IMPERFECT CHAPTER 4

"Scottie… to what do I owe the pleasure on this gorgeous Sunday afternoon?" His voice dripping with sarcasm as he takes the call.

After missing his morning run, Harvey is heading home following an extra-long session at the boxing gym.

"I haven't talked to you in a while, Harvey, thought we could catch up," she suggests. "Wasn't it your birthday recently? What kind of friend would I be if I didn't at least buy you a drink to celebrate?"

Contact with Scottie has always been a complicated affair for Harvey. Aside from the fact that on the relationship front, they've tried and failed a few times, there's just something about her that Harvey has never completely trusted. Even during the good times, he's refused to let his guard down.

Harvey also knows Donna is not a fan. She's never said it outright, but he could tell. Even now, she practically bristles every time Scottie's name is mentioned. Not that her feelings ever completely influenced his relationship decisions, but they've had an effect.

"As nice as it would be to catch up," he says, standing in the lobby of his building. "You never call unless you want something. So why don't we just start with that."

There's silence on the line.

"Can't a girl just call up an old friend to see how he's doing?" she asks coyly. "Or is your social calendar so full that you can't make the time?"

Harvey pulls the phone away from his ear to focus his thoughts. Scottie is not the company he wants tonight, but then again, Donna told him to keep his distance. And it would be nice to get out of his own head for a while.

"Alright, I can meet for a drink later," Harvey reluctantly agrees. "How about the St. Regis at eight?"

"Sounds good… it's a date," she suggests.

Harvey rolls his eyes. "Bye, Scottie."

xxx

It's early Sunday evening, and Donna anxiously paces the floor of her apartment. Wringing her hands and talking out loud to herself, her heart is practically in her mouth as Thomas is set to arrive at any second. She's dreading the conversation that needs to happen.

During the last week, Donna has been going through the motions, her behaviour all too familiar. Dinner, theatre, even sex… desperately trying to give those feelings one last chance to show themselves.

She knows that Thomas, being as attentive as he is, has felt the energy between them change. He's even brought it up a couple of times, but she's brushed it off, blaming everything from work to the weather.

So her words won't come as a total surprise. But she's been on the receiving end before, and knowing what's coming doesn't make it any easier when those words are finally spoken aloud.

She and Harvey have also kept their distance, and she's felt the tension every time they've crossed paths at the office. He's respected her wishes, which has been appreciated, although there's a distance in his gaze that's unsettling.

This friction between them has also been draining. To say his sudden confession was a surprise, is an understatement. Part of her just wants to forget the past, forget their old habits and forge a new path together. But that's an impossible wish.

Yes, he's finally admitted his feelings. Finally confessed those three words she's so desperately wanted to hear. But… he's said them before, and then backtracked. That play on her emotions was one of the most painful things she's ever experienced… and it's why she's stalled now. There's no reversing and she's terrified to put it into drive.

Donna is finishing the last of her wine when she hears a weary knock at the door.

And then there's Thomas…

"Hi," he says, his voice sombre. Thomas is dressed casually tonight. Fitted black jeans and a plain gray sweater. He looks good, but his outfit suggests he has no expectations of a night out.

There's no kiss on the lips, just a chaste one to her cheek. And he's also dropped the "beautiful" in his usual greeting to her.

Donna responds with wide eyes in a eager attempt to appear optimistic.

"Come in, Thomas," she offers. He opts to stay in the doorway.

"Donna… I already know what you're going to say… let's just leave it, ok?" His soft blue eyes pleading, as his hands rest uncomfortably at his sides. He's putting on a brave face, but Donna can see that his features are pained.

"I guess I just want to know why… I honestly don't understand," Thomas says, his voice heavy with confusion. "I thought things were good between us. I thought we were moving forward."

Donna is taken aback by his candor. To steady herself, she keeps her hand on the door knob. Talking with Thomas about his emotions is definitely not like talking with Harvey. She expected she would be the one to lead this conversation, but now she's having to react.

In that moment, she wishes she was more capable. Wishes her heart could be open to him, to accept what he's prepared to offer, because Thomas is not like the other men she's met. He's a prize catch that she's now decidedly tossing back.

"Thomas… it was never a case of not being happy with you." Her eyes are gentle on his. "You're wonderful. But as we got closer, the more I realized that I have unfinished business that I need to deal with. I thought I was ready, but I'm not. I never meant to hurt you and I'm sorry."

"Harvey, right?"

"What?" Donna arches her eyebrows and her back in surprise.

"I saw the way he looked at you… when we were at that fundraiser a few weeks back," he states, his broad shoulders slumping. The space between them is weighted with disappointment and sadness now, and she doesn't have the heart to tell him.

Knowing her eyes are unable to hide the truth, she looks away and shakes her head. "Harvey and I have been coworkers... and friends… for a very long time," she clarifies. "My issues are mine and mine alone."

Again, it's not exactly forthright, but not a lie either.

Thomas nods, although she's not sure he's convinced.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Donna." His voice starts out confident, but then the emotion pools in his throat. "It's going to take me a while… to move on from this. I could see a future here... I thought you could, too."

"Thomas…" she replies, her guilt burning through her. "This is on me. I've failed you, but you've never failed me. I've got to come to terms with some things that have been following me around for a very long time."

She quickly blinks her eyes, forcing her tears at bay.

"I wish that when I had met you… that I was ready. I know the right person is out there for you, and when you find her… she's going to be one very lucky lady."

Thomas traces her face with his eyes, and with a gentle squeeze of her hand, he steps back. "Good-bye, Donna."

"Good-by, Thomas," she says, pressing her lips together to stop herself from crying. Donna watches as he determinedly walks down the corridor and out of her life.

Then with the close of her door, the tears start to fall. She wants to tell herself that this break-up was not about Harvey, but about her inability to find those feelings for Thomas. But that's a lie, and she knows it.

Harvey is everywhere. In her heart and mind. In this relationship and in past ones.

Damn you, Harvey.

Letting out a long and frustrated sigh, Donna pulls off her top, kicks off her pants and drops her under garments. Within seconds, there's a trail of clothing that leads all the way to the bathroom.

The tears are coming hard and fast now. So into the shower she goes.

xxx

Harvey is sitting at the hotel bar of the St. Regis, and scrolling his phone when he feels a hand on his back.

"Hi, sorry I'm late," Scottie says, breathless. Her dark, wavy, hair bouncing with the turn of her head. "Sunday night traffic, who knew?"

"Hey Scottie." Harvey immediately stands, waiting until the petite woman takes the barstool next to his before seating himself.

"I already ordered. What can I get you?" Harvey asks, raising his tumbler of Macallan.

"Scotch is fine, but I think I'm supposed to be buying the birthday drinks here," she quips.

"Don't worry about it, you know my birthday has never been a big deal," he replies. A twinge of sadness hits him at the memory of Donna choosing not to celebrate this year. "So… why did you want to see me?"

"Honestly? Besides the fact that you're still pretty?" she flirts, while propping her elbows on the bar. "I'm leaving. Moving to back to London next week. Thought we could have one more drink before I go."

Harvey raises his eyebrows in surprise, as he signals to the bartender for a second scotch. "Wow, this is unexpected. I thought you were going to tell me one of my clients likes you better than me now."

Scottie rolls her eyes. "Stealing a client? Still don't trust me do you, Harvey?" she sighs. "Actually, I was offered a great corner-office job with Barklays. I figured there's nothing keeping me here, and London is a fantastic city."

"That's great, Scottie. Congratulations." Harvey can't help but feel guilty, like he's to blame for Scottie's latest move. She initially came to New York from London in the hopes of rekindling their romance. But he could never fully commit. Now that he's aware of his feelings for Donna, he understands why.

"Sounds like quite an opportunity," he replies.

"It is. I'm really excited about it," she says enthusiastically. And with an elbow to his ribs, adds, "Who knows, I might even meet a prince or a duke one day. Maybe live in a palace."

Taking a sip of her scotch, she turns to look at Harvey. "So, what about you? What's new? The firm seems to be doing well."

"The usual," he replies, his glass teetering between two fingers. "Louis is in charge and doing a decent job… If you had told me that a year ago, I never would have believed it."

"How's everyone else… how's… Donna?" Her words carefully falling from her mouth, her eyes intently watching.

"She's good, COO suits her," he replies, determined to keep his tone casual.

"And does she still suit you?" Scottie asks. She knows it's a bold question, but she's leaving, and frankly, she wants closure.

"Excuse me?" Harvey responds, suddenly jolting his chin back and furrowing his brow.

"When we last spoke, it was obvious to me that you had feelings for her… I assumed you two would have made it official by now," Scottie says. Her words are straight up, but her feelings aren't. There's still a part of Scottie that will always love Harvey.

"Well, I'm not having this conversation with you, Scottie," he responds defensively, as he uncomfortably shifts on his stool. "Besides… she's in a relationship."

Scottie leans back on her seat, a slight smirk on her face. "Oh… I see… so Donna's finally moved on… I have to say, it was unbecoming to see such an attractive woman pine away like that."

Harvey abruptly turns, still frowning and with both hands cradling his glass now. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not sure if this is a real blind spot, Harvey, or one you've created to protect yourself," Scottie sighs. "She's been in love with you for years. I'd even bank on a decade."

Staring into his drink, Harvey shakes his head at the brunette's words.

"Well, if that's true, she's not any more," he states, tightly pressing his lips together as if to prevent himself from saying too much. "And yes, I was honest with her... She said she needed space."

"So what did you think was going to happen?" Scottie chuckles. "That she was just going to fall into your arms? This isn't the 1950s, Harvey… and I bet she found herself a nice guy."

"He's pretty much perfect… one of Louis's clients… Thomas Kessler." Harvey huffs, as he forces himself to swallow the bitter taste of that name.

"Kessler… Furniture guy, right?" she asks. "I know who he is." With a tilt of her head and her eyes wide, she adds, "I have to agree… he's definitely the complete package."

"Thanks, Scottie, you really know how to comfort a guy," he says, irritated.

Scottie turns in her seat to face Harvey. She's surprised at how affected he is by Donna's man. This is a side of him she's never seen, even when they were together. This Harvey is insecure, vulnerable and deflated. Not the arrogant, "I play to win", kind of guy she's always known him to be.

The petty side of her thinks that he's deserves it. That, over the years, he's taken her love for granted, as well as Donna's. That what's happening now is simply karma. If you keep pushing people away, eventually they leave.

Another part of her feels sorry for Harvey, because she knows all too well what it's like to deeply love someone, and to not have them reciprocate.

With a breath, she places her hand on his arm. She's leaving in a week, and she's not going to kick the guy when he's down.

"She didn't reject you, Harvey. She said she needed time," Scottie assures, offering a faint smile. "She's loved you for a long time, that doesn't go away over night…. believe me on that one."

Harvey quickly glances at Scottie, her words adding to his guilt about their failed past.

"I'm not good about not getting what I want," he sighs, taking another sip of his drink.

"You're just figuring that out now about yourself?" she chuckles.

"Slow learner," he deadpans, looking straight ahead.

"And for the record, perfect is overrated. Donna knows that… Imperfect is much more interesting," she adds with a wink.

Harvey gives Scottie a half smile. "I'm sure there's a compliment in there somewhere."

"There is," she replies, crinkling her button nose until a wide smile forms on her face.

Harvey takes a final swig of his Macallan, waiting for the last drops to burn their way down. As he processes what Scottie had to say, he realizes she could have been a lot less kind.

"Scottie, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," he starts. "I'm not sure I ever properly apologized for what happened between us, but I want you to know that I am."

"I know, Harvey… It was never meant to be, I guess," she says, wistfully. "And if I were completely honest back then, I would have admitted to myself that you and Donna… you're meant to be together."

Harvey offers a sheepish glance. "You think so, huh?"

"Yeah, I do," she admits. "You two have a pretty tight bond. One that even Mr. Perfect can't break."

With an appreciative nod, Harvey asks. "How about one more round, and you can tell me all about London?"

"I'd like that," she replies with a smile.

xxx

With his Monday morning coffee in hand, Harvey steps off the elevator and onto the 50th floor. After a week of tossing and turning, he's finally starting to feel like himself again. Drinks with Scottie was the last thing he ever thought would improve his mood. But it did.

"Morning, Harvey," Louis says, standing by reception. "Got a second? I need to see you and Samantha."

"Sure, Louis," Harvey replies, as he follows the managing partner into his corner office.

"Morning Samantha." Harvey greets the blonde lawyer, who's already seated. "So what's up?"

"Donna's not coming in today. She's not feeling well, so I need you both to handle a couple of important things," Louis directs.

"I guess we all need a mental health day every now and then," Samantha suggests, shooting a knowing glance in Harvey's direction. Ever since she came to the firm, the tension between Donna and Harvey has been painfully obvious to her. And last week, when the three of them ended up in the kitchen together, it was downright palpable.

"I take it I need to look over and finalize the expansion contract?" she asks.

"Yes, and papers need to be filed today," Louis confirms, handing Samantha the folder.

"Consider it done," she replies, as she leaves the room. "See you boys later."

Turning to Harvey, Louis instructs, "You need to meet with Wilson Manufacturing at eleven. It's a preliminary meeting with their VP. He's a grumpy bastard… Donna could have charmed him, so you're going to have to be on your best behaviour for this one."

Harvey lingers, slowly sipping his coffee, while Louis busily shuffles the files on his desk.

"Everything clear, Harvey?" Louis asks, pausing to look up at his colleague.

"Donna," he says. "Is she really sick? She's never sick."

"I know. I thought the same," he sighs. "I'm concerned about her to be honest. Something went down with Thomas last night. She sounded…. sad on the phone."

"She told me she needed space," Harvey says, his hands fidgeting in his pockets. "Hardly said a word to me all last week."

Louis can see the concern in Harvey's eyes.

"She'll come around," Louis assures. "If you really want this, you can't leave it to her to take the chance again."

"She wants space," Harvey counters. "I need to respect what she wants."

"You do," Louis agrees. "Be her friend, but don't push, Harvey. Show her that you want to be there for her anyway. You can do that."

Taking the file folder off the managing partner's desk, Harvey nods.

"Thanks, Louis."

xxx

It's midday and Harvey can't stand it any longer. He's taken his meetings, made his calls, finalized two important deals, and he also managed to charm that pain-in-the-ass VP.

But for every second in between, all he can think about is Donna.

Maybe he was too harsh on the rooftop? Maybe he hurt her feelings? Maybe she feels differently now?

Harvey grabs his overcoat and heads for the elevator bays.

Fuck it.

xxx

Standing in her bathroom, Donna takes a long, hard, honest look at herself in the mirror. Her hand lightly traces her features – forehead, cheekbones, lips – she feels worn out and it's starting to show.

She didn't sleep a wink last night. The last time she felt this downhearted was after she stupidly kissed Harvey. What a mess. And for two months after, every night was a battle. Thoughts of their kiss and his rejection hitting her with each restless turn in the bed.

She's tried to move on from that with Thomas, but it's done now. There is no future with him. It's not like this is the first time, so she's not sure why she feels so bad about this one. Why this time feels like a complete failure as opposed to the rest? She's not sure.

Perhaps it's because, when those past relationship didn't last, she could still put on her office armour, check her personal life at the elevator, and bravely get herself through the day. Harvey wouldn't know any different and they could continue their dance.

But now... Thomas is gone, Harvey is waiting, and she's stuck.

Dressed in loose black yoga pants and a cream sweater, Donna pads over to the sofa, a piping hot cup of herbal tea in her hand. Wrapping herself in a throw, she reaches for her wallet and carefully unfolds the post-it notes.

And I always will.

We've always been a great team.

Two spring rolls because you always steal mine. I miss our dinners.

Always… Donna has to admit, Harvey has really put himself out there this time. That's a pretty loaded word. One that screams the past, present and future. It carries with it commitment and trust and forever.

Those thoughtful phrases on three pieces of paper, conveying more than he's ever been able to verbalize over the years.

Yes, he did say, "I love you". More than once. But these notes actually tell her more. Harvey is a lawyer and he understands the weight of the written word, of contracts. He didn't put this to paper knowing he could take it back. This is proof, evidence, exhibit A-type material.

She can picture him now, sitting at his desk, a black and gold Mont Blanc pen in his right hand. She wonders how many times he'd written on those sticky little yellow squares before settling on what to say. Struggling with meaning, scratching out letters, crumpling and then tossing his imperfect words away.

With a sigh, Donna puts the notes back in her wallet, when she hears a knock. Maybe Thomas has more to say.

Her tired eyes go wide as she rests her shoulder along the open door. "Harvey? What are you doing here?"

Dressed in his dark suit and tie, he's holding a small brown paper bag from its handles.

"I came to give you this," he says, handing it to Donna. She can tell he's uneasy. "Lemongrass soup from the Asian place near the office."

Reaching for it, Donna's mouth drops open. "Thank you, Harvey. That's really thoughtful… You didn't need to."

"Apparently this stuff is magic when you're feeling under the weather…" he says, trying to sound friendly and upbeat.

Donna looks tired, and Harvey can tell she's been crying. If he could just hold her and comfort her, he'd promise to never leave, to always be there for her.

"I know you wanted space, Donna, but Louis said you weren't feeling well and I... I just, um, wanted to make sure you were ok," he says, his shy eyes hiding the fact that his heart is thundering. "Are you ok?"

Donna tilts her head and offers Harvey an appreciative smile. "I will be."

Harvey nods, his hands nervously shifting in his pockets. He's not sure what do with himself.

Be her friend, but don't push. Louis's words ringing in his ears.

"Ok… good…. Well, if you need anything… just call, ok?" he says, extending a gentle offer. "See you at work tomorrow?"

Donna nods appreciatively, and Harvey offers a restrained smile in return. She watches as he turns to slowly walk down the corridor.

Just as he's about to turn the corner, her words hit him like a bolt of lightning.

"I broke up with Thomas."

Harvey stops in his tracks, and immediately turns to look at her.

"Oh… are you ok?"

He's concerned, hopeful… and so God damn happy he can feel his heart swell.

"Do you want to come in?" she asks.