A/N: If you follow me on Twitter, you would have noticed some rather melancholy tweets from me regarding recent reviews of my story Interviewing Casanova.
In response to these reviews (which are some of a continuous amount I seem to get nowadays), I'm officially saying that once I finish my works-in-progress, you probably won't be seeing much from me.
As a writer, one needs to have a thick skin. I've tried, over the years, to develop that tough exterior by posting here. I've realized, however, that writing my not be the career I should head in, as I do not have the thick skin one would need to adjust to the negative feedback.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of the readers who have been infinitely supportive over the years. There are a healthy number of you, which makes it all the harder for me to back away from writing. Perhaps one day, when life has given me a tougher exterior, I may come back to this wonderful fandom. In the meantime, I shall be finishing up my three works-in-progress in the next year or so before closing shop on angelically-devilish.
Amy, as ever, I love you dearly. I hope you can find a writing partner who deserves you.
Chapter Four: Falling Back – Making Plans
Hermione couldn't help the agonizing mixture of heartbreak and joy she felt as she sat across the large mahogany desk, staring into the serene face of the man she had been mourning only days earlier. He was assessing her silently, unreadable blue eyes set behind his pair of half-moon spectacles and she felt her heart tug at the familiarity of it. It seemed horribly unfair that life should bring her here to exist in the past amidst the ghosts of her present without any hope of changing the march of time.
She was a smart young woman. 'The brightest witch of her age,' as both Sirius and Remus had said when she was only fourteen. She knew, however, that as ardently as she wished to, she wouldn't be able to change the horrors that had happened so soon after this happy little pocket of serenity in the Marauders' lives.
No matter what it would mean for both Harry and the man she loved.
"So, Miss Granger," Professor Dumbledore's calming voice said, breaking through her thoughts to bring her back to his presence. "I must admit, your story is a rather...singularly unique occurrence in the long history of this illustrious school."
"I know it's not easy to believe. I scarcely believe it myself."
He smiled kindly.
"On the contrary, Miss Granger. It is the incredible uniqueness of it that works to your credit. The fact that it hasn't happened before makes it more believable that it could. True, it is far-fetched, but that doesn't make it impossible. In fact, just this morning I was thinking that a rather impossible thing might happen today. Though, I do admit that at the time I was rather hoping for a quill that never splattered ink on important documents."
He gave a sigh and shrugged.
"That thought, coupled with your as yet unimpeachable character reference from both the Head Boy and Head Girl; a Gryffindor prefect, and their troublemaking but stout-hearted friend, leads me to believe that you are who you say you are."
Hermione let out the breath of relief she hadn't realized she had been holding.
"You have no idea how much your confidence means to me, sir."
He leaned back in his chair.
"You've said that you've gone back in time just a little under 20 years. Yet you have such an easy report with Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin. May I...and I understand if it's not my place to ask, but...may I ask if you know them? The adult versions of them, I mean."
Hermione opened her mouth to answer 'no', but she shut it again. If there was anyone who would know she was lying, it would be Albus Dumbledore. The consequences of revealing too much, however, would definitely impact the future and she was as yet unsure whether it would be in a way that would make things better than they were. Time was tricky. If there was anything her seventeen years had taught her, it was that.
"I...I'm unsure how to answer you, sir," she said honestly. "I won't lie and say that the future I come from couldn't...benefit...from changes in this time period but..."
He gave a small smile.
"I'm afraid I've misjudged and underestimated you, Miss Granger," he said.
She gave a sigh.
"I get that more often than I'd like."
"Don't misunderstand me," he said quickly. "I find you extremely bright and more than capable. I just...perhaps it is my ignorance of things to come but I expected you to be a little more innocent than you are."
She gave a wry smile.
"I'm afraid that's not an option where I come from."
He surveyed her for a moment.
"That's quite sad," he finally said. The he sighed. "But you are quite right. No matter what your present looks like, we cannot do more damage to the future than is already done by your admittedly charming presence. Let us move on, and speak no more of it."
She nodded.
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Now, to the subject of where you should go and what you should do, I..."
"I apologize, sir, but I have some thoughts on that," Hermione interrupted anxiously. He simply nodded and motioned for her to speak.
"Well...the hourglass kept me at Hogwarts, so I think it wants me to stay here."
He smiled again.
"My thoughts precisely, Miss Granger."
"I...I should very much like to stay here and...and see what plans it may have for me."
"Again, we are in agreement."
"So...so I was thinking... perhaps I could stay and do a sort of...of independent study? Spend my time in the library doing research on time travel and..."
"Ah," Dumbledore said, leaning forward. "Here is where our opinions may differ, I believe."
"Oh," Hermione said, feeling something akin to dread creep up her spine.
"I have no doubt that your intelligence is above reproach, but we have very little material available on time travel in any section of the library," he continued. "Aside from that, I think it may be a little disruptive to have a student milling about the castle who is not participating in any classes."
"I see."
"You said you were almost at the end of your sixth year when you ran afoul of Professor Slughorn's hourglass. Might I suggest that you join our seventh years and continue your studies?"
"I...as much as I appreciate your confidence that I will be able to catch up, I don't think that will leave me with enough time to work on my own...endeavours."
He nodded.
"I did think of that," he said. "My suggestion is that you meet with me one evening a week, and together we work on this. That way, we may procure the hourglass under less...suspicious pretences," he added, looking down his long nose at her. She blushed with embarrassment under his gaze. She should have realized he would suspect that her first course of business would be to gain possession of Professor Slughorn's hourglass.
"That's very kind of you, sir," she managed to mumble.
"Not at all. I admit a bit of selfish curiosity in this whole situation. I would like to know the outcome." He took a deep breath. "Now, to the question of your house..."
"Oh, am I not to be a Gryffindor?" she interrupted before she could stop herself, blushing even brighter under his bemused smile.
"Well, I suppose I should have guessed that was the house you came from, though I was leaning toward Ravenclaw for a moment. But of course you must remain a Gryffindor. After all, I would hate to see you removed from your new friends."
Despite another wave of relief, Hermione couldn't help feeling slightly hesitant at the knowledge that remaining in Gryffindor tower would keep her in close contact with Lily and the Marauders. It was true that she had become quite fond of them in the days she had been quarantined to the Infirmary, but she also knew how dangerous it could be to remain close with them as she was trying to get back to her own time.
She did know, however, that if she ever got back, Harry would never forgive her if she returned without a more intimate knowledge of his parents. And there wasn't any harm learning more about them while she was there.
Then another thought occurred to her.
"I don't have the money to pay for..."
"Don't worry about that. We have quite a generous discretionary fund for underprivileged students. I will make sure you have everything you need by the time you leave the Infirmary."
Hermione nibbled at her lower lip as she debated giving voice to a rather small, slightly superficial detail she had been thinking about.
"Sir...since I come from twenty years in the future, there are certain cultural...and fashion trends I'm not familiar with."
Dumbledore chuckled lightly.
"Don't worry yourself on that score. I trust your knowledge of contemporary history will help you with the culture. As for the fashions, I'll admit my own ignorance to the trends of the day but I have full faith that you'll be happy with the selections made."
"Thank you, sir."
"No need to thank me, my dear. Now, I'll send word to you when I'm ready to have us start our research. In the meantime, rest and get adjusted to your classes and schedule. I've asked young Mr. Lupin to escort you back to the Infirmary, but before you leave, is there anything more you need to tell me about how you got here?"
He was assessing her again and Hermione swallowed hard. She had specifically left Remus's presence at the time of the hourglass's magic out of the conversation, as she wasn't sure whether it wouldn't do more harm than good. Aside from admitting that she did, in fact, know the man, she feared that it would raise questions that might hinder her friendship with him in this time period.
She knew the thought was wrong - that she shouldn't even consider approaching the young Remus Lupin with anything other than the detached familiarity she would treat the others with - but there was something about him, much like the adult version, that drew her to him like a helpless moth to a blameless flame.
"No, sir. Nothing you need concern yourself with."
He watched her for a moment longer, then nodded.
"Alright, Miss Granger. You'll find Mr. Lupin just outside. I'll be in touch."
"Thank you, Headmaster."
As she exited, she saw Remus sitting on a bench reading a book. She arched an eyebrow when she saw what it was.
"Do you like Ginsberg?" she asked him, and he jumped, looking up at her with wide eyes. He closed the book quickly, standing and blushing slightly.
"I...er...Sirius lent it to me. He's rather subversive. I like it, though I don't always...I don't always understand him," he replied, tucking the book in his bag.
"Nor I," she admitted with a small smile. "Perhaps you have to be American to understand it. But I find his images poignant."
"I...yes. Me too."
They took the spiral staircase down and exited past the gargoyle, heading back toward the Infirmary. The castle was quiet and as Hermione looked at her watch, she realized everyone was probably at supper.
"I'm sorry to keep you from your meal," she said. "You don't need to accompany me if you want to go see if there's anything left. I can manage."
"Oh. Well, James and Sirius were going to bring me something but... if you preferred I go..."
"No, I don't mean...I just meant if you'd rather..."
"I don't mind. I...I enjoy your company," he said, and even in the dimly lit hallways, Hermione thought she saw him blush again.
She tried to ignore the little flip her heart made at the sight of it.
"I...you've all been so kind. Thank you," she said.
"I'm sure you would do the same for us, were the roles reversed," he replied.
"Yes, I'd like to think I would."
They walked a bit more in silence before he spoke again.
"So...do you know what house you'll be joining?" he asked.
"Gryffindor," she replied. "So I suppose we'll be seeing a lot of each other."
"Oh. Yes. Yes, that'll be nice. I mean...I know Lily will be happy to hear it. She's very fond of you. That is to say...I suppose we all are. Fond of you."
"I'm glad. I'm fond of you all as well."
They continued the rest of the way in silence but as they came to the doors of the Infirmary, Remus stopped her.
"Hermione, I...I don't suppose...that is...the next Hogsmeade trip is coming and..."
"Moony! There you are! We've been looking for you!" a voice suddenly called out. Hermione saw Remus cringe as Sirius came loping around the corner.
"I told you Dumbledore asked for me," Remus said to his grinning friend.
"Oh yes! I was wondering why Prongs was stuffing food into his bag. Sorry, mate, I forgot. Hello, Brown Eyes. How's the invalid today?" the handsome pureblood asked, shooting her a charming smile as he used the rather uninspired nickname he had coined for her.
"Well enough that you can stop referring to me as 'the invalid', thank you," she replied.
He bowed low.
"My apologies, princess. How's Dumbledore? Got you sorted, then?"
Remus looked at him.
"How is it that you remember that she had a meeting with the headmaster but you forgot that I did?" he asked.
"I always make it my business to know where every pretty, available witch is at all times in this castle," Sirius replied with a wink.
"How exhausting for you. I'm amazed you have space in your head for anything else," Hermione mused.
"It's a debatable point that he actually does," Remus quipped dryly.
Sirius shot his friend a glare before pouting at the laughing Hermione.
"If I didn't know better, Brown Eyes, I would think you were trying to dissuade my flirtations," he said. "Fortunately, my ego is sufficiently healthy to take your callous blows."
"I don't think anyone here has any delusions about the health of your ego, Padfoot," Remus mumbled.
Hermione smiled gently.
"I had better go inside before Madame Pomfrey sends out a search party. Have a good night, boys," she said, leaving them in the hallway before either could protest.
Sitting on her bed and listening to the muted sound of the duo's footfalls down the castle floors, Hermione let out a deep sigh, wondering just what on earth she had gotten herself into.
Thanks for reading.