I had the urge to get out another chapter, so I did. I want thank you all for taking the time to read my story. On top of that, I will give you a heads up, the next chapter will be a flashback chapter. When will that chapter come, I really don't know. I just hope I can get it out before the end of the week.

As I have stated before I don't own any characters from Shingeki no Kyojin, they all belong to the lovely Hajime Isayama. The only characters I own are the ones I made up. Also, I did not make the image I am using. That image was found online and all rights belong to original designer.

With cleaning and organizing finally out of the way, Alise allowed herself to turn towards the next task at hand.

"Would you like to take a break before we begin training or do you want to jump straight into it."

"No breaks please. I want to go right into training."

"Whatever you say."

On her way out of the door, Alise picked up a small knife. Normally she would have grabbed a wooden knife, but she could not find any. Since they were no longer in the training corps, she saw no point in even using fake props.

The moment they got outside, Alise handed Maya the knife and motioned for her to start. There was a look of hesitation in her eyes, but when they started the look faded away. Where this sudden spark came from was beyond Alise's knowledge. Alise had thought she would be able to take down Maya quickly, but Maya was proving to be challenging. Alise managed to step back in time to see the blade go by her face and that was close enough for her. Before Maya could pull her hand back, Alise grabbed the back of her arm and then kicked her feet from out under her. Even on the ground, Maya had refused to go down easily. Alise never released her grip on Maya's arm and with a bit of pressure, Maya had finally dropped the knife.

"Not bad. Now get up and let's do it again. This time I am going to use the knife and I want you to go on the attack again."

The way this activity was done in training was not the way Alise was conducting it. She was all about making her partner attack no matter who was holding the knife. As Alise defended herself, she made sure not to swing the knife. Having a knife in her hand felt a bit more natural than the weapon she used mostly every day. Just using the knife took her back to moments in her childhood. While they were fun memories, she refused to think about them. Without realizing it, Alise had almost grazed Maya. Before the knife could connect, Alise quickly tossed it to her other hand.

"Sorry, I forgot where I was for a moment. Try again."

This time when Maya went to strike her, Alise ducked low and slammed her foot into Maya's side. The impact of her kick caused Maya to topple over. Alise could have used less force in the kick, but the enemy would not go easy on her. One hit from a Titan was enough to cut a person in half, if they were lucky. Being crushed to death could be fast, if the Titan did not step on half of a person's body.

"I want to try again."

Maya's words caught Alise off guard. Not many people would want to go again after taking a hit like that. Maya had something she wanted to prove and Alise was not going to stop her. When Maya was back on her feet, Alise did not wait for to attack. With a quick flick of her wrist, Alise tossed the knife away from her. She needed to use both of her hands this time if she wanted Maya to surrender.

Alise had done a good job at backing Maya up, but the female was not going down easily. Her legs had faltered a couple of times when she was hit and yet she did not fall. The punches Maya managed to land stung a bit, but she was not going to drop her guard. Maya had gotten so into her attacks that she had failed to realize that she had left an opening. When the opening presented itself, Alise did not hesitate to take it. One well placed punch was enough to knock the wind out of Maya.

"You got to be careful with the openings you leave. Unless of course you learn to turn those openings into potential traps. Something like that takes time to master though."

While Maya struggled to grab her breath, Alise began cleaning up their training area. She was about to step away when she heard Maya say something.

"Speak up, it is rather hard to hear you."

"I want to go again."

"Your body needs a break."

"I have been taking a break for a while. One more round, please."

"As nice as it was to beat you up, I am going to have to decline. There are other areas you need to work on. If you want to get stronger then go run. In fact, run until the moon is high in the sky. Jump to it and if I find that you slacked off, I will cut your meal portions in half."

Alise sat down on a tree stub and watched as Maya disappeared into the distance. There was something about Maya that reminded her of someone in her past. It was a troubling factor and she hated that she had asked Maya about her past. Unlike Xevera, Alise did her best not to dip into people's past. She did not care where they came from or what they had done. They earned her protection because they were part of this squad. Protecting people did not mean she had to get to know them. The less she knew about them, the easier it was to protect them, or so she told herself. When they died she did not cry over them. Their deaths served as a reason for her to become stronger. Despite it all, she had broken her own rule and asked Maya about her past.

"You could have come back to help us out."

Xevera leaned heavily on Alise's back causing Alise to fall forward slightly.

"I told you I had things to take care of."

"All you are doing is staring into the distance. How is that taking care of anything?"

"I sent Maya out for a run. I am just making sure she is doing as she was instructed."

"You need to go easy on her. One of these days you are going to push someone to far."

Alise could have allowed the topic to end there, but for some reason she could not. Something about this situation added to the list of things that had been troubling her lately. If she shared what was on her mind, then maybe she could finally have some peace of mind.

"I asked her about her past."

"Here I thought I was the only one who took an interest in our squad."

Xevera had started to smile as she patted Alise on the back. Her hand suddenly stopped when Alise resumed talking.

"You come off as caring and upbeat, but I know you. You have your times when you are calculating, and I am starting to wonder if Commander Erwin's ways have rubbed off on you."

"What is that supposed to mean. Are you trying to say that I am a malicious person? I truly hope you don't think he is malicious."

"I never said malicious. Since you want to act dumb, then allow me to spell it out for you. The other day you ordered me to make tea for you all when you could have done it yourself. After I made your tea, you had me sit at the table. Not long into our conversation you left me alone with Levi. You are still playing matchmaker even though I told you I have no interest in him."

"You are lying to me. My actions bother you because you still care. I see the way you look at him, it is the same look you had when he was first introduced to us. You try to hide the feeling by looking annoyed, but I see past all of that. No one forced you to stay at the table when we left. You could have excused yourself and left him alone. When I came back you looked content. You pick at him and get annoyed with him because of your own messed up feelings. You can stand here and deny it all, but I see past it. I truly just want you to be happy. You have been in pain for so long and you won't let anyone else get close. If something happens to me, I need to know that you won't stop smiling or living."

"You are always going to be alive. I am going to protect you, no matter what. I don't want to hear that kind of talk ever again."

"We are both aware that you cannot always protect people. It has been proven before, even if you don't want to talk about the matter."

"You promised me that we would never speak on that matter."

"We are not speaking on the matter, I was just barely mentioning it."

"You are not mentioning it, you want to talk about it. That is why you stuck me with Maya. You knew she would remind me of her, despite some of the differences."

"I didn't know anything. I assigned Maya to you because you are the only person that could pull out her potential. Nice words don't work on everyone."

"You took a gamble, just like Commander Erwin. Always willing to take a gamble, not really caring about the outcome. If you keep up with this, you are going to cause me to shut you out of my life."

"Opening up is that hard for you. You are shutting down because of Sabrina or because deep down you are still a coward."

Alise stood up quickly and turned towards her sister. Without realizing it, she had allowed her anger to get the best of her. The knife had moved towards Xevera's face, but Xevera knocked it out of the way with ease. When she went to strike again, Xevera tossed her jacket over Alise's face and then punched her. The blood that ran from Alise's nose only fueled her anger. Xevera had crossed the line and she was determined to make her pay. As hard as she tried, she could not touch her sister. When Xevera brought Alise's head down into her knee, Alise allowed the knife to fall from her hand.

"You can be a real bastard at times Xevera."

"I am what the situation calls for. You can hate me, but if this squad is going to get any better you need to face your inner demons. We are the Grim Squad because I am the only person that cares about these people. You care because of me and even then, it does not go deep. You would have killed most of our squad because they were weak in your eyes. You are not killing them, you are killing yourself. You have been on this self-destructive path for years and it needs to stop. If you cannot adopt a better personality, then maybe I should replace you with someone who can."

Xevera snatched her jacket off of the ground and began shaking the dirt from it. As she moved around, Alise did not bother to say anything.

"Before I forget, as a squad we will be enjoying dinner together. It will do this squad some good to have their morale built back up in a caring environment. If you are not going to be in a good mood, then I suggest you fake being sick or something."

This was the side of Xevera that most people did not get to see. She came across as caring until the situation called for her to change things up. This side of Xevera tended to only be seen by Alise or Commander Erwin when they got into heated debates.

Alise did not hear Xevera walk away. Her eyes focused on the blood that was dripping on the ground in front of her. A small puddle had started to form before she dared to sit up. Her head was screaming, and she wanted to be away from everyone. There was no place for her to hide and in an attempt to avoid the squad, Alise retreated to her room. She was certain Xevera would not be there and she was glad she was right. The last thing she wanted to do was look at her sister. Xevera's words had struck a nerve not because of her tone but because they were true.

In the distance, Alise could see Maya finally running back towards their base. With each step that Maya took, Alise stared to slowly see Sabrina. Sabrina was a bit taller than Maya and her hair was slightly longer. There was something about Maya that screamed Sabrina. Before she knew it, hot tears had started to roll down her cheek. It had been so long since she had thought about Sabrina. Lack of thinking about Sabrina caused her to forget her laughter and more importantly her voice. Why could she not recall such a small thing?

Alise dropped to her knees and buried her face deep into the darkness. She could not hear the sound of movement beneath her or even around her. It seemed as if the world just suddenly fell silent and she was okay with that.

"I am sorry."

The words were spoken softly, and it felt as if they weighed a ton when they left her mouth. There was no one in the room to hear her words, just the darkness she had consumed herself in. These words should have been spoken to someone a long time ago. Alise had never allowed herself to say them. Those words acted as the lock that kept her from remembering that moment. It was the moment that pushed her completely into what she was today.

Her eyes stung from crying and she was not sure when she had passed out. Her sleep did not last long and while she wanted to stay hidden she forced herself up. How long was she going to allow herself to run? She had prided herself on being strong and Xevera saw through it all. If her sister knew for that long, she could have just confronted her in the past. It was not like she was going around harming all of their squad members. A bit of her believed that she was actually doing a good job. She had taken the time to train people and had pushed them past their limits. No matter how much she tried to reason with herself, she knew it was a lie. She had been harsh to a lot of people. Levi appeared cold, but his squad knew that he cared. The same though could not be said about her. There were probably a lot of people that died who thought she was a heartless witch.

There was nothing that could be done about those people. They were dead and there was no going back. The only thing she could do was look at the future. While she was willing to make some changes, she was not going to be like Xevera. She would do things her way, just with a bit more feeling. The first way to show Xevera that she had changed was by allowing herself to attend this stupid dinner. Before she went downstairs, she washed her face to remove signs of her crying.

The dining area was filled with mixed emotions. While some people appeared happy, others still looked a bit gloomy. There were only two rookies left and it would take a lot to make them smile. Making people smile was something she was not used to doing. Even though she said she was going to be a better person, taking on a task like that was too much for her.

"Nice of you to join us Alise. I just finished telling everyone about the Titans we managed to catch. I thought that would perk up some people, but it looks like I was wrong."

"Talk like that only perks up people like Hange."

"It is interesting stuff though. Maybe having a larger dinner would make everyone happy. It would be good to have the squads mingle. After all, I am sure a lot of you all trained together."

One of the rookies slammed his cup down and glared at Xevera.

"What is wrong with you. You are sitting there with a smile on your face as if we did not fail these past few days. You lost members of your squad and you all are acting as if it did not even happen. No one cares about a dinner or those stupid Titans. We all are going to die anyway, why not let us live out or time in peace."

Alise's eyes narrowed when the male finished talking. She wanted to slam his head down on the table. The look Xevera gave her, told her that Xevera was going to handle the matter in her own way.

"Holly, Mike, Frank, and Gaspard. Holly liked to write her parents letters every chance that she got. Mike and Frank tended to have their own personal eating contest. Gaspard was rather observant despite his silent nature. If I recall correctly Frank was the one that snored the loudest. Don't think I have not recognized that I have lost people. The room already fills empty without their presence. While some of their faces were new to me, I still took the time to get to know their habits. If I allowed you to live out your life in peace, you would be useless to me. I bet you would sit up all night picturing the different ways you will die. I am sure at one point all of us have done that. Who could blame you, after all we are just bait."

"I wouldn't picture how I would die."

"You are right Elijah. Living in peace would mean that you will finally write a letter to that female whose picture you keep stored under your pillow at night. Before you try to argue the matter, know that I am aware that you carry that picture with you wherever you go. If you don't mind me asking, who is the mysterious lady."

"She is my little sister. She is all the family that I have left."

"Well that is understandable. What about the rest of you. Is there someone you want to write or that you are thinking about?"

Maya leaned forward slowly and looked around at the people in the room.

"I don't have anyone to write, but I do still think about my parents every night. I know this may sound a bit rude, but why do you insist on getting to know us. The next time we go out there, there is no telling if any of us will make it back."

Xevera did not reply right away. Instead she took a sip of her drink and began running her finger around the rim.

"I get to know you guys because you are not bait to me. Some of you mean something to someone out there. While others don't have that luxury. This is the only family a lot of you have. I am sure you all curse your luck because you were placed in this squad, but don't. We are not the only bait squad; a lot of squads suffer high causalities. Our luck just tends to be a lot worse than the others. Regardless of our circumstances, we are all still a part of the Survey Corps and more importantly you all are part of my family. If I didn't get to know any of you, then I am scared I will forget what made you all unique.

I have seen a lot of people die and I want you all to know that I have not forgotten them. I have them burned permanently in my mind. Each time that I strike down a Titan, I do so in honor of those that we lost. I would not be where I am if it was not for those people that I met. I am not saying that we have to be all smiles and laughter. Smiling is just better than walking around looking gloomy. You don't have to laugh or do anything you don't like. In fact, I encourage you to do things that make you happy. The one mandatory rule that I have is that there will never be a gloomy day inside these four walls. You can be gloomy outside. Inside these walls we leave behind the Titans and unwind as best as possible."

Elijah focused on the spoon in front of him when he began talking.

"I want to see my sister smile again. Her smile tended to erase away my troubling thoughts."

"Then picture her smile when you walk in here. You can even keep her picture out if it makes you feel better."

Maya glanced over at the picture in front of Elijah and began to smile down at it.

"I may not have a family and I may be a terrible family member, but I will say this. I am glad that I met you all. I don't know how long I have left. All I know is that I will do my best every day."

As the others in the room began to chime in about what made them happy or what they were going to do, Alise sat back and listened. For the first time she was actually able to know more than just their names. Maya was the former scaredy cat of the group. Elijah had a little sister that he wanted to see again. Vanessa was a veteran in the squad and she had broken her arm saving Elijah because she did not want to lose anyone else. Azriel had admitted to being clumsy and that was the reason he had broken his nose. Doran had a father that he wanted to make proud. Every time that he killed a Titan he would send a letter back to his father. Zamon had joined not to long after Vanessa. He had promised his dead buddies that he would keep fighting until he stopped breathing. The final members of their group were Reese and Izo. The pair were cousins and had joined because they always looked up to the Survey Corps.

If she would have stayed in her room and away from the others, she would have missed out on all of this. It was only right that after everyone opened up, that she should say something to them.

"One long speech from your captain and all of a sudden you all come out of your shells. I suppose Xevera has always had that effect on her squad. None the less, I suppose it is best I share something about myself. You all are aware that I like to keep things organized. Zamon and Vanessa are aware of what happens when people mess with my order. Besides that lovely quality, I will say that despite my cold nature, I do care about you all in my own way. I may forget certain things about you all over time, but I will never forget what you all did for this squad. If you all promise to keep fighting, I will do my best to protect you all. Like I said before, you all are my family and it is only right that I look out for you all."

Unlike the last time she said those words, she actually meant them this time. These people were her family, no matter what she thought. While some of them could be weak at times, it did not mean she had a right to ever give up on them. If they did not respond to Xevera's kind ways or her tough love, Alise would pull their potential out of them another way. Never would she allow herself to abandon them. What she was doing was not because of Xevera or her need to make her sister look good. Alise was taking this step forward because she needed to. It was the only way she could finally get over what happened to Sabrina.