Author's Note: This chapter is called "More than Anything Else I'm Sorry for Myself," from John Denver's song, I'm Sorry. Much of the song doesn't apply, but I think that this particular line explains where everybody's thoughts reside right now. Everyone is feeling pretty guilty and thinking a lot about how this situation is affecting their own lives rather than about Haley. In a way it's that type of selfishness that we all have when something happens to someone else: they're hurt and you're thinking, "Man, did this have to happen now? I can't deal with this!" That is not to say, of course, that they aren't worried about Haley.

I hope you like the Nathan/ Skills friendship moment – I love them being so close starting in season 5, but they don't connect a lot before they leave high school. Think of this as my way of fixing that shortcoming! Also continue letting me hear your thoughts! I love to hear them!

Nathan winced as the ball glanced off the hoop and bounced uselessly onto the grass next to the river-court. After his encounter with Keith and Lucas, Nathan needed some time by himself to sort out his thoughts and nothing gave him time to think like shooting hoops. Unfortunately it had also never been harder to actually make baskets and running after the ball time and time again meant that rather than releasing his frustrations he was quickly becoming wild with anger. Nathan scooped up the ball and with an irate holler he chucked it as hard as he could. The ball fell just shy of the river and stopped, without the satisfying crash of solid smacking water. Now boiling, Nathan let out an animalistic cry and kicked the ball, this time forcing it out into the center of the slow-moving stream.

"Is a good thing I brought my own," a voice commented in awe. Nathan whipped around to find Skills standing, basketball in hand. Nathan just snorted and rolled his eyes, turning away. Although he and Skills got along alright, he definitely wasn't the person Nathan wanted to see right now.

Skills was undeterred and dropped onto the picnic table behind Nathan. "Was'sup dawg?" he asked sincerely. "Yo' life is in the crapper right now, so it could be pretty much anythin'."

Nathan growled in response, "Now is not the time, Skills."

Skills whistled in amusement. "It sho is. When you be throwing a nice piece of cowskin like that into that piss-colored river, is more than time." Nathan stayed silent. "Come'on, man. Lay it on me. I got the time and if I'm seeing right, looks like you got it too."

Nathan refused to turn around, but he said softly, "Luke didn't talk to you yet?"

Skills' brow wrinkled, "Naw, man."

Taking a deep breath Nathan began, "It's Haley." If he had turned around he would have noticed that Skills suddenly went completely rigid, his eyes fixed on Nathan's back waiting for his next words. "She's in the hospital. Somebody attacked her last night." Not feeling the need to explain anymore Nathan fell silent, suddenly wishing he had kept his basketball so that his hands would have something to do. Saying the words out loud took away all of his energy and so he sat down on the grass.

Skills didn't say a word hoping that Nathan would give him something more. When it was obvious he wouldn't Skills asked, "Is Shorty gonna be okay?"

Nathan just shook his head, eyes glued to the ground. He had no idea. He didn't want to know. Because there was a good chance she might not be.

Skills looked absolutely crushed. The silence clung to them, but neither noticed lost in their own thoughts. Finally Skills spoke, "Then what are you doin' here? Shouldn't you be with Haley?"

Nathan flinched. Yes, he knew he should be. He was her husband, he should be there, talking with doctors, holding his wife's hand. But he couldn't. Because it was his fault. If he hadn't been such a bastard to her, they could have been back together. He would have showed up at the café's closing with a smirk on his face checking out his fine wife and then they would have walked home together. She would have been safe. But no, he had thrown her to the wolves.

Or, if they were living together again, he might have been waiting eagerly for his wife to come home. When she didn't he would have known something was wrong. Maybe he could have stopped it from happening, caught the bastard and beaten his face in. Or maybe he would have found her before she had to spend a long painful night alone in a dark alley smeared in her own blood. He screwed up so badly this time. He'd been a complete asshole and because of his stubborn pride he had been unable to protect his wife when she needed it.

So no, Nathan couldn't be at the hospital. He couldn't face the doctors and the whining of machines and smell of antiseptic and death, because if he did he'd have to face what he'd done: he was pretty sure that if he looked into Haley's face and saw her that damaged that he would die right there. And if Luke couldn't understand that, then … it didn't even matter.

Nathan didn't realize that he hadn't answered Skills' question, but his silence spoke as loudly as his words could have. Skills spoke softly, "Listen, dawg. Hales has been my best friend since we was little kids and I'll always have her back. And I know she always got yours. And if she can't be watching you right now, well, I'll do it for her. So this is through me but from Haley: stop beatin' yourself up." As he was speaking, Skills had crossed in front of where Nathan sat in the grass and dropped his basketball into Nathan's lap. Then he held out his hand.

Nathan sat for a moment, not wanting to accept the gesture. Then with a painful exhalation of breath, Nathan grabbed Skills' hand and allowed Skills to pull him to his feet. Nathan took a shot at the basket and it glanced off, but this time Skills nabbed it from the air and tossed it back to Nathan. Dribbling the ball against the ground, Nathan took another shot and missed again.

With Skills acting as ball boy and giving Nathan space to shoot, Nathan finally had his space to think. Skills was right, Haley would hate that he was blaming himself, but he couldn't let it go so soon, not when her life remained in danger. Without realizing it, his thoughts were shifting from his overwhelming guilt to worry for his wife.

And for the first time in two hours, Nathan knew that soon he would allow himself to go to Haley in the hospital. But not just yet. Right now the pain and guilt were too raw to allow him to sit in a waiting room with Luke and Keith and Karen watching him and judging him. As the next shot hit the backboard and fell to the ground he knew. Not now. But soon.

Karen pulled out the file folder that was carefully marked with the printed label "Haley James" and edited with handwriting that curved up and off of the label in blue ink, "Scott." Karen knew that Haley had no idea that she had her own file in Karen's drawer of family papers. Of course the file was much smaller than Karen's and Lucas' that contained grade cards, medical records, birth certificates, and more, but the manila file folder was still nestled in like it belonged with the Roe family records. Karen gave a quick smile: of course that was because it did.

Karen opened the folder to see a picture of herself with an eleven-year-old Lucas on one side and Haley on the other. On the back written in Keith's handwriting was "Karen and her kids." Karen brushed away a tear remembering that day. Lucas had never been on a rollercoaster and so Keith had insisted that he take Karen and Luke to Carowinds. As soon as Lucas told Haley about the upcoming trip and learned that Haley had also never ridden a rollercoaster the excursion was opened up to include Haley. Karen remembered vividly the long car-trip there.

"I have no idea how long it takes to sing all of 99 Bottles of Beer. I've never gotten much beyond 84," Lucas admitted.

"That's my point!" Haley explained, excitedly. I don't think I've ever met anyone who has had the fortitude ("Fortitude?" Karen thought) to sing the entire song."

"Maybe there's a reason for that."Keith wondered aloud.

"Hales, it's a song that's just made to annoy people, and you don't have to sing the entire thing for people to get annoyed. It has nothing to do with people having the fortitude to finish it," Lucas said, rolling his eyes.

Now Karen really had to ask. "Fortitude? Where is this word coming from?" Karen looked over the front seat to watch the fifth-graders' faces.

Haley laughed, "It's from the Word-a-day calendar Lucas got me for my birthday. We're going to rock our SATs!"

Keith laughed, "Your SATs? You guys have years to study for those."

Haley shook her head, "But it's never too early to learn. Or in your case, Keith, too late!"

"If I could smack you without crashing this car, I would Haley James!" Keith called back, a large smile on his face.

Haley smiled, a little too pleased with herself before getting them back on track. "Aaaanyway, my point was that I think we should time ourselves singing 99 Bottles of Beer for the world's edification."

Karen and Keith couldn't hold back the snort of air they released as they both did their best not to laugh at Haley's latest vocabulary choice. After another ten minutes of pleading, Haley got her way. Lucas was a sucker for Haley's puppy-dog eyes. And her incessant nagging. And so, 16 and a half minutes later the world had its answer.

Those moments had been precious to Karen. When Lucas was a little boy she had felt so sad for him that he didn't have any siblings to grow up with. And then when Haley came along he finally had someone that he could share everything with. It wasn't for several months that Karen realized how much Haley meant to her too. Lucas had gained a friend and Karen had gained a daughter. A little girl who came to Karen with girl troubles, that Karen could dress up for school musicals, and who pulled her son out of his shell and brought laughter to their home.

Karen pulled her wallet out of her purse and placed the picture inside before turning back to the file. Directly underneath was the only paper of real importance: the signed and notarized health care proxy form. Lydia James had asked Karen to consider becoming Haley's legal guardian for the times when Lydia and Jimmy were travelling. Problems had arisen from the James' absence in Haley's life in small ways: for example, Haley had missed field trips because her parents couldn't sign the permission slips or had issues on sick days when Karen tried to call the school for her. Finally one big problem sealed the deal.

When Haley and Lucas were thirteen, Haley had a small accident. While the two were playing on the docks, Haley had fallen onto the metal edge, catching it with her arm, before tumbling into the water. The kids were both shaken up and after Karen rushed Haley to the ER they discovered she had fractured her arm. Unfortunately the James were out of town and out of contact and so poor Haley had been unable to get her arm set until the next day, spending that night in Karen's guestroom with her arm immobilized as much as they could. Karen was in agony the entire night, listening to Haley whimper from pain and cry for her parents, thinking that no one was still awake to hear her.

Naturally the James felt awful. Although Karen sympathized and knew the accident was not their fault, she was still angry at Jimmy and Lydia for not being around enough to be there when their daughter needed them. Once things had calmed down and Karen felt like she could be civilized to Jimmy and Lydia again, Lydia had presented Karen with the idea that Karen could be Haley's medical proxy for situations just like the dock incident. Certainly Lydia and Jimmy would feel better knowing someone they trusted would help Haley when she needed it, but Karen felt relieved too. Jimmy and Lydia had given Karen an awesome responsibility: the care and keeping of their baby.

Karen shook her head sadly. Through the nine years Karen had known Haley, Jimmy and Lydia had missed so much. Their daughter had turned into a beautiful young lady with more grace and dignity than most women Karen's age. Haley emanated compassion and she had made all of the difference to Karen and Lucas. Haley had taken their little family and breathed life and fiery passion into it. What Karen would never understand was how Haley could see the best in everyone around her and not see how much she herself had to offer. And that should have been Jimmy and Lydia's job, because although Karen might tell Haley a million times how grateful she was for her, Haley never seemed to believe it because her parents had never taken the time to tell her the same things.

Jimmy and Lydia missed the solo Haley had in sixth grade at the Christmas concert. The putt-putt course Luke and Haley built on the roof. The first day of high school when Lucas and Haley insisted they would walk, but still allowed Karen to take a picture of them with their backpacks on and goofy smiles lighting up their faces. The day Haley bounced in to the café to tell Karen that the boy she had been tutoring passed his first pre-calc test. And most of all, they missed those peaceful family dinners where Karen, Keith, Lucas, and Haley sat at the table in a mixed up family unit and talked about their days, Haley often telling some story about how clumsy she was or about the fantastic new teacher. How many moments of getting to know their daughter had Jimmy and Lydia missed because they were in some far away, travelling for work or for pleasure?

But even still, Karen knew that Jimmy and Lydia loved their youngest daughter and that the phone call she had to make would crush them both. So after sliding the proxy sheet into her purse, Karen made her way to the kitchen to make the call.

"Excuse me, we're looking for Karen Roe?"

The questioning voice came from a police officer who had approached Keith, Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton in Tree Hill Hospital's waiting room with his partner standing behind.

Keith stood up and responded, "I'm a friend of the family's, Keith Scott." He shook both officers' hands.

"I'm Detective Kline and this is my partner, Officer Larkin. We've been assigned Ms Scott's case. Are you related to her?"

Keith swiped under his nose considering. "She's my nephew's wife. I've known her since she was a little girl."

"Alright, Mr. Scott. We'll also need to speak to you at some point. I recognize your name from the 9-1-1 dispatch – you found Ms Scott?"

Keith coughed, trying to clear the image that came unbidden to his mind, "Yes. I went with Karen this morning to open the café."

"Do you work at Karen's Café?"

"No, I was just helping Karen out this morning. We had no idea anything was wrong."

Detective Kline nodded, "I was hoping you might be able to give me some information about the security cameras inside the building. We were hoping we might be able to review the footage."

"I can help you there," Keith said quickly. "I help Karen out with odd jobs around the café and I helped her set up the security system. I can get you the feeds."

"Would you have time now?"

Keith hesitated. He wanted to help the police in any way that he could, but Karen was counting on him to stay with the kids. "I would be happy to help once Karen gets back. She wanted me to stay here with these guys." He gestured back to the seats where Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton sat, Brooke and Peyton listening intently and Lucas staring at the ceiling ignoring the conversation in front of him in order to stare at the ceiling.

"Where is Ms Roe now?"

"Karen just ran home to get some papers. She should be back before too long. Is there anything else we can do from here?"

"Is Lucas Scott here?"

Lucas barely moved from his position on the waiting room chair, waving his hand slightly to indicate that he was the one they were looking for. "That's me."

"Sir, do you have time to answer some questions about Ms Scott for us?"

Lucas looked over at Keith, obviously hoping that Keith would tell him he didn't have to go, that he could continue his vigil in the waiting room. Keith understood what Lucas was asking, but he refused to give Luke an out: "Go ahead Luke. Tell them what you know. We'll still be here when you get back."

Lucas shook his head, "I need to stay here for Haley."

"I promise that if I hear anything, I'll let you know," Keith returned calmly. "You'll help Haley more by talking to the police so they can catch the guy who hurt her."

Lucas' face fell, and Brooke squeezed his hand comfortingly. Finally Lucas stood up, asking, "Do I have to go down to the police station?"

Detective Kline gave him a reassuring look, "Normally we would interview you at the station, but we knew you wouldn't want to stray far until you knew your friend was okay. We've talked to the hospital staff and they gave us permission to use their conference room. It's just downstairs."

Lucas' shoulders began to unslump, pleased that he wouldn't have to leave the hospital. As he turned to leave Brooke jumped up and pulled him into a hug. "Everything'll be just fine, boyfriend." Lucas nodded and gave her head a quick kiss while swallowing down the lump that had formed in his throat. He glanced back at Peyton who sat lethargically watching him. When she saw Lucas had noticed her gaze Peyton said softly, her eyes lighting up with an intense glow, "Go help catch the bastard."

Lucas gave her a single nod before turning to follow Kline and Larkin down the hall until all three were out of sight of the waiting room. Brooke and Keith resumed their seats, but this time the silence that fell was too much for Brooke. She turned to Keith and said, "I just don't understand." Her eyes searched Keith's, pleading for an answer, "Who could be that evil? I mean, when we found Haley she was almost dead! I thought she was dead, Keith! She could still die! I just … you always hear about serial killers and highway rapists and ax-murderers and you think 'Isn't that just awful?' but it's like it's not real, you know? Like when it's someone else, it's just a story. But when it's someone you know… How do you do that to somebody?"

While Brooke spoke Peyton had draped her arm around Brooke's shoulder and pulled her close into a half hug, but it hadn't stopped the flow of Brooke's angry words.

Keith swallowed thickly and said, "I don't understand it either, Brooke. I can't comprehend someone thinking that way. I guess it's that … it's just, Haley's a pretty girl and some people are really sick." He paused trying to drive away the image of Haley against the dumpster, body bared to the world and doused in blood. "Really, really sick."

"But she's Haley," Brooke rejoined, crying as she said her friend's name. "I don't understand how anyone could look into her eyes and want to hurt her."

"Unless he's a sick bastard who gets off on hurting innocent girls," Peyton growled. "No one's more innocent than Haley." Brooke could feel the anger pouring out of Peyton, hot and dark. The pent-up anger that Peyton had been directing toward Haley for the past month had found two new outlets: Haley's attacker … and herself. Every ounce of hatred she shoved at the man who assaulted Haley she managed to also direct back at herself for pushing Haley away and punishing her for so long.

Brooke turned, still with Peyton's arm on her shoulder to peer into Peyton's eyes. "Peyt?" she asked timidly. As angry as Brooke was right now there was a depth to Peyton's words that scared her. Peyton's eyes flashed to Brooke's, their green depths cold. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"Am I okay?" Peyton asked incredulously. "Why wouldn't I be okay?" Peyton jumped out of her chair and began pacing the tile floor. "Some twisted son of a bitch brutally raped and tried to murder my friend, but I'm just peachy! It's not like it has anything to do with me, after all, I haven't even talked to her in weeks. It's not like it's affected my life! Nothing will change for me."

Brooke's mouth dropped open at Peyton's harsh words, trying to comprehend what was happening. Brooke just shook her head in silence, eyes brimming as she watched Peyton kick the end table covered in People and TIME magazines. "Peyton," Brooke brokenly whispered hurting for her friend. The receptionist called out, "Please, ma'am! Don't make me call security!"

Keith stood and gently tugged Peyton into a side hug, leading her back to her seat. Peyton accepted his light push into the chair next to Brooke. Brooke caught Keith's eye and understanding what Brooke wanted Keith said, "I'm gonna just get a cup of coffee. You need anything?"

Brooke shook her head no, but Peyton didn't move. Keith moved off down the hall leaving Brooke and Peyton alone. Brooke didn't speak, but she took Peyton's hand in her own and squeezed it.

Brokenly Peyton spoke, "Brooke, I've … I've been so awful to her. Haley didn't deserve it." As she continued, Brooke murmured words that sounded like "I know." "I've just been so mad about everything, you know? About my mom and Ellie, and my dad lying to me. And Haley … she just took it. And whenever I said something to hurt her, she'd get that look on her face like she was going to cry and all I'd think about was how good it felt and that that was how it should be, because Nathan was so hurt when she left. I thought I just wanted her to know what it was like, getting left behind. I thought she deserved it, but it wasn't even about her. It was about me and about how good it felt when I was hurting her and how good it felt to know that I could make someone more miserable than I was."

Peyton was openly crying now. "She just took it! I was such a bitch and she didn't throw stuff back in my face: I guess because she thought she deserved it too." Peyton paused to take a breath before admitting the rest. "And if she dies … I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I hurt her so bad! Knowing that she died thinking that's how I felt about her. Because it's not! Even when I thought I hated her, I always thought she was just about the most amazing person I know. She's so courageous and gentle: when I first got to know her, she never judged me, even when I messed up so much more than she did. You know, with you and Lucas." Brooke jerked back, this part making her somewhat uncomfortable, but allowing Peyton to continue. "She was so mad at Lucas for cheating on you and so I thought she'd hate me too, ya know? But she didn't. She didn't judge me. She should have, but she didn't. And then I turn around and act like such a bitch."

Silence hung between the two girls as Peyton finally stopped talking. Brooke wasn't sure what to say, so she sat still for a moment. Finally Brooke asked quietly, "Why isn't Haley allowed to make mistakes, Peyton?"

Peyton didn't understand the question, so she remained silent, raising her eyebrow. Brooke tried again, "If I had left to follow my dreams and that meant leaving my boyfriend… or husband … behind, would you be angry at me?"

Peyton considered for a moment. "No, I don't think so."

"Why not?" Brooke probed.

Peyton shook her head, "I guess I would just expect you to go after whatever you wanted and that you wouldn't let someone, even someone you loved, stand in your way."

"So why is it different for Haley?"

Peyton bit her lip, pondering the question she'd been considering off and on since Haley returned to Tree Hill. She answered slowly, "I don't know. I guess … she always seemed so together, you know? Better than everyone else. Even before we actually knew her, she never had a reputation for anything bad, everybody just sort of let her be. She's just … Haley."

Brooke nodded. She understood exactly what Peyton was trying to say. Haley's leaving was so surprising because Haley had always been safe, unchanging in her sweetness and good advice. But Brooke had gotten to know post-tour Haley too, and weirdly Brooke liked this Haley even better. There was a new depth to Haley, an understanding of pain. Her eyes left Brooke no doubt that they had seen the uncomfortable parts of touring and contained the torment of hurting her husband, and now Haley brought all of that understanding to Brooke when she needed advice or support. "And she's still Haley," Brooke said.

"I know," Peyton agreed, avoiding Brooke's gaze by peering down at the tiled floor. "I get that now: I was just so angry, I didn't want to. Now I'm afraid it's too late."

"Peyton!" Brooke cried out, horrified that Peyton would just give up on Haley.

Peyton's eyes went wide and she locked eyes with Brooke, stumbling over her words to explain, "No! That's not what I meant! I meant … I'm afraid she'll never want to be friends again."

Brooke let out a shuddering breath, willing her heart to stop its quick pace. "Peyton, Haley will always forgive you and always want to be your friend. That's just the way she is. She's been wanting to make up with you for months." Peyton nodded guiltily. Brooke continued, "And what's more, I think she's gonna need us. Because this is just so big. So I think you should figure out how to deal with your guilt beforehand, because Haley shouldn't have to deal with that on top of everything else."

Another tear dripped down Peyton's face as she nodded. Brooke pulled Peyton into a hug and Peyton broke down into pained sobs, crying over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Brooke just held on, tears in her eyes as well. "I know you are, sweetie. I know."

Author's Note: I thought I'd drop this chapter for everyone before I have to abandon the internet for a week! I considered just waiting, but then I figured this way you can all enjoy this and when I log back on I can hopefully have some of your feedback waiting for me!

Oh, and it turns out our lovely detectives really start their interrogations in the next chapter, so don't be too angry that I didn't deliver on that promise :-P But stay tuned for Lucas' interrogation and a surprising turn in Haley's health … duh duh duuuuuuh …