Chapter 4

It's all a matter of perspective.

From the moment the silver haired shinobi uttered his distressing statement and promptly left the trio had been hot on his trail. Not a word was uttered between them as they each hastened to reach the copy ninja, their minds were racing with questions that only the Hatake could answer. Time and distance passed and still there was no sign of the copy ninja, only the unfamiliar landscape of Rain country. Eventually as the sun was beginning to set they came upon a small camp fire lit in a clearing in the outskirts of the forest, a small tent set up nearby.

"That's Kaka-senpai's tent, he's got to be around here somewhere." Yamato declared, scanning the surrounding area for any sign of the aloof shinobi.

"Alright Kakashi I'll admit it, you got us good. So come out already, this is getting boring." Genma twirled the senbon in-between his mouth as he took a seat beside the fire.

"Come to think of it, Shizune being pregnant would actually explain her fainting the other day. Maybe he wasn't joking around. Is it possible one of you guys and Shizune… you know?" Iruka asked, apparently coming around to the plausibility of Kakashi's bombshell.

Genma scratched his chin mockingly, "Hmm no pretty sure I haven't, that's not to say I haven't tried though. How about you Yamato, any fun in the sack with the Godaime's aide?" The mokuton user could only shake his head as he fought down the blush sweeping across his normally sober countenance. The senbon user turned his attention back towards the academy instructor. "Let's not forget one thing here; out of the three of us you're the only one that has any kind of contact with Shizune on a daily basis. If anything that makes you the most likely culprit."

Iruka could barely contain his outrage upon hearing Genma's accusing tone. "That's preposterous, have you forgotten that I'm…" For some reason the chunin could bring himself to say the word, almost as if uttering the word would bring back the awkward and unpleasant mood from earlier.

"Last I checked being gay doesn't make a man physically incapable of knocking somebody up." Genma challenged as Yamato took a seat beside him, giving up his search for the copy ninja in exchange for quietly listening to the exchange between his peers.

"True, but it does mean I don't have any interest in Shizune in that way; so what reason could I have for being intimate with her."

Before their little back and forth could continue a voice sounded from above the trio, its deep and soothing tone belonging to the very cause of their bickering. "You all make good points, but you're all forgetting one key factor in all of this." The copy ninja was lounging on a branch above the campfire, the first volume of Icha Icha in his hand.

"Kakashi!" the trio exclaimed simultaneously, their tone demanding that he explain himself.

The silver haired shinobi effortlessly leapt down from the branch and seated himself across from his comrades, a look of mirth evident despite the mask covering half his face. "Alcohol, and its tendency to impair one's better judgement, often leading to actions one normally wouldn't carry out under normal circumstances." The copy nin took a moment to bask in the silence that had befallen as the trio waited for him to continue. "Approximately two months ago during the Solemn Monkey's shinobi appreciation night, an event you were all present in, one of you lost control of your inhibitions and ended up sleeping with the Hokage's ever-trustworthy aide."

"But to come to the conclusion that one of us has to be the person that did it is preposterous. There are plenty of people who could have done it as well." Yamato challenged, his words although strong in its logic had an underlying tone of doubt to it.

"Very true Tenzo, but I'm still required to gather your statements concerning that night's event. And considering all the times you mention Shizune whenever we go out-"

"I told you that in confidence." Yamato barked out, cutting the Hatake off a little later than he would have liked as a light blush spread across his cheeks.

Kakashi chuckled at his kohai's plight, "Oops, didn't realize. Anyways, I've got to get statements from each of you. Now I know it might be hard to remember everything exactly as it happened so it'd be best if we just combined your statements to filter out any of the inaccuracies."

All of the shinobi nodded their heads yet not one looked ready to begin their account of that night's events. Seeing this, the next in-line Hokage took a deep breath in exasperation as it was clear he'd have to begin. "Even though I'm not a suspect I suppose I could start us off, let's see…"

A brisk March breeze blew through the emptying streets of Konoha as I made my way to the Solemn Monkey. It was a new bar that had opened up recently in the Senju district; apparently there was some special promotion going on for any veterans of the forth shinobi world war. I had just returned from a diplomatic mission in the Hidden Mist Village- how I got out of there without ending up engaged to the Mizukage is a story for another day- and I was in the mood to let off some steam.

I figured a few drinks would help me unwind, but as is usually the case I came across Gai on my way there. Rather than have him badger me the rest of the day as he normally tends to do I was very upfront with him. "I was actually on my way over to the Solemn Monkey; they've got some special promotion going on. Figured I'd take advantage, have a few drinks, and drown the stress away with sake."

In typical Gai fashion he started to make a big deal out of it. "Yosh, blah blah blah Solemn Monkey blah blah blah blah blah blah glorious and hot-blooded contests of youth. Blah blah blah blah blah legendary drinking contest blah blah blah. Yes it shall put the last one to shame."

"Wait, did you say drinking contest?"

But it was too late; once more Gai had roped me into another contest without me knowing exactly what it was we were going to do. "It's settled then. In exactly one hour from now this new drinking establishment will be host to a most youthful contests between two eternal rivals. Until then I will alert the rest of the village of the event, a contest such as this one should have a large crowd to witness the tremendous spectacle our contest is sure to be."

With that, the spandex wearing shinobi was gone, leaving me in an uncomfortable dilemma. Instincts told me to turn back and hide out in my home, but my heart told me to continue my quest. It was a simple matter of timing; get in, have a few drinks, and get out before Gai got there.

The building itself was nothing special, the only thing that distinguished it from the surrounding buildings was a cheesy sign with the name written on it. The inside of it was equally unimpressive, antiquated furniture, inattentive staff, and a musky smell that really brought everything together. But the bar was filled with liquor and it was going to be dirt cheap, so I took a seat near the bar and got to drinking.

I was actually enjoying myself in the quaint silence but then of course someone had to come in and ruin that for me. A young kunoichi from Suna, a cute brunette who hardly appeared a few years older than Sakura. "Kakashi-sama, good to see you again. I'm not sure if you remember me, I'm Aoi from the hidden sand village. I served under you during the war."

"Can't say that I do, but it's good to see an ally from another village here in Konoha. What brings you here?" I was just being polite to tell you the truth. Sakura's been bugging me over my social skills, teaching me all about mindless chit chat that everyone resorts to when faced in these exact circumstances. There was really no intention on my part of actually starting a conversation with the girl, I was merely putting all her teachings to practice.

She took my response as an invitation to take a seat next to me. "Escort mission for a diplomat. I couldn't help but notice you were sitting all alone, I thought you could use some company."

A couple years ago I would have gladly accepted her "company" but now; I'm not sure if it was the experience of being a jonin sensei or just me getting older. Whatever the reason I just couldn't bring myself to messing around with the cute stranger. "Aoi-chan, was it? You seem like a nice girl, really you do. A very attractive one at that, but I wouldn't waste the effort on me. I'm just not in the mood right now, but I'm sure there are plenty of guys interested in a night of debauchery with someone as lovely as you."

She seemed a little heart broken, she even begged me to reconsider, but alas, my mind was made up. You're probably wondering why women find themselves so attracted to me, it's simple really. Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. And I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence. Always leave them wanting more, it does wonders with the ladies. Once she came to terms with the futility of her actions she left, and I continued to have my drinks in peace. After I had my fill I went to the memorial stone to pay my respects.

Genma was quick to comment on the copy ninja's story. "Okay, I'm calling bullshit on that last part Hatake. I remember walking in and seeing you with that girl, and I don't remember her taking it so well."

Yamato nodded his head in agreement, a smile running away from his face. "Senpai, maybe you had a little too much to drink, or maybe your male pride doesn't let you tell the story as it really happened."

"Oh really, then please enlighten me as to how everything really occurred."

Before Yamato could open his mouth Genma had cut in. "I'll go next. But I'm going to start before Yamato and I walked into the bar."

Raidou had actually told me about this party at the new bar a few days back, so naturally I go over to his apartment just like we planned. When he answers the door he came out looking like something straight out of a zombie movie. He's all sweaty, his eyes are bloodshot, and he's groaning more than he's actually talking; a real mess. "Hey Genma, I'm not gonna make it, feel like a sack of shit right now."

"Wha'dya mean you're not going, you're supposed to be my wing man. What am I supposed to do, go over there all by myself like some loser?" Heh, no offense Kakashi, but I have a reputation to maintain.

Anyways, I left Raidou to wallow in his own misery, I had my own problems to think about. I had to find myself a backup wing man; it had to be someone with a lot street cred. A shinobi, a guy who knew how to act around the ladies, a guy who could compliment my style; the only trick was where was I going to find this person. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks, the hokage tower. Chances were good that I'd find someone coming back from a mission that'd fit the bill.

As I'm making my way towards the tower I see him; Kakashi's favorite little kohai. I know what you're thinking, he doesn't really hit all the marks that you'd want in a wing man, but in times of emergency you have to settle for whatever Kami gives you. "Yamato, just the guy I wanted to see. Ya got a minute?"

"Yeah, I was actually looking for Kaka-senpai. He's like totally my idol, it actually pains my heart to be away from him for so long."

"Aww come on Yamato. Why settle for Kakashi when you can upgrade, hmm? There's this little get together going on at this new bar over in the Senju district. I could always use a wing man, so wha'dya say?"

"B-but I always hang out with Kaka-" There's really nothing more embarrassing than living your life as someone else's sidekick, so of course I felt compelled to help the poor fool out.

"Think about it, he's always making you go after him, you always have to do his bidding. You have to make your own decisions every now and then." I could see Yamato was beginning to waver; he just needed another little push. "You know what else, seeing you going out with someone else might make him jealous. Wha'dya say Yamato?"

"Alright, just don't ditch me when we get there. I have to be back by the morning to make sure Kakashi's breakfast is ready."

"I, Genma Shirainui, give you my word not to ditch you under any circumstances and have you back home before morning." It was a total lie, but he didn't have to know that. Like I said before, I just didn't want to show up all by myself like some loner; it would send a bad message to any potential targets of the female variety.

Crisis averted, we finally make it to the bar just as things are starting to heat up. Near the bar I see none other than our future Hokage being chatted up by a very fine little number. It's gotta be the mask because I don't see what else the ladies see in you. Anyways, next thing I know Hatake is on the ground and if it wasn't for his mask you'd be able to see a hand mark from the force of the slap she gave him. She's going off on him about making assumptions or something stupid like that; I wasn't really paying attention.

Me being the cool and suave man that I am I immediately recognize the golden opportunity I've been given. A cute girl that's pissed off and in need of someone to vent her feelings to is an easy target. All that was left to do was to get rid of Yamato, and Kakashi being there meant that he'd just latch on to him like he always tends to do. "Ooh, that looked like it hurt. We should check on Kakashi, make sure he's alright." Before I even finished my sentence Yamato went bounding over towards Hatake, leaving the sexy brunette all to me.

Drink in hand, just to help her relax a bit, I walk over towards my prey and give her my most disarming smile. "Hey beautiful, you look like you could use a drink. Mind if I take a seat?"

"Sure, you're Genma right? I've heard so much about you."

"Only the good stuff I hope."

"I heard some of the bad stuff too you naughty boy." She giggled a bit and leaned in closer, with a little time and a few more drinks she'd be all mine. So I spent the next hour or so letting her vent out all of her frustrations, all the while making sure her glass was full. Next thing I know we're in the backroom getting better acquainted with one another, if you know what I mean. Heh, nothing better than sex with a scorned woman I always say.

Genma let out a perverted grin as his thoughts raced with memories from that night. "She was a real wild one that Suna girl. Anyways that should rule me out of the case; I couldn't possibly have gotten Shizune pregnant that night seeing as how I was preoccupied. I'm good but not that good."

Kakashi leisurely made notes of Genma's account in a small notepad he had taken out mid story. Once done with the notes the silver haired shinobi closed the notebook and turned towards the senbon user. "First off she only slapped me because she was so desperate for my life essence. Second, you're a borderline rapist, you know that? Getting women drunk enough so that they'll have sex with you, very despicable."

"Well when you put it like that of course it's gonna sound bad. I assure you my intentions are always pure, no means no and all that stuff." Genma retorted hastily as the others looked at him in disapproval.

"Whatever you say Shirainui, but don't think you're completely out of the investigation." Before Genma could protest the Hatake elaborated. "As these investigations continue I think you'll all find some… discrepancies with everyone stories. Therefore none of you will be exempt from suspicion until my investigation is over."

"You seem very passionate about this whole situation senpai, strange coming from someone as detached as you."

"Well Tenzou, even someone as indifferent and aloof as me can be enthusiastic when given the proper motivation." As he spoke Kakashi reached inside his flak jacket where his novel used to be as if to remind the trio of their slight against him.

"You're still sore about the book aren't you?" Yamato surmised, fear slowly starting to creep in as memories of Kakashi's mind games from his ANBU days came flowing into his mind.

"Not at all Tenzou, I'm merely doing my due diligence as a shinobi. I assure you whatever joy I find in your precarious situation will have no impact on my probe." Given his overly cheerful tone of voice it was evident that the copy nin was very much savoring his comrades' ordeal. "Since you're in such a talkative mood Tenzou why don't you go next hmm?"

"Alright, I want to preface this by saying that I'm not Kakashi's little sidekick as Genma's story would have you believe. I have plenty of other friends and acquaintances with whom I can spend my free time. My point is proven by the fact that I accepted Genma's invitation to the party."

We had just entered the bar at around seven, looking back on it there wasn't much of a party going on, I couldn't find more than a dozen people at the bar. One of those people just happened to be our very own copycat ninja, Kakashi Hatake. He was in the presence of a fairly attractive brunette whom he no doubt wanted to sweet talk into going back to his place.

Of course the thing about Kaka-senpai is that while his silver tongue may be able to sway men into doing his bidding it's not as effective with women. Suddenly, from out of nowhere the girl gives him a resounding slap, and I'll admit I found a little joy in being able to witness it.

She was red with rage, and when she spoke I could also detect a hint of disappointment, almost as if she expected better from him. "I have a boyfriend back home you asshole, I just wanted to talk not get into your pants." With that she left, but not before dumping the rest of her drink all over our next Hokage.

As much as I loved watching Kakashi get his comeuppance I just couldn't stand to see him in such a pitiful state. So out of pity, not because of some sense of idolatry towards him, I went over to offer him some assistant. "Even the best of us are bound to fall flat our faces at some point in our lives. Granted not with sake poured all over us but I suppose you aren't the first man that has happened to."

"Well it's a first for me; I'm usually on point when it comes to reading people. It must be all the sake getting to me." As I'm helping him up he finally recognizes me, strange given his usual perceptive prowess. I suppose it was all the sake he had been drinking. "Tenzou, just the man I've been looking for." Based off of his excitement I knew he was scheming something up, whatever it was it'd no doubt end up badly for me.

"Oh no, count me out of whatever you have planned for me Kakashi. Last thing I need is to get stuck doing all of your dirty work."

"Listen, I know I've been a bad friend to you. On countless occasions I've done wrong by you and still I know that you'll be there for me whenever I'm in need of it." The silver haired bastard was so damned convincing I couldn't tell if it was another one of his acts or if he was truly being honest. "Today I need your help more than ever Yamato."

"What kind of help?"

"Gai is supposed to meet me here in a few minutes but unfortunately I won't be able to stick around. So I'd really appreciate it if you'd fill in for me during his little challenge he has for me."

We all know how crazy Kakashi's little rivalry contests can get, so of course I was quick to reject him. "No way senpai, I'll leave all the crazy antics to you."

"I understand, I suppose I'll have to find someone else, if that's even possible. The thing is there's nobody else in the entire village I'd rather have as my replacement. But if you really don't want to help me out…"

I cracked, just like I always do. "What kind of challenge are we talking about senpai?"

"Nothing major, probably rock-paper-scissors or something like that; now that he's in a wheel chair I don't expect anything major." I could tell he was hiding something but before I could question him any further he was already out the door, bottle of sake in hand. And of course he leaves me to pay his own tab, the cheapskate.

When I looked around for Genma I found him over at the other end of the bar stalking the brunette from earlier. She didn't seem too interested but I have to give him credit for not being easily discouraged. Seeing as how Genma had abandoned me and Kakashi dropped another one of his ridiculous challenges on me I was really starting to consider leaving the place.

But before I could make up my mind dozens of people start rushing into the bar; most of them shinobi. In the front of the pack was the leaf's blue beast rolling in with the same determined look on his face he gets when he challenges Kakashi. They were all clamoring about money like they were taking bets, and then it hit me. They were all there to bet on Kakashi and Gai's contest.

Realizing that Kakashi isn't there Gai rolls on over to me. "Salutations Yamato, would you happen to know the whereabouts of my most youthful eternal rival?"

"Actually Gai, he told me to tell you he won't be able to participate in today's contest. Perhaps you can postpone it for another day."

The mobbed that had assembled was quick to voice their anger, all of them expecting some action to start wagering on. From amongst the crowd a voice spoke out. "We came here to see some action; Yamato can fill in for Kakashi."

"A most youthful idea, Yamato as a most trusted comrade of Kakashi shall take his place in the drinking contest." It was in that moment that I knew I wasn't getting out of this predicament, the glint in his eye and the crowd of spectators told me as much.

"A drinking contest, why not something a little less… regretful?"

"Come now youthful Yamato, how can one regret such a fiery display of manly competition between two hot-blooded ninja like ourselves."

"Well there's the hangover we're likely to experience the next morning, memory loss from all the alcohol we're likely to drink, and not to mention making complete asses of ourselves in front of everyone in the bar."

Everyone started gathering around a table in the middle of the bar, and I could hear people placing all kinds of bets on the winner. I've never really considered myself much of a drinker nor have I ever been known to partake in these silly games so it was a real shock to hear all the bets people were placing on me. It must have had something to do with me having Hashirama's cells, at least that's what I gathered from their rushed murmurs I managed to overhear.

We each took a seat at the table facing one another, just staring each other down. For a while it felt like an actual combat situation, two ninja ready to fight to the death. The entire bar went silent as the air thickened with tension, neither of us was willing to tear our gaze away. And we just sat there playing our little game of chicken waiting for the waitress to bring out the sake.

When the sake is finally brought to the table our little stare-off ends, to my surprise Anko was the one who brought the sake. "Alright you two I've volunteered to be the server/referee for this little competition. Rules are simple; you'll each take turns downing a glass of sake, you gotta make sure all of the sake ends up in your mouth and not on you; whoever can't finish his drink or keep it down loses. Got it." She starts pouring the sake into our cups, making sure each is filled with the same amount. "Alright boys, first round is ready to begin. Good luck Yama-kun." She gave me a little wink and with that we began the match.

Up until that point I had very little confidence in myself but when she gave me that wink and wished me luck it was as if Naruto had given me some of his kyuubi chakra to borrow. The rush of adrenaline I felt after that carried me through the entire contest. Round after round, drink after drink, I never once faltered; sure I started feeling the alcohol after twenty rounds or so but the thought of losing never once crossed my mind.

In the end I don't even remember what happened, at some point I just blacked out. And the next morning I woke up with the worst hangover any man has ever experienced with little recollection of the previous nights. But it was all worth it; being at the forefront of everyone's attention, hearing the crowd chant my name, and proving myself to be every bit the shinobi Kakashi is. Yeah, it felt nice to take center stage for once, and if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't hesitate.

Kakashi continued writing notes nonchalantly even after Yamato finished his version of the night in question. Feeling everyone's eyes on him the copy nin stopped his writing and looked up at his suspects. "Okay then, I've got Genma going after my rejects, Yamato losing a drinking contest, and Iruka… I suppose you're next."

The academy instructor gave each shinobi a hesitant look as he sat there in silence. When he did break his silence his voice was barely audible. "I'm not going to tell you my story."

"Wha'dya mean you're not going to tell, you don't have a choice." Genma retorted loudly, his senbon nearing falling out of his mouth.

Iruka raised his voice as his mood shifted from anxiety to anger. "It's my personal life, and I like to keep it to myself. All you have to know is I had nothing to do with Shizune's pregnancy."

"That's exactly what a guilty man would say. Kakashi, you heard from me and Yamato. It obviously wasn't either of us so it can only be Iruka."

"Oh no you don't, I'm telling you I had nothing to do with-"

"Enough!" The copy ninja shouted, his hand raised in the air to get everyone's attention. Using his hand to massage the back of his neck he took a moment to compose himself. "Iruka is entitled to his privacy; I obviously can't force him to talk about something he doesn't wish to discuss. Besides, I very much doubt Iruka will end up being the father of Shizune's child."

The academy instructor felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders upon hearing Kakashi's words. "Thanks Kakashi, I knew you were a reasonable man."

"Don't mention it. I mean after all, you just don't strike me as the kind of person to involve yourself in such irresponsible acts. You're too much of a… well you know." Kakashi replied in a patronizing tone.

"No, actually I don't know. Perhaps you should explain." The chunin ground out, his eyes narrowing as he awaited the elite jonin's answer.

The next-in-line hokage chuckled. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have the balls to have a one night stand with anyone, that includes men. Maybe if you got rid of the stick up your-"

In a flash the academy instructor was on his feet lunging towards the copy ninja. However before he could reach his target both Genma and Yamato grabbed hold of his arms, effectively halting his attack before he reached the still seated jonin. "I'll have you know I 've had plenty of one night stands, in fact that very night I was with another guy, and I didn't even know who he was. How's that for balls."

Pulling out his notepad Kakashi began writing onto a new sheet in a calm and composed manner. "Good, that's all I needed to know."

"Wha… but… you…" Iruka was at a loss for words as it dawned on him that he had been deceived.

Yamato placed his hand on the chunin's shoulder in sympathy. "That's Kakashi for you; no matter how hard you try he always manages to get you to reveal your secrets. Believe me, I should know."

"If you ask me I'd say we're all in the clear. I mean I don't think any of us even remember seeing Shizune at the joint, for all we know she wasn't even there." Genma added, hoping the last Hatake would be in agreement.

"All of that may be true, but you three aren't off the hook as of yet." Kakashi rose from his seat and stretched out his limbs before making his ways towards his tent. "If we can learn anything from today, it's that all of your memories are… distorted to say the least. Don't worry though; I've got a key witness in mind who should be able to shine a light on this little mystery of ours."

"It's not Gai is it?" The mokuton user questioned with an incredulous tone.

The silver haired shinobi shook his head. "Of course not, he can barely remember his own students . No, I'm talking about the referee of the aforementioned contest and famed village party animal, Anko Mitarashi. We'll continue our investigation when we get back to the village, until then have a good night you three." With that the copy ninja vanished into his tent, once more leaving the trio of Konoha nin with dozens of questions and no answers.

Took a little longer than expected, but that's life for you.