I awoke out of a very disorienting dream. I stretched and grumbled as I sat up.
"Lights!" I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and got to my feet. The lights blinked on and momentarily blinded me. "Time!" I grunted, still feeling groggy. I really should remember not to drink blood wine, I told myself sternly.
"1130 hours." The curt tones of the computer replied to my demand. I jumped up, remembering I had agreed to meet with Janice at 1200.
After dressing and putting my hair back in a braid, I went down to the replimat. Janice sat with Alex, and when she saw me, she waved, said something to Alex and he stood and, with a wave of his own, he left.
"I didn't mean to interrupt," I said, sitting down in the seat Alex had vacated moments before.
"Not a problem, Adah. He needed to get to work anyway," she laughed. Her dark eyes flickered as they noticed how I sat low in the chair. "Long night, Adah?" She asked, suspiciously.
I tried to hide the grin, but apparently it didn't work. Through my sluggish mind, the images, sounds and sensations came rushing back. I felt my face flush.
"Good God, Adah, what is it?" She sounded concerned.
"Too much blood wine," I said, simply. Her brow crinkled in confusion.
"But you never go to the Klingon restaurant alone. Hell, you told me you don't even like the Klingons, let alone the cuisine. The smell, right?"
Once again, I found myself greatly impressed at her uncanny, and sometimes downright annoying, ability to recall conversations.
"Yes, the smell. And, you're quite right, I didn't go there alone. Can you keep this between us?" I leaned forward slightly, as much as the pounding in my head would allow me. Janice nodded, leaning forward herself, though farther than I was able to. "I went there to have dinner with Garak. He asked me," I said quickly, trying to diffuse the shock and disbelief in her face and eyes. "Right after you left yesterday, as a matter of fact."
"But, what about Dukat? What happened? Did you have a good time, I mean other than drinking too much blood wine? Details, Adah, details. You can't think you can drop a bombshell like this and get away with three sentences of explanation. Wait a moment, you sent me the message agreeing to meet last night, barely. How late were you out with him?" The questions seemed to pour from the Human's mouth like water through a crack in a dam. I found myself laughing, which made the pain in my head worsen.
"Well, I figure that I can go to dinner with someone if I choose to, and shouldn't have to tell him. Though, he did tell me to keep away from Garak, and I did give my word. That part gets a little confusing. I did have a very good time," I said, smiling at the memories of the night before. "He's quite an.. unusual man, even for a Cardassian. He even walked me home," I said, getting lost, despite myself, in the recollection of the kiss we shared. I felt my face flush again, and tried to hide it behind a grin.
"So, what happened? Did you invite him in?" Her dark eyes twinkled as she asked.
I sighed. Janice was not going to give up.
"All right, since you're not going to let me get away, fine. He did kiss me."
"Well? Did you like it?" She was grinning now. Humans enjoyed gossip a bit too much, I decided.
"It.. wasn't bad," I said. She raised an eyebrow at me. "Fine! I liked it, okay? Does that make you feel better?" My voice sounded bitter and I knew it.
Janice laughed. She reached out and took my hands in hers.
"At least you said it out loud. Now, go back and get some sleep, since I know you're not going to go to the Infirmary." She stood up and gave my arm another pat and left.
I sighed and heaved myself back to my feet. Laying down did sound good. Anything to get the pounding in my head to stop.
I woke up several hours later to the incessant beeping of my communications system.
"Who can that be?" I said to no one. I sat up, gingerly, and found that my head had recovered nicely. Running my fingers through my hair so I looked halfway normal, I sat at the desk.
"Receive," I told the computer. The screen flashed and the slightly blurred, but still instantly recognizable image of Dukat appeared.
"Ah... Adah, I hope I didn't wake you up?" He asked, voice still powerful through the poor speakers. I smiled.
"No, not really. I was just working on some things."
"Well, I hope that you aren't working too hard. I'm going to be back on the station in two days' time, and I would very much like to see you again. How does dinner in my quarters sound? I should be able to throw something together." The smile on his face told me all I needed to know. My own smile quickly became a grin.
"That sound great. I'll see you then."
"Wonderful. Until then, Adah."
The screen went blank with a sense of finality. I sat there, both excited and confused. He was coming back, and wanted to see me.
Likely, in addition to whatever else he was coming to the station for. I allowed myself a moment of pique. The indicator for text messages was blinking on my panel.
I brought up the message, which was from Garak. He said he had had a wonderful the night before, and was wondering if he could have the honor of seeing me again this evening.
"Why not," I said aloud, and tapped out the same basic message, though far more verbose. I went back to reading, and soon received a further message from Garak, asking if it was all right if he came by my quarters at 1900. I sent him a confirmation message and settled back and got lost in my friend's words.
At 1900 exactly, the door chimed. I took another quick look around my quarters and let Garak in.
"Very nice," he said, settling on my couch. "Though, I think you have a better view than I do."
"I don't know about that. One star is pretty much like another." I smiled as I sat across from him. It felt a little strange, having him in my quarters, especially after I had made plans for a few days later with Dukat.
"Here, I brought you something. I thought you would be interested in reading some Cardassian literature," he said, handing me a few isolinear rods. I took them, and peered at the crimson insides, as though they would be able to tell me what was inside. I knew little about the technicalities of data storage, other than it seemed to work.
"What is it?" I asked, giving up in visually interpreting the rod.
"It's The Never-Ending Sacrifice. The story is written as a repetitive epic, one of our more elegant forms. Just give it a read and see what you think. I know not many outside us Cardassians appreciate the story, but I thought I'd try again." He gazed at the small pieces of data storage as though they were art in and of themselves. Apparently shaking himself out of reverie, he looked up at me. "So! What shall we do this evening?"
"I don't know. I am still recovering a bit from last night. I told you I'd never had blood wine before. And, honestly, if I never see a bottle of the stuff again, I'll die a happy woman." I grimaced.
Garak laughed appreciatively at that.
"Don't worry, I know just the thing. May I?" He gestured to the replicator. I nodded and he went over and requested two cups of something called red-leaf tea, one sweetened. He soon brought over a pair of steaming mugs.
"Here, try this. I think it'll help clear your head a bit," he said, handing me one. I took a tentative sip, surprised at the sweetness of the dark fluid. It had a somewhat bitter aftertaste, but it added to the character.
We drank in a comfortable silence. Soon, the slight headache I had been nursing all day was all but gone, and the fog in my thinking had lifted.
"Amazing stuff," I said, putting my now empty mug down. Surprisingly, it was still steaming.
"So, when do I get to read some of your work? I read the story you had published a while back, and I'd like to see more, if you are willing to share," he said, blue eyes fixed on mine.
"Sure, just let me find some that are finished," I said, getting up and rummaging through drawers. "I get so many ideas, it's hard for me to decide which to go with and which to leave behind. I would imagine you get some of the same problems with designing your clothing," I kept talking, raising my voice a bit, as I went into my bedroom, hunting for my poetry PADD. "There it is!" I called out, finally having found the thing.
I brought it out and handed it to Garak. He called up the poetry and read it in silence. My hands began wringing themselves, I was apparently more nervous that I had expected. I forced them to stop and to sit still, to appear nonchalant about the whole thing.
Soon, Garak laid the PADD down and looked up at me.
"Excellent work, Tema Adah. I think you should offer some of those up for submission also."
"Thanks. I don't think of myself as a terribly good poetry writer." I smiled.
"Not a problem at all. I don't give praise unless it is worthy. Tell me, why did the venerable Gul Dukat attack me? And why were you avoiding me for so long?"
The sudden change of subject put me completely off balance. This was also a conversation I didn't particularly wish to have.
"I... I'm not entirely sure." I tried to bluff my way though, but the look on Garak's face told me he could see through it easily. I sighed and started again.
"Listen, I don't really know why he got so upset. He's never explained it to me. Of course, I haven't seen him since he left the morning after that." I knew I was starting to ramble, but found I couldn't stop talking.
"So you were involved with him?" His voice held no anger, no hurt.
"Yes, but I don't know what's going on with him and me anymore," I said, honestly. He was coming back in a couple of days, but I didn't have any more idea of how long he was going to be on station, or when he was leaving than I had the first time we had been together.
"I understand. What has he said about me? I assume he told you that I killed his father?" He spoke the last question with the ease of someone asking about the shuttle schedule.
"I.. Yes, he did tell me that. He told me that I shouldn't be around you because you're dangerous."
He laughed, which was an odd reaction so far as I was concerned.
"Whatever reasons he gave you as to how exactly I am dangerous can easily be fitted back onto him, I can assure you. I know he's returning to the station in a few days. If you wish, I will leave you alone. I don't want to cause you any trouble." The look in his eyes told me he meant what he was saying.
"I can be friends with anyone I want to be friends with. You were the first person to talk to me here, and I consider you a friend. If he has a problem with that, it's his problem. Don't worry about it, okay?" I only wished I truly felt the strength behind the words I had just spoken.
We spoke of many things, and the conversation lasted until nearly 2200 once again, and I offered to accompany him back to his quarters, but he refused, saying that he would then have to accompany me back to mine, and that we would never get to bed that way. As we said goodbye, he held my face in his hands and gazed into my eyes. I could see the kiss he wanted to give me reflected in the pure light blue as he smiled, then turned and walked out. The doors closed with a hiss and I stood there, feeling sad, which surprised me a bit.
How could it be that not getting kissed made me feel this way? Perhaps, I told myself, it was because of the kiss I had gotten the night before. My subconscious, as the Humans termed it, had gotten its hopes up.
I bustled around, putting the mugs back into the replicator, and cleaning up. After a few minutes, and nothing else to do, I decided to go to bed. At least, I thought to myself, I won't have to worry about a headache tomorrow.
The next day passed without incident. I wrote another chapter to the story I was working on and finished proofreading the work my friend had sent. I kept myself busy for the most part, and thought little of the next day.
Around 1400, I recieved a text message saying that Dukat had arrived and he wanted to see me at 1900 in his quarters, which were at the same location they were the last time he was at the station. I confirmed recieving the message and quickly went stir-crazy. I paced around my quarters for a time and then, deciding I needed a larger space to pace, went out and began walking around the habitat ring. I walked in a very large circle for about an hour, then returned to my quarters.
I forced myself to sit still for a time, meditating. I had not done that for some time, and found it difficult. Finally, it was time to get ready and meet Dukat for dinner.
I stood at the door to his quarters and felt just as nervous as I had the first time. I hit the panel next to the doors, and they hissed open. I stepped inside and at the sight of him, all of my nervousness and misgivings were vaporized. He strode over to me and stood, not a foot before me, eyes on mine. I could almost feel the warmth coming from him, and I found myself taking a step toward him.
He smiled, put a hand on the back of my neck and kissed me. Without a second thought, I returned the kiss, and once again, felt myself falling into him.
"It is good to be back," he whispered, breath tickling my ear. "Did you miss me while I was away?"
How did he expect me to carry on a conversation with his arms wrapped around me, holding me like this? It was like trying to resist the pull of gravity.
"Very much," I said, still leaning into him. A small voice in the far reaches of my mind wondered how come I always became so pliable at the slightest touch from him. The rest of me shrugged the observation off, concentrating on more important things, like the fact that Dukat was kissing me again.
After a while, he disentangled himself from me and sat down.
"It has been too long, Adah. I heard you got a story published."
I sat next to him, still reeling a bit from the greeting he had given me.
"Yes, I did. I have submitted a few more pieces, hoping to keep interest up while I can. I've been thinking of putting some of my poetry up, after-" I stopped myself, and hopefully recovered quickly enough he wouldn't notice the pause. "A friend of mine suggested it." I glanced over at Dukat, but he was looking at the starscape out the window.
I couldn't believe that I had almost told him that Garak had suggested I submit my poetry. I was no good at this, I decided. Something had to give. Dukat turned to me, and locked his dark blue eyes on mine. As I felt myself being pulled towards him into another intimate embrace, I knew what that thing was.
When I got back to my quarters late the next morning, I sent a message to Garak. I told him that I didn't think that it was going to work out for us to get together. I hoped he understood. I didn't get a reply.
I stayed with Dukat for the next three nights, while he was on the station. Each day, I would go back to my quarters and deal with my everyday correspondence and do what little I could on my stories and poetry. On the third day I recieved notice that another story had been chosen for publication. That night, when I told Dukat, he insisted that we go out and celebrate.
It was a very different experiance walking the Promenade arm in arm with Dukat. People gave us a wide berth and I saw some turn to their neighbor and say something behind their hands while watching us. I wasn't sure if I should be embarassed or enjoying the attention. For his part, Dukat seemed oblivious to it. Of course, given his history, he was probably somewhat used to that kind of attention. More so than I was, for certain.
Dinner went well, though I was very careful to keep away from the blood wine. As we were finishing our desserts, he said he would take me back to my quarters.
"I have to get going very early tomorrow and I don't want to disturb you," he explained as we left the restaurant.
I was disappointed, of course. Yet, I was glad I was at least getting a warning before he left. Better than waking up to an empty bed with no word of warning.
"Do you know when you'll be back?" I asked as we strode onto the Promenade. We were walking towards Garak's shop. I forced myself to not look and see if he was there.
"I don't know for sure. It'll likely be another few months," he stopped and turned to face me. I tried not to notice he did so basically right in front of the tailor's shop. "I'm sorry, but I can't really be more exacting than that. Forgive me?" His eyes were glowing in the half-light of the Promenade at night. I thought I heard movement from within the shop and adrenaline surged through me. I forced out a laugh.
"Of course, so long as you come back," I said in what I hoped was a teasing tone. He chuckled and pulled me to him and kissed me. After we stood there a few moments, wrapped up in our embrace, he pulled away, put my arm back in his and we walked on to my quarters. Another deep embrace and kiss, and he was off down the corridor to his own.
I flopped down on my bed and tried to sleep, but ended up only staring at the dull grey ceiling for what felt like days. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up when the communications system started buzzing at me.
I swung myself out of bed and looked at the message from Dukat. He said he was leaving the station, he would be back sometime (but didn't know when), and to remember the promise I had made about Garak. The last line was kind of confusing, as he had said nothing about Garak while he was on station.
It was odd, I thought. When I was around Dukat, it was like being pulled in by a black hole. Something about him had drawn me in and it was like an addiction now. As long as he wasn't around, it was like I was able to do the things I had to do and was able to have a little bit of fun on my own or with other people. But when I got close enough to Dukat to be in his orbit, everything else in my life seemed to drop away. Nothing seemed to matter but being around him. Yes, I decided, definetly odd.
I layed around my quarters for most of the day, in a sort of gloomy mood. I didn't want to be around people, but moreover, I didn't want people around me. I knew if I went out, my friends would expect me to participate in conversation, and I just didn't have it in me right now.
The next few days passed in the same kind of blurry haze. I tried to eat, but the food tasted like paper. Janice sent me several messages, which went unanswered. Finally, after Janice's messages took on a decidedly panicked tone, I decided it was time to go back out. I cleaned my hair and dressed, listening to a favorite melody. By the time I had combed my hair out, I felt more cheered than I had in a few days.
I walked down to the replimat and spotted Garak sitting with a Starfleet officer, appearing to be having a good time. I froze for a moment, not knowing whether to run back to my quarters and my quiet isolation, or to face up to my fears and talk to him. My problem was short-lived as I quickly found Janice, just as I had hoped I would.
I sat down across from her. She looked up and her face split in a grin.
"Adah! Where have you been? Are you okay?" Her dark eyes were filled with compassion.
To my absolute surprise and chagrin, my own filled with tears. I tried to blink them away, but was only partly successful.
"What is it? What happened?" I shook my head, and she put a hand on my arm. I breathed deeply. When I felt like I could speak, I told her about going out with Dukat and his message upon leaving. When I was finished, she shook her head.
"Oh, Adah. I don't know what to tell you," she kept speaking, but I failed to hear what she was saying. The Starfleet person had just gotten up from Garak's table and was leaving. Janice paused, and noticed as well.
"I've got to get back, I'll see you later, Adah." She spoke louder than was totally necessary and made somewhat of a show of leaving. I was both thankful and embarassed at her display as it certainly caught Garak's attention.
A few moments later, he slipped into the now-empty chair. I debated giving him notice, but once I looked at him, I felt my mind relax.
"Hello." I said, sounding as sheepish as I felt. I didn't know what else to say, or if there really was anything else that could be said at this point.
"I was wondering if you were still here," he spoke softly.
"Listen, Garak, I'm sorry," I said in a rush, "I shouldn't have said anything-"
"Adah," he cut me off, using my personal name for the first time. I looked up at him. "You don't need to apologize for anything. If you wish to not speak to me or be around me, that is your choice. I would, however, like to ask for one chance to take you out for dinner, to try to get to know eachother before you make a choice like that."
I nodded, and we made plans for the next night.
"So the third night, the boy cries wolf again, but no one comes, and he and the flock are gobbled up. Or that's how the story goes."
"That's horrific! No wonder the humans are such bizarre people." I took a drink, not taking my eyes off of Garak's. He smiled and nodded sagely.
"That's exactly what I told him! He said the point was that if you lie all the time, no one will believe you at all."
"I assume that you disagreed with that statement."
"Of course! I told him, straight-faced, that the real point is that you should never tell the same lie twice. The look on his face was priceless."
We laughed, the sound filling my quarters.
"Sounds about right." I stretched and stifled a yawn, hoping he wouldn't notice.
"I've kept you up late once again, haven't I? That's about the fourth time this week, isn't it?"
"I think so," I yawned again. "I think you Cardassians have a different sleep cycle than we do. I'm sorry, but I need to call it a night. I stayed up after you left last night and worked straight through on my story."
His eyes brightened. Over the past few weeks, he'd been helping me expand my horizons, as he put it. Each week, he would give me a different writing style to study and write in. Currently, he was having me work in an archaic Human form called Shakespearean. The style was considered old, even by thier standards, but classic. Apparently, in the Human language, 'classic' was the same as 'difficult', as that was exactly the right word. I had worked for hours the night before and had only four pages of text to show for them.
I told Garak this, and he smiled, as always.
"Did reading the other plays help?"
"Yes, even if that entire idea of 'dramatic irony' still drives me to distraction. I do admit to finding it easier than that Vulcan style we attempted last week."
"Agreed. That was your weakest work as yet."
"Oh, thanks for that vote of confidence," I said snidely through yet another yawn.
"Just don't submit any Vulcan poetry."
A few more minutes of highly pleasent banter passed before Garak stood to excuse himself. I followed him to the door and we embraced closely and he kissed me on the cheek.
The doors hissed closed behind him and I peeled my dress off as I half-felt my way to the bed. I fell asleep nearly the same moment my head hit the pillow.
My dreams faded in and out, disorienting images meshing together and breaking apart like photon explosions. I felt like I was being torn to my atomic level and then the countless pieces of me falling into a bottomless canyon, all searing with pain and crying for release.
I awoke fully-formed, soaked in sweat and exhausted. For a moment, I recalled the strange imagry of my dreams, but they flitted away as though they had wings. I shook the lingering dizziness off and checked the time. I had about half an hour before I was supposed to meet Janice for breakfast.
After a quick shower, I walked down to the Promenade. I passed by Garak's shop, and waved at him. He gave me a wink and I walked on. Things had been pretty calm the past week or so, no major catastrophies, and even my personal life was seemingly level. I could definetly get used to this, I thought as I sat across from Janice.
"Have another long night?" Janice asked, smiling. I grinned and pointedly did not answer.
"So how are things going with Garak, anyway? You seem to be pretty pleased with yourself." She grinned at me, then went back to eating her breakfast.
"I got another work published, so pretty good. I'm just glad that my sister doesn't know about this, it might make her head explode." I let the image play in my mind for a few moments.
"What, you mean the fact that you have not one but two Cardassians vying for your affections? Well, I mean you and Gul Dukat definetly," she paused, thinking. "What would you call the relationship between you and Garak, though?"
"I don't know, now that you mention it," I said. Now that the question had been asked and I had no answer for it, it bothered me.
"Doesn't really matter, I suppose. Well, I best be off now. See you later, Adah." She waved and walked away.
I got my breakfast and sat back down. I'd gotten back into my usual habit of people watching, it kept me busy and was always quite interesting. This morning was no different. Odo chased down some likely petty crooks and caught them, but not before drawing quite a crowd after having to change shape several times, the last time into his apparent favorite, the large hawk.
I wondered for a while about how it would be to fly like that. To be able to be anything one wanted certainly had its advantages. I wondered if when he changed into something small, if his weight changed. I considered asking him about it, but remembered his general personality. Not a good idea.