You'll be fine, Liv. You'll be just fine.
His last words to her sound off in her head like a battle call. Six months ago, when they crashed on her floor after too much vodka and honesty, she'd thought she'd fixed it. He was going to go home and strap on his gun and make sure he turned up to make Benson and Stabler something eternal. But, then she'd felt his lips press gently into her temple and the part of her who knew it was the end started shouting that damn battle cry.
You'll be fine, Liv. You'll be just fine.
At her birthday party the next day, he'd sat by her and refilled her champagne glass and laughed with who she still considered their co-workers. She'd honestly thought nothing was wrong. Everything he'd said the previous day had to be some pipe dream created from too many double shifts. About a month later she realizes the co-workers that used to be utterly theirs and the job she used to consider an exclusive two-person burden had now become simply hers. Alone.
You'll be fine Liv. You'll be just fine.
She hated him for attempting to prepare her for his departure. She resented her willingness to sit on her floor and drink with him instead of trying to talk him out of ruining their mutual life. Fueled by this anger, she ignored the rookies when Cragen introduced them. She wanted nothing to do with another family man cum narcotics hotshot trying to tell her he understood her life. Then there was the blond, someone Liv's jealous sensibilities secretly resented for her youth and innocence.
You'll be fine Liv. You'll be just fine.
Casey returned shortly after that and so did Alex. While Olivia was happy to see her friends, she hated that the reunion included everyone but him. Elliot had left her entirely and all the phone calls in the world wouldn't yield anything but a non-descript voicemail bearing an automated voice and a simple number. He at least had the common courtesy to remove himself from her life, rather than keep coming around to rip open old wounds and suffer in the blood. To their credit, Casey and Alex tried to make up for it, tried to recreate the past for her. They didn't realize he was her past.
You'll be fine Liv. You'll be just fine.
Then Cragen called her into his office and her heart nearly stopped beating. Her hand on the doorknob, she was praying he was ready to suspend her for her slightly hostile behavior, or bench her for putting in too many hours again. But no, he'd merely asked her to close the door and she'd known. Her head ached through his entire conversation as she held off the tears.
You'll be fine Liv. You'll be just fine.
Crying in the interrogation room she hated herself, Elliot, Cragen, Jenna and whatever fucked up God had given her Elliot Stabler as a partner. But mostly, she hated her tears because they turned him into a liar. He said she'd be fine, and dammit she owed it to him to prove him right just this once.
You'll be fine Liv. You'll be just fine.
"Liv, you got a package" Fin says, dropping a hastily stuffed yellow envelope onto her desk. Amaro looks up, his fingers stilling from his daughter's near perfect report card.
"Fan mail?" he asks, watching Liv stare at the package without picking it up. His new partner will never be an open book, but then again, Amaro isn't much of a reader if he doesn't have to be.
"Fan mail is rarely a good thing in SVU" Fin joins. "Does it have a return address?"
Liv doesn't answer or acknowledging anyone, so Amaro reaches over and snatches it off their conjoined desks.
"Nope" Amaro answers, "No address. Guy's got awful handwriting though." His fingers hover over the seal, but Liv reaches back across the desk and snatches the envelope.
"It's my letter" she says.
"It's probably a love letter from the ADA" Amaro says, and Liv shoots him a look that could kill.
"Are we in second grade?" she demands.
"No, but you have a second grader to interview." Cragen's voice startles them all. "Fin, Rollins, you go to PS 113 and light a fire under CSU. Amaro, the parents are waiting for you in interrogation one. Liv, can you take the kid?"
"Sure, I'll be right there" Olivia says, forcing the professionalism out.
Everyone else stands to do their jobs, grabbing coats and logging out of computers. Amaro shoots her a look which she deflects with a smile, and he's pacified enough to go do his job. She waits until the room is clear before gently lifting the flap with her nail. She knows that no matter what it contains, there's a victim waiting and she can only afford herself so many moments to be selfish. The flap lifts, and a gold chain and pendant crash into her palm.
You'll be fine Liv. You'll be just fine.
Olivia's heart stops for a moment. She recognizes this, and she can't believe it's in her hand. Almost seven years ago she'd borrowed his jacket and this pendant had been in his pocket. It was still in her possession when he was shot during their first case with Dana Lewis. Visiting him in the hospital, he'd jokingly claimed it was because she'd filched his pendant. She'd believed him though. She'd taken this simple gold chain as a sign her partner would always be safe regardless of how well she watched his back. Now his protectiveness rests in her hand.
You'll be fine Liv. You'll.. be... just... fine.
The battle call quiets in her head, becoming nothing more than a whisper because for the first time ever, she believes him.