Ages and ages later. There's not even really a good excuse for it since the chapter's been done for over a year.

Remus sits with his legs crossed on the couch the day that Sirius is going to be coming home. The other boy had said that he didn't want a big deal made about it and so Remus had resisted the urge to sit in the Great Hall and wait for him. It's been too long. They'd only seen each other a few times at St. Mungo's, Sirius wanting to try to grieve by himself. It had hurt Remus to let him be alone but Sirius had told him that the Healers were helping him make progress.

James and Peter play chess in front of him, both of them glancing at Remus every few moments to make sure that he's still doing alright. It warms him to know that he got his best friends back, even if he's forbidden them from coming along with him anymore on the full moon. He doesn't think that he'll ever get over the fear of hurting somebody in his werewolf form.

"'Bout time for him to be here," James says in an offhanded tone, moving his queen halfway across the board and taking out one of Peter's knights.

The words send a flurry of emotion through Remus and he's been trying to compartmentalize all of his feelings. He doesn't know what he and Sirius are. He doesn't know what he wants them to be. He's tried to sort through everything but right now, with both of them still healing, there's no point in trying to put a label on things.

"Perhaps I should go down to wait for him," Remus says softly, thinking about whether Sirius had looked well enough the last time he'd seen him to make it to Gryffindor Tower by himself.

Immediately Peter shakes his head. "No, you know he asked you not to." Peter looks at the board for a few moments before moving his rook, making Remus wince because he doesn't want the game to end. He needs something to concentrate on.

James seems to have similar thoughts because he frowns as he looks at the board, glancing up at Remus and then back down almost immediately. "The common room will be the first place he comes when Dumbledore's done with him. Don't worry."

The problem, of course, is that Remus isn't sure if that's what he wants or doesn't want. He lets out a breath, trying not to tap his foot too incessantly against the floor or look at the clock too many times. Every time somebody comes in or out he glances up and there are six false alarms before he sees Sirius stepping over the threshold.

Remus tries to move to his feet too fast, stumbling over his ankles and nearly falling onto the table but he doesn't care. It makes Sirius smile, albeit tiredly, as the he comes towards them. His eyes are darker than normal, shadowed in a way that Remus doesn't think will ever really go away. They're too young to have to go through this but neither one of them look it anymore. It makes Remus' heart ache.

Nearly everybody in the common room turns to look at Sirius as he walks gingerly to sit down next to Remus. It's not every day that somebody takes leave from Hogwarts and then comes back the way that he had. Even if the pregnant rumors were never substantiated by anybody.

"What? I know you've all missed my beauty but try to be subtle," Sirius snaps, slouching down on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest.

Remus' lips twitch, Peter looks away to not laugh and James lets out an unapologetic snort. "You've never been mad at people staring at you before," James points out.

Sirius shrugs, looking over at Remus and then shaking his head when he realizes that he's not getting any help from any of them. "I don't mind when they're looking because I'm good-looking," Sirius says, opening up the flap on his bag and pulling out a pile of candy that he tosses on the chess board, knocking over a few of the pieces. "Stole half my mum's stash. Was about ready to pull out my hair if I didn't get away from her."

"Ooh," Peter says as he grabs for a few pieces of brightly colored mints.

"I've worked with the professors to come up with a game plan so that you can-" Remus starts.

Before he can say another word, Sirius holds up a hand and wrinkles his nose. "I know. Dumbledore told me all about it. As if I wasn't one of the top students in class. As if he didn't now know that I became an Animagus," Sirius says, turning to give Remus a glare.

Remus winces, knowing that he'd given that secret away in a weak moment. It hadn't been his secret to tell but he couldn't have helped it slipping out. "You know that I'm sorry about that."

"I know," Sirius says, the glare melting away almost immediately and turns back to James, leaning forward to look at the pieces that are left on the chess board.

Tentatively, Remus reaches forward. He doesn't want Sirius' attention exactly, but he does want to know how he is. He's healed enough to come back, to walk up to the tower, to go to classes but that doesn't explain everything. Remus slips his hand into Sirius', holding his breath as Sirius' head jerks up to look at him. Remus looks back defiantly, breathing out when Sirius smiles slightly, squeezing his hand and looking back at the game. James pointedly doesn't look at them, wanting to give them their privacy.

Remus is surprised by how comforted that he is by the touch, listening as Sirius begins talking about all of the retched things that his parents had done while he'd been there. Sirius talks about how Regulus had visited, making snide comments about everything. A few times Remus squeezes Sirius' hand in lieu of words of comfort and each time he sees the corner of Sirius' lips twitch.

It makes him happy and he's feeling rather content by the time that James and Peter pack up the chess board. James has Quidditch practice and Peter glances at the two of them on the couch before saying that he's going to join them. Sirius looks over at Remus, a small smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye that Remus hasn't seen in a while.

"Want to go for a walk? It's nice to be able to move."

Remus frowns. "Are you sure-"

"All I did while I was at my parent's was walk. Anything to avoid being confined with them," Sirius says, standing up and holding out a hand for Remus. "Come on. Please."

And of course Remus can't say no to that.

The teenagers are silent, Sirius leading them outside and in the general direction of the lake. Remus' stomach hurts as he thinks about the fact that this is where Sirius had brought him when he'd first wanted to tell him that… that Remus had raped him. It's easier to think now but Remus doesn't think that he'll ever truly be okay with it. Remus holds tighter to Sirius' hand and Sirius doesn't seem to be surprised.

"I know that it's not the place with the best memories but I feel like we've come full circle right?" Sirius asks as he moves to sit down on the grass, pulling Remus down with him.

Remus opens his mouth to say everything that's wrong with that sentence but he changes his mind. He lets go of Sirius' hand, pulling his knees close to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. "I'm glad that you're home."

"Me too. Being with my parents sucked. I've already talked to James and I'm pretty sure that from now on I'm just going to stay with the Potters when I'm not here," Sirius responds, although they both know that's not what Remus had meant.

The avoidance makes Remus smile slightly and he nudges Sirius' shoulder gently with his own. "I'm glad you're back here with us, with your friends."

Sirius nods, leaning his head back to look at the sky. His hair is longer than normal, an inky black color and Remus so badly wants to run his fingers through the strands. He digs his fingers into his calves. "I had all of these plans while I was pregnant. I was going to have our baby girl. Her middle name would be Hope after your mum. Me and you would find a nice flat after we graduated and eventually most likely get married."

"What?"

"Really Remus?" Sirius asks with a laugh, turning to look at Remus with amusement in his eyes. "You can't say that you didn't picture that. That's where our story was going the whole time. Me, you and our miracle daughter. Life just got in the way."

"No," Remus says, his eyebrows furrowing and he swallows hard. "No, our daughter was a mistake, Sirius. I'm sorry you think differently but she never should've happened. I'm not… I wish that we'd been able to… to have her but… I hate that it had to have happened."

Remus is worried that Sirius will take the words the wrong but Sirius just shrugs.
Remus has to keep remembering that Sirius' hormones are probably, for the most part, back under control after the pregnancy and he won't be having the wild mood swings that he'd had before… just the normal ones he always has.

"It did happen, though. Although, I suppose, so did losing our daughter." Sirius lets out a breath and he flops back against the grass, rubbing his face with one hand. "I don't know. Maybe I was just being naïve. It doesn't matter now anyway, does it? The Healer keeps trying to make me believe all these stupid things but all I could think was that no amount of happy thoughts or bright ideas would bring her back."

"I thought about it too," Remus admits, deciding that it's best not to argue if Sirius isn't going to. They can agree to disagree because he will never believe that their daughter was some miracle, or meant to be in their lives. "I thought about the future that we could have. I wanted that."

Although the words take a lot for Remus to say, it doesn't look like Sirius is surprised by them. He doesn't look over at Remus and Remus tentatively sits back, laying down next to Sirius. "Can we still have that?" Sirius asks softly, sounding so much like a child that Remus' heart clenches.

"I don't know," Remus says honestly.

Judging by the look on Sirius' face, he's not surprised by that either. He closes his eyes, reaches out and tangles his fingers with Remus'. Remus holds on tight, wondering whether they can. And, as he sorts through his feelings, he wonders for the millionth time whether he wants to.

It's not easy. That's the theme of Remus' life. He was only a young boy when he was attacked by a werewolf, becoming one himself. He spent years in solicitude, scared to make friends, believing that nobody would want to be around him. He didn't believe that he would ever get to go to Hogwarts. And even then, even once he'd found friends that he loved above all else, it still wasn't easy.

Remus stands on the platform as they wait for the Hogwarts Express to pull up to take them back to London for their summer holidays. Sirius will be going with James, properly moving in. It's long overdue and they all know it. Peter will be going to Australia with his parents to visit distant relatives. And Remus… will be going home, most likely to rest. He feels so much older than his 16 years of age.

"You'll have to come visit," James tells Peter and Remus as Sirius stands at Remus' side. "There's plenty of room and Mum and Dad would love to have you visit anytime."

It's hard for Remus to fake a smile but he tries, knowing that James is serious and he'll force them to come by kidnapping if he has to. James doesn't like when his friends are sad and he recognizes it on Remus' face. "Of course! I love your house," Peter says enthusiastically and Remus can at least agree with that, although house is a slight understatement.

Sirius turns to look at Remus, nudging him gently. "What about you, Moony? Are you going to come visit? Spend a few weeks with us?"

"I'll try. As long as-" Remus cuts himself off because they're all aware. He won't leave the house this summer during the full moon. He'll stay in the cage that's been specially built and try not to think about that fateful night those months ago.

Sirius' face darkens and he looks pointedly at James and Peter before grasping Remus' wrist and pulling him away from them. "You've got to stop dwelling on it."

"How can you say that when you still wake up screaming most nights?" Remus says, knowing immediately that the words are too far. They're not what he had meant to say at all but they're a valid point. And they never tip-toe around each other anyway.

The words make Sirius' face draw up, a look of pain and frustration and anger mixed in. "Because we can't change it, Remus. You hurt me. I lost our baby. We can't change any of those things but you're going to be a werewolf the rest of your life and they haven't come up with anything to help that yet. We love you. I love you, Remus and we don't want you to beat yourself up over this."

Remus looks down, drawing in a deep breath but Sirius won't let him hide. He reaches out, resting a hand on Remus' chin and forcing him to look up at Sirius. "I love you. And we're about to be separated for ages, an entire summer, if you don't let us help you. So say that you'll let us?"

"I want to," Remus says after a long moment, glancing up when James says their names. The train is approaching and, while they still have the train ride to go, this is their last chance to get even a bit of privacy in this shadowy corner. "Fine. I'll visit then. But if something happens-"

"Things always happen. So is the way of life," Sirius says, in a haughty tone.

Remus laughs, shakes his head, glances over at the train and then decides that he should change at least a bit of his luck. He reaches up, hands cupping Sirius' cheeks and pulling the other boy in for a kiss that doesn't last as long as either of them would like it to.

"If something happens I'll take the blame," Sirius whispers against Remus' lips.

Remus kisses him again before they head to the Hogwarts Express, hand in hand.

They're 17 years old and James is sick with the flu, stuck in the Hospital Wing and Peter is at home for the holidays. There's nobody else in the room with them, which is for the best since Sirius has been saying for ages that they've waited long enough and probably would've insisted on sharing a bed even if James had been in one of the others.

"I never thought I'd be losing my virginity in a bed here. I always thought maybe in a broom cupboard or the showers or at home," Sirius murmurs, his throat back so that Remus can ghost a trail of kisses down his skin.

Sirius can feel Remus' frown and he knows what the other boy is about to say before he says it. He lets him, though. They try not to interrupt each other. "You've had sex before, remember?"

"Mm, not like this, though. Not sex that counts. That doesn't count," Sirius says. It's an argument that they can have another day so he tugs gently on Remus' hair, pulling the other boy up to press a slow kiss to Remus' lips, aiming to knock every other thought out of his head.

It seems to work because Remus lets the subject drop. "Are you sure that you want this?" Remus asks, concern in his tone.

Sirius' only response is to pull Remus down for another kiss and to grind his erection against Remus' own. He hopes that properly conveys just how much that he wants this. This, this right here is what he's always wanted. And, while it's not something that he tends to think about often, he thinks that Remus has wanted it a long time too, judging by what he'd done when he was a wolf.

They're 18 years old and they're freezing. "I've got to talk to Sam about this stupid heater," Sirius says, kicking the stupid thing for good measure. Why they'd decided to rent a flat in a Muggle building, he doesn't know. He's tempted to fix the thing by magic anyway but he doesn't think that's a great idea. Stupid electronical things don't tend to take well to magic, he's learned.

Remus takes another sip of his tea, grinning at Sirius from behind the mug. "You were supposed to do that yesterday," he points out, turning the page in his book.

Sirius turns to give him a mutinous glare. "That's beside the point. If it worked the way that it was supposed to then I wouldn't have this problem," Sirius responds, shaking his head and going to grab another blanket.

As soon as he has at least three to wrap around himself, he goes to sit next to Remus, shoving his blanketed toes underneath Remus' blanket as well. He's cold. He's not used to this. Besides, it makes Remus laugh so he can count it as a win. "Perhaps we can go visit Lily and James," Remus says, putting his book away since he can see that Sirius won't be letting him get any more reading done.

"Not on your life, sweetheart. They're still in their sex-crazed post-marriage haze. I'm not even going to owl them," Sirius says, wrinkling his nose for only a moment before grinning.

Remus laughs, knowing immediately what Sirius' thoughts are and he leans his head against Sirius. "The only way you're convincing me to take my pants off is if you go buy me another book to read when we're done. I'm almost finished with this one."

Sirius doesn't even have to weigh the options. After all, the bookstore probably has a heater and there's a Muggle one not two blocks away that Remus seems to enjoy. "Sold," he says, grabbing Remus' hand and they both laugh as they stumble towards their bedroom, kissing along the way.

They're 19 years old and they both have pasted smiles on their faces. Lily has so much sympathy in her eyes while James is obviously trying to hide how happy that he is. Remus lets out a breath, forcing himself to not react the way that he wants to. "I am so happy for you both. You're going to make the absolute best parents," Remus says to them both, wrapping his arms around Lily in a hug. She squeezes him back before Remus hugs James.

It takes Sirius a moment longer but his eyes clear and then he's grinning, bounding up with endless energy. "I'm going to be the favorite uncle of course," Sirius says, wrapping his arms around James and clapping him on the back. James grins, pleased with the reactions even if he knows that they're not completely sincere.

Remus thinks about when Sirius had told them all that he was pregnant, when he'd told Remus that he was pregnant but then pushes it aside. He still locks himself up when he becomes a werewolf, still worries about the day that he might hurt somebody. He thinks that if it ever happened again that he might have to lock himself away for good.

Sirius slips his hand into Remus', holding on tight as they all start talking about baby names and nurseries and whether the child will grow up to be a Quidditch player or not. Of course, they all vote yes and Remus tries to force himself to remember to breathe.

They're 20 years old and Remus stares down at the gorgeous little boy in the bassinet. There's danger around them, danger everywhere. Remus knows it, Sirius knows it, they all do. More and more they're sent on danger missions, more and more they wonder whether they're coming home at night, or at all.

"Isn't he the most precious baby you've ever seen?" Sirius says at his side, a touch of mocking in his tone that Remus knows he'd never let James or Lily hear.

Remus leans into his side, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder and smiling slightly. "Honestly? Yeah. He's going to grow up and look just like Lily, I think. Maybe with his dad's hair," Remus says, turning to press a quick kiss to Sirius' jaw.

"And we're going to be those awesome uncles that take him out flying and give him tons of sugar and chocolate and take him in on the days when he fights with his parents when he's a teenager. And he's going to have it easy," Sirius says, his voice becoming firmer the more that he talks and he sets his jaw when he's done.

Of course, Remus understands. He reaches out, brushing a hand across Harry's eyebrows and watching the way that the little boy reacts to the touch. He smile as Harry tries to catch his finger and he lets him, leaning forward slightly. "Your life will be easy, Harry. We'll make sure of it."

They're 21 years old and Remus is woken up by a pounding at the door while Sirius decides that he's going to track down Peter. They'd been sleeping together only a few hours before when Sirius had gotten concerned and now Remus feels cold seeping through his bones.

He doesn't want to believe it about Sirius, his Sirius. The full moon was only a few days ago and he's still sore and feeling wretched and Sirius had betrayed them. "It can't be true," Remus whispers.

Sirius doesn't know what he's going to do but his best friend and his best friend's wife are dead. He'll have to get Harry eventually. He's the godfather and he and Remus will raise the baby because it's what James would've wanted. Harry won't have to go through this alone. Sirius is sure of that. He can't know what's going to happen in the near future.

Remus sinks to the floor on his knees, gripping his bathrobe between his fingers and trying to come to terms with the facts that are being presented to him. His thoughts are on Harry, the rumors that the little boy survived. Remus' lips curl up into a sad smile. Remus will never take him in. Not when he's dangerous the way that he is.

It's no use. Sirius doesn't come home and Remus forces himself to get through the days. It's not easy but then life never has been fair for him, has it? At this point, Remus believes that he really should be used to it.

The only note that I will make was that from the very beginning, this was the ending all along. It's always been meant to be able to lead into the books. I believe (note that it's been about two years since I plotted out this story) originally Sirius and Remus were never going to get together again but I believe that it was sadder if they were, constantly torn apart.