Chapter 4: And The Angst Begins

Disclaimer: We don't own Hetalia, this is just our hentai fantasies that we have decided to share with whoever wants to read this. Feel free to flame but if you do please flame appropriately, no bad grammar and actually have a problem with it (who knows we might be able to fix it), don't flame just to flame…save yourself the embarrassment.
- Beer and Vodka Editor

China stirred in his sleep, troubled. He grabbed Russia, beside him, closer, and hugged him with all his strength in his diminutive form. "Don't go..." he whimpered, tears leaking from beneath closed eyelids. "Don't leave me alone..."

Russia woke out of his sleep to find China hugging him close, tears trailing down his cheeks. "I won't..." Russia whispered as he held him close in return. Of all people, he knew what it was like to be alone, and if he was given the chance to prevent another's loneliness, he would do it in a heartbeat.

He gently stroked China's long hair and silently hummed a song that his sister Ukraine used to sing to him when he was scared back when he was still a principality.

His fingers clutched at skin, pale white skin. "Don't...go...never leave me alone..." he whispered. And then he started laughing, hysterically. "One by one they left me, one by one they did," he started singing, tears streaming down his face. "One by one they went away, one by one I'm left alone..." and China stifled his sobs, only letting the tears drip down his face.

Russia looked at China worriedly. He didn't know if he should wake him up from his nightmare or not. If he didn't, he would probably break out in tears for having to listen. He gently shook his shoulders and in a surprisingly motherly tone whispered, "Yao...Yao, wake up."

But he continued singing in that high, thin, broken voice. "One by one, one by one, one by one..." and silent tears fell down his face and he had buried his head into the comforting, big chest of Russia's body, hugging with all his strength, wanting, wishing, needing the warmth to comfort himself that he wasn't all alone, not anymore, but he was still alone and he cried softly, a little harder, the nightmares in his head breaking his heart all over again, for the umpteenth time.

Russia bit his lip, realizing his attempt to wake the crying man was failing. "Yao..." He answered back, struggling to keep his voice even. "Yao..wake up. I'm here...and I'm not leaving...Yao..." Russia began to shake China a little harder.

"And one by one, they all fell to the ground - their wings didn't lift them up, there was no favorable wind to lift them up...one by one they left, one by one they fell, one by one I watched them die..." he was singing in Chinese by now, falling in and out of English and Russian at times. He didn't respond to Russia's efforts to wake him up, but continued singing softly, still asleep, tears falling down his chest in a futile effort to release his emotions hidden for centuries, millenniums, inside him.

Russia gave up trying to wake the distressed man and just held him close. He hoped if he held him close enough, he wouldn't hear his cries, that they would all be muffled. The only other sound that accompanied China's voice was the familiar howl of wind outside the window. "Wang Yao...please wake up...for me..." His one last try to wake the other country from its nightmare.

"And one by one, they all fell dead, bang, shoot, poof, a cloud of feathers was all that was left....one by one they left, one by one they flew, one by one they fell, one by one they died...and after they died, the little boy chasing after memories cried..." He was full-on sobbing, unable to wake from his nightmare.

He clung to Russia, who tried so, very hard to wake him, but this was a nightmare that he couldn't be woken from. It was his life, his dread, his fears brought alive.

Russia just silently held China and brushed his hair with his fingers. "Yao..." He silently whispered every other second, hoping that eventually his voice will get through.

"Nn...Ivan..." China whispered. He opened his black eyes to see their contemporaries staring back, the violet gaze piercing violently into him. He pulled the covers to the chin as he realized with a start that he was naked, and in Russia's bed...his face flushed scarlet.

China lowered his eyes and brushed some of his long black hair away from his face. "I-Ivan, what happened...?" His gaze seemed too innocent and young, for a nation that was obviously old and tired and strained from trying to keep his sanity around the other nations.

Russia stared down at China with a worried look, but after seeing his embarrassed face a smile grew on his own face again. "Not much. Just surprised you don't remember. Either way, you'll remember when you see yourself in a mirror, da?" Russia ruffled China's hair and kissed him on the forehead. "Are you ok, Yao? You had a bad dream."

China flushed up even more, with his hair mussed and Russia actually being caring towards him (caring!). It wasn't something he was used to.

He avoided Russia's gaze...something about a bad dream? He grimaced as the full force of the dream rushed into his consciousness. "Vodka, brandy, you have anything strong...?" he muttered before he spotted the not yet opened vodka bottle by the bed.

China got up and went over to it, picked it up, and smashed the neck of it on the bedside table, too tired and desperate to mess with the cork. The neck broke neatly in two. China ignored the jagged edges of the glass and started drinking deeply from the bottle, cutting his lips open and mixing blood with the clear vodka.

Russia got up and grabbed the vodka bottle away from China. "You had enough earlier, da?" Russia said as he took a sip. "Besides," Russia gently licked China's cut lips. "You're only hurting yourself."

China grabbed the bottle away from Russia. At least, he tried. He ended up falling onto the bed again, frustration painted clearly on his face. "Just...give me the bottle..." he sighed.

The feeling of Russia's tongue on his lips brought to mind earlier antics...and he blushed. "Just...give me the bottle, Ivan..." so I can wash out the memories, was the unspoken thought.

Russia shook his head. "Niet. I'll give you the vodka, da?" Russia sat on top of China and grinned.

"Open up." Russia commanded as he tilted he bottle over and poured it over China's mouth. He nearly forgot what happened earlier, but he figured it was best to start anew, for China's sake. And if he got to invade again, it would be an added bonus.

China obediently opened his mouth and received the vodka. It burned violently down his throat, but that was what he wanted. Something to drown out the memories. "You want more, Ivan? Aren't you tired?" China murmured senselessly over of the continuous stream of vodka. "P-p'raps you should...shleep..." his voice was definitely slurring. The bottle finally emptied, China swallowed the last of it, grabbed Russia, and forcefully kissed him.

Authors Note: Again, sorry to end it here but the story does need chapter breaks.