Author's note: You may already know this, but I do not own the rights Naruto or any of the bands or songs that I make reference to.
Warning: Beware of humor dealing with bodily functions. There's not much, but I just thought I'd warn you, anyway.
NINJA BATTLE (of the Bands)
Chapter 4: Bring In the Replacement!
"Shikamaru, I'm begging you, be our bassist!" Naruto pleaded to his first candidate for a replacement bassist.
"Th-the battle of the bands contest is coming up soon," Hinata added, "a-and we would all appreciate it if you could help us."
"Sorry, you guys," Shikamaru said in his usual lazy tone, "I can't."
"But, you're a genius," Sakura said, trying to sound persuasive, "We thought that if anyone could be our new bassist, it would be you."
"Thanks for the compliment," said Shikamaru, unmoved, "but I'm no good in the arts. I don't know the first thing about playing an instrument, and it would be too troublesome to learn."
"Shikamaru, I don't know how to play an instrument, either, but that didn't stop me!" Chouji smiled, "If you join our band, I'll be your best friend!"
Shikamaru returned Chouji's smile with half of one, "Chouji, you already are my best friend. I really wish I could help you, but as I said, I'm no musician."
"But we need the prize!" Naruto said desperately.
"Which is what?" Shikamaru asked even though he didn't really care.
"FREE RAMEN AT ICHIRAKU!" Chouji answered passionately.
"Sounds tempting," said Shikamaru while rubbing the back of his neck, "but no, I can't help you guys."
Giving up, the quartet slowly walked away from Shikamaru, while looking very dejected.
"Who are we going to ask, now?" Sakura wondered aloud.
"Does anyone know if Ino plays bass?" asked Chouji.
"You should know that, Chouji," Naruto responded, "She's YOUR teammate, after all."
"Well, I never really asked her what kind of music she likes," Chouji shrugged.
"Why don't you ask her now?" suggested Naruto.
"Well, um…" Chouji looked down and fiddled with his jacket.
"Don't tell me she's got a beef with you," Naruto groaned and clutched his forehead with one hand.
"Well, actually, yes," admitted Chouji, "Literally."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Naruto.
"It was about a week ago," Chouji began to recount the incident, "Azuma-sensei took me, Ino, and Shikamaru out to lunch after our last mission. We ordered beef teriyaki. It was the most delicious beef teriyaki I ever had! It was so succulent, so juicy, so—"
"We get the point," Naruto said while rolling his eyes.
Chouji wiped a small stream of drool from the corner of his mouth and continued, "Well, we were down to the last piece of beef, and I quickly snatched it. Ino yelled at me saying that she wanted that piece and I felt sad and guilty. She hasn't spoken to me since."
Naruto and Sakura gave Chouji a look.
"What?" said Chouji, defensively.
"I don't think she would have held a grudge against you for that long just for a piece of beef," Sakura pointed out.
"Doesn't she hold a grudge against you for liking Sasuke, too?" Chouji asked, instantly regretting it.
"That's none of your business!" Sakura yelled at Chouji.
"Sorry! Sorry!" Chouji said nervously.
"M-maybe we shouldn't ask Ino to be in our band," Hinata said quietly.
"Don't worry," announced Naruto, "I'll ask her!"
Naruto marched off in search of Ino, not knowing the consequences that could arise if she accepted.
Naruto found Ino working in her parents' flower shop. She was just about to hand a bouquet of roses to a customer when Naruto barged in and shouted, "INO, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"
"Just a minute," Ino said, trying to sound as pleasant as possible.
After the customer paid for the flowers and left, Ino checked to see if there were any other customers in the store. Seeing that there were none, she turned to Naruto.
"What is your problem!" Ino yelled at Naruto, "Couldn't you see I was in the middle of a transaction?"
"Sorry, but this is important!" Naruto explained.
After Naruto told Ino his whole story, Ino raised an eyebrow and said, "So you're doing this for a lousy bowl of ramen?"
"Not just any bowl of ramen," grinned Naruto, "It's Ichiraku ramen!"
"Whatever," said Ino as she crossed her arms, "I'm not doing it. I don't play bass and I don't even like rock."
With that, Ino walked off and began to tend to some daisies. Naruto pouted and left the shop.
"Ino said she wouldn't do it," Naruto explained to the group after he rejoined them.
"That pig," muttered Sakura.
"Who do we ask now?" Chouji wondered aloud.
"W-we could ask Shino-kun," suggested Hinata.
Naruto's face lit up.
"Yeah, Shino's smart," he said smiling, "He could definitely help us."
The quartet found Shino at the training grounds practicing a jutsu with his bugs.
"Hey, Shino!" Naruto said loudly.
Shino slowly turned his head in Naruto's direction. The insects that were swarming around him quickly flew back up the sleeves of his coat.
"Shino, we need your help," Naruto said as he and the rest of the band ran over to the bug user.
"I'm listening," Shino said almost emotionlessly.
The four band members explained to Shino about the battle of the bands contest. After the explanation, Shino asked the group the exact date and time of the contest. When the group told him, Shino shook his head.
"I have a conflict at that time," was all Shino said.
"Yeah, but I don't," said a voice coming from a nearby tree.
The band members and Shino looked in the direction of the voice. There stood Kiba on a tree branch. He leaped out of the tree, followed by his dog, Akamaru.
"You play bass?" Naruto said in surprise.
"Of course I do!" Kiba said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Naruto didn't particularly like the idea of working with Kiba, but he didn't have many other options, so he accepted Kiba's offer.
Back in Naruto's bedroom, the band was getting ready to play. Kiba was the first to finish setting up his instrument.
"Yahoo! Let's kick some ass!" he shouted wildly.
Akamaru yipped in agreement, picked up a tambourine in his mouth and began to shake it.
"So, your dog's going to join us, too?" Chouji asked Kiba.
"Sure, why not?" Kiba replied as he knelt down to pet his dog, "Akamaru has a good sense of rhythm."
"Yeah, but is he housetrained?" Naruto asked skeptically.
"Uh, yeah!" Kiba said, almost offended.
"Well, let's play, then," said Sakura.
"What are we playing?" asked Kiba.
"The Green Day song, 'When I Come Around'," answered Chouji.
"Yeah, Green Day is OK," said Kiba, "But you know who's cooler? Linkin Park! We should play one of their songs!"
"B-but Kiba-kun, we already decided—" began Hinata.
Kiba cut Hinata off by loudly bursting into song.
"I'M BREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAKING THE HAAAAAAAAAABIT—"
"You're breaking my eardrums!" Sakura shouted back.
At that moment, Akamaru began to sniff around. Mistaking Naruto's microphone stand for a tree, he promptly lifted his leg. Naruto glanced over to where Akamaru was, and his eyes widened in shock.
"STOP!" Naruto yelled at the little dog, "BAD DOG!"
By this time Akamaru had finished his business and began barking in response to Naruto's yelling. Naruto lunged at the dog. Kiba blocked Naruto from getting at Akamaru.
"I thought you said he was housetrained!" Naruto growled at Kiba.
"He is!" Kiba defended his dog, "He's just in an unfamiliar setting and getting used to his surroundings."
"GET OUT!" Naruto screamed, "BOTH OF YOU!"
Naruto angrily shoved Kiba, Akamaru, and Kiba's bass out the door.
"Now what are we going to do?" Chouji asked in despair.
"We'll just get another bassist," said Naruto as he cleaned up the mess Akamaru had made, "Fuzzy Brows could do it. All we have to do is tell him that bass playing is youthful."
"Naruto," Sakura said flatly, "Lee-san is in the hospital, remember?"
"Oh yeah," said Naruto, "I forgot."
"Hinata," Sakura addressed the shy girl, "Does your cousin play bass?"
"Y-yes," Hinata replied, "But Neji-nii-san is on a mission with Tenten-san."
"So neither of them could do it," Chouji said disappointedly.
"I know!" Naruto said, struck by inspiration, "I could make a shadow clone be our bassist!"
"Yeah, but could your shadow clone play bass?" asked Sakura.
Naruto tapped his chin and thought for a few seconds.
"No, I guess not," said Naruto, "Since I can't play any instruments, I guess my shadow clone couldn't either."
"Let's face it," said Chouji, "We're screwed."
"Yes, we are," sighed Naruto, "But we've already registered for the contest. We'll have to do it without a bassist."
Sorry it took me a while to update since this chapter was about twice as long as my others. I have one more chapter left, so stay tuned for that.
Also, I'd like to say thank you to my loyal readers. It made my day when I found out I was on someone's Favorite Authors list.
Finally, I would like to say that I stuck in a reference to Linkin Park because I think that band is awesome. But that's just my opinion.