dawning
.:let go:.
chapter four
He worked quickly and efficiently in the soft glow of the morning sun. Only the soft rustling of leaves overhead and birdsong could be heard at such an early hour. If he strained, he could just barely detect the whispers of his fellow squad-mates as they waited for him to finish securing the perimeter of their camp. Until that moment, everyone was required to be as silent as possible.
It was almost noon before Sasuke finished his work, but he was more than confident that their tiny camp was safe. He had set several traps, triggers and chakra-sensing tags in many key points around their encampment. If anyone came near, even a civilian, they would know it instantly.
Even though it was standard procedure for a squad leader on a sensitive mission to verify perimeter security, it still irked Sasuke when Shikamaru inspected his work. There was no doubt that Nara was highly intelligent, but he simply wasn't on-par with Sasuke when it came to skill. Why such a mission was entrusted to him, of all people, bothered Sasuke. Far more than he cared to admit.
He rationalized that the annoyance he felt was due to the stress and misjudgments from the last two weeks. Shikamaru had to inspect his work so he could pronounce the site 'Secure' and they could begin Phase 2. Still, deep down inside Sasuke knew he was better than the shadow-user and Nara should be the one reporting to him.
"Okay," Shikamaru said upon his return to camp. "We're set. Let's finish the prep for the next phase..."
Sasuke tuned the shadow user out soon after his official confirmation of what he already knew to be true. Of course they were secure. Jaw tight, Sasuke sat on a fallen log surrounded by low-hanging branches thick with leaves. From his perch he could watch the goings-on within the camp without being in plain sight yet still be available should he be needed.
He didn't want to be needed. He wanted to be left alone.
With a deep exhale, he cleared his mind and began the breathing exercises Tsunade taught him. The remnant was still bothering him. With the heavy travel over the last few days, Sasuke never had much opportunity to re-focus himself. While he would have preferred being totally isolated, he knew it would be unwise to not use his spare time to meditate. Legs crossed, back straight and eyes closed, Sasuke began. He breathed deeply as he envisioned the tension in his muscles flowing out of him. It was a maddeningly slow process, but that was the point. It was an exercise meant to help him resist drawing power from the remains of Orochimaru's chakra still sealed within the remnant of the cursed seal as it taught him patience.
Another deep breath and the stiffness in his joints began to ease. Tight muscles filled with stress loosened. His heart rate began to slow. Then the phantom tingling began. It was a delicate irritation that skittered around the edges of his cursed seal. He knew the sensation was only in his mind, but if he thought about it too much, it would become real. His body was hardwired to stimulate the seal on a subconscious level. Actively thinking about it would only make it worse.
Snips of conversation floated past him. Two female voices, one he knew too well. Knowing she was near brought the tightness back to his muscles and he felt the first tugs of frustration.
'Don't think... just relax... focus...'
He heard laughter. Her laughter. She was several feet away, but still too near. Much too near. Her presence felt invasive... irritating.
'Focus!' Sasuke chided himself. He breathed deeply, oxygen filling his lungs and enriching his blood. The simple exercise triggered overly tense muscles to loosen. The strain in his shoulders had just begun to ease when he felt another tingle, a fluttering, just under the skin near the nape of his neck. This was real. The remnant was moving.
'Ignore it. Patience... Focus!'
The sound of a twig snapping grated against his ears. He opened his eyes into thin slits and saw Hinata and Sakura working near the center of camp. She wasn't facing him, but Sasuke could read the medic well enough to know she was just as aware of him as he was of her.
Frowning, Sasuke studied her. Since Shikamaru pulled her aside the other day, Sakura had taken up watching him with a new expression. What that expression meant exactly, he didn't know, but it was clear that whatever thoughts were filling her mind were also beginning to pressure her into talking to him. He could only hope that the opportunity for such a confrontation would wait until after the next phase of the mission was over. Knowing Sakura, that was unlikely to happen.
Still within the shadows, he watched the two women talk. Sakura said something and Hinata smiled widely. The thick, pink braid that hung down her back quivered as she laughed. Sasuke's eyes lingered on her hair before settling on the ever-present leather belt cinched around her waist, and the medpack she always kept close at hand.
The two young women spoke for a moment longer, then Hinata walked away. Now alone, Sakura's awareness of him became more pronounced. Arms wrapped around her middle and shoulders bunched, she glanced backward. Toward him.
Sasuke clenched his jaw. 'Go away, Sakura.'
To his chagrin, her whole body began to turn toward him. His ill temper made the remnant pulse and darken.
'Just leave me alone for once.'
A cool breeze pushed past him, stirring the leaves overhead. He closed his eyes and dipped his chin lower. She was coming toward him.
'Shit.'
"Sasuke-kun... I'm sorry." She hesitated, fidgeted. "I know you're busy, but we're leaving this afternoon..." Sakura paused again and looked down at her hands, "Do you think we can talk? Just for a little while... Please?"
• • •
"I have done as you asked," Shino said, voice carefully pitched for only is squad leader to hear. Shikamaru paused in his careful work of sharpening the fine edge of one of his kunai just long enough to glance at the Aburame in silent acknowledgment. "Even if he notices the insect," the insect-user continued, "Uchiha will not recognize it as a tracker."
A sense of relief brought a small smile to his lips. With Sasuke being monitored by a trusted comrade Shikamaru felt much more comfortable about leaving the group behind. "Thanks, Shino. It probably won't be needed, but I feel better knowing it's there."
Inclining his head in acknowledgment, Shino suggested, "I can put one on you and Sakura as well. In fact, for a mission like this, it may be wise to put one on all members."
"Good idea," Shikamaru said as he finished securing his weapons in his pack. Standing to his full height, he lifted his arms over head and leaned backward, stretching his muscles as he yawned. He barely noticed Shino's sudden stillness as he sent a silent command to his insects that specialize in tracking to attach themselves to every member of the squad. As Shikamaru made a mental note of what final preparations needed to be done, he heard Shino murmur beside him.
"It's done."
He would have thanked his friend had he not caught sight of a determined looking Sakura carefully approaching an angry looking Sasuke. Realizing that she mean to confront him very nearly made him groan. He prayed to anything that might be listening that she was just going to talk to him for something specifically related to the mission and not try to talk to him about anything personal. Now was not the time for any last minute drama.
"They are both rather tense," Shino said as he watched the pair. "Him more than her."
"Mm."
"Do you expect us to meet members of the Akatsuki?" the bug user asked. "Is that why you wanted to put a tracker on him?"
"I do my best to expect the unexpected," he said as he continued to observe the pair. "Or at least try to prepare for the worst."
Sakura said something to Sasuke and she sat down on the log beside him. They were close enough to have a private conversation, but there was enough distance between them to maintain plenty of personal space. Sakura began speaking again as Sasuke stared at some distant point, his expression carefully blank. Though Shikamaru could not hear her, he could see her lips move as she fidgeted. Clearly nervous, she pushed through with whatever it was she felt she needed to say. All the while, the Sharingan user seemed very detached and obstinate. When she finished speaking, she turned her full attention toward the Uchiha and waited. When he finally replied, his words caused her shoulders to slump.
Jaw tight, Shikamaru continued, "However, the one thing I do expect is for Uchiha to follow orders under supervision."
"And you are leaving camp," Shino supplied. Shikamaru knew then that the bug user understood the situation far more than he let on, "I see."
• • •
'Oh, no... no, no, no...' Throat painfully tight, Sakura willed herself not to cry. The flurry of emotions within her reminded her of the last time she confessed her love to him. The night he left the village to join Orochimaru and the Sound. But instead of being afraid that she would never see him again, she feared the truth she had long denied.
Swallowing hard and willing her voice not to crack, she repeated his words back to him. "You think being with me was a mistake?"
He sighed.
"But y-you kissed me first," she said. "You approached me. You told me you've been taking me for granted... that you—"
"I don't remember."
She stared at Sasuke, liquid eyes wide and bloodshot.
"The remnant," he said. The shinobi opened his mouth to continue, but decided against it. Jaw clenched and expression unreadable, he looked away.
With those words, Sakura's world seemed to stop. Cold dread filled her heart as she thought back to the night they slept together. He had been acting different. More open. More accepting of her attention and nearness. More greedy. And instead of thinking his behavior strange, she happily embraced it and let her life-long infatuation dictate her actions.
'How could I be so stupid?' Sakura thought bitterly, staring at her hands. All the years of dreaming, waiting, praying and hoping suddenly felt hallow. Crashing down around her wasn't just the painful reality of what really happened that night, but the choking realization that she was wrong. And had been wrong. For years.
Lifting her chin she sucked in a deep, shaky breath and asked, "You don't remember it... at all?"
"No," he admitted. "I remember the important parts. But me approaching you and telling you that I've been 'taking you for granted.' That I don't remember. At least not very clearly."
'The important parts?'
Heart pounding hard in her chest, her anxiety quickly turned to nausea as she realized what he meant. 'He means the sex. It was just sex to him...'
"You're... you're kidding," she said, voice sick with disbelief and self-loathing. The urge to cry filled her heart but she stubbornly fought against it. She would not let him see her tears.
"The hokage believes that my intensive training over the last few weeks has caused my chakra to drop unusually low, which allows the remnant to feel more..." he frowned as he considered his next words. "More... influential. That is probably why most of that evening is a bit blurry."
"Blurry?" she murmured. Crushed, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Her green eyes traced patterns in the soil at her feet as Shikamaru's words floated to the forefront of her mind. "Then it really was just a lie. You only told me what I wanted to hear..."
"Pft," Sasuke snorted, peering at her with a dark expression. "You only hear what you want to hear. It's an annoying trait you've always had."
Embarrassment and anger joined the cacophony of emotions swirling together in her gut. She didn't know what was worse: the realization that Sasuke led her on, or the sense that she let him lead her on. Either way, at that very moment, she felt like a fool. And the more she absorbed the truth of the situation, the angrier she became.
At herself.
At him.
• • •
"Perhaps this conversation will finally clear the air between them," Shino remarked.
Both men watched the pair for several moments. Sakura's fingers kept digging and pulling at her knees. The more they spoke, the less she looked in Sasuke's direction.
Shikamaru frowned, "Perhaps."
"You have doubts?"
Hands on his hips, the lazy Jounin arched his back and stretched. Pockets of blue sky filtered through the leafy canopy above, obscuring his view of the clouds.
"I think if they can clear the air between them it will be good for everyone. I'm just not every optimistic about it happening any time soon." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "Sakura's problem is she lets Sasuke dictate her happiness. And he knows it."
Silence returned as they watched the pair. After several moments, Shino sighed.
"It seems they will argue soon."
Shikamaru raised a curious brow.
"My kikai can smell epinephrine in perspiration," he explained. "She is becoming agitated."
The lazy Jounin scowled. "She's probably going to start sobbing again," he muttered, thinking of the night she bawled in front of him. Almost on cue, Sakura's expression turned heartsick. Her words were lost to the wind, but the tone of the exchange was easily felt. Closest to the couple stood Hinata, who watched the event with wide, worried eyes.
When Sakura finished speaking there was only heavy stillness, then Sasuke's eyes narrowed dangerously. There was coldness in his visage as he spoke and Sakura recoiled, visibly hurt by his verbal barbs.
Shikamaru's scowl deepened, creating a crease between his brows. Not wanting to witness the confrontation any longer, he crouched next to his pack and triple checked his weapons and supplies. It was an unnecessary exercise, but it was the easier than watching Sakura put herself into a position that would only cause her pain.
'Why does she let him treat her like that? Are all women as insane as her or is Sakura just especially stupid?'
Temptation was too hard to resist and he glanced at the couple again. He expected to see Sakura crying as Sasuke looked on, instead she was walking away from him. Chin high, eyes forward and damp cheeks drying, the medic-nin didn't look back. Wiping away the last of her tears, her expression hardened as she rejoined Hinata to begin working again.
The display of resilience impressed him. And in a way, he was proud of her.
Turning his gaze toward Sasuke, it amused him to see the Sharingan user glaring at the back of Sakura's head. Instead of walking away in tears, she kept her dignity and reflected her professionalism as a shinobi. And that seemed to annoy Sasuke more than anything she had previously said to him.
The corners of Shikamaru's mouth to pulled back into a smirk. If what he just saw was an act on her part, it was a damn good one. And he was silently thankful for it.
• • •
LATE AFTERNOON
'How women can wear those things and still manage to walk I'll never know...' Shikamaru thought, examining Sakura out of the corner of his eyes. He'd never seen her in heels before, let alone wear something other than her typical ninja attire.
Her outfit wasn't really all that different from the clothing Tsunade often wore. Though much less revealing. She wore a short-sleeved, tunic-length, ivory-colored shirt that was belted around the waist. Cropped, dark khaki pants that fell mid-calf finished the outfit. It was very plain and neutral-looking attire, if not somewhat unconventional. Most civilian women seemed to wear kimonos or clothing with more colors and patterns. Sakura chose not to. Even so, she still looked the part of 'commoner' and that would make blending into the crowd even easier. Plus, her choice in clothing offered plenty of ease of motion should she be required to drop her cover and fight - though Shikamaru couldn't imagine a woman being able to run in heels. Let alone fight. He knew it was possible, but still...
'Maybe they're trained how to do that. Like with the whole flower arranging classes girls are required to take back at the Academy...'
"What?" Sakura asked, disrupting his thoughts. She glanced down at herself. "What's wrong? Do I have something on me?"
Shikamaru frowned. "No."
"Then what's wrong? You keep looking at me like you're trying to figure something out," she said. "It's making me paranoid."
He shrugged, but said nothing. She gave him a queer look and the silence continued, only the sound of gravel crunching under foot as they walked could be heard. Were it not for the near constant breeze coming in off the nearby river, the heat of the late afternoon sun would have been unbearable. Swallowing two mouthfuls of water from his canteen, Shikamaru gazed at the cirrocumulus clouds that divided the blue of the sky. Their carefree nature as they floated through the upper atmosphere made him envious.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, he sighed. Except for the heat, it was a perfect day to stretch out on a grassy knoll and watch the clouds. Hands in his pockets, Shikamaru's fingers brushed against a circle of metal, reminding him of the last few details they needed to address.
"Do you have a ring?" he asked abruptly.
"Huh? Ring..?" Pausing in mid step, Sakura's face went pale as she realized the significance of the question. "Oh, no. Hell, no! Tell me you're kidding."
Shikamaru eyed the clouds as they stretched out over the horizon. "I guess you don't."
"What do you... you never said—" Snapping her mouth shut to control her fluster, she quickly gathered her thoughts. "What ring? You didn't even tell us what this mission would be until just before we left Konoha..!"
"That's true."
His casual demeanor left her nonplussed. Sighing, she said, "Well, I guess we'll just have to purchase them in town—"
"Can't do that," he said. "Who in their right mind would believe we were married if we bought our wedding rings on our honeymoon? We may as well put on our forehead protectors while we're at it."
Expression darkening, Sakura grated, "What do you suggest then? Having a ring is a pretty damn important detail."
"I brought a pair," he said. Then produced a simple gold band from his pocket. He slipped the ring on his finger as Sakura sighed impatiently.
"If you had a pair," she frowned. "Why did you ask if I had one?"
Removing his backpack, Shikamaru crouched in the middle of the road. "Because," he said, "I wanted to avoid giving you the ring I brought for you to use."
Sakura's curious expression turned to surprise when Shikamaru held out a small, wooden box for her to take.
"Here."
The box appeared seamless. Save for the tale-tale Nara clan symbol on one side, Sakura wouldn't be able to tell which end was the top. She felt the sides and couldn't detect a blemish that would indicate a lid. Pressing the clan symbol with her thumb, she pushed.
"Other way," he said.
The lid slid forward and her breath caught. Snuggled within the box and protected by silk cloth was a solitaire diamond engagement ring.
"It's not real... is it?" she asked, staring at the jewelry.
"It's real," Shikamaru said. "I didn't have time to find an authentic-looking fake wedding ring."
Her eyes met his. "Tsunade-shishou let you borrow this for the mission?"
"No."
Sakura gaped. "Where did you get a diamond ring from?"
"It's an heirloom," he explained. "It went to my grandfather after my great-grandmother died. Then it went to my late uncle..." He shrugged, "You get the idea. It's mine now."
Frowning, Sakura closed the lid and tried to hand the box back to Shikamaru.
"What are you doing?" he asked, refusing. "Put it on. We're only a couple of miles from town."
"I'm not wearing your family heirloom on a mission like this. What if I lose it?" She pushed it in his hands, "We'll just have to find something in town... or make something up."
"No," he took the box from her and opened it. "We have to make this believable. Women always look at other women's wedding rings. A fake would be noticed and it would be dangerous if our cover is blown."
He held the ring out to her and she shook her head.
"Let's just make up a story—"
"No." Scowling, he grabbed her hand and pressed the ring into her palm. "Just put it on already."
Sakura stared at the oval-cut diamond as Shikamaru closed up his backpack and pulled it on again.
"Put it on before you lose it," he said. "My mother will kill me if that thing gets lost."
She gave a weak, humorless laugh.
"You know," she said with a jittery smile. "Saying stuff like that only makes me more nervous."
He shrugged, adjusted the straps over his shoulders and walked away. Still hesitating, Sakura stared at the ring sitting in the palm of her hand and didn't budge.
'I can't take this,' she thought, chewing her lip. 'We should just make something up...' Unfortunately, very few ideas came to mind as she studied the ring. And of the ideas she did think up, all of them would be refused by the Shadow-user.
"Hurry up," Shikamaru said over his shoulder. "We're running out of daylight."
Lips pressed together to form a tight line, Sakura slipped the ring on her finger. To her horror, it felt lose. She curled her hand into a fist and rushed to catch up to her pseudo-husband.
"You wanted to know what I wasn't telling you guys," Shikamaru said. "I'll tell you what I know, but it's important that you keep it to yourself. I'm not comfortable with Uchiha knowing."
She nodded and apprehension formed a tight knot in her belly. The knot only grew more uncomfortable and heavy as Shikamaru spoke. Being Tsunade's pupil gave her an insight into politics that she sometimes wished she didn't possess. It was bad enough that the Akatsuki were active again. With their narcissistic aspirations to gain power by whatever means necessary and to use that power to conquer or destroy every ninja village, most people saw the organization for what it was. A threat.
But Sakura's unease didn't stem from that knowledge. The real problem was the theory that the Akatsuki have been hiding within the borders of 'friendly' nations for years. Including the Wind Country. If that turned out to be true, it meant that Konoha was more alone than anyone imagined. And, it meant that their ally, the Shinobi of the Sand, was edging closer toward civil war with their own Feudal Lord. If the Wind Country became embroiled in civil war, it would create an opportunity for the Akatsuki to strike while Konoha was without her strongest ally.
So absorbed in her thoughts, Sakura jumped when Shikamaru grasped her hand.
"Che," he scowled. "Relax, honey."
The gates were only a few yards ahead of them. There were several couples around them, all heading in the same direction. Beyond the gate was a growing crowd of people. It was still too early in the evening for the first night's festival to begin, but the streets were already beginning to fill with vendors and tourists.
Pushing thoughts of war out of her mind, she concentrated on the moment. "Sorry... d-dear," she said. Smiling, she offered Shikamaru her hand and tried not to blush. The attempt failed miserably.
Shikamaru looked straight ahead when he took her hand in his. For all of his boldness in grabbing her hand, he seemed just as uncomfortable with the physical contact between them as she was.
"How are we going to pull this off?" Sakura asked, sotto voce. "No one is going to believe we're on our honeymoon."
"Sure they will," he whispered back. "We hold hands, hug once or twice, you tell me what to do and I act whipped and agree to everything you say. Easy."
Sakura scoffed at his bravado, then said something she instantly regretted. "Spoken like a man who's never been in a long-term relationship in his life."
"I have more experience with long-term relationships than you do," he said without missing a beat. By his tone of voice, Sakura knew he was being sincere. He wasn't trying to make a backhanded comment about her and Sasuke.
"You only dated Ino for about five months," she replied, following his lead.
"I know," he grimaced. "At times it felt like a lifetime."
Sakura grinned, then chuckled. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Shikamaru smirking. The look on his face was almost roguish. Seeing it, Sakura laughed even more.
AN: WTB more ShikaSaku fanart. Not for this fic, just in general. The world needs more ShikaSaku.
Just sayin' ;)