Disclaimer: Starship & all related characters are property of Starkid productions. Any original characters mentioned however are mine.

7. Heaven.

The sheets still smelt like lavender. The bed was soft. The room was chilly, but under the covers was warm. He was still asleep. Normally this was when she'd get up for her morning work-out routine. But instead Taz curled up closer to Up, rested her head in the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent.

Fuck it. She couldn't walk away from heaven.

12. Insanity.

Sometimes she remembered and sometimes she didn't. They didn't know which was worse. When she didn't remember she refused to believe them, and was under the delusion that they were androids keeping her imprisoned underground during the war. She'd fight them tooth and nail. Occasionally someone would get hurt, and once she had managed to kill an orderly.
But the days she remembered were the days they couldn't bear to look at her. She'd sit curled up in the corner, staring away into nothing. She wouldn't sleep. She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't respond. She wouldn't even move. She'd just sit there with tears rolling down her face until she passed out.
Today the orderlies at the Veterans Medical Institute prepared themselves for the worst. Because today it had been two years, and no-one knew what to expect.

Lt. Lopez, psychologically unstable; not fit for duty.
Commander Up, injured during the final battle; DOA.

15. Silence.

He didn't need to hear her say it. Sometimes he didn't think she could say it. Because she'd said it in the past and it had only hurt her. But he still knew. He knew it because she said it with what she did and how she reacted. He knew because when he looked into her eyes, she'd say it without words.

I love you.

16. Spit.

"Jou won't leave me, right?"
Up looked across the table at Taz who was frowning into her drink. It had been eighteen years since her parents, seven years since the home, five years since Junior, two years since Loris and now with what had happened to Axton... He knew where this was coming from. He ran a hand through his hair.
"I won't Taz."
"But jou will" Taz took a long drink from her beer. "They all did."
"But I won't."
"Will." Up shook his head. She was drunk- there would be no reasoning with her.
"What've I got ta' do to convince you I won't?"
Taz didn't answer. She frowned at the table for a minute, swaying. Then she thumped her glass down, spat into her palm and held it out to Up, who suppressed a groan. It was childish and illogical, but at the moment so was she, so he may as well. Up returned the gesture and they shook.
Taz was noticeably happier for the rest of the night.

21. War.

War changed people. It had changed Up from hardened soldier into a soppy old man. It had changed Taz from an open young woman into a closed-off, hardened soldier.
War took things away. It had taken away Up's ties and taken Taz's whole life.
But war had brought them together, and given them an understanding and bond closer than any other couple they knew. Neither of them knew how to feel about war. But when they sat together, curled up on the couch in Up's quarters, neither of them would have given up that experience for this.

23. Distasteful.

When they were on the ship it was like being in a bubble. Everyone on the ship knew who they were, and understood why they were together. And if they didn't the two of them usually outranked them, so they'd have to keep their mouths shut and their faces blank. But every now and then they'd have to leave the bubble. When they came across a superior officer who didn't think it was appropriate to have a relationship with your subordinates. Or out in the civilian world, where people didn't know who they were, didn't know their story and were free to sneer at them.
"Huh, look at her the little gold digging slut, bet she can't wait to run off with his money."
"What the fuck does he think he's doing? She can't even be half his age, the old pervert."
Taz was used to it; she'd slid through high school being moderately unpopular with her peers. But Up had always been well liked, and had never heard people talk about him behind his back. The first few times he'd confronted them, but it only made it worse and eventually Taz would have to drag him away.
But it was worth it, because it led him to understand a bit more of why Taz was so angry, and it let Taz show her softer side when she calmed him down and reassured him it would be fine. They just had to live through the disgust.

26. Europe.

Last time he'd been here the country side had been burning. Robots had the streets over run with corpses. It was not something he liked to dwell on; he'd associated the country with that memory for years and had been reluctant to come back. But now on his honeymoon, with the grass the greenest he'd ever seen, the sun high in a blue sky and Taz completely naked next to him in the bed, smiling at him. He felt as though he might actually enjoy their time in Europe.

34. Moon.

Up leant back into Taz who rested her chin in his hair. Taz reminded herself to be civil to the man who had restationed them here. She wrapped her arms around Up's shoulders as they enjoyed the sight.
You couldn't get a better view of the Earth anywhere else.

35. Walk.

It had sort of become their thing. Other couples danced or went to movies. They went walking in the rain. It was something that had been of significance in both their lives. They went without raincoats, umbrellas or boots. Today they weren't even wearing shoes. Up took Taz's hand in his and she leant in closer. They both closed their eyes and enjoyed the moment.

94. Soft.

There was no doubt he'd gone soft. He wanted to do things that before his injury he would've scoffed at. He wanted to cuddle; he wanted to shower her with gifts and praise; and most of all he wanted to never leave her side. Taz rolled her eyes at him and scolded him for some of the more sappy displays. But secretly she wouldn't want it any other way.

42. Still.

They didn't have many moments like this anymore. She was shipped off to any corner of the universe for most of the year, and then when she was home there were still the kids to be running around after, making sure that they were okay and that the house had enough food, bills were paid, and that they were still making time for their friends. So when they were both awake, and not so tired they couldn't move, and the kids were fast asleep or reading so quietly that they wouldn't catch them. They would treasure these moments when they could just lay in bed in the dead of night, hands entangled together and just enjoy being together and in love.

51. Sport.

With his prosthetics and his age Up wasn't able to keep up with the younger members of the squad on the court anymore. So these days he sat off to the side with Bug and explained the rules to him, entertained Specs when Krayonder roped her into being scorekeeper, or shouted friendly abuse at the players. But he could still enjoy the game.
Up crossed his legs and coughed as on the court Taz used the bottom of her tank-top to wipe the sweat off her face, giving him a good eyeful of her toned stomach.
Boy could he still enjoy the game.

52. Old.

Taz grinned at the sight of Up sulking, his arms crossed, and deliberately not looking at her. She rubbed her foot against his bicep.
"Jou mad?"
Up snorted and turned up his nose at her. Taz shook with the effort not to laugh. Who knew a couple comments about his age would get this reaction.

55. Need.

He needed to eat.
He needed to drink.
And he needed to sleep.
As a human these were needs, basic needs that needed to be fulfilled or he would die. It was simple. She was not a need. He would not die if he didn't have her. But...
Up looked across the mess hall to where Taz was sitting with her friends, laughing at something one of the boys had said.
Why did it feel like he was?

100. Gone.

She'd had her arm around Evita throughout the ceremony. She'd sat at the front facing the crowd and watched their friends' reactions. February was openly bawling, Bug was obviously sad but Taz still had trouble reading him. Tootsie had silent tears and Mega-girl was obviously attempting to be respectful. Krayonder had pulled his hat over his eyes and Specs was expressionless, though her glasses were completely fogged over. Taz didn't respond. She watched proudly as JB delivered the eulogy perfectly and Evita managed to stay still for the entire service. Even when they threw dirt onto the coffin she was fine.
Because she had already moved on. For their entire relationship he had taught her to move on.
Don't dwell on things you can't change. They wouldn't want you to stay like this. Get back up.
But it had been easy with him around and now he was gone. Standing alone at the cold slab long after everyone had left Taz cracked her neck and strengthened her resolve. She laid a hand on the top of the erected stone.
"I can still do dis. Don't worry. I'll see jou later." She kissed it and left, wiping her eyes.

Commander Joseph Jason Up
2993-3076
Beloved comrade, friend, father & husband
He will be missed