xXx

Immediately going into man of the house mode, Isshin began to stand up.

Ichigo put out a thwarting arm before he stood. "Let me handle it." He addressed his bedmate with a scowl and a deeply furrowed brow. "What are you doing here, Grimmjow? Did you ride your motorcycle all the way here?"

"Oh, I got your cute note," Grimmjow said as he shook his head in ridicule, and if the red tips of his ears meant anything, the smirk on his face was not at all humored . "Since I'm seeing you, I thought it be rude of me not to make an appearance. Sorry," Grimmjow said as he flashed his eyes to Isshin, "didn't bring anything. Your son didn't give me much notice."

Ichigo's eyes flickered over to Byakuya who held his face blankly. Gesturing out an arm, he said, "Maybe we should go talk outside, Grimmjow."

"Ha! Oh no fucking way. I should get to know my boyfriend's family, right?" He said before he proceeded to pull out a chair, take a seat, and prop his feet up on the table.

Ichigo's eyes doubled in size, and his mouth grappled pitifully. "Bo-boyfriend? What the hell? When did we become boyfriends?! Were you going to tell me about it?"

Grimmjow scoffed. "Of course you don't get it." He balled up his fist and placed it to his mouth and looked aimlessly to the side as if processing something. "Ya' know, for a smart guy, you're really fucking oblivious sometimes. We've basically been living together for two years, Ichigo. We cook together, eat together, shower and fucking sleep together. Damn, we bought curtains together. What have we been doing? Playing house?"

Pitching the bridge of his nose, Ichigo sighed heavily. "No, Grimmjow, I bought curtains, you walked behind me threatening to beat up every employee you saw."

"I didn't like the way they were lookin' at us!?"

"You've been staying with me rent free while you have your own apartment. You're like a roommate that doesn't pay rent and bums off of me all the time."

"Oh yeah, and what? Do I pay you in sex?" Grimmjow said, chuckling through his nose. "Hm, so, I have my own apartment, but I stay with you every night. We sleep together, and you let me eat your food for free. What does that sound like?"

"A boyfriend," Karin said, only to bat her eyes innocently at the reproving glares sent her way.

"Thank Kami." Grimmjow flung his arms in the air. "At least one Kurosaki isn't completely dense."

Ready for this scene to be over, Ichigo walked around to Grimmjow and stood definitely in front of him. "Okay, you want to do this right here, let's do this right here."

Grimmjow waved a hand out in front of him as if telling Ichigo he had the floor, and Ichigo responded by knocking Grimmjow's feet off the table.

"You know what else we've been doing together for two years? Going cruising, seeing other people. Did we ever talk about being together? Did you ever say you wanted anything more? I'm not a mind reader, damn it!"

Grimmjow braced himself against the arms of the chair and launched himself up and right into Ichigo's breathing space. "Did you ever ask?!" At Ichigo's momentary lapse, he said, "Nah, you never do. You just assume shit like always."

"You were just out with someone last night!" Ichigo said as he pulled at the ends of his hair. "What am I supposed to think? You know that the moment anyone clings to you you're out the door, Grimmjow. You only want me because of how laid back our relationship is. Honestly, if we were really together, you'd be gone in a week."

"Bull shit!" Grimmjow said without hesitation, and Ichigo was taken aback by his bravado.

Grinding his teeth, Grimmjow dipped his head and swept a hand through his messy hair. "Maybe at first, but it's been two years, Ichigo. You don't think I've grown attached at all in that time? You never wondered why I chose to stay around you?" He thudded Ichigo in the chest with his pointer finger. "Didn't it seem a little weird? Shit, I was just following your lead. I all but stopped seeing other people after a while and only went out when you did. But you didn't notice shit, did you?"

For the first time, Ichigo noticed Grimmjow still smelled like alcohol. It was as if he rolled out bed in such a hurry, he didn't stop to shower. His fingers were twitching slightly, and there were nicotine stains on his lips from smoking, something he only did when he was stressed. There was something less confident about those brazen eyes, and suddenly, Grimmjow's weird behavior that morning made sense. New blossoms of guilt sprouted at the realization of something that should've been obvious.

"So you want to be boyfriends, huh? So the way you show me that is by driving two hours and crashing my sister's graduation dinner? How could I date someone that damn hot headed, and that's coming from me! You're thoughtless, Grimmjow, and I should know, because I'm just as thoughtless!"

Grimmjow's heat assuaged a bit at the words, and Ichigo shook his head as he ran a hand across his flushed face.

"You're right. We've been living together for two years, and I just never thought about it. Maybe I could have seen it if I had wanted to or cared. I really can be a thoughtless bastard at times," he said, chuckling pitifully.

"Well you see it now," Grimmjow said as he bolstered his chest. "I want more. So what's it going to be, Kurosaki?

Ichigo didn't even have to think about it. He already knew his answer. It was funny, he thought, the way the truth always seemed to catch up with you.

"I'm sorry, Grimmjow. I liked what we had, but I just don't... feel that way about you," he said with his hands in his pockets and his head slightly dipped away from the unbearable eye contact. "Honestly, I'm still in love with someone else."

"Is it Byakuya?" Grimmjow asked, and Ichigo jolted his head up as a result.

If it was at all possible, everyone fell even quieter, as if they were throttle by the thick tension that became almost tangible. No one said a word, and Ichigo felt suspended in a moment of disbelief as he stood there stupidly wide open.

Finally, he managed, "Whe-where did you hear that name from?"

Grimmjow still showed his teeth, but his eyes didn't look right on him. They lacked his usual feral luster.

"When you were moaning in your sleep this morning, you said his name. Not the first time either." He scoffed in a self loathing manner. "Shit, you must've done it over a dozen times since we met. Always whimpering, 'Byakuya, Byakuya', like it's haunting you or somethin', like it's a nightmare."

Ichigo felt as if gravity was working against him, and the room had grown smaller. It took all of him just to keep his eyes on Grimmjow's. He didn't even want to consider what he'd see if he looked at Byakuya. Surely none of his options would be gratifying. Pain, anger, or worse, Indifference, they'd all break him.

"Ya' know, you're not the only one who could be selfish. I heard you over and over again calling out to this guy. I knew it was tearing you apart inside, and I never once asked about him. At first, I didn't even care, but when I realized how I felt for you, it kind've hit me. Maybe I have your body, your time, but whatever part of you he has is way more important." Surprising Ichigo with a genuinely curious yet sympathetic look, he asked, "You've been feeling this way for a long time. It must have been eating you up inside, right?"

Ichigo sucked in a sharp breath and let it tumble out of his lungs with all of the jagged unsteadiness of a landslide. It was loud and evident in its suffering, shrill to the ears. His vision was floaty, and these stymie emotions blocked his airways. When he spoke, it was like vapors. "Yeah, five years is a long time..."

Grimmjow nodded in acknowledgment before he turned to walked away. "I'm sorry I waited so long to give a shit. Maybe if I did sooner, things would be different for us."

Ichigo's head whipped up as he grabbed Grimmjow's wrist. "Wait! I want us to still be friends. I don't want to lose another important person just because I can't deal with my own baggage. Maybe we can get to know each other better without all of the other complicated stuff."

Grimmjow smirked as he pulled the man in for a hug. "Yeah, yeah, who else's fridge will I come and raid?" He kissed the man on the cheek and said, "Let's go get wasted this weekend. We can find you a nice piece of ass to take your mind off of that loser you're hung up on. If you can't find anyone, I could always bite the bullet and let you do me."

In an affectionate and playful manner, Ichigo pushed him away with a roll of the eyes. "You're such a selfless friend, putting yourself out like that. Now get out before I kick you out!"

Grimmjow turned towards the door and waved over his shoulder. "See you around, Kurosaki."

The friendly smile Ichigo wore dropped instantly, as he knew once he turned to face his family, to face Byakuya, he'd have to face himself and all of the truths that everyone could no longer ignore. These unspoken complications could not just be packed away in a box and stuffed in the back of a closet somewhere to collect dust, and honestly, Ichigo thought this was probably for the better. For a long time now, he'd been needing to clean out that closet.

Only, before he could turn around, the shattering of glass echoed through the room.

Byakuya, who looked as if he had been trying to enact a strategic escape plane towards the stairs, was standing wide eyed over a broken vase. He dropped to his knees and began to apologize profusely as his shaky fingers worked to pick up the shards of glass.

"I am so sorry," Byakuya said.

"'Kuya-Nii, it's fine. We can probably glue it back together," Yuzu said.

Byakuya shook his head frantically, and he tremored like his body was finally succumbing to an unrelenting pressure. "No, it is absolutely ruined. It is unfixable." His hands moved clumsily, and he began to trip over his ramblings. "I-I would offer to buy you a new vase, but this one is special. You're mother gave this to you, and th-there will never be another like it." His voice rose only marginally and shuttered as his eyes grew misty. "It can not simply be replaced, but now it is gone forever!"

His hands slipped, and he cut himself with one of the shards. "Ah," he winced as he applied pressure with his opposing hand.

Kaien stood from his chair to aid Byakuya, but Ichigo was already kneeling at his side in an attempts to get a better look at the wound.

Blood dripped from the creases of Byakuya's fisted hand and droplets began to scatter the floor.

"Byakuya," Ichigo said as he took the hand in his own. "This looks really bad. Let me help you."

Byakuya jutted his hand away defensively, as if he was attempting to protect it from Ichigo. His eyes, vibrant and swelling, displayed cuts and bruises that were well beyond skin deep. Years of betrayal, loneliness, agony, they were like little sinkers that drowned Ichigo in his mistakes. They were so heavy against Ichigo's shoulders, but he held them all the same.

"You can not help me, Ichigo," he said as he got to his feet. "I can fix this myself."

As Byakuya ran up the stairs, he began to follow, only to have his movements encumbered by a hand on his forearm.

He looked up to see Kaien staring at him with sharp eyes. "I'll go help him."

Ichigo jerked his arm away and matched that unrelenting stare. "No way, I-"

"I am his fiancé, Ichigo!" Kaien said as he stepped closer into Ichigo's breathing space and dug his eye's in deeper. "Me, not you."

Ichigo tensed, and for a moment, his body stubbornly locked into place, but as the truth of the statement washed over him, Ichigo's eyes wavered, and his body deflated. "Fine," he said.

While Kaien ascended the stairs, Ichigo's muscles tightened as if he was willing them into inertia. When his eyes drifted over to his family, he saw Yuzu retrieving a broom and Karin clearing the table. His dad gave him a reproving look that ate at Ichigo's already festered emotions.

"I really don't need it from you too, old man."

Isshin shrugged a shoulder. "He has a point, Ichigo."

"You think I don't know that? What else do you think has kept me from decking him in the face?"

"I think you've made your feelings towards their relationship pretty clear."

Ichigo dipped his head and pulled at his hair with two hands. "Byakuya shouldn't be with him," he said barely over a whisper.

"Do you really think that's up to you to decide? You're smarter than that, son."

"It just feels wrong in my gut," he said.

Isshin's frown deepened as he walked over to Ichigo and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It always feels wrong watching someone you love be with someone else."

Ichigo looked into his dad's empathetic glare with a dewy denial and shook his head back and forth. "No. It's not about me." At his dad's dubiously lifted eyebrow, Ichigo said, "Okay, maybe it's a little about me, but I know Byakuya. If I thought he was really head over heels for the guy, I wouldn't even say anything, but something isn't right there." He shook his head again and looked to his father with bright eyes. "What if we miss out on something once in a lifetime because I say nothing. Don't we deserve that? Don't I deserve that?" he asked, only it sounded more like a question to himself that he could never quite answer.

"You do." Ichigo swung his head up as if he hadn't been expecting vindication. "But sometimes, we don't get what we deserve. Maybe you should go see your mom, talk to her. She always had a way of making you see things clearly."

Ichigo nodded and returned his dad's tiny smile as he wiped his eyes with his fist.

"Yeah, I think I will."

xXx

In the back of Kurosaki estate sat a den that had been cleared out and was now utilized as place of mourning for the late wife of the Kurosaki family. In the center of the room, there was a kotatsu cover with Masaki's favorite lace tablecloth. On it was picture of her and her ashes, along with a few scattered mementos. Beside the picture frame was a pearl encrusted hair piece that Ichigo remembered his mom loved to wear on the rare occasion they'd attend a formal event. A few dry pressed tsutsuji - her favorite flowers - laid withered yet still somehow beautiful along with her wedding ring and some of her favorite books. There was even white tea candles and her preferred aroma of incense burning. It smelt of her, like jasmine and freshly baked bread, and Ichigo half expected her image to manifest within the drifting smoke.

Ichigo took tentative steps inside the room, and at all of the little reminders, his heart felt as if it was malfunctioning. Up until today, he never stepped inside this room. Like Byakuya, he neglected this wound until it's infection spread and caused damage he wasn't sure was treatable.

He kneeled down on a mat and used an incense to light a candle in her memory, and for a while, he just sat there. His tongue was empty of justifications.

Finally, after the silence became too daunting to bare, he said, "Hey mom, I'm sorry It took me so long to show up." His chest felt tight and sticky, and he could no longer impede the tears that implored to be given the attention they deserved. "It's not that I haven't missed you, you know? It's that I missed you too much." He looked down at his hands, empty and clumsy, and he thought about how they looked as if they were missing something. "I know that's stupid. I get that now. That's the same reason I lost Byakuya… If you were here, you'd probably knock me in the head for things I've done."

"I really messed up," he said, his voice aching like an old, abandoned attic brimming with forgotten memories. "When it came to everyone else, I was strong, but when life got to hard for me, I just ran away. I was a coward."

Sitting upright on the table was a picture album, and Ichigo picked it up and started flipping through the pages slowly, absorbing every photo and all the memories they depicted. He ran fingertips over the images, tracing outlines of his happiest moments, and for the first time, these thing did not feel like ghost. As if through his nerve riddled tips alone, he awoke parts of himself he thought didn't exist anymore. Like it was only yesterday, he could recall these little snapshots of joy. They were still apart of him. They made him who he was, and as long as these moments still remained, no amount of time could change the man who made these memories.

He smiled helplessly at a picture of him and Byakuya at the ice skating rink, and he could almost hear the way they laughed together that day. "Byakuya told me he loved me, and I messed it all up. Even though I loved him back, I messed it all up." He chuckled only slightly. "We finally got it through our heads, but not in the way you probably would have wanted. I said… such horrible things … things you would not be proud of. He told me he loved me, and I called him a faggot." He paused and shook his head in disappointment. "What the hell was I thinking? I had just lost you, and I was so scared, but that's no excuse."

Tears fell from his face and trickled down to the captured smiles of Byakuya and Ichigo. "Then I stayed away for so long because… I don't know, I didn't think I worthy." He plucked the picture from the flimsy cellophane and held it close to his chest. "I thought he'd hate me because I hated me!" Once again, he shook his head in defeat. "I was so stupid. Byakuya was like you in that way, understanding, and he always thought forgiveness was important."

Again, he looked down at the picture and glided a thumb over Byakuya's face. "Even after all that though, I don't know, I like to think I'm somehow worthy. One bad thing can't erase all of the amazing times we shared, right? Seven years… seven years I was right by his side. I would've done anything for him. I did do anything…. I have to forgive myself. I have to believe that I'm worthy of what me and Byakuya could have… even if… even if..." His voice broke, and the tears ran a bit heavier. It hurt so badly to say out loud. Speaking it made it real. "Even if I'll never have him again."

Ichigo jumped slightly when Byakuya came to kneel down beside him. Quietly, he lit a candle and closed his eyes as if saying a prayer.

When he opened them, Ichigo, with his head dipped, asked, "Did you hear all of that?"

"Yes," Byakuya said.

Ichigo held the picture of them in his lap, and his tight hold crinkled at the edges. He looked down at it, and softly, as if he was scared of the answer, he asked, "Why are you here?"

Byakuya looked down at the picture in Ichigo's grasp and then back up too Ichigo. "Because, you are right, forgiveness is important. Like with you, what happened between us is something I have never dealt with. If I left here today, I may have missed my chance at peace."

"And?" Ichigo felt like a kid hiding from monsters with the way he kept his eyes closed. He was petrified at what things Byakuya would say or what might occur after he said them. When he felt this picture tugged from his grasp, he opened his eyes to see Byakuya's head dipped in examination. He smoothed out the creases caused by Ichigo's thoughtless touches and held it prudently. After a moment, he looked up, and Ichigo saw a few tears cascading his still face.

"And I forgive you," he said.

With those words, a combustion of sobs escaped from Ichigo. All that repressed sorrow, it was given life with a bang. Finally, it took a breath, a big, gasping breath as it was finally told it mattered, as it was no longer kept within like some dirty secret. After being hid away for so long, it shot out with a vengeance.

Ichigo was tempted to reach out for Byakuya and bask in his comfort, to revel in the familiarity of his aroma and tender touches. So badly, he wanted that cherry scented affection and those pain stealing arms he could bury himself in, but these things no longer belonged to him. Only, when Byakuya came and wrapped his arms around him, Ichigo thought, if just for a moment, he could pretend like they did.

The touch only stimulated Ichigo's tears. It coax his pain out and gave it a home, a place to run free, and Ichigo felt as if he could finally let it all go in the forgiving arms of his best friend. He ended up between Byakuya's legs almost cradled, and he clutched onto the fabric of his shirt for dear life as he sobbed into the man's chest. He let out a harrowing moan and sunk into Byakuya as if he was trying to mold them together.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so fucking sorry, 'Kuyakik," he moaned against the man's chest.

Byakuya caressed Ichigo's hair and held onto him as if he'd never let go. "Shh, it's okay. You're tears are at home with me."

The man's baritone was pure velvet, but it lulled Ichigo only slightly. "I… missed you so much. So much," he said just above a whisper. "I was so lonely without you."

Byakuya's embrace was constricting, and there was no more space to be bridged between them. "I as well, Anata."

Time passed in a blur, the only sounds filtering in were the thrums of their heart beats pressed together and a few sniffling tears. They were a whirl of pent up emotions and long overdue words, and Ichigo just wanted to live in that moment where things were simple and pure, but he knew he couldn't. He knew he had to let go before it became infeasible, and as he removed himself from Byakuya's arms, he knew this was where the real pain began.

For a moment, they looked at each other, their eyes puffy and skin splotchy. Neither of them wanted to disrupt the silence with words that would sound too much like goodbye. Ichigo looked down to Byakuya's hand. The blood was seeping through the bandage.

He grasped the hand gingerly and observed it for a moment. "This needs stitches," he said before he looked back up to Byakuya. "Do you trust me to handle that?"

Byakuya hesitated briefly, then he nodded his head. "Yes."