Let me apologize now for being such a crappy writer. I haven't even thought about updating for a while because of school and the holidays... And I joined a DCA drum and bugle corps that holds rehearsals on the weekends so I haven't had much free time. Anyway, I promise to find time to update in the future. Now, on with the show.
Remus spent his days in quiet solitude, sitting on his bed in the attic room of the Shrieking Shack and wallowing in misery. He never succumbed to the thought of pitying himself, however, because he knew that he deserved this punishment. He could never forgive himself for damning their child and breaking his wife's heart, and being separated from her was the worst torture he could think of.
One day, near the end of September, he awoke to a rapping on the door of the bedroom. This confused him greatly because the door was swinging by a hinge, not exactly worthy to knock on, and the front door had been boarded shut. He deduced that the person arriving had to have come from Hogwarts.
"Who is it?" He called weakly, surprised by the sound of his own voice. He hadn't spoken at all in the time since he'd left his wife. There was no reason to.
"Remus?" The person stepped into the room and he instantly recognized the voice of Minerva McGonagall- his once-colleague, transfiguration professor at Hogwarts, and his friend. "You look absolutely awful. What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"
"Isn't it obvious?" He croaked, struggling to sit up and speak with her face to face. "I'm giving myself the life I deserve, one full of loneliness."
"I see you haven't been eating." Minerva completely ignored his last comment and gestured toward the many baskets of food, some fresh and some rotting, that were collected in a corner of the room. "I didn't think you would be wasteful like this, it isn't like you."
"I don't deserve-"
"Remus, Nymphadora would be even more distraught than she is now if you killed yourself in here." Minerva interrupted, her eyes filled with annoyance and a hint of anger. He flinched at her merciless tone. "When I saw her last week, she-"
"Why were you visiting her?" Remus asked immediately. "I haven't gotten any news in here, what happened? Is-"
"Poppy and I have been giving her prenatal care." Minerva interrupted. "St. Mungos and almost every other public wizard-run facility have been taken over by the Death Eaters and she was afraid to go. She recently submitted her resignation to Kingsley and the new minister is less than pleased. He's been trying to find her for the past few weeks, on You-Know-Who's orders probably, but thankfully the house is under the Fidelius charm."
"Is she alright?" Remus asked, trying to push the pain trying to surface deeper into his mind. "Her parents' house is still perfectly safe, isn't it?"
"She hasn't been living at her parents' house, she and her mother are at Ted's father's place." Minerva took a seat in one of the dusty, rickety chairs near the door and vanished the rotting food with a flick of her wand. "That's better. Anyway, Ted and Andromeda's wasn't safe after they were tortured by Rodolphus and Bellatrix so they had to move. Then when Ted received an owl from the ministry saying that he needed to be registered and he left to protect Andromeda and Nymphadora. Your wife is extremely depressed and she's lost a lot of weight. Her mother is unable to give her much comfort because she's worried about Ted most of the time, but Andromeda's trying her best. Both of them are extremely distraught, Poppy and I are afraid of the chance that Nymphadora will miscarry and-"
"Stop." Remus said as loud as he possibly could, the volume of his voice barely louder than a whisper. He had his hands clasped firmly over his ears and he was absolutely sure that his heart had stopped. "I can't-"
"You need to hear what you've helped cause, Remus." Minerva said. There were no traces of pity in her eyes and when she glared at him, Remus winced. "Most of this is your fault. Why don't you go back to her when both of you are clearly hurt by the loss?"
He gave her the same explanation as the one he gave to the Golden Trio, this time not losing his temper because he didn't have the strength. At the end of his speech, he was surprised to see Minerva laugh bitterly and he gave her a questioning glance.
"You have to realize that Nymphadora knew exactly what she was doing when she married you." The professor began, conjuring a glass and filling it with water from the tip of her wand before continuing. "She should probably tell you this herself, but I'm at a loss for anything else to say to you." She took a sip and spoke again. "When Nymphadora completed her auror training, she shadowed Alastor for a year before going solo or taking on a partner. About a quarter of the way through that year, Alastor was called to America by their Ministry of Magic and she was left here on her own. During that time she was called to a home in Glasgow where a child had been mauled by Fenrir Greyback. A little boy. I heard she arrived at the scene to see the child's room covered in blood and promptly fainted."
"This only supports my argument, Minerva! I'm too dangerous-"
"She was shaken by this experience for a while, says Kingsley anyway, who found out that she was losing sleep and wasn't eating much for about a couple of weeks. Alastor was absolutely furious that the Ministry had sent her there without him and almost hexed Fudge himself. Around the time she got over the incident she was invited to join the Order of the Phoenix, where she met you. Nymphadora knew that you were a werewolf before that meeting and she told me that it was 'love at first sight' when she met you. I'd never seen her happier than in the time she spent with you."
"But I won't be able to support her and the child in the future! I haven't a job or much money…"
"Remus, there's a war going on between the light and dark! To tell you the truth, I don't even know if there will be a future for the wizarding world. I have complete faith in Harry but the time he's taking to defeat You-Know-Who is making me a bit nervous. You should spend all the time you have with her in case it happens to run out. The end is coming soon and you shouldn't have any regrets to worry about when you're fighting a life or death battle."
He sat up, with great effort on his part, and turned to place his feet onto the floor. Then, he tried to stand and was about to fall to the floor when Minerva dashed to his side and supported him.
"I have to go to her."
"Finally giving in to reason, are we?" Minerva smiled and pulled a few bottles from the pocket of her robes. "Poppy convinced me to bring these-here you are."
Remus recognized two of the potions in the bottles as a strengthening solution and a pepper-up potion, but the third flask was painted black and he couldn't figure out what potion it contained.
"That is Wolfsbane potion, brewed by your wife." Minerva said quietly. Remus's head snapped up in surprise and he quickly uncorked the bottle to examine the contents inside. "She asked me to give it to you if I saw you. I think she may have suspected that you were hiding here. She also asked me to tell you not to worry, she was quite careful in preparing this potion so you wouldn't be harmed."
"I-" He sat down on the bed once more and rested his head in his hands. "I can't believe I was stupid enough to leave her. I'm an idiot."
"Remus, even without my visit here you would be on your way home soon. I know for certain that you could never leave your wife indefinitely. You tried to do that last year and look where it left you."
"Speaking of your visit, why did you come if you were unsure if I was truly staying here? You could have walked right into a trap by looking for me." Remus had to ask this question before leaving or it would bother him in the future.
"Severus ordered me to come down, actually." Minerva said matter-of-factly. "Your transformation last month scared the living daylights out of the younger students. Some of them are afraid to leave the castle and are getting caught skipping class by the death eaters patrolling the corridors. The Carrows are in charge of all detentions now as well, so after being scared senseless, they're tortured into submission with the Unforgiveable curses. I think Severus was actually worried for their well-being."
"Let me come back up to the castle with you! I can help. We'll get the students out and-"
"And what, Remus? Keep them in rooms above the Hogs Head with Aberforth? You-Know-Who would kill everyone who left anyway. It's best to let Harry find whatever he's looking for before taking action against the Death Eaters."
"You're right." Remus grabbed his travelling cloak from the floor and threw it around his shoulders. "Thank you Minerva, I guess I needed to get some sense knocked into me. I owe you one."
"Don't mention it. Here's the address for Eugene Tonks's house. It is protected under the Fidelius charm." She shoved a piece of paper into his hand, turned on her heel, and walked out the door. "By the way, the death eaters cast a jinx around the village to apprehend anyone who leaves their house past curfew. You may want to apparate from inside."
Remus nodded, even though he realized that she couldn't see him, and looked at the address on the paper before he turned on his heel to disapparate. The village he arrived in was one he recognized to be close to Ottery St. Catchpole, the home of the Weasleys. He roamed the streets for a good half an hour before he found the house-it had sprung up from the ground when he walked past it.
As he entered the yard, he was sure he felt a charm activate that informed the members of the house that he was present. This assumption was correct because upon approaching the front door, he saw it open and a person stepped outside. Their wand was raised and one of their hands was placed protectively over their stomach. Remus had to shake his head furiously and stare again at the porch before realizing that the person was indeed his wife. Her hair was brown and mousy and her figure had become thin and frail. She had become a skeleton of the person she once was.
"Who's there?" She called anxiously. "Dad, is that you?"
"Nym." He was drawn to her and her eyes widened as he approached. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He reached the porch in a matter of seconds and moved to wrap his arms around her.
SLAP.
Her palm connected with his cheek and he spun backwards, almost losing his balance.
"It can't be you. Please, if you're a death eater just kill me now. Don't make me live through this." It broke his heart to see her like this, so vulnerable and losing her will to fight. The thought that he had caused this sickened him and he brought a hand to his cheek. He had deserved that slap but he wasn't going to give up and leave her. He was done running.
"I am Remus John Lupin, your husband and-" He took a deep breath. "And the father of your child. Ask me anything." His bloodshot eyes connected with her tearstained ones and he could see that she was having trouble finding words. " We were married on July fifteenth by Kingsley Shacklebolt and only my mum and your parents were present. You looked absolutely beautiful and it was the happiest day of my life. August the second was the day I found out you were pregnant and I left. I regret it more than anything I've ever done."
"Why did you go?" She whispered.
"I wanted to give you the chance to be truly happy." He said, running a hand through his hair. What she did next surprised him more than anything.
"Can't you see how fucking happy I've been without you?" She was laughing sarcastically and her voice was beginning to sound hysterical. "It's been bloody brilliant here, cooped up in this house, with my mum and granddad while wondering where the hell you are and if my dad's still alive."
"Nym-" He was trying to explain his encounter with Minerva, but she wouldn't let him.
"Bugger off, Remus." She stepped backwards over the threshold and slammed the door in his face. "I don't want to talk to you."
"Fine. I'll do my explaining through the door, then." The energy required to apparate the long distance from Hogsmeade had drained his strength and he sat down on the front step to catch his breath. "Minerva came to talk to me in the Shrieking Shack, you know. She told me about your first solo case as an auror and… And about when you'd met me. At first, I didn't want to believe that you could have had that kind of experience and then love me unconditionally but I thought about our time together. That look you get in your eyes when we spend even a solitary moment together. I feel it too, the complete bliss."
He cleared his throat and wiped the tears that had begun to run down his cheeks away with his sleeve.
"I love you so much, Nym. It's just, I don't want our child to be a monster like me. When I was younger, after I had been bitten, I promised myself that I would new give myself the chance to harm a child the way Greyback had done so to me . I felt like I was selfish in marrying you and claiming you for my own when you could have lived a much happier and livelier life with someone normal. Someone younger, maybe, with more money and less scars. But I realize how happy you are with me and I'm the exact same way. Please don't shut me out."
The door flew open and suddenly, she was standing in front of him. He got to his feet quickly and stared straight into her eyes before her hand found his own and she placed it on the small bump forming on her stomach-where their baby currently resided. He pulled her into his arms and felt her hot tears stain the front of his shirt.
"I'm not sure if I can forgive you just yet," She began, her voice hoarse. "But I don't want us to fight anymore. I just need to know that you won't leave me again once we've worked everything out."
"Nym, I'm done running." He took a step back, his hand still resting on her stomach and his eyes glued to her own. "I swear to stay true to the vows I made on our wedding day, to stay with you forever-till death do us part. I love you."
She stared at him for the longest time –as if his words were too good to be true and he was frightened out of his wits when she began to cry once more.
"Remus, I in sorry. I know how much courage it takes to say how you truly feel and I respect that you trust me enough to tell me your fears about this relationship. It's just-" Her voice broke and she took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't think I can forgive you as easily this time. You've left me twice now and I don't think I can take much more. Minerva's told me about the possibility of miscarrying-"
"Don't you even think about it." Remus growled as he stepped close to his wife and brought her into his arms. "You don't have anything but the war to worry about anymore. I'm here and ready to take care of you and our baby, whatever it takes. I'm in this for the long run."
"I've missed you." Tonks whispered, her eyes filling with tears once more. "I'm supposed to be an auror Remus, it wasn't actually in my plans to fall in love and get married. I was supposed to live on my own and focus on catching dark wizards. Have I ever told you why I became an auror in the first place?"
She didn't wait for a response and continued her speech.
"Mum wasn't afraid of telling me about what the Black side of our family got up to. I was perfectly aware of their actions as Death Eaters and was told without restraint that my favourite cousin had killed thirteen innocent people. I knew I needed to stop my family from doing all these bad things, that I needed to be the different one, and worked my hardest to become the best auror I could be. There were brief relationships here and there, the most recent one was a year or two before I met you-when I was still in the Academy, but there was never anything that required much commitment. Then I met you and everything changed. I knew right then, as you shook my hand and introduced yourself, that I wanted to be with you. I didn't care about your age, your income, your lycanthropy, or anything! I only cared about loving you and both of us being happy."
"Nym-"
"And then you go and ruin it with your stupid reasons why we shouldn't be together! Isn't love and happiness reason enough to have a relationship? I guess not, since you've left twice already."
"Nym-"
"And then you come back and try to say the same crap as before, that you've always loved me and that you'll never leave again. I've been stupid to even think that this could last-"
His lips claimed her own in a searing kiss and her eyes snapped open in surprise. After a moment, however, they slid shut and she found herself pressed against his chest, her hands wrapped around his neck as his snaked around her waist.
"Dora, are you there? Why's the door open? You know it's not safe for you to be goin' outside, even your mum said so." Suddenly, an old man was standing in the doorway and the couple hastily jumped apart. "Oh no, don't tell me you were just snogging this complete arse! He's left you so many times, this is a stupid move dearie."
"Gramps, we've worked it out." Tonks said. Both men turned to her in surprise and she smiled both of them. "Yes Remus, I forgive you."
"I love you." He whispered, loud enough only for her to hear. "I'm so sorry."
"It's alright." She murmured, grabbing his hand and pulling him to her. "Just-"
Suddenly, her face seemed paler than it had before and her eyes rolled back into her head. Remus caught her as she slumped toward the ground and her granddad rushed forward.
"Dear Merlin, what happened? What do we do?" Remus was frantic and his hand shook as he raised his wand. "Ennervate."
Eugene had read about the spell, one used to revive an unconscious person, in his library and was truly stunned when it didn't work. Remus was even more determined as he cast the spell over and over again, trying to get her to regain consciousness.
"She hasn't eaten in a while and not that much since you left." Eugene muttered, walking alongside his granddaughter's husband as he carried her into the house. "You hurt her bad, boyo. I don't think she should even let you back into her life after all you've-"
"We need to find Andromeda." Remus cut into the conversation and the older man huffed before glancing at a clock in the corner. "What's that? It looks familiar..."
Remus recognized it after a moment of contemplation. It was an enchanted clock whose hands had the names of family members carved upon them, not unlike the one the Weasleys had in their own home. Andromeda's hand was currently pointed to the word 'travelling.'
"Send her a patronus, you dolt!" Eugene said, smacking Remus on the back of the head with his palm. "This is a fucking emergency! My granddaughter's life could be at stake!"
"If she's travelling then it'll be no use!" Remus could tell that he was beginning to sound hysterical and tried to tone down the volume of his voice. He was unsuccessful. "Especially if she's in the floo network or apparating. If she's on foot, it may not be able to find her because it concentrates on one place-"
"Look professor, Dora doesn't have time for your wordy explanations. Find my daughter-in-law before I have to use the bloody floo and do it myself."
"Eugene! Why are you yelling? Is that Remus?"
Remus turned sharply toward the door to see Andromeda standing there, in the process of removing her travelling cloak. It dropped to the floor when she saw the state of her pregnant daughter. Andromeda was at his side in an instant, her wand out. Vials of various potions and herbs floated down the stairs and organized themselves on the coffee table in front of the sofa.
"'Dromeda, great to see you. This nutter showed up and-"
The witch ignored him completely and turned to look up at Remus's face-into his eyes filled with worry and fear.
"I see you've finally come to your senses, Remus. Good to have you back."
"What's wrong with her? I mean, I know she's suffering from lack of nutrients-a lot of them, actually-and that's bad for the baby. Are they going to be alright?" Remus gingerly placed his wife on the couch and ran a hand through his greying hair as Andromeda began to assess her condition. "I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to her or the baby. I love them both so much."
"And that's why you left her, you right idiot." Eugene muttered under his breath. Remus spun around, fatigue and worry forgotten, and strode over to the older man with nothing but fury coursing through his veins.
"You don't understand the circumstances!" Remus growled.
"Then explain, professor." Eugene snarled, turning to face his grandson-in-law. "I would really like to know why you broke Dora's heart."
"I never wanted to hurt her." Remus began, his eyes darting to the floor before meeting Eugene's once more. "But I thought she'd be better off without me here. I wanted to give her a chance to be happy without me, since I'm too old for her-too poor, too dangerous. I'm a werewolf, I was bitten as a child and I transform once a month, and people like me aren't accepted in the magical world. There's legislation against us half-breeds, as we're called by the higher-ups in the ministry, and our child might be one because of me. That's why I left her, I'm afraid of what will happen to her and the child. They don't deserve to be ridiculed because of me."
That shut the older man up instantly. Even Andromeda shot him a glance from her perch on the sofa next to her daughter, but Remus missed it. He was still shooting his grandfather-in-law an angry glare. Andromeda cleared her throat after a moment and both men instantly turned to face her.
"I think I've given he enough potions to revitalize her for a bit so I'll revive he and start on dinner, okay?"
Remus nodded eagerly and moved to his wife's side once more. After another attempt at bringing Tonks back to consciousness, this time it was a success, Andromeda stood and left the room. Eugene snorted and followed her to the kitchen, muttering about 'ungrateful little bastard' and something like 'werewolf bullshit.'
"Don't mind Granddad." Tonks rasped from beside him, smiling when he grasped her hand tightly within his own. "He's kind of offensive when he wants to be. I think you two will get along fine once he sees how amazing you are."
"I'm glad you're alright." Remus sighed, dropping to the floor beside the sofa and sitting Indian-style on the carpet. "I've been worried sick this entire time and I thought I'd lost you. Your mum's making dinner and you need to eat."
"I'll be just fine now." Tonks pulled herself into a sitting position and tugged him up onto the couch. "Hold me?"
"Gladly." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap. "I love you."
"Ditto." Tonks smirked when he shot her an amused look and pecked him on the cheek before snuggling closer to him and closing her eyes. Within moments, dinner was forgotten and the two of them were sleeping peacefully on the couch.
I don't care if this seemed a bit OC, Remus deserves to be happy too! And they needed to reunite. I wasn't going to take any more of this wallowing in misery bull crap. It should get more interesting from here too, seeing as they're together and everything's alright. Something exciting is bound to happen. Or maybe the next chapter will just be fluffy bliss.
Please Review! It can be your... holiday (yay non offensive) gift to me :D
Or not, I'm cool either way (don't want to seem desperate :S )