Yes, I am alive. Here a small chapter to let you know, that yes: I'm alive and I will finish this. Happy new year.

Agent Mark Fallon walked into the bullpen, his blonde hair framing his stern face. He moved around until he reached the blackboard where all the information was pinned.

"We have to assume Bai wasn't acting alone. Where are we on his wife and cousin?"

Cavanaugh joined to stand next to him and looked at the blackboard as well. "She's on her way in. According to her neighbor, Xiu went out drinking. We're trying to track him." He made a small movement towards Frost who was looking rather confused at his screen. Mark Fallon eyed him shortly and Cavanaugh swore he saw him roll his eyes quickly.

"Bai either had the nuclear material for himself, or he was holding onto it for someone." The agent shifted his weight from his one leg to another before twisting his body towards Frost. "Either way, odds that's what got him killed. Check his phone records against the terror watch list."

Cavanaugh coughed loudly when Frost sent them a confused look.

"We're already doing that. Excuse me."

Agent Mark Fallon shifted his attention back towards Cavanaugh. The awkward atmosphere couldn't go unnoticed.

"Just so I'm clear, are you taking over?" Cavanaugh inquired.

"This is your case," Agent Mark Fallon replied curtly. "I'm just here to lend support however I can."

"Yo Cap," Frost shouted from behind his computer. "IC just sent all the immigration papers for Bai Lee. He got a degree in electrical engineering from a school in Beijing."

"What was he working on in China?" Agent Mark Fallon asked as he looked at the blackboard. Korsak walked into the bullpen at that very moment and joined the group standing at the blackboard.

"I got that one. I just spoke with the state department. They debriefed him when he first landed here. They say he was working on weapons program for the North-Koreans."

"Nuclear weapons?" Cavanaugh asked.

"Yeah."

Agent Mark Fallon walked towards the exit of the bullpen as he raised his voice for his announcement. "Okay, now I'm taking over."

There was an uneasy atmosphere between Jane and Maura. After Maura had lashed out at Jane, they decided it would be best to sit in silence. Jane played with her hands nervously as she tapped her one foot in an uneven rhythm. Every two minutes she shot Maura a quick glance. The blonde woman was still holding herself collected as ever and even though she was probably lost in thoughts, it looked like she was just still staring in front of her.

"Maura," Jane mumbled quietly. "It's a bomb, isn't it? It's a nuclear bomb in that locker. Is that why you are so quiet?"

And then finally, there was movement in the blonde's frame. Maura shifted her gaze towards Jane, the clouds still visible in her eyes. Jane saw it for a second before the clouds were blinked away.

"Jane," she replied soft as ever, trying to hide the panicked tune. "We don't know if it's a bomb. You're overreacting because I snapped at you."

"Well, we will as soon as it goes off in that nanosecond before we're vaporized." Jane grunted as she moved a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry – I'm just trying to lift the mood."

"Can't we just talk about something else?" Maura pushed back. Her desperation to change the subject would be the only piece of fear that she would show Jane. She wouldn't show her panic to the detective.

"Okay."

"What are you going to do with Casey?" The scientist asked Jane. They both knew that this question was coming. Both of them were the best at building walls around them and even though they were each other's best friends – even they had walls between them.

"Good question." Jane replied. "He's in Afghanistan and just got confirmed for another mission."

"How long?"

Jane shrugged as she mouthed that she doesn't know. She wondered if it was positive or negative thing that he was staying away longer.

"It's so funny, Maura," Jane whispered. She shifted her gaze towards the floor as she thought about the right words that were suited for what she wanted to say.

"You know, at first I loved that he was so busy."

Maura shifted uncomfortably beside her as she her friend used the word love. She had always wanted Jane to find love, to be happy. But in this case the word love meant abandoning and she was afraid. Luckily Jane couldn't see the fearful features on her face.

"It's just, it gave me an opportunity to keep one foot out the door - just in case." Jane finished poorly as she looked with a sheepish smile towards Maura. The doctor released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.

"But with one foot out the door – it's hard to know where you stand, Jane."

Maura wondered if she wasn't lying. She knew pretty well where Jane was standing. Perhaps the detective couldn't see it herself but she was trying to find reasons to stay with Casey, she decided.

"And even if I did – I mean – what does it mean?" Jane wondered. "He's out there – he's saving people. Just, how do you even compete with that?"

The doctor beside her thought about it for a while. Wasn't Jane saving lives as well? But that wasn't the answer that Jane was looking for, Maura knew.

"You can't," she replied eventually. "No one can."

'Liar,' she thought to herself. 'I wish I had a mirror to hold it under your face right now, Jane. I wish you could see just how much Casey doesn't deserve you. He treats you so poorly.'

"And that's one of the things that attracted me to him the most. That passion, that drive." Jane thought aloud and then turned her gaze at Maura. "Why is it that the thing that attracts you to a person always ends up being that thing that just drives you crazy? I just wish that it –" She paused for a moment as she pondered about her words. "I wish that I had someone who would be there for me and I could be there for them and we could just.. dive in to it together, you know?" She shot Maura another weak smile.

Maura was a bit taken aback by the sudden honesty from her friend. She knew exactly what Jane was talking about. In the few cases where she had fallen in love – she had fallen in love with everything about them. But in the end, the most special thing that defined Maura, drove people away. And she knew that in Jane's case it could be pretty much the same as well – and that's why Jane was beating herself up about it. She knew how much it hurt and that's why she didn't want to do the same thing to Casey.

"I know," she said after a few moments of silence. Maura knew that what she was about to say could be so damaging for their friendship. But Jane was her best friend and needed to hear the truth. Maura knew that Jane knew this truth but Maura also knew that Jane wouldn't act until someone told her.

"But holding onto someone like that, that isn't love."