*A/N: Sorry this one is soooo long but I tried to cover a lot of stuff in the episode and add a little in for myself. Hope you all like it.*

Chapter 4(Emily)

Hearts That Break

I run as fast as I can towards the bus stop. My bare feet slapping on the cold pavement match the sharp painful beats of my heart. How can something so broken continue beating?

I can't be the person you need me to be.

Naomi's words chase after me, pulling me down. All my fears and heartache refuse to be left behind. They cling to my heels even though I try to leave them behind me in the dark. When I finally get near to the bus stop I slow down with a horrible ache building in my ribs. I lean down, putting my hands on my knees and forcing my breath to calm. I notice some people sitting on the benches looking at me but right now I could care less what other people think. I just left the one person I actually cared about behind me.

How could she have said those things to me? How could she have pretended like I don't matter? Hot tears pour down my face, making my mascara run but how could I care about what I look like on the outside when I'm so torn up on the inside?

"Emily?"

I turn at the sound of my name to find Thomas standing right behind me. His dark brown eyes are filled with compassion as he takes in my sorry state.

"Emily, where are your shoes?" His voice is soft; like he's scared I might break any second.

I shake my head, almost unable to think about the scene back at Naomi's house that had led to me running out of her house without my shoes. "I couldn't…I couldn't find them…" I mutter, knowing it probably didn't make any sense.

Thomas kneels down and takes off his trainers, "Here take mine."

I shake my head, almost unable to take someone being so nice to me as I'm falling apart, "No…Thomas, I can't do that."

"No, its ok. I like bare feet, it's easier to run."

I slip my feet into them and they cushion my sore feet. I look up at them and he must have seen how cold I am, inside and out.

He slips off a jacket and puts it around my shoulders. Thomas seems so compassionate and loving right now that I can't help but to ask him a question that is bugging me.

"Thomas, what should you do when someone you love lets you down? Like, really fucks you over?"

He shrugs but some pain crosses over his face and that's when I remembered the whole situation with Panda and I feel like slapping myself. Great job, Emily, bring up the one thing that's painful to him right now, especially when he's been so nice to you.

Thomas seems to ponder my question and he says, "You must try to stop loving them."

I didn't expect that answer. My heart crashes. Stop loving Naomi? That thought has never even entered my mind. She is a part of me now and to not think of her everyday, see her everyday, to stop loving her would be impossible.

My lips start to quiver as I ask, "Is that even possible?"

Thomas smiles a smile that shows me he knows all too well what I'm going through. "No, I think not."

I tilt my head back and suck in some of the cool night air. If I can't tell Thomas who's obviously a great guy, who can I tell then?

"Thomas…I'm gay."

I look down, holding my breath for the disgust in his eyes. Instead Thomas smiles gently back at me.

"That's fine. Can we call a taxi? I don't think this bus is going to come and my feet are extremely cold."

Suddenly the waves of pain crash over me and push me over the edge. Confessing something that serious and having it received so lovingly contrasts so starkly with all the pain I've experienced. My face scrunches up as tears start spilling anew from my eyes and Thomas steps forward to wrap me in a warm hug. I lean into his shoulder and try to sob all my sorrow away.

Later as Thomas and I pull up to my house in the taxi I stoop down to pull of his trainers. Thomas places a hand on my shoulder and says, "No, Emily, its fine. Just return them to me next time you see me. I wouldn't want you to be cold."

I wipe my eyes one last time and murmur, "Thanks," to him.

I put my hand on the door of the cab, about to get out but something stops me. I turn back to Thomas and say, "Thomas, I know about what happened with you and Pandora."

There's a flicker of pain in Thomas' eyes and he looks away, "Yes. I've been trying to forget it."

I place my hand on his shoulder and he turns to look at me with tears shining in his eyes. My heart goes out to him and I say, "Thomas, I'm in love with Naomi but she doesn't want me back. She's screwed up so many times but I know if she ever told me that she was sorry, that she loved me, and that she'd try to act better…I'd never look back, I'd just be happy that she wanted me. That's the worst thing, apparently she's not willing to work at it and no matter how much I love her, there's nothing I can do to make her love me back."

Thomas nods his head but I can see he doesn't understand why I'm telling him this so I press on. "Don't you see, Thomas? Pandora looks at you with such love in her eyes. She screwed up."

He shakes his head, "No, she screwed, Cook."

I shakes my head, "Yes, she hurt you. She messed up bad but Thomas, she loves you. She wants to work it out with you. I'm not saying that you should just forget the hurt but just think about the fact that she loves you…that counts for something."

Thomas nods slowly and I can see that on some level my words have sunk in. I turn back to the door and open it to get out but Thomas' voice stops me.

"You say Pandora looks at me with love? Naomi looks at you the same way, Emily."

I turn back towards him, shocked at his words.

He smiles, "She's scared. She's confused. But Emily, she definitely cares about you. Give her time. Give her patience but don't stop loving her. Love may be painful but our love is all that we can live for."

I smile back at him and climb out of the taxi. Thomas thinks Naomi loves me? A sliver of hope enters my heart and I kindle the small bit of warmth that it creates in my chest.

I open the door to my house and walk in a daze to the kitchen table where everyone is eating some red soup shit that looks disgusting. I notice Katie's eyes glaring into me but right now I couldn't care less what she thinks about who I love.

My mom questions me on my rough appearance and I tell her to leave me alone but she keeps pushing it and pushing it so I blurt out the truth.

"I wasn't fighting a girl. I was making love to a girl."

Katie is looking at me with hatred but I press on. My words spew from my mouth like vomit and I can't believe I'm saying them.

"Her name is Naomi and she's rather beautiful so I was nailing her." I don't think that "nailing" was the proper word for what Naomi and I do in bed but I threw it out for effect to my parents. I wanted to pound this point into them.

Katie starts telling my parents that I'm joking and my dad starts to laugh. Disgusted I stand up, glaring at Katie and slam my chair against the table. I run upstairs to take a shower.

When I get out Katie is waiting for me on her bed. I sit on mine across from her and shake my head. My voice sounds venomous as I say, "You didn't even back me up down there."

She scoffs, "You should be grateful. I just spent a ton of time convincing Mom that you were joking."

I look at her, disbelieving, "I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. It's all a fucking joke. You just like made up this shit with Naomi because you're jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yes, jealous of me because I'm prettier, I look better in clothes that you do, and I get more boys than you do."

She keeps pushing me and pushing me. First of all, she's telling me I'm making up my relationship with Naomi? What the hell?! My relationship with Naomi was more real than anything she'd ever been and I told her so. Then more of the word vomit came out and I made fun of her for getting hit on the head with a rock. I didn't mean for it to come out but it did. Afterwards, I saw the hurt on Katie's face and knew I'd said the wrong thing.

She rolls over and turns out her light and a few minutes later I hear sobbing coming from her side of the room. I long for the days when I could've gone over and wrap her in my arms without being worried about her biting my head off. Things between us had been so strained in the last few years. I was missing the person my sister used to be. I missed how sweet and kind she was and I missed that we used to share everything. Most of all I missed my sister. However, instead of going over there and comforting her, I roll over and turn off my light. Things right now are crashing down all around me but I close my eyes with the hope that tomorrow will bring a brighter dawn.