In a recent comment on AO3, someone brought up some concerns that I might be coming across as too hateful with my anti-furry jokes. While it is true that I can't stand the pushy, whiny, obnoxious, disgusting perverts who have no sense of common decency whatsoever (look up the literal shitstorm that was RainFurrest if you have the stomach for it- I mean it, you'll need a strong stomach) I really don't want to upset my readers more than I have to. I won't apologize for including furry jokes, but I will try to tone it down a bit. That being said, I hope you continue to enjoy the story!
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Chapter 4
The Doctor stared with wide eyes at Clara. It took him several attempts to speak, but he finally blurted, "Twins?"
"Yep." Clara replied. "Twins."
"Are you sure?" the Time Lord asked.
"Very sure." Clara said with a smile. "I can show you a picture of the sonogram if you'd like."
Clara then handed the Doctor the picture. The Time Lord stared pensively at the image before gently running his finger across it. "Twins." he murmured.
The two of them were so distracted that they almost didn't notice the approaching commotion. Seemingly appearing out of nowhere, a purple cat/giraffe furry walked by, playing Ride of the Valkyries on a tuba. The Doctor and Clara stared at the weird thing as it marched past them. Once it was out of sight, the Time Lord said, "We should leave."
"Yes, let's." Clara replied with an awkward smile.
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The Doctor and Clara sat a sidewalk cafe. The human female was sipping a cup of tea, as was the Time Lord. "So." the Doctor said. "It's twelve weeks now?"
"Eleven." Clara corrected.
"Right." the Doctor amended his statement. "So you're currently eleven weeks along."
"How goes the search for a venue?" Clara asked.
"Not well." the Doctor replied. "With the way things are going, we might as well get married in Las Vegas."
"I vote that we have an Elvis impersonator as an officiant." Clara joked.
"The actual Elvis might be there." the Doctor replied. "He didn't die. He just went back to his parents' home planet."
"Elvis was an alien?" Clara questioned.
"Technically, he was alien-American." the Doctor explained. "He was hatched there, after all."
"Any other celebrities I should know about who are aliens?" Clara questioned.
"Well, contrary to what you might think, Jeremy Kyle is not, in fact, an alien." the Doctor said. "About half of his guests are, though."
"Humans can be weird." Clara admitted. "I suppose Oprah isn't an alien, either."
"Well, not the original Oprah." the Doctor replied. "I suspect that Oprah is actually a hyper-intelligent, genetically modified hamster-like alien in a human-shaped mech suit."
"Do you have any proof of this?" Clara asked.
"Well, the evidence is on oprahisahamster dot com." the Doctor said.
"Doctor, you should know better than anyone not to believe everything you see on the internet!" Clara groaned.
"Are you sure?" the Doctor asked. "That Nigerian prince who needed a few thousand pounds was very convincing."
Clara facepalmed.
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Clara's pregnancy had reached its twelfth week and the Doctor still hadn't found a place to have their wedding. He hadn't mentioned that he had noticed that she had gained a little weight. By the Doctor's estimate, his fiancee's pregnancy would probably last around twelve months, though with twins, she might deliver a couple weeks sooner than that. He and Clara had less than nine months to get married. The sooner they married, the better. Clara wasn't currently showing and the Doctor wanted to get married before she did start to show. There would be fewer questions that way. Clara let out a frustrated grunt and said, "I give up!"
"Give up what?" the Doctor asked.
"I give up with the whole searching thing." Clara replied. "Let's just get married in Las Vegas like you suggested."
"I wasn't serious." the Doctor said.
"Well, I am." Clara said, a frown clear on her face.
"We're not going to take you family with us, are we?" the Doctor groaned.
"They want to be at our wedding, Doctor." Clara said. "The one on Earth, anyway, and since we'll be getting married on Earth, they're going to come."
"Great." the Doctor grumbled. "More pudding brains on the TARDIS."
"You did not just call my dad and my gran pudding brains." Clara glared at the Doctor.
"Well, no. Their brains are only slightly puddingish." the Doctor amended. "Your step-mother, on the other hand..."
Clara continued to glare at her fiance. The Doctor cleared his throat loudly and said, "Anyway, we should probably pick them up soon."
"Today is good." Clara said.
"Today it is, then." The Doctor replied.
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The Oswalds were wide-eyed when they stepped into the TARDIS. "It's bigger on the inside!" Dave exclaimed. "How is it bigger on the inside?"
"It would take more math than you can understand to explain it." the Doctor replied. He then smiled and said, "Welcome to the TARDIS!"
"Time and Relative Dimensions in Space." Clara provided.
"Are you saying that it's some kind of space ship?" Clara's grandmother asked.
"She travels through space and time!" the Doctor said proudly.
"She is a she and she's sentient, so be polite." Clara said. "She only just started to like me in the past year."
"I don't believe this." Linda said. "This can't be real."
"I believe him." Clara's grandmother said. "I've reached an age where I don't question something based simply on how strange it is."
"He really is an alien!" Dave gasped.
"Now that you're all finally caught up, we have a wedding to go to." the Doctor said.
"A wedding." Dave deadpanned. "On an alien planet?"
"Close." the Doctor replied as he input the coordinates. "Las Vegas."
"I've always wanted to visit." Clara's grandmother said with a smile.
"Well, we're going there." the Doctor said. "We'll be there in a few seconds. There is no way that I will miss it."
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"You said that you wouldn't miss Las Vegas!" Dave Oswald groaned. "We're in a jail cell in who-knows-where!"
"Well, we're on a planet called Las Vegas." the Doctor explained. "Clara and I have been here before. This time, it isn't my fault."
"How is it not your fault that we're here?" Dave snapped. "We're on the wrong planet!"
"He's right, Dad." Clara defended her fiance. "It's not his fault. It's Linda's."
"What did I do?" Linda snapped.
"You drank from the Sacred Fountain of Lanie Llamar." Clara replied.
"The sacred what?" Linda questioned. She looked at her husband and said, "Dave, tell them that it was just a drinking fountain."
"It wasn't a drinking fountain." the Doctor said. "It was the Sacred Fountain of Lanie Llamar."
"What's so special about this so-called fountain?" Linda asked tersely.
"Well, it's in the name." the Doctor pointed out. "It's sacred."
"It was on the sign." Clara's grandmother pointed out.
"I didn't see the sign!" Linda snapped.
"Sign or no, how do we get out of here?" Dave asked.
"Well, they should let you out after about six hours." A female voice pointed out.
Everybody turned to see a woman sitting on a bench in the cell with them. She was slim and had sun kissed skin, green eyes, and dark, curly hair. The Doctor recognized her immediately. "Hello, Leticia." he said coolly. "It's been a while."
Leticia smiled, revealing a pair of sharp-looking fangs. "Lovely to see you, Doctor." the supermodel-looking woman said.
"Not long enough." the Doctor said flatly.
"Who is this woman?" Dave asked.
"Leticia Braun, supermodel, actress, and cannibal." the Doctor introduced her. "We've... met."
"I see that you're getting married, Doctor." Leticia said. "Presumably to this pretty young thing." She smiled at Clara and said, "Might I say, darling, that you look absolutely delicious in that wedding dress?"
"Thank you, but you're not getting a taste anytime soon." Clara said with a frown.
"That's a shame." Leticia said, smiling once more.
"Oh god, are you going to eat us?" Linda asked, clearly frightened.
"Don't flatter yourself, dearie." Leticia replied. "You're far too salty."
"Salty?" Linda huffed.
Clara snickered at Leticia's words. The supermodel turned to the Doctor and smiled once more. "Regardless, Doctor, it looks like you could use a witness at your wedding." Leticia chuckled. "It's been a while since I've been in your lovely TARDIS."
"Last time, you tried to eat me." the Doctor pointed out.
"It's all in the past, Doctor." Leticia waved a hand dismissively. "I've changed my ways."
"I hope that means that you've stopped eating people." Clara said.
"Only the pretty ones, darling." Leticia replied.
Clara's family stared uneasily at Leticia. "I don't trust her." Linda whispered to Dave.
"Well, you're kin to the Doctor's bride, so you're off the menu." Leticia said. She looked directly at Linda and added, "Consider yourself especially lucky that you're her kin and you're too salty."
"I thought you didn't eat pretty people." Linda said with a frown.
"Exactly." Leticia grinned, once again baring her fangs.
Linda sputtered loudly before letting out an angry huff and turning away from Leticia while Clara's grandmother laughed. "Regardless, my tasty little darlings," Leticia said with a smile, "I got in here about five minutes before you did. We have less than six hours until we get out of here. Does anyone want to play charades?"
"Traditional or street rules?" the Doctor asked.
"Street rules." Leticia replied.
"All right, then." The Doctor cracked his knuckles. "I call dibs on the first Illustrious Potato."
"Illustrious what?" Dave questioned.
"Just sit back and watch, Dad." Clara patted her father's arm. "This is going to be good."
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Six hours later, the group was released from the jail cell with a strict warning not to do it again. Not long afterwards, everyone was back on the TARDIS. Dave Oswald glanced at Leticia and asked, "Does she have to be here?"
"She said that she'd changed her ways." the Doctor said with a shrug. "Besides, she said that she won't eat my future in-laws, despite the fact that she only eats people who aren't pretty." He looked at Dave. "I think I can safely assume that Clara gets her good looks from her mum."
"Doctor!" Clara scolded.
"I'm sorry, Dave." Clara's grandmother patted her son's arm. "He's right. You're a handsome man," She ignored the Doctor's loud scoff. "but Clara does look more like her mother."
"Enough prattling." the Doctor interrupted. "We're going to Las Vegas- the city on Earth, not the planet."
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Unfortunately, once again, they arrived at the wrong location. "This place has blue trees." Dave said with a frown. He groaned and asked, "Are we on the wrong planet again?"
"Actually, we're on an asteroid." the Doctor said.
"An asteroid?" Linda sounded panicked.
"Don't go into hysterics." the Doctor said with a note of annoyance in his voice. "We're not going to collide with anything."
"Doctor, what is this place?" Clara asked.
"We're in the Booplewoods," the Doctor replied, "about four hours' drive from the colony of Haributom."
"Hairy bottom?" Dave questioned.
"Haributom." the Doctor corrected.
Suddenly, there was a rustling sound. A Labrador-sized, white, bunny-like creature with white, feathery wings and a glowing halo hopped out of the bushes. Another followed, and then another, until the Doctor and the Oswalds were surrounded. One of the creatures, a blue-eyed one with a gold piercing in her left ear, said, "Welcome back to the Booplewoods, Doctor. It is good to see you again."
Dave Oswald proceeded to flip out. "I can understand the angel-bunny." He panicked. "Why does the angel-bunny speak English?"
The Doctor scoffed and said, "You didn't think that your species invented the English language, did you?" He let out a chuckle and added, "Let me guess: you also think that rabbits are native to your planet."
"Are you saying that rabbits are aliens?" Clara's grandmother asked.
"Well, they're the descendants of aliens." the Doctor explained. "They were brought to Earth to test the climate but the aliens interested in colonization decided that moving was too expensive. Rabbits share a common ancestor with the Dreaded Booplesnoots."
"The Dreaded what?" Linda questioned.
"The Dreaded Booplesnoots." the Doctor explained. He pointed at the fluffy, white creatures and said, "These are Dreaded Booplesnoots, or as they call themselves, the Booplefolk."
"We do not often have guests." the blue-eyed Booplesnoot leader said. She bowed her head politely and said, "I am Tsandri. I am chieftain of these Booplefolk."
"These are the Oswalds." The Doctor introduced the group. "The female in white is Clara."
"Ah." Tsandri said observantly. "She is your Other."
"His 'Other'?" Clara questioned.
"For lack of a better word, his soulmate." Tsandri elaborated. "They are connected on the deepest level. In any life, they will find each other. They are two halves a whole. They are a perfectly matched pair. They belong with each other, to each other, on the deepest spiritual level."
"That sounds rather romantic." Clara's grandmother said with a smile.
"We are all glad to see you again, Doctor." Tsandri said.
"Well, we didn't come here on purpose." Dave said.
"That is where you are wrong, Male Oswald." Tsandri replied. "Clara and the Doctor were destined to come here."
"Well, what's supposed to happen now that they're here if they are 'destined' to be here?" Linda asked.
Tsandri chuckled and said, "They will be united, of course."
"United?" the Doctor questioned. "What do you mean 'united'?"
"The closest comparison is the Hari-folk's 'wedding' ceremonies." Tsandri explained. "If things have been happening that have prevented you from uniting elsewhere, why not unite here?"
The Doctor looked at Clara. Clara smiled and said, "It does sound kind of romantic. If we can't get married anywhere else, why not here?"
The Doctor shrugged. "If that's what you want."
"Let's do it, Doctor." Clara grinned. "Let's get married."
"Excellent!" Tsandri declared. She looked at a Booplesnoot with a nick in its left ear and said, "Inini, make preparations!" The Booplesnoot leader then turned to the group and said, "Follow me, please."
The Doctor, Clara, and the Oswalds followed the herd of Booplesnoots deeper into the Booplewoods. When they reached a circular clearing. In the clearing was a circle of ancient-looking statues, a worn-looking alter built of stone, and a large stump. Tsandri then said, "We must wait for a small time. Clara, sit down on the stump."
While they were waiting, some of the Booplesnoots started weaving flowers into Clara's hair. By the time they were done, Inini had returned with a headdress woven from river grass and feathers. Tsandri put the headdress on and said, "Let the ceremony begin! Everyone rise, please. Doctor, Clara, approach the alter."
The Doctor and Clara approached the alter and shared a smile. Tsandri began to speak. "We are gathered, here in this sacred space, to unite the Doctor and Clara. He is her Other and she is his Other. They have crossed many paths to find each other, and here they are," She gestured towards the statues. "under the sight of the Ancient Ones to finally achieve union."
Tsandri looked at the Doctor and said, "Do you, Doctor, Time Lord of Gallifrey, consent to unite with Clara, human of Earth?"
"I consent." the Doctor responded.
Tsandri nodded and turned to Clara. "Do you, Clara, human of Earth, consent to unite with the Doctor, Time Lord of Gallifrey?"
Clara nodded and said, "I consent to unite with the Doctor."
Tsandi placed her paws on the couple's hands and pushed them together. "Touch paws, Clara, human of Earth, and Doctor, Time Lord of Gallifrey."
The Doctor and Clara joined hands and smiled. Tsandri touched a circle on the alter with her paw. Suddenly, the clearing was filled with small orbs of light. "The first seconds of your union are lit with the light of the Ancient Ones." Tsandri said. "May the glow of your eternal devotion light your love forevermore."
The Booplesnoot leader hopped over to the pair. "You have achieved Oneness, Doctor, Time Lord of Gallifrey, and Clara, human of Earth." She propped herself up on her haunches and used her front paws to push the couple's joined hands into the air. "The union is complete!" Tsandri announced. "May your union be most fruitful!"
Clara stood up on her tip-toes and kissed the Doctor. When she released the Time Lord, he had a puzzled look on his face. He turned to Tsandri and asked, "How did you know what our species and home planets were?"
Tsandri looked directly at the Doctor and said, "We Booplefolk know many things, Doctor."
The Time Lord was silent until Clara took his hand and smiled at him. The Doctor looked back at her and smiled. His fiancee- no, his wife then said, "Well, Doctor, we're married now."
"Yeah." the Doctor replied with a smile.
"Now that leaves just one thing." Clara's grandmother said.
"What's that?" the Doctor asked.
"The honeymoon, of course!" Clara's grandmother chuckled. "You two are going to need to have as much fun as you can before you become parents."
The Doctor looked at Clara with a semi-alarmed expression on his face, but she offered him a comforting smile. "Well, it's finally happened." he said.
"What?" Clara asked.
The Doctor chuckled and said, "I'm finally Mr. Clara."
Clara couldn't help but burst into laughter. Moments later, she was joined by the Doctor.
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Yaaaaay! They're married now! All that's left is the epilogue!