A change had been observed by Rei in both Asuka and Shinji over the course in the morning. It was a subtle change but Rei had noticed it. Asuka was still leading Shinji by the hand as she had done the previous days but instead of pulling him along or leading him it seemed more mutual, they were walking in closer proximity to one another.
She wondered if the events of last night had anything to do with it. During her guard duty she had heard an array of noises from within the tent. A low murmuring as they spoke followed by Asuka raising her voice, presumably towards Shinji. Afterwards she heard the two of them crying. She could not hear their conversation and had at one point wondered if she should have interfered but her orders were to watch for any danger.
When she had entered the tent that morning to wake the two of them she had found Asuka and Shinji lying in each other's arms. Providing a much more intimate display than she had seen previously, they plugsuits had also been discarded, a source of clear embarrassment for the both of them.
It was on this morning that Asuka had informed them that they would approaching an area in which they might be detected by the outpost or the Wunder itself. She had said that if they were lucky a search party could already be out looking for them or their approach but it was at this moment very doubtful.
Due to its proximity to NERV the outposts here were mostly automated and staffed by very few humans. They were designed for surveillance of NERV. There was a larger outpost in Japan but it would not be feasible on their limited resources to make it there.
There would be no opportunity to scavenge their own resources either. The landscape was still too inhospitable for anything to grow so the outposts here relied on weekly supply drops. What this meant is that the chances of any scouting parties being sent out by the outpost was incredibly slim. Asuka was much more hopeful that the Wunder would know they would be heading towards the location and meet them first.
Rei was strangely thankful for the fact that they might have had to wait another day to be rescued. As they continued getting closer to their destination she began to feel what she supposed was apprehension at their eventual arrival.
She had focused much of the journey on questioning herself and who she was. She had been questioning who she was to these two people she had shared the journey with as well as who she might have been to the Commander and Kaworu Nagisa. She had been trying to analyse these bonds to discover her true self.
What she was starting to consider now though was that to Asuka Langley Shikinami and the people of WILLE she was technically one of the enemy. Rei knew that her appearance at the outpost or on the Wunder would create a hostile reaction and she was starting to question if her joining them on this journey was truly the best thing to do.
Yet she had no where else to go. Going back to NERV was impossible both now and at the time the journey started. Surviving on her own wouldn't have been possible. She had not been ordered to survive but she wanted to. Despite the reaction she would get she wanted to survive.
She had not really stopped to consider what would happen to them all on returning to the Wunder though, nor had she considered the reaction she would get. This journey had comprised of just the three of them. Despite their being on opposite sides Asuka had ensured the survival of them all.
Yet on the Wunder she likely wouldn't get that protection. Nor would she be able to interact with Ikari any longer. The most likely outcome would be that she would end up alone again.
That loneliness and feeling of being incomplete was something she had always felt. It was something she had never given thought to until Ikari had arrived and made her aware of the other Rei Ayanami out there.
Until that time she had always been alone. A person raised to fulfil a specific purpose by order of 'him.' She had been raised to wait and follow his orders and didn't venture outside of what she knew. She had been kept away and isolated from what there was in this world. Even from the other person who lived within NERV with her, the one known as Kaworu Nagisa.
Although she did remember one exchange with the boy, it was one of the few moments of communication they had. It was just a simple message.
'You and I are the same.'
She had found those words curious but it wasn't until now that she contemplated their meaning. Was Kaworu the same as her? An isolated figure brought up to fulfil one purpose? She would likely never know what he meant when he spoke those words. Suddenly she wished she had taken the time to speak to him just once more. That however were not her orders at the time.
Her thoughts then turned to the younger Ikari. One retrieving him from WILLE on that day she had found him to be quite curious. Shinji had recognized her from somewhere, something that she could not reciprocate with him. Shinji had done something no one else in that facility had done, expressed a desire to interact with her.
One doing this it began to awaken new sensations within her. That feeling that she now knew to be emptiness felt like it was being filled by his attempts. Not knowing how to handle these new feelings she had simply done nothing. She had allowed him to continue and eventually realized it was because he thought she was someone else.
This someone else, another Rei Ayanami that they had spoken of. Shinji had mentioned her, Asuka had mentioned her and the pilot of that pink Evangelion had mentioned her as well. What would she have done in these situations? Would she had fought back when Shinji attacked her? Would she have went into the tent last night on hearing them both cry?
DId this Rei Ayanami they spoke of share the same feelings of isolation and emptiness that she did? Rei looked down at her hands and then ahead across the ongoing red landscape and continued to think about this other Rei Ayanami. Was there a possibility that she could become the Rei Ayanami they once knew and wanted? Was she maybe a part of that Rei Ayanami or maybe a whole other Rei?
Throughout the course of the last few days she had been asking herself all of these questions. It was an effort to really figure out just who or what she was. She had delved into her sparse past attempting to piece all of it together.
Going over the first memories of the Commander. Seeing him for the first timeas she stepped out of that tank. Her nude form dripping in the orange liquid known as LCL before being wrapped in a towel. She was then told by him that her name was Rei Ayanami and also being given her first sets of orders. She would be the pilot of the Evangelion Mark.09. She would assist NERV and wait for further orders.
She went over the limited interactions with Kaworu Nagisa. Most prominent was him telling her that they were the same. Interactions with him were minimal. He would invite her to play the piano with him but those were not her orders. So she always declined.
Finally she came to seeing Shinji for that first time. On seeing and interacting with him she had gotten a feeling of warmth, a sense of familiarity despite never seeing him before. She had wondered how that might have been possible but interacting with Shinji was not a part of her orders. So she had not pursued it.
The previous Rei Ayanami had known Shinji though, was that why she had gotten that sense of familiarity upon seeing him? Was it because another version of her did know him? After all her first time seeing Shinji was on the day she had rescued him. Up until that point she had not known of his existence.
"Rei?"
She snapped out of her reverie at the sound of the voice and turned her head. She met Shinji's concerned gaze.
"Are you alright? You look a bit out of it?" He questioned her.
"I... am fine. Thank you." She replied.
The walk continued and once again her thoughts turned to that of the previous Rei Ayanami. What was she to these two people she was sharing this journey with? There was a longing within her to learn more, so she apprehensively made a request of the two of them.
"Could you two please tell me about Rei Ayanami?"
In her mind it seemed like a reasonable request but almost immediately there was a tension and discomfort from both Asuka and Shinji. She observed them both avert their gaze. Asuka noticeably pulled Shinji closer towards herself. Perhaps this was a mistake.
"I am sorry, I did not mean to..." Rei started to apologize.
"No..." Shinji suddenly cut her off, "It isn't that it's just... I didn't expect you to ask."
"I am sorry for causing you discomfort." Rei apologized again.
"No. Don't apologize, I... Rei was... Um… I mean... She looked like you?"
Shinji trailed off feeling the heat from Asuka's gaze on him. There was a slight pause before Rei spoke again.
"Yes, that is to be expected." Rei responded in a matter of fact fashion.
A snort of laughter erupted from Asuka at Rei's words. Rei was not completely sure about why Asuka was laughing but decided to not engage the redhead on the matter.
"I am... unsure of who I am." Rei admitted, "I was hoping that by learning about the prior Rei Ayanami I might come to understand who I am."
"Oh I... see well... um... I..."
He trailed off unsure of just what to say to her. He couldn't help but feel some responsibility for Rei feeling this way. Since learning the truth about Rei he had treated this person unfairly. He had even gone so far as to attack her. He was hurting too because of the realization but that was no excuse for what he had done.
It was strange realizing exactly who or what Rei Ayanami was. After learning the truth he now knew that even the original Rei, his Rei was not quite what he had expected. He had always felt some sort of familiarity around the girl but it was not until the talk with Fuyutsuki that it was revealed.
Rei Ayanami and his mother. What was left of his mother after the contact experiment had gone into the creation of Rei. The original Rei was a clone of his mother, this Rei just an extension of that. It was wrong of him to hate this Rei Ayanami for that. She had no control over that fact. It was his father who was to blame.
Finally after a pause he began to speak again, "When I first met her she was..."
Shinji started to cast his mind back to his first real encounter with Rei. It was in her apartment and he had been asked to deliver her new NERV ID card. When he had arrived he had been astounded by what he had come across. Her apartment was not fit for anyone to live in, let alone a person like her.
Shinji could still remember how cold the air was in the apartment, the damp smell in the air and the sight of the bandages and medication she had to take.
He remembered how he took those tentative steps into the apartment removing his shoes at the entrance as was the custom. It had seemed abandoned and that was when he spotted them. A pair of glasses but surely not belonging to Rei. Instead they had belonged to his father. At the time Shinji wasn't quite sure what had been running through his mind when he picked them up. Nor was he sure what he was doing when he put them on but he can remember the look on Rei's face as he turned to see her naked form before him.
Strangely enough she did not seem embarrassed or ashamed of being nude in front of the boy. Instead she had looked angry because of him wearing the glasses. She had reached towards him trying to pull them off of him. What had happened afterwards wasn't exactly the best first impression.
Shortly afterwards he had caught up with her and tried to apologize. He finally gave her the identification card before questioning her about his father. He had wanted to know if she was scared about getting back in the Eva only to be questioning himself about whether nor not he trusted his father's work. Shinji's negative response had earned him a stinging slap to the face.
It was a confusing and very memorable introduction to his co-pilot. It was not a story he ever expected to tell someone, least of all these two. Asuka would likely laugh at him or call him a pervert and Rei would probably not know what to do.
"She was quiet but… well some people said she was emotionless but it wasn't true. I knew that when I met her. She just didn't really know how to express them I guess. I kinda found that out the hard way." He explained.
"Sounds like a story there Shinji…" Asuka smirked. She could sense Shinji's discomfort but at the same time was desperate to learn more.
"What do you mean?" asked Rei.
Shinji sighed preparing himself to explain what had happened. He made a note to leave out the bit about entering her apartment but instead would tell of the conversation afterwards.
"One of the first things I spoke to her about was my father…"
"Uh-oh." Asuka injectected.
He turned to Asuka, "Yeah… I asked her how she wasn't scared about her activation test coming up and she asked me if I didn't trust my father's work. I said I didn't and she… well she slapped me."
A laugh escaped Asuka, "She slapped you? Oh man I wish I could have seen your face. I can't imagine Rei slapping anyone least of all you."
Shinji mustered something of a smile, "It hurt."
"Why did she slap you?" Rei enquired.
"Huh? Isn't it obvious?" Asuka cut in before Shinji got a chance to reply.
"I am afraid I don't understand." Came the reply.
"Look, from what we know of her and… well your series is you were created by and raised by Gendo Ikari right?" Asuka started to explain.
"Yes."
"Well, he… suffice to say did a better job of raising her than he did our Impact-Causing brat here so she probably felt protective of him. To hear someone randomly come in and insult him in the way Shinji did would have angered her."
Shinji cut in, "it wasn't just that. Rei had a bad experience in her Eva before I arrived. It was my father who saved her."
"He saved her? Really?" Asuka questioned him in surprise. Her knowledge of the events prior to her arrival in Tokyo-3 were limited. She had of course known about the three Angel's that had been defeated but anything else was classed to her as trivial stuff. She could recall news of an incident regarding an Evangelion's activation but never cared to find out what exactly had occurred.
He nodded, "Yeah… he burnt his hands on the Entry Plug too trying to get into it."
Rei contemplated what the two of them had said to her. She started to understand it, the previous Rei Ayanami clearly had a bond with the Commander and would react were the man insulted. "I see, I understand now. She felt a bond with the Commander."
Shinji nodded again sadly, "Yeah… do… do you not have that bond?"
"No I do not. I did not have anything but my orders." Rei confirmed to him. Her contact with Commander Ikari had been minimal.
"Y-You had nothing?" He questioned.
"That is correct."
Shinji returned his gaze to the horizon as a silence fell upon the three of them. Neither he nor Asuka knew what to say after hearing this. The guilt he was feeling before this conversation was only being amplified. She wasn't the same Rei Ayanami, she was different but she was still a person. She still deserved to be treated with the same respect anyone else did. She couldn't help that she was not the original Rei Ayanami, nor could she help that she was a clone of his mother.
When he thought back to his interaction with the previous Rei he recalled how she had once told him she had nothing else but her bond with the Eva. It was prior to operation Yashima. Once that was over she had begun to change. Maybe this Rei could as well.
"I am curious to hear more about her." Rei spoke again, her voice soft but her words carrying more weight than before.
Shinji thought again to what he could possibly tell her about his Rei, "Well she… used to read a lot."
"Yes I remember you telling me that."
Shinji nodded, he recalled telling her that on his arrival in NERV. He had brought her books but she had not read any of them.
"Yeah. I didn't really know what sort of books, I don't think it really mattered to her. She always used to have one with her though."
"Probably too complicated for you anyway, I don't remember seeing many pictures in them." Asuka cut in, teasing him.
He laughed, "Hey that's not true I-"
Asuka interupted him, "It is true, I used to live with you! I've seen your manga collection. I've even seen the stuff you tried to keep hidden."
Shinji fired back, "How di- I mean I didn't have any hidden stuff! I'm not lik-"
He tried to quickly divert the attention from what he had started to say but this just elicited another laugh from Asuka, "Oh so you did have stuff like that! I always knew you were a pervert."
Shinji felt himself glowing red from the accusations and scramble to change the subject back to Rei.
"Anyway about the other Rei. She was…"
Shinji paused trying to think of the best way to phrase this, "...a little bit socially awkward as well I suppose."
Asuka cut in again, "Which is saying something considering you exist."
Rei listened to the two of them having their little back and forth and felt a smile form on her lips. There was something about hearing the two of them in this way that was awakening a sense of familiarity within her that she had not felt before.
Rei blinked suddenly feeling slightly lightheaded. Upon opening her eyes she turned to see Asuka and Shinji still side by side and arguing but their clothes had changed. Shinji was wearing the black trousers and a white shirt she had seen him in back at NERV. Asuka however was wearing a blue dress and a similar white shirt. On the front of the dress hung a bright red bow. It was not just the clothing that was different though. Her eyepatch had vanished revealing both of Asuka's brilliant blue eyes shining in the sunshine.
Both of them were carrying small black bags by a handle, she could see their names printed on each one.
The lightheaded feeling returned and this time came to a stop. Her eyes blinked again and this time on opening them she couldn't help but open her mouth in surprise. Everything around her had suddenly changed. The desolate wasteland that they were walking through had vanished.
She was no longer standing on a red stained ground but was on firm solid grey concrete. To her right it dipped down into a road. On this road she could make out a number of vehicles passing backwards and forwards.
As she looked around the horizon had been filled with buildings reaching up to the sky. The hot sun reflecting from their glass sides. The sky was a healthy blue and as she looked down she saw herself wearing the same dress as Asuka.
She stepped forward and tried to say something but just as she did a stabbing pain shot straight through her head. She instinctively raised her hand up to her head and cried out just as the two of them stopped and turned around.
She watched as their lips move but she couldn't hear what they were saying. Finally the pain in her head subsided and she could hear them speak once more.
"Rei?" Shinji asked concerned for the girl.
"Earth to wondergirl, hello?" Asuka followed up afterwards.
"What… where is this?" Rei asked to no one in particular.
Shinji took a step towards her asking her once again, "Rei, are you alright?"
Suddenly Rei stepped forward her eyes wide open in surprise at everything around her. Everything was starting to come into focus now. More and more details were being added to this world around her. She had never seen so many different colours before in one place.
Along the pavement was a grassy verge, between which an assortment of different trees and flowers had been planted. An array of reds and yellows amidst the green of the grass. There was a bridge near to them to take pedestrians across the road. In the middle of it hung a vibrant board advertising some product. A glittering sparkly of pinks and purples erupted upon it.
Rei took a step forward towards one of the trees. She looked and saw big red objects hanging from it. She wanted to reach out and touch it, she wanted to reach out and touch it all. Experience everything around her.
She continued to ignore the sound of Asuka and Shinji's voice calling after her and continued to walk forward examining everything she could. Watching as insects crawled upon the flowers. Marvelling as different coloured and size cars passed by them on the road. There was a childlike wonder within her.
Once again Shinji and Asuka yelled after her, she watched as they ran ahead of her seemingly trying to block her path. She was about to respond but before she could get a word out another pain shot through her head, this time bringing her to her knees. She screamed out as the pain refused to cease.
Shinji looked across at Asuka, a huge look of concern in his eyes. He trembled not knowing what to do about the situation Rei was in. It had happened so suddenly.
His eyes pleading,"What's wrong with her?"
"How the hell should I know? She just suddenly started acting weird!"
The two of them had been watching Rei curiously for the past minute trying to get her attention. It had started in the midst of their little back and forth argument. The girl had just started acting strange, looking around the landscape and wandering from point to point as if she had forgotten where she was.
She had not responded to their attempts to talk to her or stop her and now she had dropped down to her knees, clearly in some sort of pain.
Asuka dashed over to Rei's side and placed a hand on the girls shoulder keeping her in place. Making every attempt to not move her too much she began to carefully slide the backpack off of Rei before placing it down and beginning to rummage through it.
Shinji still not sure of what to do looked at Asuka as he kept his distance.
"W-What are you doing?"
Without averting her eyes from inside the pack or stopping her search through it she replied, "I'm looking through her pack."
"W-Why?" He asked.
"I don't have time to explain, just keep an eye on her. Keep her steady and make sure she doesn't hurt herself. Oh, and Shinji..."
"Yes?"
Her gaze met his, "Be careful."
She thought she could hear him mutter something about not being sure of what to do but she didn't have time to deal with his fear at the moment. He could improvise, isn't that what Shinji did for the first two Angel's? Improvised, he'd figure something out.
Trying to keep herself from trembling she continued to search through the pack. It seemed so obvious now but she should have expected something like this to happen. If she had only stopped to think a little bit more about what Rei was she could have seen it coming. This was a different Rei to the one she knew but there were still going to be similarities. Just looking back at Rei's actions of fourteen years ago might have shown her this.
Rei of that time was always missing school to undergo additional tests back at NERV. She always seemed to have some sort of medication with her. At the time Asuka hadn't thought too much of it. Rei always looked like a sickly child so extra medication or examinations would have been expected. Add to which Rei always seemed to be the golden child ahead of Asuka and Shinji so Asuka never questioned it.
With the knowledge of Rei being a clone now within her it made things a little bit clearer. The additional tests were probably some sort of therapy to maintain Rei's condition. The extra medication probably assisted with that too.
"Scheisse!" Asuka swore loudly.
Shinji looked back at her, his voice betraying the panic he was feeling, "What... what is it?"
She looked across at him, "It's just nutrient pastes and water. The same as we were carrying minus the tent/sleeping stuff."
"Does that matter?" He asked.
She nodded, "Of course it matters! Do you not remember what she was like back at school?"
He shook his head, "I... no?"
"You're an idiot sometimes!" She paused as she saw the wounded look cross Shinji's face. She hadn't meant to sound harsh, it had just came out. She paused a moment to calm herself before continuing, "Look Rei always used to miss school didn't she? Every couple of days she would be away, and you went into her apartment once didn't you?"
He nodded.
"So there was an array of medication right?"
He nodded again.
She continued explaining to him, "That was probably some sort of medication to keep her from experiencing something like this. Akagi probably knows what it was she needed, she'll have treated Rei back in those days but that doesn't matter right now! I thought she might have had some of the medication with her, some form of booster shot we could give her. Maybe she had forgotten to take it but I checked the pack."
"What did you find?"
She shook her head in anger, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing! Your father didn't equip her survival pack with anything like that. It's likely he..."
"It is fine, if I die I can be replaced." Rei muttered weakly.
Asuka snapped her head towards Rei at those words angry that Rei would even suggest something like that, "Like hell you can! I promised I'd get you back, we're not going to lose her."
"Asuka what's happening to her?" Shinji asked again, his voice a trembling mixture of fear and sorrow as he was on the verge of tears.
"I don't know! Just let me… let me think damnit."
Asuka took a deep breath and continued looking through the pack hoping that she might have overlooked something. She glanced across at Rei lying on her back her head propped up on Shinji's knees, the boy looking around frantically.
'Come on! Think Shikinami, think! What can we do? What do we have? He didn't even think of this happening did he? It's like she said he could just replace him, that bastard.'
Rei felt hands upon her back as she convulsed in pain. She looked up straight into the eyes of Shinji. Her world had changed again, she was looking at the desolate, broken landscape once again. Gone were the buildings, the vehicles and noise of cicadas. Pain shot through her body, she had no idea what has happening to her. She had never experienced anything like this before.
"Rei." Shinji called out to her again, she felt his hands around her keeping her in place but doing little to ease the pain she was in.
"Ikari... why... why are you crying?"
She blinked and once again something changed. She was no longer lying in Shinji's arms but was lying in the cockpit of an Entry Plug. It was not the Mark.09 but it was still familiar to her. She groggily tilted her head gazing towards the entrance of the entry plug.
Shinji was standing there clad in an entirely different plugsuit. Blue in design with white plating covering the shoulders. The numbers 01 upon its chest.
"Ayanami!" He yelled towards her, there was a smile across his face but she observed tears were also falling down his cheeks.
'He is crying? Why is he crying? What has happened to me? What do I do?'
She opened her mouth to speak. The words she spoke felt like ones she had said before, "I am sorry, I do now know what I should do in a situation such as this."
This prompted a small chuckle from Shinji and before the boy said anything further she already knew what he was going to say. She followed it along in her mind as he said them, "Maybe you should try smiling."
'Yes... that was it, I should smile... he defeated the Angel and saved me.'
She looked away for a moment in embarrassment before fixing her gaze on him again. A small smile cross her lips as she sat facing the boy.
Suddenly there was a violent white flash and she found herself no longer within the entry plug but instead shrouded in total darkness. Ahead of her was another figure, with a faint white glow all around her. The figure was a blue haired girl with piercing crimson eyes. The girl wore no facial expression but instead stared directly ahead, her gaze fixed upon Rei.
Rei tilted her head curiously at the girl before speaking, "You are... me."
There was no movement from the other girl. After a brief pause Rei heard a voice, it was her own but there was some sort of echo applied to it. The girl in front of her still did not move and as the voice spoke she noticed the girls lips were not moving. Instead the voice seemed to be transmitting itself directly into Rei's head.
"I am you... but I am also me. I am the part of you which you are lacking."
"I am incomplete." Rei replied.
"We have always been incomplete."
"Why?"
"Because father made us that way."
As the voice said the word father images of Commander Ikari flashed through Rei's mind. The first image of him as she knew him, an elder man with a long beard wearing that strange visor. The next image was of what she presumed to be a younger Commander Ikari, he wore a pair of oval glasses with a tinted frame. The third and final image was of a beardless Commander Ikari. A friendlier looking one, with shorter hair much similar to that of Shinji's. He wore no glasses in this incarnation and instead of the uniform Rei had known wore a white labcoat.
After the final image made its way out of Rei's head she questioned the voice, "Why?"
"I do not know."
"Who am I?"
"You are me but you are also yourself."
"Then... who are you?"
"I am Rei Ayanami."
"Then who am I?"
"You are also Rei Ayanami" The voice confirmed to her.
"I do not understand"
"We are parts of a whole. I am you and you are me. We exist in different bodies but we are connected. Those connections have been broken."
"Broken by who."
"By him."
As the other Rei spoke those words another image of Commander Ikari flashed through her head. It was of him on the first day Rei remembered.
"I do not know what to do."
"We must live."
"How?"
There were no further words. Instead the Rei Ayanami opposite her finally started to move. She stepped forward towards Rei until she was merely inches away from her. Slowly she raised a single hand to Rei's cheek, placing it softly on her. A warmth began to spread throughout her body as a bright light began to shine between the two of them.
With this light came a bizarre sensation of something entering her body. She blinked to see the other Rei beginning to fade in front of her eyes. The emptiness that she had been feeling before felt like it was beginning to be filled.
All of a sudden there was a rush of emotions and memories flooding throughout her. She began to see things she had never seen before. First she saw a classroom, as she gazed around she saw it was full of people each of them had their attention fixed towards the man at the front. Rei turned and saw she was sitting next to a window. She gazed out onto the yard of the school and towards the skyline of the vast city ahead of her.
She then saw a laboratory. It was similar to the one she had been in and around at NERV but it was brighter. There were two people here, a blonde haired woman in a lab coat and Commander Ikari. They were stood in front of a large tank containing LCL.
Next she saw a barren apartment. A bed in a corner which bandages thrown upon it. At the foot of the bed was a small desk with an assortment of pills and a glass of water upon it. Next to those lay a case containing a pair of glasses.
The image passed by to be replaced by another one. She was now staring up at a large glass tank. Within the tank were all sorts of creatures they had never seen before. They were various in size and colour. Around her were people looking on in amazement, all people she felt she had never seen before. Yet as she looked from person to person she found herself able to speak their names aloud.
"Hikari Horaki, Touji Suzahara, Kensuka Aida, Ryoji Kaji... these people... I feel like I know them."
"That is because we did know them." The voice of the other Rei Ayanami confirmed to her.
"But who are they?" She asked.
"They were our friends."
"Friends?"
As she asked more images flashed through her mind showing her scenes that she had once known. She had been a part of all of them. Her staring at the fish with the others, thinking to herself how these creatures that were confined to this space were much like herself.
A memory of having to go through the decontamination cycle numerous times to ensure they were able to enter the complex.
A memory of sitting near to a large blanket, everyone around her enjoying meals that had been prepared by Shinji. A memory of her remarking that she didn't eat meat and Shinji offering her a cup of the Miso soup he had made. Memories of her surprise at how good it tasted. All of these were her memories and they were real.
"These… are my memories. Memories of friendship, memories of fourteen years ago."
Again the voice confirmed this to her, "These are our memories. Memories of the Rei Ayanami we were and the one we are now."
"We were once one."
"We are many, existing at different points and across many bodies but we are all one."
"I… am starting to remember now. Those times and those memories."
For a moment her vision went hazy, she blinked and it returned to normal only this time she was no longer in the preservation centre. She was now sat at a dinner table and sitting across from her was Commander Ikari.
Again Rei had no control over the words she spoke. This was once again a conversation that had already occurred. She listened as she asked Commander Ikari about whether or not people derived pleasure from the act of eating in a group. She listened as she asked about the possibility of organizing a dinner for the others with him attending. He had rejected the idea at first but something had changed his mind.
"I remember this, I wanted to bring them together. I wanted them to be happen. That is what she would have wanted isn't it?"
"Yes."
She blinked again and was now in an elevator, she looked down to see her hand covered in an assortment of bandages. Battle scars from her attempt to prepare a meal. Across from her in the doorway to the lift was an angry looking Asuka.
"What does Shinji mean to you?" The redhead asked her.
She gave the same response she did that day, "I do not know."
She didn't hear the reply that came from Asuka. Instead the voice of the other Rei Ayanami returned to her.
"We wanted to make him happy."
"We were unable to." Rei mused sadly.
"That is because that was our fate. A fate granted to us"
"By who?"
"Our father."
Again the image of commander Ikari flashed through her mind at mention of the word father. Where once she might have felt something at the sight of him now Rei only felt anger within her.
"He did this to us." She remarked.
"Do you know why?"
"So he could see her again."
"Who?"
"Our mother."
On saying the word mother Rei once again found her within the darkness. The other Rei Ayanami was again in front of her but next to her was another woman. A woman that looked remarkably like an older version of herself. Only this woman did not have blue hair or red eyes and was wearing a labcoat.
The woman spoke to her, her words soft and comforting, "You must go back to him."
Rei nodded and another scene began to play itself out before her. She was inside an Eva again and everything around her had been destroyed. There had been an attack from an Angel, Rei was the only one left. She had to save Shinji but she had failed. There was only darkness as the Angel had attempted to eat the Evangelion and consume Rei.
Rei found herself huddled up in a pit of darkness until she began to feel a present behind her. Slowly she turned to see a light begin to appear and a voice screaming her name. Suddenly there was a bright flash as he appeared forcing his way towards her and holding his arm out.
"AYANAMI!"
Slowly Rei rose to her feet and took his hand. He pulled forcefully as they went through the light together. She fell into his arms and looked up at him.
"I am… I am sorry I could not help you."
She was about to reach up to his cheek but before she could pain once more shot through her body. Her entire body convulsed as she closed her eyes and screamed out. She writhed in agony praying that the pain would leave her.
Finally after a time the pain began to subside. With her body still trembling but no longer convulsing violently she opened her eyes again to look straight up at Shinji. His cheeks were stained with tears and he was saying her name over and over again.
Her eyes scanned the horizon taking in the surroundings. A pale faced Asuka was knelt near to them still clutching Rei's back-pack. Rei tried to prop herself up but felt Asuka's hand on her shoulder keeping her in place.
"No, don't move." Asuka ordered.
Too weak to try again Rei simply nodded and took in her surroundings. Was it finally over? Was she back now? She took a deep breath trying to figure out what had happened to her.
She was beginning to understand now. She understood just what she was and who she was. She was not the previous Ayanami nor was she a new Rei Ayanami. She was just Rei Ayanami.
With what little strength she had she reached her hand up towards Shinji's face and slowly caressed his cheek.
"I am… home."
Author's Notes
Title of this chapter is from the Pink Floyd album The Division Bell, the track itself is notable for being one of the few Pink Floyd tracks that feature Rick Wright on vocals and was in fact written by him. It's a gorgeous song which describes themes of being isolated and introverted. I felt it was a good fit for what Rei goes through in this story, especially the sections towards the end.
This chapter is very Rei-Centric. I'll hold up my hands and say that I've always struggled to write for Rei. I however wanted to fix that for this story, I wanted to put in a good effort with her. Hopefully for fans of her I've done a good job here.
I also forgot to do this last chapter but I wanted to thank the people who took the time to review this, especially the first two chapters in which I got a lot of valuable feedback. You guys don't know how much that feedback meant to me and it really helped me to develop this into a stronger piece of work. With your collective advice I was able to go back through what was left of the story and edit it into something better, so thank you.