Sorry for the long wait.

I still own nothing, but my own ideas.

All mistakes are still mine.

Let me know if you still like it.

Chapter 4

Maura decided to come home with me that night; she said we needed to talk. I know we needed to, but I didn't want to.

Maura started cleaning up the place as soon as I unlocked the door.

"Hey Maura you can stop obsessing, it's fine."

Instead of stopping she ignored me, and continued.

"Your mother really needs to come over here, and organizes your stuff."

"I swear Maura if you send her over here I will never forgive you."

"I'm kidding Jane. Do you really think I would do that to you?"

She finally looked at me. She was smiling so I knew she was actually kidding with me.

"I really need to teach you how to kid better."

I walked over to the ice box. I needed to get it out. It had been hours since I had had some, I was starting to get that shaky feeling again. I looked over at Maura, she was looking at me.

"Go ahead Jane; it might make this a little easier."

I got it out poured myself a shot, it felt weird because Maura was standing there staring at me.

"Do you mind not staring? I'm not used to an audience."

"Sorry."

Maura continued cleaning, while I got lost in my fix. An hour later I was feeling much better, and my house was clean. Maybe I should let her come over more often.

We sat on the couch. Neither one of us were saying anything. Maura finally broke the silence.

"When did this start Jane?"

"A while ago."

"Why did this start?"

I took a deep breath I didn't want to have this conversation, but this was Maura I was talking to, she wouldn't judge me. Would she?

"After the stuff that Hoyt did I was fine, at least I thought I was. I mean I was happy because we had caught him. He wouldn't hurt anyone else. Then months later I started having these dreams, vivid nightmares, and I was scared to go to sleep at night, because he would be there every night in my dreams, and I had no way to stop it.

Then there was this one night I had woken up from a nightmare, and I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got the bottle of whiskey I had bought the day before and I drank some of it not a lot, but enough to help me go back to sleep. I didn't dream of anything else that night. So the next night before I went to bed I drank a little more, and dreamed of nothing. I had found my nightmare cure.

Hoyt slowly started to invade my day when I was awake, so I took care of him the same way as I did at night, and it slowly became a habit that I couldn't stop. I know it's wrong, but I don't know what else to do to make Hoyts memory go away."

"Now it's going to be different because I'm going to help you make his memory go away."

Maura took my hand in hers, and for the first time in a long time I didn't feel so alone.

"So here is what I have in mind. We are going to take all your alcohol out of here, but I'm not going to make you quiet all at once that would probably not be a good thing for you or for me, and we are going to keep this quiet there's no need anyone else should know at work, but Jane."

Now it was my turn to give her a weird look.

"Yes there is a but Jane. If this does not work, and I am not able to help you we will have to do something else. If that means getting you professional help I'll do it in a heartbeat if I thought it would help you. I'll even go as far as telling your mother and I know you don't want that. Am I understood?"

"I get it Maura this has to work or you're going to my mother, I fully understand that one."

Maura got up off the couch and looked down at me.

"Do you want to help me do this or should I just do it myself?"

"You do it."

"Is it just in the icebox?"

I wanted so badly to tell her yes, but if she found more that I didn't tell her about it would probably mess up her plan, and she would go to my mother.

"There's some in the cabinet by the icebox, and in the drawer in the bedside table."

I didn't tell her about the bottles I had in my car. I watched her get every one of my bottles and pour them down the drain by the fifth one I finally had to say something.

"Do you really have to pour them out? That's just a waste."

Maura didn't answer just continued pouring them out. It was getting frustrating to watch, so I finally went into my bedroom so I didn't have to watch her.

I laid in my bed and stares at the ceiling. Could I really do this? I get scared just thinking about not having my fix.

I can't do this.