Knowing what you know now, how much you gave up for it, would you let Mama into your heart again? Please be honest, I won't tell her, I promise." She expected her father to think about this question for some time, but he answers right away.

"Without any doubt."

"Why?"

"Because I gave up a little bit of freedom, maybe even a lot of freedom, but I gained so much more. I found someone to share my life with. All of it. Not just bits and pieces but everything. Someone I trust without any reservations, someone to make me laugh, someone I can always be at ease with, in short, someone I love."

She doesn't really know what to say to this, so she says "That was quite a speech for you."

"Yes." Her father looks very uncomfortable now. "Mary, I told Matthew I'd be down at the cottages in half an hour. We just wanted to have another look at them. But I don't think it is necessary that I am there. You could go just as well. Tell Matthew that I am busy."

"And why would I do that?"

"To see where it leads you."

"Where would it lead me?" She knows she sounds like a stubborn child, but she hates doing what she is told to do.

"Give it a chance Mary."

Because her father left the breakfast room without any further ado, she really does go to the cottages and Matthew's face breaks into a beautiful smile when he sees her. He tells her what has been done and she listens to him, listens to his soft voice that sounds like velvet. She never noticed that before. When they are done, she invites him to lunch at the Abbey and they decide to walk back there instead of just taking the car. Matthew seems overjoyed when she agrees to this suggestion and even happier when she takes the arm he offers her.

While they are walking across the estate, she tells Matthew little stories about her childhood and he counters them with stories of his own.

It takes them almost an hour to get back and they arrive just in time for lunch. She half expected her parents to invite Matthew for dinner, but they don't say a word and she knows they are leaving it up to her.

"I have to leave now, I have to be in Ripon at three, I have an appointment with a client. I am sorry."

"That's quite alright Matthew," her father says, smiles at him and then turns to her mother. He wonders whether he does that on purpose.

"I'll see you off," she says to Matthew and he looks pleasantly surprised.

They have to wait for the car for a moment and Matthew turns to her.

"Mary, I know this is inappropriate but would you come with me? We could talk on the train and you could go shopping while I was dealing with the client and then I'd take you to a tea shop."

She laughs at that and Matthew looks a little hurt.

"Oh, I wasn't laughing about you. I just thought about something my father said to me this morning. Although I can't tell you what because it was rather private. But I will come with you." She had to laugh because she had something different planned for the afternoon, but Matthew's question just made her decide to not spend the afternoon perusing her magazines. Apparently, she is giving up her independence and she does so quite willingly.

She invites Matthew to dinner on their return from Rippon and when he goes home first to get changed and she waits for him at the Abbey, she misses him.

When it is time for Matthew to leave again much later that night, she accompanies him outside again and while they are waiting for the car, he turns to her and looks as if he was wondering whether he should say something.

"Say it Matthew. Please." He smiles at her and then says

"This was the best day of my life Mary and I wish we could have more of those days."

"That would be rather nice," she says. They lean forward at the same moment and for the first time in her life she is kissed out of love and she realizes that she kisses Matthew out of love too.

She has the urge to talk to someone about this and once she has gotten changed for bed, she decides to talk to her mother. Her mother is slightly surprised when she enters her bedroom but welcomes her nonetheless.

"Mama, I just came to tell you that you were right."

"About what?"

"I will need Matthew. I need him now. I need him to make me happy."

"He needs you to make him happy too, that much is obvious." She knows this of course because what Matthew said to her was almost a proposal, but it is nice to hear her mother say it nonetheless.

"Oh, hello Mary." She turns to her father who has just entered the room without knocking.

"Papa," she says. "Don't you knock?"

"Not at night. It's a freedom that comes with a happy marriage." Her mother laughs at this and she takes this as her cue to leave her parents to enjoy their blissful happiness.