Bluh, This took way too long for me to write, Call me a huge btch if you want. I had to juggle around with homework, soccer practice and more tedious and boring RL stuff that I'm positive you have no interest in hearing. Things have calmed down a little so I'm hoping hat I'll be able to update this story more frequently now :) Anyway, Enjoy the Chapter :D
Karkat had no idea were the motley little group was heading, He didn't care that much either. Though if Gamzee and Tavros led them into some sort of a deathtrap or got themselves lost, Karkat wouldn't go easy on them.
How the hell had the two idiots taken the lead?
This was just as unacceptable as it was unworthy of making a fuss about. The headache pounding in his head made screaming about something as trivial who was walking in front seem like a bad idea.
He didn't want to waste his energy and temper on that.
Besides, He had never been in this forest before, Gamzee or Tavros was probably better guides.
Ofcourse he wasn't going to admit their superiority in this specific instance but he supposed that hanging out in the back for a while wouldn't be that bad.
It would be worse if Terezi was here, She would mock him to no end. Besides, He wouldn't be able to stand her stupid, high-pitched voice anymore. He sighed, Neither Tavros or Gamzee seemed to notice.
They were too absorbed into their conversation. Karkat couldn't help but feel like somewhat of an outsider. It was obvious that Gamzee and Tavros were on more equal grounds than Karkat in probably every way possible.
It probably had something to do with not considering eachother annoying fuckfaces.
Karkat wasn't envious.
He thought they both were annoying and pathetic, Both of them unworthy of his pity or his hate.
His relationship with the two could pretty much be described with two words, Undefined and awkward.
He didn't want to take part in their conversation anyway. Still, He wanted someone that would be able to hold a intelligent conversation without zoning out mid-sentence or stuttering like an idiot.
Reconsidering, Even Terezi would be nice at this point.
Neither Tavros or Gamzee didn't care where they were going, Or rather didn't notice. They both were too indulged in their conversation.
"Yeah, I guess it's rather cool.. I mean it's not often you get to die and come back to life" Tavros responded to Gamzee's previous statement, A bit overwhelmed with Gamzee's curiosity on the subject...
But he guessed that it was normal, Gamzee had been one of the last ones to be revived so he'd missed out of most of the action.
The question he'd expected quickly followed.
"I ain't a motherfucker to question a miracle but I can't help but wonder how you all pulled off this shit.."
Well, Tavros had to admit there was no easy way to answer the question, Partly because Tavros himself barely had an idea how it all had happened.
"Well, After you.. died. Sollux had somehow gotten his hands on some equipment. He had an idea, Since we knew the Green Sun were going to explode soon so he configured it to recharge using the energy from the , the machine was built to extract persons from dreambubbles... It was kind of broken.. But Sollux managed to fix it up and even improve it.. "
Tavros rambled on, he was basically just repeating the information he'd heard many times before, Or rather what sense he had been able to extract from Sollux attempt to explain it to him.
Gamzee nodded and looked at him, There was a strangely focused edge in his stare.
Tavros wasn't really used to seeing him this attentive but he guessed that in Gamzee's case, It was probably a good thing..
"So they used those weird chess-people from the lab as the basic bodies and some other weird ectobioigy stuff to get the genetics right for those whose bodies were too damaged to be functioning.. And began reviving I guess.. I weren't there so I can't say I know anything about the process.." Tavros said, Stuttering at some points in the sentence.
He wasn't really sure if Karkat was listening but he hoped he wasn't.
The words coming out of his mouth was meant for Gamzee. While it wasn't anything secret or embarrassing, The thought of Karkat listening made him nervous.
There was no real reason behind that fear but it was there nonetheless..
"Since we were in kind of a hurry, They made a list of who had the highest priority.." He continued but was swiftly interrupted by Gamzee.
"So everyone is alive now?" He asked, Tavros was a bit perplexed by the lack of swears in his sentence and even more so when he realized that the original group of twelve was now down to ten.
He hadn't even thought about it..
"No.. We didn't have.. Uhh, Time for Eridan and Vriska so.. They're pretty dead right now." Tavros. He hadn't gotten along with Eridan very well so he couldn't say he missed him, In fact no one seemed to miss the seadweller.
And Vriska... It was complicated but he supposed it was good riddance.
He wasn't sure what to think of her, She had thrown him from a cliff, Paralyzed him in the process, kissed him and then killed him.
Vriska was a subject that he tried not to think about, She confused him to no end..
It was harder to keep the act up than Gamzee had anticipated. Trying to stay relaxed while his mind was racing in his head.
A jumbled mess of barely coherent thoughts tumbled around inside his thinkpan.
He was happy but simultaneously, The paranoia was getting harder and harder to contain and recuired more and more of his attention to push away.
Still, He found himself wanting to know more about what had happened after his death.. and revival, If he only could remember something but everything was just a colorful blur.
Nothing that he usually minded but the current subject had piqued his curiosity.
He didn't like being left out either. Well, He supposed that no one did. He felt somewhat flattered that he had been revived but he suspected that he hadn't been very high up on that list.
The feeling of gratitude was minimal.
Gamzee was surprised how indifferent he was about the subject. Though right now, He was happy to be alive.. Or atleast he thought so, He should be anyway.
Tavros was here, Karkat was here and they were having a nice walk in the forest. Yes, He should be happy and he was happy.
Probably.
Making heads or tails of his thoughts was hard. However there was something that unsettled him, It seemed like there was a part of him that wanted to be dead.. Or not revived at least.
He had to admit it would be more practical that way, Spare him some emotional pain and whatnot.
Though right now he was happy, and he was going to stay that way. Happy.
Still, He sarcastically remarked that he was a suicidal, Possibly murderous, Manodepressive individual wandering through the woods with two of his friends that might eventually end u as his victims,
Just motherfucking perfect..
No, Wrong thoughts.
Happy, Happy, Happy he reminded himself, Gotta stay motherfucking happy.
While his train of thought rushed through his cramped mind, Tavros continued to tell him about their adventure with those weird aliens.
Gamzee had stopped listening when his own thoughts became too overwhelming and what Tavros now said was complete nonsense to him,
Gamzee supposed he was one of those guys who had a hard time to follow a story if he hadn't heard it form the beginning.
He kind of wanted to ask Tavros to take it all from the beginning again but Gamzee decided that it wasn't worth it.
He knew that Tavros would feel very awkward if Gamzee interrupted him and asked him to take it from the top again.
He supposed he could ignore his curiosity, Just as he ignored the rest of his thoughts and not begrudge Tavros the happiness.
Tavros tried to include as much detail as possible but he got derailed at some points, But Gamzee didn't seem to mind.
Surprisingly, He seemed to follow along the story quite nicely.
Ofcourse Tavros wasn't really focusing on Gamzee, He was too busy trying to remember whether the clouds on that weird planet were blue or green.
It seemed unfair that Gamzee had to miss out on such an awesome experience so he tried to incudes as much details and describe everything that had happened.
His headache was long gone, It was amazing what some fresh air could do. He was silently amazed how the words flowed from his mouth, Almost no stuttering or pauses in mid-sentence.
He felt his confidence spike and a strong sense of accomplishment washed over him.
Yeah, He wasn't much of a public speaker but with Gamzee it all seemed to flow so naturally..
Oh, Karkat was here too. He was surprisingly quiet, Tavros had barely noticed he was there. Well, It was a nice break from his usual loud presence.
He took a deep breath and continued to explain the texture of the grass, A quiet Karkat was usually the best Kartkat but after being reminded of his presence he felt considerably a lot more nervous.
Maybe he should talk to him too? After a few moment of silence and thinking he decided that including him in the conversation would probably no do much good at this point.
Even though his headache had faded, It was never fun to be shoted at and called an idiot. Tavros couldn't guarantee that would be the case but speaking from experience, That was probably what were going to happen.
Oh, look a tree. Another tree. Oh my, What have we here another tree? What a pleasant surprise.
Fuck, This was boring, He had tried to listening to what Tavros was saying but he had stopped when Tavros began mumbling some shit about the unusually 'soft pink grass from that place that smelled like dryness'.
God, That troll was an awful storyteller.
He had quickly redirected his attention to his surroundings instead but he was already bored again.
Yeah, By now he had probably seen enough trees for a lifetime.
or the third time he redirected his attention to the two trolls walking in front of him, He couldn't help but notice things that annoyed him..
No , Annoyed was the wrong word, Rather, It infuriated him.
He couldn't give a fuck less about Tavros, That nookstains could go fuck his idiotic self but he couldn't take his eyes from Gamzee.
It was tiny little things, Nothing big, karkat was suprised how those things could invoke such feelings.
The way he walked and talked, So relaxed. Hell, even his usual blank stare seemed to laugh him in the face,
If that even was possible.
Karkat hated to admit it but he had been haunted by guilt.
Sure enough, He could kill imps and ogres. That had been a part of the game, A necessary step and Karkat openly admitted that he felt some kind of satisfaction when he sliced them to pieces.
Trolls were a violent race after all.
But killing someone he knew, Someone he had spent time with, A lot of time with actually.
Since once upon a time Karkat and Gamzee had been best friends, It was many sweeps ago.
At that age where you were on the hemospectrum hadn't mattered, Karkat had been blissfully ignorant about what liquid abomination flowed in his veins.
He'd been equally ignorant about Gamzee's high position on the scale and..
They had gotten along suprisingly well. Eventually Karkat had realized that his mutated genes would put him high up on the cullinglist so he had began shunning away from others, Including Gamzee.
Still, The idiot clung to him like a braindamaged barkbeast. Deep down Karkat was somehow flattered by his devotion but he would never allow those sentences to leave his mouth, Much less acknowledge them.
And Karkat had, more or less, been forced to kill his former best friend.
Ofcourse you weren't going to be a-ok after that.
What pissed him off the most was while he had been feeling quite guilty, Gamzee had just it shrugged off and he had committed something twice as bad, If not worse.
It was so fucking unfair, He didn't care if he sounded like a spoiled blueblooded grub but he was way beyond rational thinking by this point.
He felt the hot rage stirring in him once again, This time it was more serious than the short little outburst back at the house. That was just his reaction to some minor frustration.
One little harmless question from Tavros was that spark that lit the fire.
Tavros had finished his story and he was quite proud of what he had accomplished. Though he was a bit disappointed when his effort only had been rewarded with "That's a wicked awesome story, Bro" but since it was Gamzee he found it understandable.
He wasn't exactly the best person to give critique and he knew that he'd been fooling himself if he had expected anything else.
He still smiled at the response, Tavros found some value in those words.
He choose his next words carefully, He suspected that it could be somewhat of an sensitive subject but he had to still his curiosity.
"Gamzee, I hope you don't think I'm intruding or something but.. What have you been up to.. Err, I mean, I haven't really heard from you for a while.. If you don't want to answer.."
His words faded out as he saw Gamzee's reaction to the question, He kind of froze up. Not in that way when he was zoning out, He was still there.
Not as he was when the effects of the sopor slime got the better of him, He was aware of this surroundings and most of all he was aware of what he just had been asked.
It seemed to shock him but before Tavros could analyze his expression further, Karkat's voice ripped his attention away. It was cold and dripping with spite. A warning of the flaming shitstorm that was about to follow.
"Oh, I bet he has been dragging trolls into his basement. You know what? I bet he's been drawing some pretty fucking neat rainbows down there as well."
Tavros was shocked by the chilly undertone in Karkat's voice and by his harsh words. He knew that some might wonder about Gamzee's thoughts about what had happened but Tavros had figured that Gamzee would bring it up whenever he was ready.
Tavros knew that this wasn't the best way of bringing it up, He had no idea why Karkat acted to irrationally or from where those words came from.
Tavros wanted to intervene, Break up the fight that was probably about to go down but as much as Tavros wanted to, He had neither the courage or strength to do so.
He was no Kanaya, He had no idea how to come to a just and fair solution for both parties.
He wasn't Equius whose brute strenght would be able to keep any trolls apart.
He silently hated himself for it but all he could do was stare as the situation unfolded in front of him.
Gamzee looked at Karkat. He could barely believe what he just had heard. He was dumbfounded and not really sure how to react to the question.
His emotions flashed by so quickly he couldn't put a label them. He felt his face stiffen.
He wasn't really sure whether to smile, frown or cry so his face just kind of froze - Still Gamzee decided to keep the act up.
"I have no idea of what the motherfuck you're talking about" Even though he tried his best to act natural, He heard how fake it all sounded.
He was an bad actor delivering his lines, Stale and mechanical.
Ofcourse Karkat wouldn't listen to him, He was at that point where he was unstoppable, Like steamdriven, railbound machine of some sort. "You know what, Fuck you, Gamzee. Fuck you. Do you think that everyone ha just forgotten everything?"
Ofcourse he didn't.
If it only had been so simple. He'd hoped that he wouldn't have to talk about this .. ever. He didn't even have anything to say to karkat.
He had spent so much time trying to make it all go away he hadn't thought of any excuses or anything to say.
Sorry was probably not going to cut it this time but before Gamzee could think about it further, Karkat fired off another volley of words.
"Did we give you too much slime? Has your think pan rotted away completely and by some 'Motherfucking miracle' magically generated without giving you any memories of what happened, Then I'm happy to fill you in. You went fucking batshit crazy, Strangled Equius, Clubbed Nepeta's head into a concave, Got kicked off a platform by the bonebulge, Got back up, Tried to kill us which ultimately ended with me having to plant a sickle through your chest."
Karkat took a short break to inhale, Barely giving Gamzee enough time to revisit each and single memory.
He cringed when those images flashed by his mental screen. It wasn't physical kind of pain he felt and remembered.
Though he couldn't say hitting that floor had been pleasant but then again, He had been beyond the point of caring about physical harm.
Every memory flashed by in less than a microsecond by each one was so clear, Each one gave him what felt like an emotional stab-wound.
For the second time today, He felt he was close to tears, Fuck. Fuck.. This wasn't what he wanted.
He wanted to explain but his thinkpan was far too clustered to come up with anything but It wasn't like Karkat gave him a chance to speak either
Because what seemed like eternity for Gamzee was in fact just a second where karkat caught his breath.
"Did that refresh your memory, Fuckass? If so, Care to give me an decent explanation. Cause you know, Sticking a lethal object into the body of your be.. teammate isn't as funny as it sounds.. Or is it? I have no idea how you felt so it would be fucking delighting to get a second opinion. I could imagine it feeling very well judging by that creepy ear-to-ear grin you were sporting"
Gamzee found himself unable to even talk, He tried to open his mouth but his jaws were clenched together.
His eyes were shut, This time he was more successful with keeping the tears in.
Crap, He didn't want to talk about this shit, He wanted to forget.
Not rip up the wounds again.
All he wanted to do right now was to disappear, Be wiped off the surface of Alternia.
He had no means of teleportation or anything of the sort but there was one thing he could do, Run.
Run from his troubles like the coward he was.
Bravery and courage was not qualities that Gamzee Makara possessed anymore, Running like a scared fluffbeast was a perfectly viable option.
And that was exactly what he did..
Into the damp and dark woods, Away from Karkat.. and ultimately Tavros but he tried not to think about that fact.
He needed to get away.