Chapter Four: Back to Black

xxx

Everything became a blur. My movements seemed sluggish and without purpose. Everything sounded dull and muffled, as if my ears had been stuffed with cotton. Hank and Jeff were practically at each other's throats in an argument as Jeff dragged me down through the hallway, but I could not bring myself out of my shock. I thought I could hear Jeff saying my name, but still, none of it made sense—

…blood on the walls, blood on the shoes, blood on the clothes…

It was a memory that felt like cold hands on the back of my neck…cold hands… Jeffery…

"Rita-girl c'mon, don't you close up now!" His voice finally got through to me. I'm sure his rattling me by the shoulders helped, as I became aware of my head jerking painfully and my teeth clacking together.

"Wait, wait…what did…" I pleaded, pounding against his chest for him to release me. Jeff let go, and my sight finally shifted into focus, everything becoming clear. Somehow, the boys had dragged me back to the apartment, and as Jeff stood in front of me to pull me completely out of my reverie, Hank was tearing the living room apart and stuffing his clothes into a huge trash bag. "Hank?" I whispered, looking back to Jeff with an embarrassingly watery vision.

Jeff's voice shook, "Rita, git your shit together, we're leavin', and we gotta leave now! Take only a few changes of clothes and whatever else you HAVE to have, otherwise, leave it 'ere. It can't all fit in the car."

"Where… Jeff, where are we going? Where can we go? Why can't—"

"Stop, just fuckin' stop askin' questions" he cut me off. "All you need to know is it ain't safe 'round these parts anymore, 'n we're leavin' as soon as dawn breaks."

I looked to Hank for answers, but for once in the duration of our blissfully ignorant apartment, he didn't meet my eyes to assure me. He merely looked to floor… his eyes as blank and despondent as Mrs. Jenkins' had been.

xxx

Throughout my life, I'd always been a heavy sleeper, but tonight… tonight, I couldn't even close my eyes. I stared up at my bedroom ceiling for what seemed like endless hours.

… blood on the walls, blood on the shoes, blood on the clothes…

A rustle… the sound of a boot hitting the floor. I turned my head to my door that Jeff insisted I leave ajar, and I sat up when the small but intentionally quiet noises continued. It was coming from the living room, and I knew it had to be Hank. Maybe he couldn't sleep, too? I rose from my bed, shuffling quietly past the alarm clock that blared 4:39a.m., then past the door and down the brief hallway…

Only to find Hank fully dressed and leaned over the coffee table, scribbling down something on a notepad. His gun poked out from the back of the area where his shirt met his jeans, his trash bag filled with clothes and other essentials leaned against his calf. I watched him for a moment, letting the scene before me sink in before I pulled it together. "Where are you going?"

I startled him, so much so that he moved the coffee table. He winced, looked down the hallway behind me, then eased up again when he affirmed that he hadn't awoken Jeffery. "Rita-girl…" he whispered, his voice lined with guilt, "Go back to sleep. You're gonna be gettin' up in a few hours." I looked to the window to see the light purple haze of day break outside, then looked back to Hank. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably, reaching up his left hand to scratch the back of his neck.

I looked at the note behind him, attempting to read it from where I stood… then looked back to him when I saw that I couldn't. "Where are you going?" I asked again.

He sighed, visibly upset. "Dammit Rita, why couldn't ya just…" He looked away from me, focusing on the hazy purple light streaming in from behind the curtains. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, "but I'm leavin' ta join my brother in the Marines. They ain't even signin' 'em up like they used to, they're just takin' in anyone who wants to lend a hand. I'm gonna get equipped right, get some brief trainin' hopefully, then know enough to handle whateva the hell's going on with the world. We both wanna go see our family, too. He hasn't been back there in a while, and I haven't spoken to 'em in weeks. I'm scared for 'em…"

My heart sank at the end of his explanation. I knew no amount of begging or tears would make him stay. Family comes first… regardless if I felt that nagging, dark feeling of betrayal, as though I were his family.

He was leaving Jeff- he was leaving me.

I didn't look at Hank as I pushed past him and sat down at the coffee table, and he moved back to give me space. I trembled as I brought my hands to my mouth, then "How are you going to get there?"

"We got two cars" he said without missing a beat, "My ol' pick up that I drove over when I first came here, I'll be takin' it to go back 'n see my parents. You 'n Jeff will be takin' his pa's jeep."

I hesitated a moment longer before I realized I had to know, I had to know, why we had to leave this place… "What happened today?" I asked timidly. "I thought we were safe here…" I saw Hank's face set in a miserable expression, but I pressed him for an answer. "Please."

He paused briefly before he looked me in the eyes. "Jeff's family is gone. His parents… God Rita, they was…" he was struggling not to break down, and he shut his eyes in resistance to what must have been mental images. "His sister got sick… 'n their ma and pa paid the price by thinkin' they could help her."

I completely regretted asking. My empty stomach still managed to lurch, and I buried my face in my hands to hold myself together.

"On the way back…" he continued, "we saw a lot of 'em… leavin' the downtown area 'n headin' further out to the suburbs. Ain't nothin' for 'em in the inner parts of this town anymore, I guess. Jeff figures it's better to go to Atlanta… git help there. But I…" he trailed off, the guilt returning to his features. "I ain't abandonin' you, if that's what ya think. If it were any other situation, I'd stay here with you, you know I would honey. But… my family…"

"I know." I said faintly, trying to slow my breathing. "I know, because it'd be the same for me. If I could get to my family in a reasonable distance, I would… but maybe I'll have a better chance of seeing them in Atlanta." I fell silent before my voice watered. I took a breath before further asking "How… how did I not see it? He didn't look sad, or…"

"The world as it is has changed 'im. He didn't cry, not once did he cry… not even when he had to gun down his lil' sister." I looked up at that, curling my hands into tight fists. "So right now, Rita…" he looked back at me. "You're all he's got."

Knowing that he was close to Jeff's family and he must've taken it just as hard, I reached over and took his hand large in mine, giving it a squeeze. The action alone was hard for me to do, but I wanted to offer him any comfort…anything. "We," I corrected, "we are all he's got."

"In a minute, he won't." Hank said sadly, grasping firmly onto both of my hands. "But… you'll do fine, honey. I know you both will. You'll get to Atlanta, you 'n Jeff'll be safe, and that'll be enough for me no matter where I am. You'll be fine."

"Hank, I wasn't raised in the south like you, or Jeff, or my baby sister…" The strength in my voice came back, twisted with envy that had no right to be there. I let go of his hand. "June is a proud southern girl through and through. She didn't quite pick up the full twang of an accent, but she carries herself in a way that demands attention whether you want to look her way or not. She's strong, so strong… Maybe I should have stayed with my mother as she did instead of flying to the other side of the country to be raised by my equally reserved father..." I knew I was rambling, but I couldn't stop at this point. Somehow, it was therapeutic. If I died, someone had to know the things I felt… someone had to know at least a piece of the woman—no, the person I was. The words kept coming, words I had never voiced to anyone. "Either way I don't think I'm going to survive this, whatever… thisis. Not when I'm so damn helpless."

He suddenly burst out laughing. I glared at him with my mouth agape, absolutely bewildered.

Hank was laughing like he'd heard the funniest joke ever, like his sides would split. He quieted down in caution of the still sleeping Jeff, doubling over to contain the volume of his laughter, and I felt the sudden urge to rip his hair out. "What is so goddamn funny?" I seethed.

His eyes met mine again, his laughing ceased but the sparkle of humor never dulled. "You ain't helpless baby, you're just makin' excuses! You know's well as I do that it ain't got nothin' to do with bein' raised in the South. You may be city-bred, but you got grit, Rita-girl. I don't feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for the sonnabitch who tries ta bite ya."

His honesty stunned me into silence.

How could someone have more faith in me than I had in myself? That wasn't right at all.

I lowered my head for a minute, then looked back to him. The laughter was completely gone now- there was something in his eyes, a kind of hesitance like he might have left something unsaid. He decided to hold it on his tongue I guess, and gave me a brief smile instead as he hauled up his bag and opened the door. Was there really nothing left to say? I don't know what exactly my expression read, but I gave him the best smile I could muster in return, and mumbled a "Thanks" that I doubt he heard as he began to close the door behind him—only for him to open it back up and give me a hard stare. I blinked, suddenly nervous. "What?"

I heard the bag hit the floor, and in a matter of seconds Hank stood in front of me, pulling me up from my seat by my arms. He laid a hot breathed, open-mouth kiss on me before I could speak- I swore I could feel this guy's tongue on my tonsils. It was the deepest, most desperate kiss I'd ever experienced in my life thus far, and without thinking, I was kissing back.

Just as soon as I had, I felt his mouth leave mine, and I was left with my eyes closed hoping he'd pull me in again.

I felt him bring his face close to mine again, but he didn't close the small gap between us. "If anythin' happens" he whispered, his heavy breath stirring the wisps of hair framing my face, "I don't wanna regret anythin'. I wanna remember somethin' like this… somethin' nice like this." He kissed my lips one more time, lightly, and my eyes slowly opened to look at him. The sadness in his dark eyes made me well up, and I mentally kicked myself when I felt the rising threat of tears. "I hope I see you again, Fuentes. You ain't as bad as you think you are."

I could say nothing. Not even as he turned and walked away, closing the door behind him. This time I knew he wouldn't come back.

I sat at the table once more, lowering my head into my hands. It was only when it settled on me that I was the one filled with regret… regret that I hadn't given him the response he deserved to hear… that I broke down.

xxx

I never went back to sleep.

I couldn't when I knew that I'd probably never see Hank Prior again.

Instead, I took a moment to collect myself. After some breathing exercises and filling my head solely with thoughts of what else could be done to survive what I'd come to accept as the new world, I decided to awaken Jeff. It took a while for me to think of the right words, the words to say to him…I lied. I could only tell him that his best friend was gone to reunite with his blood family, as stated in the note that he left behind when I woke up. I knew if I told him the truth, and that I didn't try to stop Hank from leaving, there was a good chance he might be angry with me. I saw his face contort into unbearable pain, and before Jeff could full- on freak out, I threw my arms around him. I assured him that I was ready to start packing and get on the road… that I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth, if that's where he wanted to go. He shook in my embrace, but after several moments, wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair.

"We'll be fine… we'll be just fine." I echoed Hank's words.

xxx

I stood in the middle of the living room, looking around one final time to memorize it, to make an impression in my brain with its comforting images.

I didn't want to leave. But really, what other option was there? The last thing we heard before the broadcasts went off was that the CDC were slaving away to engineer a cure for this frightening outbreak, and that the uninfected were scrambling for inner Atlanta. Jeff had complete faith we'd get answers and we'd be safe there.

Oh, Jeff.

He had stacked our few bags of essentials by the door, including a duffel bag full of his guns. He kept two at his waist, and insisted I carry at least one on mine. After I had told him of Hank's departure, he didn't speak anymore on the matter. He only hustled and bustled, keeping busy and making sure we were missing absolutely nothing we may need on our journey. Once in a while, he'd glance up at me as I prepared meals in the kitchen and emptied out everything in jars into portable containers. I wondered what my expression read. Was it as blank as I felt?

I clutched a small photo album in my hands, as if it'd be enough to ground my raging nerves. It was just a small booklet crammed with only my most favorite pictures… I decided we didn't need extra baggage so long as I had the photos that meant most to me. Photos of my family, of Jeff and his family, of Hank, of my co-workers, of this apartment… I closed my eyes, inhaling the scents of our home one more time. "Ready to go, Rita-girl?" he said quietly, wrapping his arms around me from behind. It almost startled me; it was the first affectionate contact he had initiated towards me in a long, long time. He squeezed hard, and I knew that even though I wasn't ready, he was counting on me to say I was. So I swallowed my fears, griped his forearm, and nodded.

He released me, and headed over to the door. We gathered all our bags, Jeff not wanting to risk a second trip back. As we entered the hallway, Jeff stopped me from closing the door. He gave me a look, a look that told me everything he couldn't say: There's no need to close the door. We were never coming back again.

The trip down the hallway was nerve wracking, for me at least. Jeff kept a brave face the entire time, even as we approached the stairs leading down. Unlike Jeff and Hank, I hadn't left the apartment the entire time we were here—this was the first time in a while that I'd seen it. The stairwell was cluttered with clothing and dropped items, no doubt in people's rush to evacuate the building. I bit my bottom lip, fighting off the nervous tingling that sparked in my chest. Jeff handed me another bag so he could pull out both of his guns, and led the way as we tip-toed down the stairs.

I was trying my hardest to seem as brave as he was in this moment.

Three long sets of stairs later, we reached the bottom, and he motioned with his hand for me to wait where I was. I froze, sticking to the wall like a fly as he opened the door to scope the underground parking lot. He didn't close the door behind him at first, but then looked to me. "I'm gonna get the car," he whispered, and put a finger to his lips. "Stay here 'til you hear me roll up." He placed the bags at my feet, guns griped tightly in his hands, and ducked out.

I heard his steps as he went further and further, my heart beating faster with each distanced foot fall. There was a pause, a door opened, closed…and I heard the engine start. I sighed in relief, but bristled up instantly when the tires screeched, and I heard it break instantly near the door. "RITA, RUN!" Jeff bellowed.

I didn't have time to think. I snatched up whatever I could, rammed open the door, and ran outside.

Just as I didn't have time to think, I didn't have time to take in the horror of the situation. Jeff had thrown open the passenger side of the car door in perfect alignment to where I was escaping from, and I ducked inside the car in a few short sprints. He didn't wait for me to close the door all way, hitting the gas pedal to the floor. I heard a disturbing bump come from the back of the car, and screamed when I looked out the back window— Walkers, several of them, were stumbling and moaning in an effort to keep up with the car, the jeep slipping through their rotted fingers by a hair. I had no idea that there had been so many of them, right underneath our apartment… how long had they been there? Who were they before this? My dizzy conscience was bombarded with irrelevant questions as Jeff gripped the steering wheel, flying out of the car lot and out onto the street.

The world looked different compared to my memory, compared to the small piece of it I could see whenever I peeked out the window. It was dirty and cold and barren, just like the shell that had once been my neighbor Mrs. Jenkins.

The world had gone to hell, and I suddenly felt foolish for not fully grasping it until now. No wonder Jeff was the way he was now…

I went numb, staring at the road ahead and not at the ruined town that I once called home. Jeff kept his breakneck speed, blazing past any threat to us, all the way until we hit the interstate 85 going south. I was almost thankful that we were going too fast for me to see the Walkers that were undoubtedly stumbling around and feeding on whatever was left of the living in Abbeville, South Carolina.

xxx

We were able to slow down on the interstate, the only obstacles being empty cars. There were no Walkers in sight, none, and I couldn't help wondering what had happened.

I nibbled on some whole grain bread, urging Jeff to eat. His mouth was set in a grim line, refusing anything I offered. The only thing he accepted was my hand when I reached for his. We sat in silence for most of the way, and I was unsure why... Maybe because both of our worlds had changed so drastically in less than a month, and there was no getting it back.

Hours went by. Not because we were driving slow, but because there were too many cars we had to maneuver around. Here and there, we'd find a few Walkers intent on giving chase, but it was fairly easy to get past them so long as they didn't get close to the car.

"When are we going to see someone alive, Jeff?" I whispered sadly.

Jeff put on the best smile he could muster, pulling me into a one armed hug. "Atlanta, Rita-girl. Atlanta. I promise."

xxx

"Jeff!" I murmured with the first hint of excitement coming to my voice in a long, long time. "Jeff, look!" He had already set his sights on what I was flustered over, both of us clearly having shifted a bit more towards relief when cars with people, actual people, were joining onto the freeway alongside us. Granted, they looked every bit as terrified and unsure as we were, but it was so good seeing other people and knowing we weren't all alone.

We couldn't have been more than 30 minutes outside of Atlanta now. I could see the tall buildings of the city cloaked in thick gray fog from the afternoon dusk in the distance. My heart sped up as I saw more and more cars appearing with occupants within them… before it sank in realization that there was traffic going into the city. People were honking and shouting out of windows in agitation, and I looked to Jeff for guidance. His jaw set, and he just shook his head. "S'alright, girl. People jus' scared. But we all gonna get into the city and go from there." His words were my only source of comfort, my only source of reliability right now, for I could think of nothing else to invest in.

As we sat in traffic, I examined others in their cars—a stricken woman with her two young children in the backseat, playing happily with toys and most certainly unaware of the goings-on recently; a man with an elderly lady riding in his passenger seat, his eyes dark and heavy with bags from his clear sleep deprivation; a girl younger than I, no older than 16 perhaps, alone in the car. Her lovely face was streaked with tears as she caught my gaze, and I turned away. So many people who had lost someone in all of this, I was sure of it... It left me wondering about the fate of my own family yet again.

Family. I bit my lip, looking at Jeffery out of the corner of my eye. Jeff's family… We still hadn't talked about it, despite my hundreds of questions and my desire to reach out to him. I couldn't just bring it up, though. He knew I was here for him…yet he wouldn't talk to me about his loss. I realized that if Hank hadn't told me the truth, I'd still be in the dark about it. I mulled over the right words for a moment longer, and decided that some things were best left unsaid right now. Maybe he'd open up to me after he's had some time to cope and recover.

I looked to the radio, turning the knob to try to find something to listen to. Just as I predicted, I found nothing but updated news casts. It was already close to around 5 at my best guess; dusk was fast approaching, and I felt that familiar nervousness creeping into my chest again at how little our moving progress was to get into the city. We'd been stuck in this traffic for most of the day since we left Abbeville. Jeff hadn't spoken much, preferring to listen to whatever the updates were informing. I couldn't be bothered to listen, instead trying to figure out what exactly what we were going to do once we got inside Atlanta. Were there phone lines there? Could I call my dad? Were my sister, mother, and stepdad already there? And God, I needed to sleep, I was—

Screams suddenly pierced the evening air. I perked up immediately, looking out the back window of the jeep, but seeing nothing besides the traffic behind us. "What was that?"

Jeff griped the steering wheel, shushing me so we could get a better listen from what seemed like a short distance… more blood curdling screams. I felt my panic rising, and I looked to Jeff desperately. "Jeff, what do we—"

Suddenly, the people behind us were getting out of their cars and running right past our jeep, not caring about their luggage they left behind. "Oh.. oh my God…" Jeff whispered, his face white. "Get outta the car Rita, get out now!" Just as I had in the parking lot, I didn't have time to think. I grabbed only one of my bags; I didn't know which one, but I was hoping it was with something we needed. Jeff reached behind and grabbed the bag of guns, slinging it on his back. As soon as we opened the doors, Jeff was at my side in a flash. He grabbed my arm and took off, dragging me behind him and break-neck speed. Being heavy and out of shape, I could only keep up to a certain extent, and for a second I felt like telling Jeff to go on without me. But I realized, looking at his determined face… I wanted to get to Atlanta. I wanted to keep running, to keep going, we were almost there. The people who had been in front of us were getting out of their cars and running too, and as the masses of people were slamming into each other and the fear in the chill air was rising, I snuck a look behind us.

My stomach dropped.

Walkers, an uncertain and alarming number of them, had come up behind the traffic, tearing into the unfortunate souls who couldn't get away on time. The infected had probably followed the cars of those that had escaped from close-by suburbs on the outskirts of Atlanta.

Teeth gnashed and blood spilled as the living continued to fall to a horrible fate on the hard pavement of the freeway. Tears welled in my eyes at the various atrocities before me, but Jeff's fierce grip wouldn't let me fall behind. "Jeff…" my voice was hoarse and defeated, "Jeff please, we have to help them, please… l-look at them…"

"We gotta save ourselves Rita-girl, it's too late for them" he shot back unapologetically. "Keep running! We gotta keep going baby, we're almost there!"

We didn't see it coming. In all the flurry of people, living and dead, headed all towards the same direction, a fresh and still-running Walker that was once a stout, robust man slammed into Jeff from the side. I could only watch in horror as its teeth ripped into the back of Jeff's neck, hands clawing to wrestle his prey to the ground.

I was too late. I knew I was too late, even when I pulled out the gun from the waistband of my jeans and shot the thing in the arm, my clumsy and panicked aim shooting through Jeff's side as well. I got the Walkers' attention; it swerved to open its dark, bloody mouth at me, its hands still clutching Jeff. I screamed in anger as I shot straight between its eyes—it crumpled to the ground with one last moan, taking Jeff down with it.

"Jeffery!" I wailed, running to him and shoving the monster off of him. "G-get up! Please, please, please get up!" I didn't care that people were running by us; on the ground, we almost blended into the dark of the pavement. "Jeff, c'mon, we're almost there, please!" I begged, trying to pull him up by his arm. "We'll get you help… they can help, if we just—"

"Stop," he rasped, his blood choking him. "Rita… honey… stop…" he coughed and gagged horridly, "I can't… I can't…"

I had to do something. I had to get him out of the open.

My chest heaved, my eyesight so blurry with water I couldn't fathom how I opened the back seat door of the old Ford Mustang we were near. I sobbed as I dragged Jeff inside, closing it behind us and locking all four doors.

The dark of the sky had completely settled now. The stars did not show tonight, and above all the screaming and flesh ripping and gun fire, I could only hear my dear friend's labored breathing.

His blood was everywhere. His skin, his hair, his clothes, the seats…

… blood on the walls, blood on the shoes, blood on the clothes…

I removed the duffel bag of weapons from his back to alleviate the weight on his body, setting it to the back window of the car to block us from view. "Jeff," I whispered, leaning over. I had fistfuls of his ruined shirt in my hands, my face looking pleadingly to him for answers. "What… what do… what can I…?"

In spite of it all, he managed a small smile. "If one… one of us had to go… I'd rather it be… me, girl…" It was a hardship just to talk. He was suffering. He was suffering so much.

I was useless.

I lowered my head into his abdomen, crying and sobbing without a clue what to do next. He and I both knew…

"I don't… I don't have much time… Rita-girl…" He grunted in pain when he tried to move, but I steadied him with my hand pressed on his forearm.

"No, no don't move!" I whispered, taking off my sweater and putting it behind his neck so he could lay comfortably on the arm rest of the back seat. It didn't do much to help, and he still tried to move. "What, what is it?"

"My guns… get 'em…"

I reached into his waistband, retrieving his pistols. I was about to put them back in the bag, until a sudden rush of his strength clamped down on my arm, stopping me.

I couldn't look at him.

I already knew what this meant.

"Rita." His voice was stronger as well, blood flowing from his lips, but his jaw set just. He looked just as determined as he had been this whole ordeal leading up to this moment. I felt his eyes steady on me, unwavering. "Please."

I met his gaze, and shook my head. "No, Jeff… no."

Jeffery broke.

His eyes were as pained and tearful as mine, coming out all at once, unforgiving and resolute. "Rita-girl, I can't!" He cried, his body shuddering. "I can't, I won't become one of those fuckin' monsters! Please… please, don't let me turn into… one of 'em, baby…! To walk the earth- only to destroy what is precious, to have no mind, no purpose… a soulless, godless demon… Rita, I'm beggin' ya…"

"I can't! Jeff, I… I couldn't with myself!"

"I can't do it m'self, honey… that's suicide… and I…" he looked to the ceiling of the car, and I could see the veins of his neck becoming more visible, the skin on his face looking thin and losing its color. Was it already happening? "I… wanna see my family in heaven."

I froze at that. I grabbed his hand, bringing it tenderly to my chest. "Jeff…" We both startled when something banged against the Mustang, but it was fleeting and kept going. I continued, "Jeff, how…"

"I believe in a God… I believe in 'im. Mama raised me a good, God-fearin' man. And I believe he an' my family… are waitin' for me at the gates. If I take my own life…"

"So to spare you the sin of suicide, you put a completely worse sin on me? That'd make me a murderer, Jeff—"

"It'd make you an angel of mercy." He squeezed my hand tighter, the pleading in his eyes breaking the last of my resistance.

We gazed at one another for several moments. Several moments I knew we both needed. Several moments that we both wanted to remember as we parted ways, here in the back of a stranger's Mustang in the middle of the apocalypse.

One of his guns was now clutched in my fist, my hand remembering everything I had ever been taught. My face was wet and sticky, but no longer showed my fear. I needed to be strong not only for myself, but for Jeff… he needed me. He needed me.

I put the gun to his temple, my lower lip trembling but still able to keep my composure.

"I know… you ain't much for God, Rita-girl…" he said quietly, using the last of his strength to reach up to his neck. "But…" he winced as he pulled out a long, gold chain from underneath his bloodied shirt, lifting it over his head. A glimmering, blood-flecked crucifix dangled at the end of the gold chain. "But it'd be a shame… if you didn't think… someone wasn't lookin' out for ya. My mama gave this to me when I was jus' a snot-nosed heckler…" he smiled, and I made sure to memorize every detail of my best friend's smile. "So even if ya don't wanna accept God jus' yet… then carry this… knowin' that I'm the one watchin' over you."

I took the crucifix, now having to use everything left in me not to break down in front of him. I quickly pulled it over my head and hid it under my shirt, close to my heart. "I'll never take it off." I gave him a weak smile, and he pulled my hand wielding the gun back to his temple.

"You'll make it, Rita-girl. You'll live a long, good life. I know it."

I wish I could believe him.

I leaned over and pressed my lips softly to the corner of his mouth, whispering "Love you so much, Jeff. I'm so, so sorry..."

"It's a new world" he replied softly, his eyes half-open. "Be smart. Be strong. Live. I love you—"

The gun went off. I shot without looking, but knew from the sickening sound I had hit him dead through the brain, eliminating any chance of him coming back as a flesh-eating beast.

I wanted to believe in God. I wanted to believe in Heaven. Just for the sake of being able to take comfort that Jeff was in this better place, reunited with his family… This Jeff in the car with me was no more. Just like Hank and various others, I'd never see him or hear his voice again outside of the small corner of my mind where I kept my memories fresh and alive with their faces and personalities.

I couldn't look at his body. I couldn't bear to see the results of my mercy killing, to see his brain matter splattered against the window or the hole through his head. I just couldn't do it.

I swallowed thickly, knowing it'd be only a matter of short time before it'd be too late for me to get away, too. I couldn't stay here with Jeff… it wasn't Jeff anymore. I had to keep running—I had to keep living.

I stuffed my only bag of belongings into the larger duffel bag of weapons. I needed to put everything I had left to my name together in order to make this escape. I swung the bag of weapons onto my back, adjusting it tightly to my body. I unlocked my side of the door, tuning back into the screams and chaos outside of this car, my fingers on the triggers of both guns in my hands.

One, two, breath. One, two, breathe.

I took one last moment.

"… Goodbye, Jeff." His shell didn't answer me I busted out of the door, shooting any nearby Walker and running as fast as my body could allow me.

Running towards my sanctuary.

Running towards Atlanta.

xxx

A/N: Review, please! Love y'all, thanks for waiting!