Meredith stood, watching as the hospital doors closed in front of her. It was all becoming real to her. Her actions, the trial, Zola, the last few months. She stared at the doors of the hospital, her home for the previous seven years. She stumbled backwards, her hand reaching down to grab the nearby bench which she then collapsed into. She just sat there staring at the hospital with nothing but her own thoughts. She had never felt more alone than she did right now. It was as if the doors closing, was the closing of a part of her life, distancing her from the hospital.

"Hey," Cristina said glumly as she sat down next to Meredith on the bench. "Where's Zola?" She asked. "You haven't lost her already have you?" Meredith let out a slight smile at Christina's pathetic attempt of a joke.

"No, she's with Callie." She paused, "I think." Christina was silent. "Are you alright?" Meredith already knew the answer. Christina shrugged. "Are you still getting rid of the baby?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure that's what you want Christina?" Cristina was silent.

"I don't want to be a mother," she said finally. "I want to be a surgeon."

"And is that what Owen wants?"

"No." She buried her head in her hands. "He wants me to keep the baby."

"Have you even considered what he wants?"

"Of course I have. But this isn't his decision."

"Well, he is the father" Meredith protested.

"This isn't about what he wants." Christina fumed jumping out of her seat "He isn't the one who has to give everything up."

"You're exaggerating Cristina, you are overestimating how much you will actually have to give up for this baby." Meredith knew there was more to her decision than Cristina let on. But she did not want to protest while Christina was in this state.

Christina looked to Meredith, "why are you defending him? You're supposed to be my person."

"I am not defending him."

"Oh you are so defending him."

"Mrs. Mitchel?" Derek asked as walking into his patient's room. The woman stood up, shaking Derek's hand. "Hi, I am Dr. Shepard I will be your daughter's neurosurgeon."

"Neurosurgeon?" she asked. "I thought she fell down the stairs, why would she need a neurosurgeon?."

"She did, but that has allowed us to discover that your daughter has a large tumour between her frontal and parietal lobe, in her brain."

"A tumour?" she gasped nearly falling back onto her chair.

"I understand this is a lot to take in so suddenly, but Ellie has the best of care here, all the doctors and nurses at Seattle Grace are marvellous."

"How soon can you remove the tumour?" Mrs Mitchell asked shakily.

"I can schedule her in for surgery later this afternoon." The woman nodded, gripping her daughter's hand tightly. "There is just some paperwork that you need to fill in," Derek continued.

"Cristina!" Meredith's voice travelled down the stairs. Cristina was eating her cereal dinner, the only thing that didn't make her sick.

"Cristina!" Meredith's voice came again. Cristina proceeded to ignore her.

"Cristina, I need you!" Cristina sighed, stomping up the stairs as to make her aggravation blatantly known.

"What is it?" she asked stepping into Meredith's room. The room was a mess, there was dirty cloths and baby powder everywhere. Meredith was struggling with a naked screaming Zola. "Oh My God, what happened here?" she asked referring to the chaos.

" I can't get Zola to hold still long enough to put on her diaper." Meredith panted as she tried to pin Zola down.

"What do you want me to do?" Cristina asked begrudgingly.

"Can you just like hold her down, while I try to her diaper on her." Cristina groaned as she walked over to help Meredith.

"You know," Meredith said as did up a screaming Zola's diaper, "I think I am really getting the hang of this." Cristina was shocked.

"How can you say that? Meredith you're a mess."

"Yeah, I know," she agreed. "But, I guess that's the half of it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you just have to hope that despite all the mistakes and chaos that it will all come together." She paused standing Zola up to check her handiwork. " And I suppose in a way it has, I mean I am much better at this than I was yesterday and the day before."

"But how can you be so sure that you are going to be a good mother."

"I'm not sure, I guess you can never be sure." Meredith nursed Zola she had finally stopped screaming and looked as if she was finally falling asleep. "Is this why you don't want to keep the baby?" Meredith asked. "Because you think you will be a bad mother." Cristina was silent.

"I don't know." She answered finally. "I guess it's part of it."

Derek took off his scrub cap as he entered his office . It had been a long night. His surgery had gone well. Very well actually. Upon seeing the x-rays he had not expected to be able to remove the entire tumour in one go. Once he had got in, the surgery was a lot simpler than anticipated. Still, the whole time he couldn't help but think of Meredith. Perhaps, he had been too harsh. He was still extremely angry and was not ready to forgive her but was it ok for him to leave Meredith to care for Zola alone. He took out his phone dialling Meredith number. He let it ring for a second before changing his mind and hanging up.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Please review as to whether Cristina should keep the baby or not. Most reviews will be what I write into the story.