The Forever Kind

by rivereq

A sequel to The Rebel Kind. AH/OOC.

4. Chapter 4

Richelle Mead owns these charaters.

Chapter 4: And one day it suits me, the next it bleeds me dry.

...Night Before Rose Left For School...

'How about a veterinarian?' I laugh aloud in the dim room and continue to play with his long graceful fingers.

'I don't know, Comrade, I like animals but some of them aren't too fond of me.' He laughs and the rumble of his chest soothes me.

We were in his room, lying on his quite comfortable bed all tangled up while Olena cooked a feast and kept Meredith occupied in the kitchen. It was the night before I would leave to U of M and I was really excited to get the rest of my life started. I just couldn't make up my mind about where I wanted to go with it. Like everything else in his life, Dimitri knew exactly what he wanted for himself and had a plan already before graduation. I on the other hand was still unsure of what career path I wanted to take.

So, as we lay here and look forward the next four years of our life; Dimitri was helping me decide. 'Well, I would suggest culinary arts but that wouldn't be good for anybody. Unless of course there's a restaurant that serves nothing but spam and eggs.'

I throw him a glare and elbow his ribs as he laughs away at his own joke. 'I can make other foods too! I don't burn everything.'

Dimitri throws me a look questioning me and I roll my eyes and turn to snuggle myself under his chin and into his chest. He plays with my hair, like always, and I lay there the most comfortable I've have ever been. 'Speaking of food, have you talked to Christian? Are they still on friendly terms?'

He nods and squeezes my body tighter to his strong one. During the summer, Jill and Christian had broken up on mutual terms. Jill wanting to study Anthropology in Palm Springs and travel after graduating. Christian wanted to stay in LA and find a steady but good job at a restaurant. They wanted different things and decided to go their own ways but at the same time, Jill felt it.

There were some nights she'd call me saying she was happy but felt Christian could be a lot happier. Those were the nights she said he said something or did something that showed her, he didn't feel the same things she did. Dimitri had said Christian had tried and put his all into being with Jill, but there was no... spark.You know, that spark or magnetic pull or whatever it was you're supposed to feel every time you're near the one you love? The one you're supposed to be with?

Jill and Christian were better off as friends and they both knew and understood that. It was something I had feared while Dimitri was away at school, that he would meet someone else and they would make something happen for him. Something so great that he would eventually walk away from me. I think those thoughts had a lot to do with my understanding of life not always going according to plan and also the many disappointments that proved it.

If that were to happen and Dimitri did end things between us, I don't know what I would do…

I mean, as long as he was happy, right? I think I would let him go. It didn't matter how I felt about us, he deserved to be happy. He assured me though, plenty of times that I was the one he wanted to be with and love. And I felt that with him, I felt the spark just about every time he looked at me or I thought of him. We had grown so strong over the summer and his time at school; I don't think anything could come between us.

So now that I'm going to be at school with him, I was certain that this part was what I wanted no matter what. I wanted a chance at college, a chance to make my own life and be with Dimitri as much as I possibly could. Let's face it, I haven't had the best of luck with things I wanted in a while, but it was finally going to happen.'Yeah, he said they talk almost every day and that Jill sounds a lot happier. He just feels bad because he couldn't return her love.'

I understood that more than I wanted to. The whole Adrian fiasco was long gone in the past but I had once been where Christian was. I was just glad he and Jill were able to admit it and work it out, unlike what I did which ended up costing me a lot of pain and embarrassment. At least they ended it before it got worse. 'Well, as long as their happy and still on good terms. It would definitely suck if they hated each other's guts and we were stuck in the middle of it all.' He nods and tucks me somehow closer to his body.

Now just because a miracle happened and I somehow got into college didn't mean I had a major. I was just glad to be able to have the chance to actually go but now I needed something to study. A career, if you will another thing I didn't think I would get a chance at.I had settled for general ed classes for my first semester and then by that time, hopefully, I would have some idea of what I wanted to do.

'How about a nurse or child care? You could open your own day care and boss a bunch of little kids around?'

I laugh again but it's muffled into the crook of his neck. His skin covers in goose bumps at the vibration since we're so close but I welcome the effect. I loved when it was just me and him doing nothing but taking comfort in each other. There were many nights in my bed and his that we would just lay there and talk, or kiss. Or, you know, other awesomely time consuming activities.

Then there were the moments like these ones, where we didn't need to talk or move at all. These moments of comfortable silence, it was always like that between me and Dimitri. We could lie for hours and just enjoy the quiet, as long as we were together. It didn't matter where we were or what anyone else was doing, comfortable silence was a big part of who we were together; at ease.

And it was a feeling I had welcomed after such a long time of feeling uneasy about almost everything.

We had an exhausting day today, after taking Meredith to the park to skate and helping me pack for tomorrow, all we both wanted to do was sleep. However, Olena insisted on a goodbye dinner for me and I didn't want to be rude and miss out on weird but delicious Russian food.The silence thickens and Dimitri's breath evens out, 'Don't fall asleep, Comrade, we're supposed to have dinner.' I sound muffled from being tucked into him but my voice gives off that lazy sleepy tone as well.

'I'm not.' Out of the quiet, he groans and grips me tighter to him but I can tell he's about two seconds away from getting his snore on.

'If you two aren't downstairs in five seconds, I'm going to tell mama you're up here making babies!'We both sigh at the sound of Viktoria's voice coming down the hallway. I untangle myself from his body and sit up just as she gets to the doorway.

'Go ahead, she will probably just congratulate us and throw Roza a baby shower.' Viktoria rolls her eyes at Dimitri's comment as I shake my head and prepare for another one of their bicker battles.

Although, Dimitri and Viktoria had gotten a lot closer since everything that had happen, they were still brother and sister. They argued about everything siblings usually argue about, all the time. At least Mer was still young and didn't argue with me... often.

...

'It's a shame your mother couldn't make it, Rose, I really wanted everyone to be here.' I nod quietly at Olena's soft-spoken words.

'Yeah, she had to work tonight. She just started this new job and didn't want to ask for time off so fast.' Lies. All lies.

Well, not the part about Janine getting a new job, she did have that but the time off thing; bullshit. I was told a week prior to this dinner to invite my mother along but I didn't. Yes, I felt bad because she was trying really hard to become a part of my life but I wasn't ready for the meeting of the parents just yet. At least, I didn't think I was ready. It didn't feel right between me and Janine, that's for sure.

I was still in the debate of forgiving my mother for everything that had happen and she had put us through. Meredith had no problem forgiving or forgetting, but she was young and didn't fully understand everything. She was just happy that our mother was home, clean and promising change for us all. I had a better and uglier understanding of Janine and I think it's built this wall that blocked me from believing the change.

'Well, maybe when you and Dimka come home for spring break, we could all get together like this. We can maybe even have your sister's home as well, Dimka.' I don't say anything.

'Yeah, mama, maybe so...' But Dimitri squeezes my thigh under the table in support.

He understood where I stand with my mother and although he wishes I would give it a chance, he still supports me. Olena nods in agreement and her eyes move to Meredith then to me before she continues. 'That would be so great, to have the whole family home, with Rose and her mother. You know your sestra's are dying to meet them after hearing about the girls so much.'

I almost choke on the food in my mouth that seemed to get bigger and harder to swallow. Olena didn't mean any harm or anything by that comment but the thought of Janine meeting all the Belikova's was so uncomfortable for me. It just didn't feel right. Janine and I hadn't repaired what was lost so long ago.I mean, we barely spoke to each other as it is.She had tried to strike conversation with me. Sometimes she would throw me a few smiles every now and then, and I had tried to carry it out but something was off. Uncomfortable. I didn't know what it was or why I couldn't get passed it but it was something that had caused a lot of awkward tension in the house.

'Mama, this was really good, thank you for making dinner for us.' Dimitri, the ever polite son he is, tried to change the subject but little did he know Olena had tricks of her own.

By the time we had all finished eating the subject of Janine was dropped. Viktoria and Meredith were off watching something Viktoria found online and Dimitri had taken out the trash, leaving me to help Olena with the dishes. I could tell she wanted to say something and I kind of hoped it wasn't about my mom but it was.

Olena clears her throat and mine feels like it's going to close in and I'm going choke to death. I didn't want to lie to Olena about not bringing my mother but I didn't want to tell her the reason why, if I couldn't figure it out myself. As long as Olena has been in my life she had proved time and time again that I could always talk to her. I just never took her up on it.

It's quiet for two short seconds before she speaks and when she does, that choking feeling lingers. 'Meredith seems a lot happier now, more joyful.' I nod but say nothing, she was right and Mer deserved that. 'She's happy your mother is home and healthy now?' I nod again and avoid her pulling brown eyes, putting all my focus on drying the plate I've been wiping for the past five minutes.

Olena smiles sadly as I catch her eyes from the corner of my own. 'You don't feel the same way.'

I think it was more of a statement than a question. In fact I know it was and that's what makes me finally get the guts to look at her. 'I do-I mean-I... I don't really know...'

There's this intense silent pause that occurs between us and I'm certain she sees the truth in my eyes. Then suddenly the back door slams shut, breaking the silence Dimitri makes his way back into the kitchen and washes his hands in between me and Olena at the sink. I avoid his eyes purposely but I can tell he knows something is up by the feel of the room.

'Am I interrupting something?' He questions, turning his head from me to his mother.

I still avoid him quiet as ever. Olena shakes her head no but she could always answer people with just a look and Dimitri picks up on it quickly. He nods silently and then his eyes are back on me before he leans in and kisses my cheek. 'I'm going to see what the girls are doing and then finish packing the truck.' I nod as he turns and walks away already knowing, I'm sure, of what me and Olena were talking about.

The water is turned off and Olena dries her hands facing me as I finish drying the last of the cups. 'Are you afraid it won't last or are you afraid to trust her?'

Afraid? I take in her question and turn it over in my head. 'What makes you think I'm afraid?'

Olena smiles sadly to me and freeing my hands of the cup and towel, pulls me to the kitchen table. She sits across from me and holds both my hands gently in hers, making me look her right into her observing eyes as she speaks. 'You didn't bring your mother here for a reason, Rose. A reason that has kept you from forgiving her fully as Meredith has...'

I look to the table in order to gather my thoughts and the point she was trying to make. 'Yeah, but Meredith is young, she's just happy to have our mom home. She doesn't really understand everything that happened...'

She nods agreeing with me, 'You have a point but Meredith is mature for her age. She's seen things with your mother that you have, yet she still forgave her. Meredith may be young and biased but she is also very perceptive, she sees what you see but chose to move passed it. Why do you think you haven't?'

It was a good question and it was also the one I couldn't seem to answer but that didn't mean I was afraid of anything. I shrug I don't know and look onto the table. 'There is a reason but I'm not afraid of her... I'm not afraid she's going to fail.'

Olena smiles knowingly, like there's something I just said that proved her point but what? 'Is it that you expect her to fail then?'

Well that I didn't really know the answer to. Janine couldn't fail otherwise she'd lose Meredith and that was something she didn't want to happen. I still had my doubts of course, I still lay awake at night and wondered if she was really asleep or sneaking something to drink in the kitchen. Or maybe hiding bottles somewhere off in the house. I didn't think she would risk Meredith for another beer or whatever though.

I also didn't expect her to be perfect now. I knew it was a struggle for her and I knew she would still have temptation there but she was trying. I'd like to believe she had a reason to keep trying. So no, I didn't expect her to fail, not when Meredith was at stake. She wouldn't do that to her, I don't think.

So what did that leave me with?

I shake my head no to answer her and realize the point Olena was trying to make. I may not have expected failure and I wasn't afraid of it happening but did I trust it? Did I trust her?I meet Olena's eyes with my own as realization hits me. All she did was smile politely and pat my hands that were still wrapped in hers across the table top. 'You don't trust her, do you?'

Once again shaking my head no, I answer. 'Not exactly. Of course, I never really had a reason to.'

Olena sighs sadly and then releases my hands to stand from the table. 'Could that be the reason she wasn't here tonight?'I nod and look down to the table pondering over everything. 'Trust is earned, Rose, and your mother hasn't earned yours yet. It's okay to be afraid, to be cautious but maybe, if you give it a chance-even the smallest of ones; it can be mended.'

That was very true, 'But how do I know she won't break it again? That she won't mess up?'

Olena just smiles and then shrugs. 'You don't, but that's what separates you from Meredith. You expect to be let down, she doesn't. This time, don't expect it, give it a chance. It's a start and you have to start somewhere.'

...Present Day...

I took Olena's words to heart that night and for a short lived minute; I had let my mother in. It was a small, very small, in but it was still something.

There questions that Olena had asked me that night, stuck as well. Was I afraid Janine would fail or I didn't trust her? I knew now, for a fact, the answer to both. I didn't trust her to make everything better and she didn't. I was also afraid she would fail and then I'd have to come back home to the life I thought I'd left behind.

And she did fail. It's why this time there would be no forgiving, no chance. It was too late.

I was supposed to start the second semester of college roaming around liberal arts-somewhere around visual arts, that's what I had decided to major in. Just to see where it would take me. So much for that idea, so much for giving second chances because once again, Janine Hathaway had disappointed me. It was like I said before; you better be sure the person you give a second chance to deserved it.

I think that's what made me so angry this time. I had given her something I thought she deserved and she just threw it away. Why, because some dude she met in rehab did whatever he did to her? Or because she couldn't handle real life anymore? I didn't know and for right now, I didn't care.

...

'Rose, Meredith, this is Sonya and Karolina, my oldest daughters.'

Olena has this huge smile on her face as she introduces everyone. We shake their hands and greet each other, and then we all pile into the living room while Olena finishes cooking. Meredith usually jumps at the chance to help her but once introduced to Paul and Zoya, decides to go off with them and play.

'So you're the girl my little brother is all hung up on, huh?' Viktoria elbows Karolina's side and glares at her much confused expression.

I was hoping the subject of Dimitri wouldn't come up but who was I kidding? Viktoria throws me an apologetic smile and then Sonya is off whispering to Karolina in Russian. I'm no expert in the language or anything but it looked like she was telling her what a dumb move that was. 'What? Mama said, they were going together. What is the big deal, like we're not going to talk about Dimka when he isn't around?' Viktoria drops her head into her hands and sighs.

I just sit there on the couch and smile awkwardly as Karolina waits still expecting an answer. 'Going together? What are you still in high school, Karolina, nobody says going together anymore. It's called hooking up!'

Although Sonya did have a good point, her knowledge of slang was still a bit off. To which it made Viktoria throw them both an expression of are you freaking kidding me? I had to smile at the moment even if it was an uncomfortable subject for me to talk about. Dimitri had often talked about his two sisters who lived in Russia. He said they always made family gatherings fun because he and Viktoria could make fun of them for all the hip things they thought they knew.

He also said he was very close to Karolina, since she had Paul and his father wasn't around, Dimitri liked to be someone he could look up to and learn from. So he often kept tabs on Paul and sent him books to read, they even talked often when Karolina said he was driving her crazy. The memory of those times where Dimitri and I shared our lives together makes my smile drop.

I really missed him right now. I had never been in the Belikov home without him unless he was outside or something. The living room brought back a lot of memories as well. The times Olena was working late and we had movie nights with Viktoria and Mer. Or when he taught Mer to make black bread one day while I worked my shift at the cafe. They showed up when it was done and had lunch with me on my break.

The sisters go off still talking about what words were cool to say and which ones weren't. Viktoria suddenly making her way across the living room grabs my hand and leads me up to her room. 'We'll be right back, guys, girl talk and shit!'

'Viktoria! Watch your mouth, please!' Olena's voice sounds from the kitchen.

Once we are both upstairs in her bedroom, Viktoria closes her door and I head straight for her bed plopping myself right onto it. I sigh relived and close my eyes taking in the silence. 'That was scary.' I nod to Viktoria's words as she sits near her desk and turns the chair. 'Don't worry, my sisters will be arguing still by the time we have to go back out there... but I'm sure Dimka will come up again at the table.'

I open my eyes and hold back the sudden emotion threatening to break out. I couldn't be here and not think of him. Think of all the time we spent in his room, on his bed, in our own little world while everyone else was downstairs. The heavy make-out sessions as his mother was distracted with chores or cooking. The declarations of love, the smiles and laughs we shared while just enjoying being together.

I missed him terribly and I wasn't sure I could survive the night without attempting to call him. Just so I could hear his voice and tell him I missed him. 'You're thinking about him.'

Viktoria's words snap me out of my thoughts and I blink hard to push away the watery blur of my eyes. I didn't even know I was crying but I wasn't going to do it here. 'Yeah.'

Viktoria moves from her desk to lay beside me on her bed and sighs. 'You know, we talk every day, me and Dimka...' I didn't know that, I knew he called her from time to time but now it's everyday? 'He misses you Rose, like really really misses you. He tells me all the time, you know?'

I didn't know that either, well, I kind of figured it actually. We did end things mutually but it wasn't because we wanted to. It was just the next step for us with everything that was happening at that moment. 'I miss him...' My voice comes out low and whispered but I swallow to control the emotion in it, and me, I didn't want to break here. I couldn't, there was still too much going on to try and fix me and him right now.

Viktoria sighs before her next question and it makes it just a little harder to breathe. 'He asks me about you and Meredith, if you guys are okay and stuff. I tell him you're dealing, I also tell him to quit being a vagina and call you but... well, you know. He wanted to give you time and he says he's still thinking about things, whatever that means.'

I knew what it meant and it made me just a tad bit happy that he was taking my request seriously. We had a lot come between us recently and it wasn't just my mom, but it somehow made me realize we had to be sure. 'Rose, if you don't mind me asking, I mean, I know you don't really need this right now and you don't want to talk about it, but... what happen between you and my brother?'

The question stings me, like the prick of a needle and quick like when you get a splinter. I close my eyes again and hold them closed to stop the watery feel of tears from falling. The lump in my throat huge and hard to swallow but I somehow get through it. I needed to, I realize, I needed to vent just a little. For my own peace of mind. I wouldn't give Viktoria the whole story but I would give her some. 'There were a few things that happened actually... and they were frequent, right after another, like falling dominoes or something.'

She waits for me to go on but my breathing quickens and I only have so much control of myself at the moment. So I had decided to give her it in parts, parts that wouldn't hurt me or make him out to be the bad guy. The parts I could deal with, even though I felt like I couldn't deal with much. 'There was this girl, his lab partner in a class he had. I think it was like a crime lab or something. She-she liked him or likes him I should say... He didn't do anything with her, well, anything considered cheating but I think if it went on a little longer, he might have.'

Viktoria is deadly quiet as I remember the few moments I had with Dimitri while Galina was around. 'She liked him a lot actually, I saw it. It took me a short little while to notice but I saw it, right in her eyes. She would flirt with him when they were studying or working in the library. She flirted with him a lot and right in front of me.'

'I have to admit, she had some serious lady balls to flirt with a guy while his girlfriend is sitting right next to him. It was weird though because they have so much in common, you know? They have the same major, some classes together, they're both really smart. Both nerds.' That last part causes me laugh a little but it wasn't with humor.

Viktoria sits up and looks to me with a sad expression which gets even sadder as I continue.

'It wasn't just her though, you know, it was a lot of things. Like I said, things just started popping up and coming between us... So many things came between us; me undecided about a major, him excelling at his, Galina and her flirting. There were just so many things drifting us apart and my mother was the last one… The big one because I had to leave, I had to leave school and him, and all the things we were supposed to work on.'

I sit up on the bed now and wipe my eyes of the few betraying tears that fell. Sniffling, I try to relax and calm myself as Viktoria finally speaks. 'Well, maybe you guys can still work on them. I mean, you've done this before, while he was at school and you were still here. You can still try at least...'

I shake my head no and look to the black carpeted floor of Viktoria's bedroom. 'I don't think we can or I can. Not yet. I have Meredith full time now and the whole thing with my mom and-'

'But Rose, Dimka, he loves you. I know he does, I can hear it in his voice when he talks about you. When he mentions how bad he wants to call you and come home to help you with Meredith. And I know you love him! You'd have to be blind and stupid to not know that you love him! I really think you guys can get through this.' I thought that as well and she was right, I love him still. Always.

However, she wasn't there when we had talked a few nights before I left school. She wasn't there when all the feelings and emotions of everything that had been happening came out and Dimitri agreed with me about taking some time out to think. Viktoria didn't understand what Galina's flirtations, my unsure future and everything else that piled on had caused. It set us apart and I feared all this distance between me and Dimitri now, would set us apart even further. And I would truly lose him.

'Did he-did he cheat, Rose? Did he do anything with her?' No, but that didn't mean he didn't want to.

I wasn't going to tell her that though. I couldn't have Viktoria against Dimitri if she was the one he was venting to. 'No.'

It was quiet for a moment as if she was waiting for a longer answer but I didn't give one. She knew all she needed to know at the moment. I was sure the next time she talked to Dimitri it and this dinner would come up. I wasn't bothered by that though, well, until she started talking again. 'I think you should call him, that you guys should talk. He misses you and you miss him, at least try to be friends still. I really think you both need to speak to each other, Rose.' I sigh tired and hungry and ready to drop this whole conversation.

'I don't know, Viktoria, I don't know.' She sighs next and rises as we hear Olena's voice call out that the food was ready.

'If it were me, I'd call him. Just so I could get some peace of mind, at least.' And with that she leaves the room.

After that dinner was much lighter and the two older Belikov's didn't mention Dimitri's and my relationship again. I think Olena had something to do with that because she kept giving me light smiles and compliments the rest of the night. Karolina, Sonya and Viktoria are freaking hilarious when their together.

They told me stories about when they were younger and a few about Dimitri and how he was married to all their dolls. They asked questions about me and my childhood and I told them of all the happy memories I could find, which weren't many. And Meredith made new friends with Paul and Zoya. I was glad for her; another night where she didn't worry about Janine and just got to be a kid was well deserved. And she had a blast.

It had actually been a good dinner and I found myself a little lighter at the moment. For a while, at least. 'Rose, can I talk to you before you girls leave?'

I nod at Olena and have Meredith help clean up the mess of toys she and Zoya had across the room. I knew she had wanted to talk and I knew what it would mostly be about but I wasn't scared to do it this time. My last chat with Olena helped heaps and I was hoping this one would as well.

Once inside the kitchen, Olena sits at the table and I follow to the chair next to her. She smiles widely and squeezes my hand gently. 'I'm so happy you girls came tonight, I really wanted to see you both. We missed you around here, Rose.' I smile back and nod agreeing that it had been too long since having been here. 'Yeah and it was nice meeting your daughters finally. I don't think Mer will want to leave now that Paul and Zoya are here.'

She laughs with me before the expression on her face turns serious. 'Well, she is welcome anytime and so are you. I want you both to visit as often as you'd like to, this is your family too.'

'Thank you, Olena. That means a lot to us both.' She nods but still carrying that serious face I know the thank you aren't what she really wanted to talk about.

'Rose, I know you're dealing with a lot at the moment and I know you and Dimka have some things to work through but do not hesitate to come to me for help... with anything, Rose. I mean it, you're a part of this family whether your name is Belikov or not.'

The gesture brings tears to my eyes and I'm once again fighting for control. It's like she was in my head reading all my feelings to herself. 'Thank you, Olena, thank you so much. You've done a lot already though and I don't-'

Olena shakes her head before I even finish talking. 'No, you don't think that way, Rose. You and Meredith are much too young to have the life that you do but if I can help by being here than I will. I will help all I can, that is a promise.' I nod too emotional to speak and wiping the tears from my eyes. Geez, is this why they invited us? To make me cry? 'Now about my son...'

And the tears dry up faster with the quick beating of my anxious hart. I was ready for anything at the moment but not exactly what she said next. 'I want you to know, Rose, that he loves you. And I know that you feel the same for him but sometimes, things will happen. Life will test you and you have to stop and think before going on with it.'

I nod listening to what she was telling me, all the while still thinking of what Viktoria said about calling him. I kind of wanted to now and I knew it would feel good but would help anything?

Olena sighs before continuing and then wipes a streak of tear from my cheek. 'Just don't think for too long. Don't let the possibilities grow because often they could grow to be bad possibilities, and then you end up failing the test or never knowing the outcome.' Understanding her point, I nod and she embraces me in the warmest of hugs I've ever had.

'I told you before, Rose, I know my son; he follows his heart. And it led him to you.'

I knew what she was saying, even though it was kind of cryptic and somewhat mushy; I got the point.

And I knew what I had to do now, I had to call him. It was time.

Please don't hate Dimitri, or me for that matter, everything will be explained in due time. You just have to be patient. Also if you're going to write a story, I should warn you don't break R&D up in the first chapter, you get some not so nice PM's. Anywho, let me know what you think! (: