"Martha!" Aaron shook her for what seemed like the tenth time. "Martha, honey. Please. You have to wake up." Feeling the dew on the grass soak through his trouser leg, he lifted her lifeless body into his arms. The grass was wet; he could feel the back of her thin blouse was wet. He didn't want her to get cold. Hugging her to him, Aaron again looked at her face -- eyes closed, with a hint of a smile on her face. She looked almost peaceful. A thought flittered into Aaron's mind that this was probably the most peaceful he had seen her look in the last two days. Shaking himself back to the moment, he realized she wasn't sleeping. She wasn't going to wake up to the smell of him preparing her breakfast in the morning. She wasn't going to smile at him as he handed her her morning cup of coffee. If he didn't pull himself together, she was going to die here, in the dark, in his arms. Laying her on the grass, Aaron felt for a pulse in her wrist. Nothing. Gently tilting her head back, he pressed his index finger to the side of her neck. It wasn't much but it was there, the faint flicker of life. Still cradling her head, he reached into his jacket pocket. "This is Special Agent Aaron Pierce, I need an ambulance now. This is security code 24853-M-L." Slipping back into Agent mode, Aaron didn't stop to think that officially he was no longer in the service. The voice on the other end of the line stuttered.
"I'm sorry, can you repeat that, sir."
Aaron glanced down at Martha. He was sure he had felt her move. "Martha, baby. Come on, stay with me." Nothing.
"Sir, are you there? I need you to repeat clearance code."
Not letting go of her, Aaron returned his attention to the phone. "I repeat: I need an ambulance at Elysian Park by the lake. I have 24853-M-L down, requesting immediate medical attention. I have a suspected overdose." Reaching for the bottle still locked in a death grip in Martha's hand, he managed to turn the label and turning his phone toward it the glow of the screen allowed him to read. "I have an empty bottle of Luminal. No, I don't know how many were in there."
"Sir, I need you to check. Does she have any other pills with her--in her purse maybe?"
Aaron again gently lowered Martha to the ground and blindly grasped for her purse. Emptying the contents onto the ground, his heart sank when another bottle fell out. He squinted to read the label. "Yes, I have another empty bottle of Mebaral. I don't know, somewhere between two and three hours. I have a pulse, but it's weak. No. Not responsive. Thank you." Slamming the phone shut, Aaron reached for the woman who lay before him. Cradling her in his arms, he rocked her softly. Why had he left her alone, he knew she wasn't in her right mind after hearing about Logan's house arrest. Why hadn't he asked Rob to make sure he looked in on her? Feeling the sting of tears, he allowed them to fall freely. What had he done? What had she done? Had they really come this far, overcome everything that had occurred on that day, for it all to end now? This night, in the dark, in the silence?
Martha was lying in the sun. She could feel the warmth on her face. Keeping her eyes closed, she allowed herself to enjoy the peace and quiet. She allowed herself to bask in the sun's all-embracing warmth. Frowning slightly, she was annoyed to feel the drops of rain fall onto her face. Why was it raining? Blinking her eyes she could hear something. Muffled. Almost as if someone were shouting at her from inside the house. She was comfortable though, she didn't want to move. Her limbs felt heavy and she tried to block the sounds out. But damn the rain, she flinched as yet another drop hit her face.
"Martha? Martha? Can you hear me?" Aaron pulled back from the hold he had on her and gazed at her still face. He had been resting on her cheek. His tears falling onto her face and he was sure he had felt her move. Not much, was it just a reflex? Stroking her face, he gently but firmly tapped her cheeks. "Martha, darlin'. Please. It's me. It's Aaron." Looking down at her face in the moonlight, his heart flipped when he saw her eyes flicker. "That's it, come on. Open your eyes for me."
Martha could hear him now. It was Aaron. Why was he trying to wake her? He normally let her sleep until she woke. Trying to ignore him, she tried to find the sleep she so sought. She could feel his hands on her face, and while normally she would be happy to reciprocate, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't move her arms to meet his hands.
"Martha!"
"What? What is it?"
Hearing her voice, though slurred, Aaron thought it was the sweetest thing he had ever heard. "Martha, I need you to open your eyes for me. Honey, can you do that? Open your eyes, talk to me." Staring intently at her face, looking for the slightest movement, he was both relieved and afraid when her eyelids fluttered and eventually opened. Her once bright blue eyes were darting wildly from side to side, unable to focus.
Martha couldn't see. She knew she had opened her eyes, but she couldn't see. The warmth she had felt only seconds before had gone and she was now cold. She could hear Aaron's voice, even smell his scent; she knew he was nearby, but she couldn't find him. Blinking her eyes, she wondered when it had gotten so dark, when just moments before she sat in the blazing sun. She tried once again to lift her hand grasping for what, she didn't know. Where was she? Why couldn't she move?
Holding Martha in a vice-like grip to him, Aaron began to whisper softly to her in her ear. She was shifting from flailing her arms wildly at him to falling back into his arms like a rag doll. For the first time in his life, Aaron was scared. He tried to remember what he knew about overdosing. It was not something one took a crash course in at the Academy, but since being with Martha, he had Googled most of her medication. He had never thought this would be a scenario he would have to recall that information, but he had concerns about the medication she was on ever since Logan's taped confession, implying that Martha may not have needed all the pills she was on. Aaron had sat one night when Martha was asleep and tried to find out more about her medication. He had concerns that she appeared to have been on barbituates for many years--pills which many doctors had tried to wean their patients off to a more safe, less reliant drug. He was intending to bring it up with Martha, and watching her now, he wished he had done so sooner.
Martha looked up, her eyes finally focusing on the night sky above her. And like a wave, the events of the last few hours washed over her. Seeing Aaron holding her, she began to fight against his grip on her. Frustrated by the weakness of her arms, she opened her mouth.
Aaron jumped. Loosing his hold on the woman he loved, he could only sit and stare as Martha let out an ear piercing scream. Watching her for what seemed like an eternity, he couldn't move. Couldn't take her hand to comfort her. He could only watch as she wailed into the night. He could almost feel the pain emanating off her.
Martha felt as if someone had wrenched her back to hell. Lying on the wet ground, she could not understand why she was here. This was not what was meant to happen. She shouldn't be here, she wanted to sleep. She wanted the pain to stop, and now lying doing the only thing her body would let her, screaming into the night, she wished only for one thing. To sink back into the darkness that was so comforting. To again feel the sunlight on her face as she sank into a drug induced oblivion of her choosing.
Feeling the reality of his situation kick start his body into action again, Aaron tried desperately to reach down to Martha. To take her back into his arms. To try to regain some semblance of control. When right now he felt like someone had rearranged all the rules of his life, he had never felt so helpless. Never felt so alone. He knew he could jump in front of a bullet; he'd been trained for it. What no one had ever taught him was what to do when the one thing you loved more than life itself was slipping away before your eyes. His eyes blurred with unshed tears, and he squinted as the flashing lights of the ambulance came into view. Standing, he could only watch as the paramedics jumped out of the vehicle and ran toward them. The woman bent to Martha, while the man spoke to Aaron. Aaron could see his lips moving, knew he was talking to him but he couldn't hear. The only things that echoed in his ears were the last words Martha had spoken before she had drifted back into unconsciousness.
"Why didn't you let me die!"
"Sir, her name? I need to confirm. We got code clearance. Can you confirm this is Martha Logan?" The paramedic put a gentle hand on Aaron's arm.
"Martha, yes. That's Martha." Aaron couldn't take his eyes off her still form. He watched while the paramedic put an oxygen mask on her, feeling for a pulse. "She had a pulse, she was awake." Aaron blurted out, still unable to move from his current position.
"Okay, listen to me. What's your name?" The elder man asked softly.
"Aaron, Aaron Pierce." His voice sounded odd, like it was coming from somewhere else.
"Okay, Aaron. Now Jill there, she is just checking Martha out, alright? Then we'll move her. My name is Jason. You say you have what she has taken."
Reaching into his pocket, Aaron silently handed over the two empty bottles. Jason studied the bottles and bent closer to his partner. "Looks like a barbituate OD. Let's get her moving." Watching as the pair strapped Martha onto a gurney, Aaron still felt as if his feet had been welded to the ground. He turned and watched as they got her into the ambulance as Jason--was that his name?-- approached him again.
"Aaron, you're in shock. It's perfectly understandable. But we need to get Martha to the hospital. And I'm guessing you might want to come. Taking his hand, Aaron felt like a child being led into his first day at school, but for some reason he felt slightly comforted by the elder man's presence. Turning, he followed Jason to the ambulance and sat facing Martha. He realized again that for the first time in his life he had absolutely no clue what to do. Turning to the man next to him, he realized he was still gripping Jason's hand. Feeling foolish, he pulled away. "Wha..." The words caught in his throat. "What will happen to her?"
"I think we best wait for the doctors to take a look at her." Jason was bent over Martha, clipping wires to her fingers and adjusting her oxygen mask.
Feeling a rush of adrenaline kick in, Aaron wanted, no needed, to take some control back. Grasping Jason's shoulder, he pulled him back to face him. "I need to know what will happen to her." His voice again had taken on the tone of Agent Pierce.
Jason sighed and, satisfied Martha was comfortable, he sat back down. "Aaron, I don't know how many pills Martha has taken, but I can tell you. The meds she was on can be a nasty combination. To be honest, I am surprised she is still being prescribed them. There are lots of variables--the amount of a fatal dosage varies to the individual. If Martha has mixed them with alcohol and we still don't know the number of pills she has in her system…"
"Just tell me, worst case scenario." Aaron reached for Jason's shoulder as he began to say he should wait for the doctors before making a diagnosis. "Please, I need to know. What could happen to her?"
"In severe cases, Aaron, a barbituate overdose effects the heart and respiratory system. Worst case scenario is she falls into a coma. If that happens..." Jason trailed off. Seeing Aaron turn away, he directed his attention back to Martha, checking her heart rate.
"She wanted to die." Aaron murmured, unheard by anyone. And the most terrifying thing he thought was that she might not forgive him for saving her.
"Why didn't you let me die?"
"Aaron, Aaron, wake up." Agent Hemlett shook the man sprawled on the uncomfortable chairs.
"Martha!" Aaron jumped to a standing position.
"Hey, it's me." Rob stood in front of his friend. "Aaron. It's me."
Aaron glanced wildly around the deserted room and stopped on the worried gaze of his friend. "What's happened? Why didn't anybody wake me? Where's Martha?" Aaron prowled the room like a caged tiger.
"She's still with the doctor. Aaron, come on, sit down. Here…I brought you this." Holding out a mug of machine-dispensed coffee, Rob was relieved when Aaron stopped pacing and took the cup. "Come on… sit down and drink."
Aaron slumped back onto the chair and took a swig from the styrofoam cup, grimacing as the bitter taste hit his dry mouth. "What's happening Rob? It's been hours now."
"I spoke to the doctor before I came here. She's stable." Aaron sank back into the chair. "She's stable, but still not awake."
"I need to see her." Aaron quickly stood again and threw the cup into the trash can.
"Doctor's on his way in to talk to you, give it five. Okay?"
Aaron paced the room again, glancing at the door.
"For what it's worth, Aaron, I'm sorry." Rob sat and held his head in his hands. "I should've checked on her, should've done something. Hell, if I had guessed what she was thinking, I would have..."
Aaron stopped and looked at his friend, and for the first time that night smiled softly. "It's not your fault, Rob. I've been sitting here for hours thinking what if, should I? And I finally realized that no one could have seen this coming. If anything, I'm to blame. I shouldn't have left her. I saw what she was like, and I left her alone." Feeling tears stinging the back of his eyes again, he stopped and wiped a hand over them.
Rob, slowly looked up, "I think Mrs. Logan would have found a way to do this, Aaron. I don't think any of us could have predicted it. I never told you but my sister, Rebecca." He stopped and cleared his throat. "She was 29 when it happened; the whole family knew she wasn't happy. Bad relationship, lost her job. But on the outside she could have fooled a damn polygraph. Kept that smile on her face right to the end. The night before she...well, the night before, I spoke to her on the phone, asked her how she was coping. And you know what? She sounded positive, sounded like she really knew how to get herself back on track. The next day her roommate found her. No note. No nothing."
Aaron swallowed the lump in his throat as his friend of twenty-odd years kept talking.
"For what my opinion is worth, Aaron, I think when someone is that desperate. When they feel like there is nowhere else to go. When they lose hope…they will find a way." Clearing his throat, Agent Hemlett looked back up at Aaron. "Difference is, Aaron, Martha has you, and though it might not seem like it now. She will realize she has hope left. Because when you lose hope... well...she has you. Don't give up on her."
"Rob, I..." Aaron stopped as the door to the room opened.
"Aaron Pierce." The doctor looked between the two men.
"Yes, I'm Aaron Pierce. Martha--is she... " Aaron couldn't finish the sentence.
"I'm Dr. Walken, I've been attending to Mrs. Logan. She's going to be fine."
Aaron stumbled backwards and fell back into the chair. Letting out a breath, he didn't know he had been holding in. "Can I see her?"
"Mr. Pierce, Martha is going to be fine, physically. We pumped her stomach. You got her here in time, and luckily, she hadn't consumed any alcohol with the pills. Physically, she will be fine, some bruising. She will ache for a few days. At this moment, though, I have grave concerns about her mental health."
"Can I see her?" Aaron repeated. His hands were gripping the sides of the chair.
"She's sleeping right now, but yes, you can go in. I have to ask, though…I need to contact Mrs. Logan's next of kin. It's a matter of some urgency." Dr. Walken looked between the two men.
Aaron immediately jumped to his feet. "Why? What is it? I thought you said she was fine."
"I said physically Mrs. Logan is fine. She will make a full recovery. But you have to realize, Mr. Pierce, that Martha tried to kill herself tonight. This was not a cry for help. The amount of tablets she took, her being at the park…she didn't want to be found, and I have to be sure that she won't try anything like this again."
"She won't." Aaron firmly stated, his jaw set. "I won't let her."
"I'm afraid it's not as simple as that, Mr. Pierce. This is why I need the name of her next of kin. Now I have looked on Mrs. Logan's file, and she has her former husband listed. Now, I do not wish to make assumptions, but I am guessing that this might not be in my patient's best interest." Dr. Walken smiled. He had spoken to the nurses and was under no illusion that his patient and the man stood before him were just good friends. Also, he had read the papers, heard the rumors, and he was very sure that contacting the former president would not be a wise move. Seeing Aaron's face flush with anger, he stepped back as Aaron moved toward him.
"If you let that man anywhere near Martha, I swear to god... " Aaron's fists clenched.
"Aaron." Rob, who had been standing silently, moved toward his friend and gently touched his arm. "Aaron, calm down. Doc here isn't saying that. But he is right, you don't have the authority to act on her behalf right now. Think about it." He let his grip slacken as he felt Aaron slowly calm down.
"Right, right." Aaron moved away and began pacing the floor. "Her mother, I guess her mother should be informed." Turning back to the chairs, he reached for Martha's purse. Flicking through her address book, he found what he needed. Passing it to the doctor, he slumped back onto the chair. "Grace Lawrence. That's her name." Closing his eyes, Aaron hoped he had done the right thing.