"You can never stop the inevitability of death, but you can make a mark in life." ~Project 00X

Chapter 4

Four Months Later...

I trudge onto the beaten path alone, just as I have done ever since Marco's death. I stare at the ground, listening to the muffled sound my shoes make. The scent of autumn fills the air, its nocuous smell attacking my nose. I can taste the countless tears I've shed ever since my trip to visit the entities, then again, they all taste the same I suppose.

"Come on! End it already. What's keeping you?" I hear the same feminine voices say. They haven't stopped tormenting me since the day I came back from interdimensional space. The day I realized that this is my reality and I have no power over it.

Now that I think about it, I don't know what's keeping me going. Maybe... maybe it's the life that he growing in my young womb... Maybe it's the hope that Marco will somehow return... Maybe it's something that even I haven't noticed.

"You'll never be with your lover again. So why do you bother?"

I tear up as I clutch onto his soft red hoodie. I haven't let this out of my sight ever since I found it, "What's the point anymore…. What's the point of anything? Why do I even bother anymore?" I move my free hand over my now protruding abdomen. I've done my best to hide it as much as I could, but in the end it's difficult to hide an unborn child.

"Maybe his child is stopping me…" I dread the idea of being a single mother whose only partner and lover is dead.

"So why? What's the point? Nothing you've been told can help you in you!"

"All those things they've given me to cope with. Would they even work? Is anything they've told me really true? Is Marco really in a better place? Those entities didn't even let me see him again. What if they're lying about him being ok? What if he's burning in a pit of endless despair and I can't do anything about it!

Then I turn to look down at the old sidewalk ahead, its concrete slabs are overgrown with fauna, "And what'll happen when I die? When our child dies? It's like our only purpose in life is to die. If that's true then what's the point of keeping going?"

"Nothing. You'll be-"

"Hey Star, how you holding up?" Jackie calmly skateboards to my side, her voice cutting through my distressed thoughts and the voice hounding me, "It's been a while since I've seen you come outside, let alone come to school. Are you ok Star?" She carefully keeps skating at my side.

I just give her a small nod in response.

"You feeling any better about, ya know…" Her voice trails off.

I don't answer.

"Hey Star?" Jackie skateboards in front of me, her frustrated voice grates against my ears, "Come on Star, answer. I really want to help you."

"…Hey Jackie…" I quietly mutter, not even bothering to look up at her, "What's the point of talking about feelings? About trying to make connections with people who will inevitably die?"

"Don't bother with her Star. She doesn't know your pain." The voice speaks up. I don't even know whether or not I should trust her.

"You ok Star? I didn't see you after school yesterday… you know, to hang out with Alfonso, Ferguson and I; like you used to." Then she stops and dismounts, before kicking the board up to her hands.

"She's not your friend. You can't trust her. Don't bother trying to make friends. She'll leave you just like the rest."

"I… I'd rather not Jackie. I'll just… I'll just head home ok?"

Jackie tilts her head in confusion, "You sure you don't want to… get some ice cream, or some candy, or anything? It's not like you to deny sweets."

I just shake my head in response, "No, I just want to go home."

"… Ok Star… Feel better." And with that, Jackie hops on her board again and skates away. "What's the point of hanging out with those guys anymore? They're just going to die and leave me alone again…"

A few minutes later I quietly walk into the Diaz household. The once bright household is filled with the air of depression. It's quieter than what it once used to be. The only sounds I can hear come from the TV, which was playing the credits to some TV show. It had two brightly colored men sitting on a park bench watching what I assume to be the apocalypse unfolding, "Jean-Paul Sartre postulated that every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance."

"That's the truth. It's the cold, cold truth.

"If that's the truth, then why do people even bother?" I think, yet I can't shake the feeling that, that what the voice is saying is a lie, "Why even bother about anything if in the end it doesn't matter anyway?"

"That's right, you are just one Mewman, living on a single planet that is just one of billions. You are completely insignificant."

I quietly walk into the living room and take a seat at the nearby kitchen table.

"Oh Star, you're home!" Angie says, trying to keep her usual perkiness, while she turns the TV off, "Are you hungry? I could make some, uhh, spaghetti?"

I shake my head, "I'm fine. I'll just go to my room Angie." I walk passed her and head upstairs, "Ok Star… Don't stay up there too long! You have to go out sometime you know!"

She then continues in a less perky tone, "The only way you'll really heal is if you get out sometime." Then, I hear her walk away and sit back own on the couch.

It isn't long before I drop onto my bed and stare at the ceiling again, just as I had done for these past few months. I feel the child inside my womb kick for some reason, not that I'm surprised, "Why do I even bother anymore?"

I hold the bulge on my abdomen; my baby bump, "I guess if I weren't carrying a child- his child, I would've probably gone over the deep end by now."

My cellphone rings, but I don't bother to pick up. What's the point of talking to people if they're just going to leave me like Marco did, and I won't even know if they're in a better place.

"Yeah, if you-"

" Come on girl! You can't just lie in bed all day!" Without warning, a turquoise pony head with a red mane appears at my bedside. Thankfully cutting the voice off.

"Ugh, Pony head, how'd you get in here?" I roll over onto my side to face the flying head.

"That doesn't matter, come on girl. Let's go out and have a girl's night!" the floating head moves over and pokes my side, prodding me to get up.

"Everything is worthless. Don't bother spending time with her."

*Ugh* I groan, "I don't want to. I just want to lie down and rest!" I turn away; hoping that she'll leave me alone, but I know Pony Head won't give up that easily.

I hear some clanking behind me, before I feel a dull pain in my leg. "What the?" I think, but before I can react, Pony Head drags me out of the bed and causes to sit up on the bedside. I stare at the blue head with a small heart on the side, "Pony Head! What was that about?!"

She doesn't respond and instead bites my arm, before pulling back, forcing me off the bed, "Pony Head!"

"Come on, if you don't want to dance, then how about I take you… to umm…" She stops and thinks for a moment, before taking my scissors in her mouth, "How about to the dance floor? Wouldn't that be fun, you know? Partying all night!"

"She doesn't know what you've been through." The voice interrupts, and for some reason Pony head acts like she heard it too for a moment, "Don't go out with her."

After that, Pony shakes her self back to reality, "Oh uhh, so what do ya think girl?"

"I don't really think so Pony Head… I just want to stay home. I'm pregnant ya know!"

"Yeah I know! But since when has dancing been bad for babies?!" Pony head cuts open a portal, before swallowing the scissors, "Come on girl! It'll be fun, everyone wants to have fun!" Then she flies over me, and uses her horn to push me into the portal.

"Yeah, but what's the point of having fun when it can be taken away at any time?"

A few seconds later I crash land on a soft beanbag chair; the blaring music in the background is the complete opposite of what I'm feeling right now. I quietly move around and sit upright in the chair. "The sky club, why am I not surprised?"

"It's because you always come here. It's the same mundane party too. Just look at them, partying it up while you stand by and have to suffer."

Pony head immediately lands in the chair next to me, "Come on! We didn't come here to sit around! Let's dance!" Then she grabs my arm again and pulls me over to the dance floor. "We're gonna have fun!" she declares as she jumps around a gallops like a horse on the dance floor.

"Don't dance, after all it could be bad for the baby."

"I don't see the point of dancing anyway…" I think in response.

I stand there for a few moments, holding my baby bump. The mere thought of trying to dance with a child growing inside me is almost enough to make me puke. So instead, I quietly walk past the horde dancing teens and drop onto one of the soft beanbag chairs overlooking the dance floor.

"Come on Star! Dance with me!" Pony head flops around, trying to convince me to join her, "It's not good to stay out of the action at party like this! Come on, let's have some fun!" She then floats over to me, "Star? Are you ok?"

"You remember this place, don't you Stardust?"

I start to tear up, "I remember when I came here last time with Marco." I look at the flying pony head for a short moment, before turning and looking in the spike-filled void below, "I wonder what would've happened if Marco had fallen that day. Maybe, maybe all of the pain I'm feeling now wouldn't be happening."

"Of course, but that was the then and this is the now. You have to live with your reality. Marco's dead, you're pregnant, and you can't do anything about either of those."

"Maybe… just maybe I'd be happier if I had never met him…" I slap myself for even thinking of that, before lying back and holding my bump again. I do my best to ignore the loud music playing in the background, "I've forgotten why I loved this music so much."

"Yo Star! You ok?" The Pony head stops "dancing" and floats over to me, "You really don't want to dance huh? I should've seen this coming."

"Yeah Pony Head, I just want to go home and sleep."

She then spits out the scissors and cuts a portal back to Marco's home, before sighing, "Ok Star, you win. Go home, I wish I could've helped you more than I just did." Then she gives me the scissors, "Feel better, and good luck with the baby."

"You'll need the luck Stardust. What are you going to do as a single mother?"

I nod and walk through, back into the empty home. I hesitantly sit back on my bed and lie back, "What am I going to do… I'm five months along now and I haven't even bothered trying to plan my life with his child."

"What am I going to do as a single mother? And what's the point of it anyway? You know- if I'm just going to die just like Marco did…" I pull myself and look out of the window. I can see a crescent moon shining in the dark night sky, "Is Marco really in a better place now that he's gone? Is anything that I've been told about the after life even remotely true? Why did the entities not want me to see him in spirit?"

"It's because he's probably burning in hell, just like you will be one day. Possibly even one day soon."

Tears start to roll down my cheeks just as they had done for months at this point.

"So what if in the end death will come for you?" The dark figure says as she manifests at the foot of my bed. She has no definite from what I can see. To me, she is just a void, a space of slightly darker air the moves around as if trying to hide something.

"You sick jerk, why do you choose to continue tormenting me?" I angrily ask the ghastly being, the being's ghostly hair flows as if strong wind is blowing it to the side.

The creature just laughs and answers, "I am not, yet I've chosen to visit one who is doing so." The being sits down at my feet, "Do you know who I am?"

I glare at her.

"Haha, you will know who I am soon. I have-"Before the figure can finish, she stutters, before her form morphs into the shape of a young boy.

"Do you know who I am?" The being's dark form changed to one I recognize well, from his soft brown eyes to his deep brown hair. He looks at me with a warm expression.

"That's to be expected. Many of those whom I visit do not know who I am." He takes my hand in his own, "I have come to help you move on."

"What do you mean?" I snap at him.

He chuckles, "You seem concerned about the future. Tell me about it."

"Who is this… thing? And why should I even trust him?"

"Because I am closer to you than you think. In a way, I'm your guardian angel." He immediately answers.

"How did you?"

"Don't ask, just know that I'm closer to you than you think." He looks into my eyes with calm, soothing eyes- the eyes of my lover, "I know of the voices you've been hearing, and I have come from their manifestation."

I look at him in confusion and curiosity, "What do you mean?"

"You will know in due time." He answers with a soft, reassuring tone.

So I sigh, "I'm worried about the future. What's the point of anything if it's just going to disappear." Then I hold my baby bump, "The only thing that's keeping me going is the fact that I'm carrying another life in me, but I'm not even sure how long it will keep me going."

"They."

"What?" I immediately turn to the figure.

He quietly answers, "You'll know that in due time too."

I decide not to keep going at it to find his meaning. Instead, I let the tears roll down my cheeks, "I feel so alone. Like no matter what I do it won't matter."

"Yeah, you're right, none of it will matter in the end." He nonchalantly replies while standing up, "but who cares about that. If it matters to you, then it matters."

I look at him, and watch as he goes into one of my dressers, "So what if in the grand scheme of things, you're insignificant. So what? If something means anything to you than its more than worthless."

It pulls my wand out of the drawer and hands it to me, "Try to move on, after all, time will go on even if you choose not to." It then places its hand on my bump, "I urge you to move on, for the good of your children."

"But how? How can I move on with him?" I desperately ask, finally breaking my awestruck silence, "My best friend, my lover, the father of my child is dead!"

"Marco is still watching over you." Then he hands me the wand, before pulling me into an embrace, "Remember Stardust, the darkest hour is always before the dawn. Be well, princess of Mewni. Mother of Marco Diaz's children."

Then he lets go, "Your future awaits downstairs." With that, the creature disappears without a trace.

"Downstairs…" I think, "I wonder what I'll do there." I quietly pull myself out of my princess bed and head downstairs.

It's dark, as it should be, I quietly turn on the lights and find Raphael on the ground passed out drunk. I guess we all have our ways of coping.

Then I turn and face the empty kitchen. "I wonder what I'll find there." With quiet steps, I walk over to the kitchen.

For the first time in months, the sink is full. "Angie must've forgotten to clean them I guess."

My gaze wanders over to the nearly empty drying rack; I notice a few blades resting against the side. I hesitate for a moment, before grabbing one of them resting and holding it with both hands. My legs tremble for a short moment, so I decide to slide down the cabinets and sit at the base of the sink.

The knife reflects my disheveled face. My once golden hair is now stained with dirt. The hearts on my cheeks are gone- lost with the countless tears I shed. "To think- it would be so easy… so easy to…" My eyes fill with more tears.

Then, I pull out my wand out and stare at its damaged faceplate for a short moment, before looking at the weapon in my other hand. "Marco… I'll let you choose my fate." I whisper, "So tell me…" I shut my eyes and shuffle the objects in my hands. "Left or right?"

No response. I wait for longer, and still nothing. I sit there for what seems like hours.

Then, I hear a whisper, "Throw the object in your right hand."

Without hesitation I throw the object in my right hand- the wand.

The stick flies across the room and hits the radio Angie bought a few months back, causing it to fall floor and start playing.

"Though I stand in darkness, light lives in me. I will not give up while you're here with me. And the dream of dawn gives me the strength to fight! I will not fall to the darkness of the night!"

"The light lives in me…" I quietly whisper.

"Why are these pieces so hard to carry? Why are these feelings so hard to bury? "Why is change taking forever? I fear that I'll live in the darkness forever.

"I do too…"

"Yet, the dream of dawn gives me hope to fight! I will not surrender here tonight!"

"The… The dream of dawn." I whisper as the song stops playing, and the radio cuts to random chatter.

Then, I hear another whisper, "So Stardust, why haven't you moved on yet?"

"Because…" Tears fill my eyes, "Because I just can't let go of you Marco… that's why." I hear a bell ring, "There aren't any clock towers around here."

"Remember Marco and move on. That's the only way you'll be happy again. Do it for your children, do it for him, but most importantly, do it for yourself." Then, I realize what I have to do. I look up and drop the knife- the weapon that could've been a deliverer of my own death.

I get off the kitchen floor and look out the window- into the dark abyss that is the night. I can see the full moon and the stars shining overhead, as if they know that I have made my choice.

Without hesitation I head upstairs to my room and change into the white wedding dress I had gotten from my trip to inter-dimensional space, before I quietly grab my yellow star purse, and grab the money Angie leaves by the TV in case I want to go out. "Fifty dollars in total, that should be just enough."

Without hesitation, I quietly walk to the front door, and open it. Instead of the cold night I expected it to be, a burst of warm air enters the home, immersing my body with its soft touch.

I stand in the doorway for a moment, before holding my bump once more, "Marco, even in death, I feel close to you…" Then I look out into the dark, autumn night, before walking out, leaving my past behind.

"1-20 20-8-5 5-14-4 15-6 20-8-5 4-1-25, 1-12-12 25-15-21 3-1-14 8-15-16-5 6-15-18 9-19 20-15 7-15 15-14. 20-8-5 15-12-4-5-18 9 7-5-20, 20-8-5 13-15-18-5 9 18-5-1-12-9-26-5 20-8-1-20 10-21-19-20 11-5-5-16-9-14-7 15-14 11-5-5-16-9-14-7 15-14 9-19 23-8-1-20 12-9-6-5-'19 1-12-12 1-2-15-21-20." ~10-1-14-9-19 9-1-14

A/N Here's chapter 4. Props to those who guessed the theme right.